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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Hand hold needed!

28 replies

Rose925 · 14/12/2021 05:23

I’m half way through a medical TOP , I’m feeling all sorts of emotions but mainly regret. I don’t want to take the second lot of tablets but after hours of scouting the internet it looks like without progesterone shots it’s pretty much over anyway within a few days . It’s breaking my heart 🥺
Nobody really knows about this pregnancy apart from my partner , who has tried to be as supportive as he can - but truly when it comes down to it when I want to talk about it, he shuts it down very quickly. Which is bizarre to me as it makes me feel like he doesn’t care , yet I’m the one here feeling all this grief, sadness & emotion. He could be protecting himself I don’t know as I knew he wanted this baby, it was me who was trying think ‘logical’ and to do things correctly ( ie move in together, introduce him to my teenage daughter etc) I panicked the thought of so many changes in such a short time frame scared me into making my decision. I just want some reassurance that I’m doing the right thing & im not a bad person I guess as I feel like a monster right now 😔
I feel very alone right now and needed to rant to someone . Thank you x

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 09:33

Hi @Rose925 there’s a few posts on here where women haven’t taken the second lot of pills and carried on with the pregnancy I would suggest phoning up the clinic and seeing what they say if that’s what you really want.. I was in your position nearly 2 weeks ago but I don’t regret my decision as it just wasn’t the right time & I have 3 other children.. I also had nobody to speak to as my partner was the same just shut the convo down but this website really helped me there are some lovely people on here.. whatever you choose is the best choice for you you are not a monster and are doing nothing wrong. I hope your okay x

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 10:08

@Mumto3ggb
Thank you so much . I’ve had mixed on here I was bullied and hounded on my last post so it made me sceptical to do another. But I honestly feel I have no choice as I have no other outlet.
I couldn’t risk it . I’ve been up all night searching and a lot of the time the people are further in gestation (8+ weeks) I’m only just turned 6. Plus I couldn’t bare getting used to being pregnant again to then grieve again for it if that makes sense . It’s like going through the process twice .
I’m just trying to keep myself busy before I insert the second tablets in around an hour or so x

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Lou98 · 14/12/2021 10:13

As above, if you don't want to take the second tablets, some people have carried on with successful pregnancies and healthy babies so it is an option!

If you do decide to go ahead with it however, you're most definitely not a terrible person!
What were your reasons for wanting the abortion to start with? (I'm not saying you need to share here, unless you want to) but rather think about those and perhaps remind yourself why it was the best decision, it might help you get through taking the last tablets.

You've done what's right for you and your family OP, you don't need to feel guilty for that

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 10:49

@Lou98 just the fact it’s a fairly new relationship . I had a child very young at 16 on my own so I know how hard it can be . I used that to build us a very comfortable life & I’m financially stable so that side isn’t a concern . I could buy a larger property but it’s the moving , selling whilst pregnant . I know it can be done but do I want that ?
Also he’s not met my daughter yet - I’m extremely cautious of men meeting children too soon . And I fear it would all be too much for her ( she’s 13 and I know that age in itself can be extremely difficult )

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Mindthegaps · 14/12/2021 10:59

I’m sorry @Rose925 that is tough and you’re definitely not a monster! Flowers

I know you said they haven’t met yet but does your daughter know you are seeing someone?

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Belinda61 · 14/12/2021 11:14

Hand to hold. I remember your previous thread and thought you were treated really badly.

As pp has said, you could try to carry on with the pregnancy even though you've taken the first tablet, but you need proper medical advice on that.

One thing I'm sure of though, doing what's right for your daughter does not make you a monster. It doesn't make it any easier though and it's ok to feel sad about it x

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 11:15

@Mindthegaps yes we’ve been dating for a couple of months now . She’s overheard me on the phone & when she goes to my dads some weekends I do mention what I’m up to ( in regards to spending time with him ) . I guess I’m super over protective as she’s only ever met one man before when she was 3 and he was in her life for 8 years . I knew she struggled when we split even though she didn’t show / day anything - we as mothers just know.
X

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 11:33

@Belinda61 thankyou for being so kind xx

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 12:18

@Rose925 some people can be so nasty if they have nothing nice to say say nothing at all.. I totally get where you are coming from with it being a newish relationship & your daughter you do what’s best for you and your family & don’t let anyone make you feel like your a “monster” your making a decision that isn’t easy the fact your thinking of your daughter shows you’ve got her best interests ❤️ I’ll be on if you need a hand hold today

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 13:06

@Mumto3ggb yea I need to keep reminding myself of these reasons.
I had a really big meltdown earlier when it came to taking the second lot, guess it makes it all pretty final. But I knew I couldn’t continue after taking the 1st lot - I just couldn’t deal with the stress of the unknown of potentially miscarrying whilst coming round to the idea of having the baby , seeing the baby on scans etc .
They’ve been in an hour now, dosed up on loads of painkillers & have a hot water bottle on my stomach, so far just the odd bit of pressure and twinges but nothing really happening as of yet. Just wanting the next few hrs to fly by, I’m also hoping the worst of the pain will be passed by the time she gets back from school ( around 4.30) but could be wishful thinking .
Really appreciate your kindness honestly . X

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 13:31

@Rose925 I totally understand where your coming from would just cause more heartache. My hot water bottle was my best friend it really did help aswell as the pain killers hopefully you’ll be over the worst of it by the time school finishes mine started an hour and half after inserting the tablets and I just sat on the toilet the whole time until it had passed x

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stickymarshmallow · 14/12/2021 13:53

I just wanted to say I'm in a really similar situation to you. I'm almost 6 weeks pregnant and my current partner hasn't met my son from a previous relationship.

I hope you're alright today, it's hard but you have to think of yourself and the child you have. X

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 13:53

@Mumto3ggb it would of been far too much stress to deal with that .
I’m literally topping mine up every half hour, I find heat works better for uterine than pain killers if I’m honest ( though I’m doing both 😅)
It’s been almost 2 hrs no real cramping or bleeding as of yet . Mine seems to take ages to come on, I’ve seen women start bleeding within half hr to an hr. Before mine took a while though it must just be my body x

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 13:56

@stickymarshmallow hi love, ah I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too.
Though as horrible as it sounds it’s nice to have someone in a similar boat to me, it’s hard when you’re put on a time scale , the pressure of it all is just too much to decide what to do for the best . It’s truly a horrible situation to be in. Have you become any clearer on your outlook on things yet ?
Yes it is really hard, but no one walks into this wanting an termination. We just have to try get by day by day and hopefully things will work out for the best x

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 13:59

@Rose925 I made sure mine was constantly topped up too I literally had it for about 3 days after 😂 I suppose everyone is different I was shocked mine worked so quick I expected me having to use the second lot of pills it’s the waiting around that’s the worst

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stickymarshmallow · 14/12/2021 14:06

[quote Rose925]@stickymarshmallow hi love, ah I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too.
Though as horrible as it sounds it’s nice to have someone in a similar boat to me, it’s hard when you’re put on a time scale , the pressure of it all is just too much to decide what to do for the best . It’s truly a horrible situation to be in. Have you become any clearer on your outlook on things yet ?
Yes it is really hard, but no one walks into this wanting an termination. We just have to try get by day by day and hopefully things will work out for the best x[/quote]
I know what you mean! I read your post and thought wow I could have written this myself and it's weirdly comforting.

I think I'm quite clear on what I need to do. As hard as it is to make the decision to terminate, it just makes me sad thinking about rushing my son through new partner, new house, new baby. Especially after such a strange couples of years.

My partner supports me but he keeps saying 'we could make a go of it' but I think he's in a bit of a baby bubble whereas I'm used to the reality of babies, school runs and everything else that comes with a child.

It's hard but when you know, you know.

How are you feeling anyway? Sending best wishes x

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 14:08

@Mumto3ggb you’re lucky it happened quick for you. I’ve got 2.5hrs until she’s home so I’m praying things start to speed up. I’m going to try and do some housework or something to try and move about I’ve heard that can help move things along As currently I’m laid up on the sofa.
If I still have no bleeding in an hour or so I’ll take the other 2 in my cheeks this time . I’ve heard it works quicker buccally but you have more side effects with stomach upset , nausea etc .
I’ve been quite lucky on that front not having a huge amount of nausea or pregnancy symptoms . Only tender swollen boobs

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 14:21

@stickymarshmallow yes ! I replied to your thread this morning . I hope it helped !
I completely agree, I don’t the age of your child but regardless of age it’s a big change for anyone of any age , my daughter is 13 and I just can’t bring myself to do it to her with everything that age brings , I can remember being around that age and my mum told me she was pregnant with her partner . It was horrible me and my sister ran away to my dads 😅
I know me and my daughter have a far better relationship than I did with my mum and we are very open with each other and I’m sure she would be ok , but it’s a risk i just cannot take.

I also had it in my head that IF I was to ever do it again it would have to be completely solid ( in a big enough home , in a stable long term relationship) I know there is no real ‘right time’ for it , but this just really isn’t something I can work around.

My partner sounds like yours! He was more on the concept of ‘ we can be a family we can do this ‘ but it’s easy for him to say as he’d be moving into my house , not having to take full care of the child etc . I’m the one who will have to buy a bigger property , move whilst pregnant etc , They live in a Fantasy world of a angelic little newborn . When we know first hand it isn’t like that.
And we shouldn’t feel bad for being practical about it x

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 14:43

@Rose925 I hope things start moving for you soon 🤞🏻

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 21:09

@Rose925 how are you x

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 21:12

@Mumto3ggb hey ! Not overly much movement still . I started bleeding fairly heavy about an hour ago but no clots nothing. . And cramps have gone . It’s all very suspect if you ask me . There’s no way that would been enough blood to pass the pregnancy . And every other time I’ve felt it come away , the ‘popping’ sensation .
It’s been 10 hrs since the pills . Getting fed up if I’m honest thought I’d be over the worst. 😩 how are you ? Cx

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 22:24

@Rose925 how far along are you? There was a girl on my thread similar to you she ended up having a scan and everything had passed. But it does say it can take upto 2 days for it all to pass. I’d phone the clinic and see what they say x

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Rose925 · 14/12/2021 22:33

6 weeks 1 days @Mumto3ggb . It just felt like a heavy period I’ve not clotted once . Xx

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Mumto3ggb · 14/12/2021 23:51

@Rose925 the girl on my thread was 4 weeks and past nothing just bled she went for a check and her womb was clear.. I was around 6 nearly 7 weeks and lost about 5/6 clots although I was convinced I never passed the pregnancy as they just looked like normal clots not grey or a sac like people mention.. I had a miscarriage 5 years ago @ 6 weeks and I just bled and passed 1 tiny clot and nothing else so I suppose everyone can be different.. see how you are tomorrow and if nothing ring the clinic see if they can advise or get you in for a check.. xx

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Rose925 · 15/12/2021 08:44

@Mumto3ggb really ? Well I’m hoping that’s the case . I’ve woken up feeling myself again . With pregnancy I feel like an aliens taken over my body , so I’m pretty certain I’ve passed it as very self aware with my body.
In regards to what I’m more emotional about is my so called partner, it’s really made me see him In a different light I thought he would of been more supportive, I just hope this doesn’t break us.
I’m emotional and a massive over thinker so it’s hard to shake those feelings off but I just felt / feel so alone with this whole situation . It’s just like men don’t really care xx

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