Wanting a baby dilemma (pregnancy fear)

[ZZGirl]

For background, I'm 31, DH is nearly 31, been together for 15.5 years.
For the last year or so, we hadn't actively been trying to get pregnant, more seeing what happened but as the world started to open up, we decided to wait. It turned out I was already pregnant. DH was very supportive but I knew he'd prefer to have waited a bit longer (mostly his fear I think, not a lot of experience with babies)

I had a whirlwind of a two weeks thinking it was what I wanted and I had an absolute meltdown and ended up terminating in March.

I guess what I'm wanting to let out is I always thought I wanted to be a Mum. I think I do. I love kids, I'm good with kids, I can imagine myself with a child. We said after the termination that we'd see how we felt in 2022 about having a baby. I've been around babies a lot recently, lots of pregnant friends/colleagues so naturally I've been thinking a lot and been wondering.

I just don't know how I feel. I was so scared when I was pregnant. I felt so sick all the time and everything about pregnancy scared me.

I don't even really know what I'm asking. I guess I needed to vent. Have you been afraid of pregnancy? How do you deal with it? Am I ever going to really know if its something I want?

Op?l was TERRIFIED of pregnancy, childbirth and having a baby.
But thought you don't suddenly wake up with a massive bump, it is a slow process growing a baby and took me the whole 9 months to come to terms with it.
But l also knew how much l would regret it if l didn't go through with it and thought about all the unfortunate people who have fertility issues. As soon as baby arrived, everything changed so much so l was desperate for a 2nd which didn't sadly happen for me.

I admit I didn't look into it @Sudokuzebra, I've literally been so busy with work that I've not even had time to think of babies so I've been in a better place.

Thankyou @Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin (love your UN) for sharing your feelings with us. I do completely understand and at the time I thought of all those same things, that my feelings would change, that I was fortunate to be able to fall pregnant (as I do know people who can't) but on that occasion, as time went on, I really couldn't do it. I was breaking down on a daily basis and not coping. However talking to lovely people on this thread has really helped my outlook for the future and when I pursue having a baby next year, I fully intend to speak to my doctor etc... about how I feel :)
I'm sorry baby number two didn't happen for you, sending hugs!

Had a realisation last week that I'm still not ready for a baby, the thought still makes me panic.
However tomorrow would have been my due date so there's some stirred up feelings...

I told DH last night that I was feeling emotional about it, he asked if I wanted to talk about it because if it was important to me then it's important to him. I said that I didn't know what I wanted to say yet but I'll let him know when I'm ready.

There's definitely too much pressure for women of a certain age to have children, I completely agree!

Hope you are ok @ZZGirl. It’s so bloody difficult isn’t it.
I’m now 40 years old feel the same as you.

Does that mean I don’t actually want to do it or am just scared shi*less!?

Today I’ve been crying (again) about it all. I’ve had a great few weeks but eventually it creeps back in.

Take care.xx