I cancelled my abortion today..

[lostandconfused88]

I was booked in for a surgical abortion at 9.50am this morning, and I cancelled it. I'm 11 weeks. I was so torn on my decision and I don't know what possessed me, but I decided to have a scan on Saturday and I saw a perfectly formed little one, looking like it was waving.
The clinic said if I change my mind it's not a problem and I can book back in.
I've struggled with debilitating nausea and it's just made my mental health go to shit. Ive spend most days since late January laid in bed, and I have a 4 year old.
I've made the decision, but I'm still unsure on it. I'm with the babies dad but our relationship isn't great and he hasn't been very supportive.
I don't know if I should still have the abortion.
I'm terrified, to say it's a second baby I've never felt so scared in my entire life.

Anyone here to talk?

Didn't want to read and run.

If you're not sure then I think it's a good thing to have postponed. Will the clinic offer you any counselling? Were you sick with your first?

If you weren’t totally certain then you’ve done the right thing cancelling your appointment. Hope you’re okay and sending virtual support.

It’s such a highly personal decision. If going forward didn’t feel right for you, then that may be your truth.

What is it that made you book on for an abortion originally? Is it the sickness, financial worries or fear of not coping? Do you think things might be a bit clearer in your own mind if you weren't with the baby's father?

If you're not sure, you've done the right thing by cancelling the appointment. Try and unpick what it is that's bothering you most. What support do or could you have?

Thank you everyone. The clinic did say that if I change my mind I just have to ring with my details and they can book me in without having to start the assessments etc again so I guess the door isn't closed completely.
I think the main issue is how I'm feeling and the unbearable amount of anxiety I have around it. That coupled with the fact my partner isn't caring and I've had to move back in with my parents is what's made me doubt whether to go ahead or not

Take your time to think things through , do your parents know you're pregnant? Are you able to discuss things with them ?

@Parkerwhereareyou your post is offensive and unhelpful.
OP, do your parents know? What about your partner? Telling them you're pregnant may help?

[quote lulujuju]@Parkerwhereareyou your post is offensive and unhelpful.
OP, do your parents know? What about your partner? Telling them you're pregnant may help? [/quote]
Don't worry I got the impression she's very pro life. Although the word exterminate did make me giggle and make me think of a Darlick! haha. Yes both my parents and my partner know.. Dad was concerned about the state of my relationship/mental health and the fact I have a 4 year old I struggle to cope with so he was more for the idea of terminating, mum was a bit more sentimental and worried I'd regret it. They said they'll support me either way but they are getting fed up of me not knowing what to do and making an appointment to cancel it.
My partner says he was happy but I've ruined it by being the way I have been. He's not been supportive at all really.

Your parents sound supportive, I am sure they are very concerned about the effect this is having on you and you being unsure is very hard for parents to see. It sounds like they have your back whichever way you go, your partner sounds rubbish though.
My personal view is you can keep a pregnancy and make a success of it even if you aren't totally sure, things find a way to work out. But you shouldn't terminate a pregnancy unless you are sure that's what you want because that will forever mess with your head. It sounds like you weren't sure enough today.

Sounds like you did the right thing OP. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

You did the right thing cancelling if you weren't sure. You can't undo a termination.

Well my view isn’t important but it’s good you’ve given yourself a bit more time to make a decision because it doesn’t sound like your mind is made up yet.

Are you able to access some counselling to help you work through it?

I think if you were not sure, you did the right thing to cancel the appointment. I also think your parents sound supportive, but not great with uncertainty (but that is better than not being supportive at all). Whatever you decide, they sound like they will rally behind you. Your dad sounds mainly concerned about your mental health and maybe sees termination as an easy answer to that. I also think the lack of support from your baby’s father (and it is worse than a lack of support as he is saying you ruined things -!?!) may well contribute to your mental health issues.

Have you spoken to your GP about your mental health and got support for your anxiety? That would seem the main thing because you will need that regardless of what you do.

I was in your situation. I had a 4 year and moved in with my parents for what was an utterly miserable pregnancy. Then STBX-DP was emotionally abusive throughout and I nearly died in child birth.
BUT ....
Tonight now 8 year old dd is in my bed upstairs. She constantly blows me away - is the most extraordinary child. Ex DP lives round the corner. remains a cunt to me, but is very hands on dad, whom she adores. Parenting 2 kids alone is hard - DCs don't get on really. My parents have been supportive and very luckily I ended up with a well-paid, fulfilling job meaning I could buy my own place on my own terms.

But what you need to know is that there's absolutely no way I could have seen how happy I would eventually be with my lot when I cancelled that abortion nine years ago.

(I'm not pro-life btw, had a termination which I don't regret).

Wishing you all the luck in the world x

So, to some degree not making a decision is making a decision as, not right now, but at some point accessing a termination will be harder.

I think you need to consider how you will cope in each of the following scenarios:

You feel this unwell for the rest of the pregnancy.
Your relationship ends and you are a single parent indefinitely to two young children.
You terminate and regret this, although be aware that it is always possible to regret something because you are imagining it through rose tinted glasses, what you regret might not be how things would have played out.

Consider the financial, social, emotional implications for you and your existing child. As your partner seems useless I’d not factor him into any of this, I’d assume he was not an active parent to your existing child or any hypothetical future child, only, you know if he would actively hinder your life or be abusive.

It's quite difficult to be supportive whilst also trying to stand back and let a loved one make their own decision, so fair play to your parents, I'm sure you'll see more support when you make a clear decision.

I terminated a pregnancy years ago, and it was definitely the right decision, and I've also brought up 2 children alone after splitting with their father when I was 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child, and contemplated another termination, but decided against it. Do what's right for you.

My partner says he was happy but I've ruined it by being the way I have been. He's not been supportive at all really.

You haven't ruined anything. You're confused and trying to be responsible by doing what's best - you just haven't worked out what that is yet. He is just absolving himself of any responsibility

You've ruined nothing.

Oh OP sorry you are having such a tough time. Can you talk to your GP or the clinic about some emergency counselling so you can work this through?

It’s absolutely right that you cancelled as you weren’t sure, but obviously you do need to decide, and weigh up between having a baby that you would undoubtably love, against how much you can realistically manage while building a life for yourself and your existing child. It sounds like your partner is unreliable and should be discounted.

I'm sorry you're struggling OP, I'm glad your parents at least are being supportive

I think the more important question isn't "do I want an abortion?" but "do I want a baby in the near future, and a second child for the rest of my life?" Whether the answer is yes or no, that's the thing to focus on when you waver.

Sounds like you did the right thing in cancelling. Abortion regret is very difficult to live with.

If you aren’t sure don’t do it.

The morning sickness does go eventually.

We are in lockdown, relationships and pregnancy and everything is sooo much harder but things are changing and it will be over soon.

@Viviennemary

You did the right thing cancelling if you weren't sure. You can't undo a termination.

V sorry, OP - not sure what I said but all I would have meant to say is this.

For the record, I'm pro choice. But it has to be a real choice.

As you've sensed, pretending abortion isn't a big deal so you can get through it can be potentially very difficult for you later.

Again, v sorry if expressed myself too clearly or something. It's because I wasn't much older than you and was kind of pushed into an abortion and the reality of what was done was hidden from me until later. So yes super traumatic and yes if asked for my advice I will say whatever you do, do it eyes wide open, however difficult these choices are to confront.

💐