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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Married and pregnant with ex husbands child!

48 replies

Needapwnow · 23/01/2021 00:15

Hi I'm new to the forum. I'm married and have 1child with my husband! But a few weeks ago I stupidly met up with my ex husband ....and you guessed it we ended up in bed! I feel so stupid and guilty! My ex was abusive when we were together. I have no idea why I did what I did. But, I'm now pregnant.

My husband will leave me if he finds out and my ex will have nothing to do with my child!

I'm so scared! I feel I have ruined my family and marriage...can anyone advise me how to make this better?

OP posts:

JaimieLeeCurtains · 23/01/2021 00:20

There's a board on here called 'Pregnancy Choices ', plus many other boards about eg Relationships (and building self-esteem and good boundaries and telling the truth).

TTCPLEASE · 23/01/2021 00:21

Oh my god @Needapwnow sounds like an episode of hollyoaks. Do you definitely know its your ex husbands? Not your husbands? And are you having problems with your husband to force you to find comfort in your ex? Why meet up with him if he was abusive? So many questions... i think the only thing you can do it tell the truth. Its your only option. You can't pretend it's your husbands baby and you have the risk of your ex tell your husband. Come clean its the only way.

Ingleduh · 23/01/2021 00:23

Do you want this baby?

givemepastaplease · 23/01/2021 00:24

Whether you decide to keep the baby and continue with the pregnancy or not, (which is entirely your choice)...your husband deserves to know what happened imo

Original poster

Needapwnow · 23/01/2021 00:25

I'm so scared!! My husband is a good man and great dad. My ex could always be charming! And I fell for it!

If I tell the truth my marriage is done!

OP posts:

JaimieLeeCurtains · 23/01/2021 00:26

You dont have to be pregnant if you don't want to be. You have a choice. But you need to make it swiftly.

LochJessMonster · 23/01/2021 00:28

Terminate and stay faithful to your husband, or do him a favour and leave him.

Changethetoner · 23/01/2021 00:29

Do you have any other children with your ex?

Sadly, you have a very hard decision to make - do you want to continue this pregnancy?

cuddlymunchkin · 23/01/2021 00:30

Keep your mouth shut.

TTCPLEASE · 23/01/2021 00:31

OP if you have no feelings about being pregnant abort it while you still can and save your marriage. Dont tell your ex you're pregnant if you decide to abort. It's probably the least messiest situation albeit I'm not promote abortion and its upto you completely. If not then the truth has to be told in full.

sofiaaaaaa · 23/01/2021 00:35

Look, just going to be blunt. He’s abusive. Unless you meant that as a joke, he isn’t a man you want to be tied to for 18 years with a child who could be placed at risk of abuse also. It’s a ridiculous and dangerous situation to bring a child into. It’s your choice but I would highly recommend a termination.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2021 00:37

Of you don't want to continue with the pregnancy, you can have an abortion. It's ok to choose that.

Is there any chance it could be DHs? O assume you're using protection with him?

rainbownamebow · 23/01/2021 00:38

@cuddlymunchkin

Keep your mouth shut.

Sounds terrible I know but I couldn't agree more. If you say anything it could ruin the life of your existing child. If it were me I'd have an abortion and take it to my grave.

TTCPLEASE · 23/01/2021 00:51

@rainbownamebow agree.. but op Don't let us influence you its your decision you have to live with it were simply offering our opinion as per your request

TTCPLEASE · 23/01/2021 00:56

also @Needapwnow don't think this is the correct thread for this a lot of ladies struggling/ hoping to conceive including myself so just with the mention of termination (I know you've not said it) but it may be insensitive and I dont want you to get trolled yourr obviously going through enough right now

LizFlowers · 23/01/2021 01:44

@cuddlymunchkin

Keep your mouth shut.

Yes that was my first thought. You could be pregnant with your husband's child unless you definitely only had sex with ex at a particular time. If your ex has a particularly distinctive physical appearance there's a chance your baby will look like him so bear that in mind while you weigh up what to do.

In your position I would definitely have a termination and not tell husband. These things happen, you've given yourself a shock but you have to forgive yourself and move on for everyone's sake.

Don't take too long to make your mind up.

Good luck.

(I'm sorry for those struggling with infertility but you don't have to read this thread.)

tararabumdeay · 23/01/2021 01:52

FFS get a grip about who you want to shag.

LizFlowers · 23/01/2021 02:00

I doubt the op would make such a mistake again! It's jolly bad luck that she 'did it' once and became pregnant.

However it is very common for ex's to sleep together occasionally, if the physical attraction is still there, and whatever problems they had are in the past and don't seem to matter because they are no longer committed - they are just friends. I can't imagine it (I stayed married anyway), but have known loads who have when the opportunity arises.

tararabumdeay · 23/01/2021 02:02

No idea whether you want another child. Your choice.

timeisnotaline · 23/01/2021 02:02

I think in these circs I would have a termination if I were sure it wasn’t my husbands. Because I wouldn’t want to tell him and it is not fair to ask him to bring up someone else’s child. Plus if you know it’s not his then he could quite probably work it out.
And, What the hell were you thinking? You need new life rules, one being never ever to see your ex again as clearly you have pretty terrible boundaries. You owe that to your husband.

AnyTimeSoon · 23/01/2021 07:36

You need to take responsibility for your actions and do the right thing. If you secretly terminate then you will live with that decision alone and it will eat at you with no one to share that with. And you will always have the threat of your ex telling your dh that you slept with him. So either way you need to be honest. MOST importantly your husband needs to decide if he wants to continue with this. Sleeping around and getting pregnant by someone else is a massively huge deal breaker and he deserves the right to make that decision.
I'm sorry but you need to do the Moral thing here. You won't be able to live at peace with yourself by keeping quiet and hoping it all goes away.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/01/2021 07:39

Is your ex likely to tell your husband to shagged him?

LetMeOut2021 · 23/01/2021 07:40

Would your ex want something to do with the baby? Surely he can do simple maths and will know there’s a possibility it’s his?

TeenagePITA · 23/01/2021 08:46

Original poster

Needapwnow · 23/01/2021 10:04

Thank you all. My head is no clearer now, but your advice is welcome! I know what I have to do. My ex is toxic and I have to live with my actions. I will terminate the pregnancy ....but tell my husband and expect the fallout from it! I will tell him today! My stupidity will destroy a good man and otherwise happy family. But i deserve no better. Thank you.

Alice.

OP posts:

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