Termination HELP!!

[Jaylou7rainbow]

Please help me. I am 6 weeks pregnant with my third baby but have booked a termination for Wednesday.
I suffer with bad mental health problems. Severe anxiety especially surrounding my children getting ill. Depression and OCD. I wished I had been more careful but thought it was what I wanted but now I don’t.
I can barely survive this lockdown have little support from anyone and a selfish partner.
I suffered sever PND with both previous ds abs was suicidal after the second. In my dreams I have a third and the whole experience is completely different to the two previous of motherhood but in reality this is not a given.
My head gets caught in fantasy land. I have found my children very hard work as I have made them so dependent on me for play that they are suffocating.
My relationship is awful too.
I just feel so terrible at termination but feel I will do more harm if I continue to myself and my existing children. I don’t want to regret my decision but know it’s the right one as I know my mind is very poor. Please help and be kind. Has anyone else been in a similar situation ?? X

Only you can make this decision. 10000 people on here could come and say they've been in the same position and it doesn't really matter

What matters is you, your personal reasons and your personal situation.

If you don't think having a third child would be a good thing for your mental health or family then it seems like the logical choice

I have OP. My DC were 2.5 and 18 months when I discovered I was pregnant again. It was a torturous decision, especially since my husband wanted to continue with the pregnancy, I cancelled the appointment twice but ultimately I decided to go through with it.

That was a 18 months ago. I had a bit of a wobble when two of my best friends announced they were expecting a few weeks after the abortion. That wobble lasted only a week or so. Other than that I've never regretted the decision at all. It was absolutely the right choice for me.

I found parenting two children so incredibly hard at that stage and I wouldn't have coped with a third without my existing DC suffering.

Best of luck whatever you decide but for most women an abortion doesn't mean a lifetime of regret.

I think you're quite clear that a termination is the right choice for you health and your families wellbeing. You have to put yourself and your existing children first good luck whatever you decide in the end.

I don’t want to regret my decision but know it’s the right one as I know my mind is very poor
You sound quite clear on what you know you want.

Pp is correct when saying you must put yourself and your existing children first.

I'm sorry you're in this situation op.. and hand hold.
You can work through this.
You already sound like a strong woman to have dealt with all you have.

I'm so sorry you are in this position and it sounds like you are making the right decision for you.
Are you getting any help for your depression and ocd? If not then please please talk to your doctor.

The pregnancy choices board is amazing for this

@GreenSlide @Notimeforaname @Amijustagrump @HallowedGround @cherrypie111 @HitchFlix thank you all so very much you have all made me feel better in my choice. I have found a great psychotherapist to help me with my mental health.
Xxx

You have to do what you need to do. My personal feelings on the matter, what I've experienced, what I would do, are totally irrelevant. Whatever I would have decided, I'd fight your corner to do what you think you need.

You have thought hard, and worked out the reasons why you can't carry on. That's all you need to do.

@picklemewalnuts yes this is true. I am so ill as well the Hyperemesis so special weak x

How long have you felt like this? Before you became pregnant, did you feel the same way about your D.C. and partner?

I stand by what I said earlier, that your reasons are all you need, however hearing about the hyperemesis and rereading your first post (which I think says that you thought you wanted this pregnancy) I want to check your mental health isn't a direct (hormonal) result of the pregnancy. I had hyperemesis and was depressed throughout my second pregnancy, and didn't think I could bear a whole 9months of it . It was the pregnancy hormones though, not my actual state of mind.

So try and remember how you felt about those things before becoming pregnant, just to confirm this is the right decision for you.

It’s a hard decision, but you sound like you know your own mind and have come to the decision that is the right one for you. You know you best - don’t let anyone tell you they know you better.

picklemewalnuts
I had a termination some years ago at 6 weeks, hyperemesis was extreme.
It did make me question if I was making the right decision or not as at the time I was so sick,dizzy,dehydrated,interrupted sleep etc I thought I was going crazy and couldn't trust my mind.
Ultimately,for me it was the right decision and it was the best thing for me.
Just trust your instincts at this time and go with what its telling you deep down

Do you have anyone other than your partner you can confide in for support?

Sorry picklemewalnuts !!! That was meant for the OP! Excuse me.

@Notimeforaname sorry to hear you had hg too. I have my mum for support.
My head just plays tricks on me. It shows me this adorable baby, an easy life, me breezing motherhood and a much happier home, in reality my life has never been this way. Motherhood was torturous I didn’t cope. I wished they would grow so I could get some of me back.
@picklemewalnuts sorry you suffered too. I’m sure my hormones are playing a part I’m an emotional wreck but I have extreme emotions even when not pregnant.
I think I crave what I have never had the experience of motherhood that I wish I had had. Almost like a perfect scene in my head but there are no guarantees it will be like that. Say I’m back to the old place, feeling suicidal, hating every day. I just can’t take the risk with such little support. Mum is in her 70s, partner selfish would do anything to be in work as long as he can. I don’t have anyone else.
Also the hg means I’m practically bedridden and my poor kids are struggling seeing me like it.
I will always wonder what if and grieve the chance to have experienced motherhood the way I have dreamed. 😢

I've PM'd you @Jaylou7rainbow

I had two children close together
Then our contraception failed
I saw the doctor and he said I’d probably be ok
I wasn’t and he actually sent the obstetrician to my house to offer a termination.
Like you I was struggling.
I didnt know what to do.
I kept seeing this gorgeous little blonde haired three year old dd..my dd, my eldest was that age
I decided I couldn’t go ahead with the termination despite my dh not wanting me to keep our baby. However I never felt pressurised at any time
So, I had
My baby a boy..with special needs that needed a lot of operations.
Life was very difficult.
Put an awful strain on the marriage.
Yet brought us closer too.

He’s 40 now. Given me three fabulous grandsons.
A very loving man. Great sense of humour. Everyone likes him. Never gave me too much worry when growing up.

Op I feel for you. It’s a tough decision.
I kept my baby for the right reasons and it all went tits up but came right in the end.
He’s lasted longer than my marriage which fell apart after 32 years.

I don’t know if my post helps or throws more confusion into the mix.
For me, I made the right decision.
For someone else maybe not so.

Just remember being sad about your decision is OK, it is not the same thing as regret.

I had a termination for much the same reasons as you OP and I have often wondered what may have been but have never regretted it. It was the right decision for me and for my family at the time.

It's clear this pregnancy is not the right thing for you at the moment. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your family, and that's all you can do

I’ve sent you a PM x

Thank you for that update @Jaylou7rainbow - you sound very self aware, and understand all the factors that are playing in to your decision making. I'd say then that your decision is made and is the right one for you.

I'm sorry life isn't like it should be- that sucks! You aren't alone in facing these struggles, and wishing family life was more like the picture books. Hang in there with your two, work on breaking that cycle, so they have a better tools to make a happy family life than you had.

Beware of the PMs you will inevitably get telling you everything will be wonderful and pressuring you to keep the baby. This is your decision and yours alone. No one else has to live your life or your children's lives.

Honestly I can’t make the decision for you.

But it’s ok to value your own mental health, and I agree with other posters - feeling sad at a decision is not the same as regret.

Take care.

Really @GreenSlide?! That's appalling!