Medical termination... Northern Ireland. Terrified

[Wantthistobedone]

Hi. I hope someone might be along to help calm me down as I just don’t know what to do.

After period being 7 days late I took a test today and its positive 😢 a clear blue saying 2-3 weeks which fits. I’m in total shock and can’t believe after the shit year I’ve had I’m facing this at 40.

I’m based in NI and was wondering if anyone had been through something similar? Contacted BPAS today who told me to ring Informing Choices NI who don’t open until Monday morning.

I think I’m around 4 weeks and now is just not the right time for a baby. I’m not telling anyone in real life so any hand holding is appreciated..

I’ve got no advice but will offer a handhold

Handholding too.

It's a fairly new service in NI but they are the right people and will be able to get you sorted.

So sorry you are going through this - but you should be able to put it behind you quickly so sit tight till Monday.

OP. Hopefully someone who can help will be along soon.

Handholding here too Op. Hope you get sorted soon.

Hiya. I have no specific advice about being in NI. But I have had a medical abortion. Here to answer any questions if you need. Hand holding you xxxx

Thanks everyone. I’ve been reading the 7 weeks medical abortion thread and they seem to be pills posted to home; I would have presumed it would be the same here? What an idiot - I can’t believe I’m having to deal with this. And I feel really crampy, like by bloody periods coming...

I had to go to a clinic. They scanned me to get dates. I was 4 weeks. First pill orally then 4 to be inserted. Although most people are getting them posted. I think they wanted me to have a scan as I was on the contraceptive pill so they needed to double check dates etc

Hope you are okay. Check in on here and I am sure there are lots of us who will support you through x

I’m going through it this evening, I’ve had someone reach out to me who has let me message them throughout and it’s helped me so much - if you need anything by please feel free to inbox. It’s so hard having to wait, I found out after being 5 days late and I had to wait 2.5 weeks for an appointment. It was torture, I won’t lie, but the wait was mainly due to the festive period. Plus, you’ve found out early so you have time to wait as difficult as it may be. Sending you lots of love x

Thank you - I will private message if that’s ok. I’m in the west of NI although I dont mind travelling to Belfast to a clinic appt if I have to... my cycles are regular as clockwork so I’m fairly sure I’m just 4 weeks.

notanothernamechange766 was that during the pandemic?

YnsMon20

My heart goes out to you. Do you have any support IRL?

Yes it was fairly recently

My experience of having the termination was very straightforward. I think possibly because I was so early. Very little pain, less than a regular period. 3 days of bleeding, few clots. But not heavier than a regular period.

How are you feeling this morning ?

I feel surreal to be honest. It might be my imagination but my abdomen is really swollen, and my boobs are a bit tender but generally ok. Like everyone else, I have the odd moment of OMG but I really do not want a baby at 40. I have a 9 yr old, divorced but have a wonderful, supportive partner and we’re only together a short time. He definitely doesn’t want kids - but is honestly the loveliest man and adores me. It might sound mad but I don’t think I want ‘this’ between us... I just want it to be over and a distant memory. How are you doing after it?

@Wantthistobedone I definitely found that after I confirmed I was pregnant that the symptoms tamped up - I was so conscious I was showing even tho I clearly wasn’t but felt so rounded and swollen, everywhere! It will be over, just be kind to yourself with the wait and take each day as it comes, you’ll feel a lot better after speaking to someone tomorrow and getting the ball rolling - I did. My husband was super supportive and a couple of close friends text me through most of last night which helped massively, was quite a good distraction - thank you for asking after me. Feel a bit physically drained this morning tho - but my toddler is the perfect distraction, as they are 🤣 xxx

@Wantthistobedone how are you getting on lovely ? Xx

I’m not doing great to be honest and thank you so much for asking...

I spoke to someone at the NI organisation that arranges referrals to a clinic here where you have to attend for the first pill, but it seems like that appointment won’t happen til next week. The waiting is killing me. I can’t sleep and have constant cramping. Did anyone else have that early on? No sharp pains like you’d expect with an ectopic. I also feel bloated and huge. My mind is going into overdrive worrying I’m way more than 5 weeks even though my periods were regular as clockwork all of last year.

How is everyone else doing?

@Wantthistobedone the wait is awful, I really empathise, it’s horrid having such rampant symptoms when you know what your decision is, it just makes the situation so much more difficult. I tried to keep as busy as I could to keep my mind off it. I had really bad cramping the first couple of weeks, I couldn’t remember having it with my DD, but your uterus does start to grow and my cramps can be enhanced by stress too. I also did the same as you about dates, I was even going through texts as I know I had particularly bad period and wanted to double the check dates!!! If you’re unsure of dates, I would be honest with them and they’ll likely bring you in for a scan to check - although I can see your first appointment is in clinic so it’s likely they’ll do that anyway, and then discuss your options.

It’s so easy to say ‘focus on each day at a time’ but try to.

I’m 4 days passed procedure and having quite the hormone crash. I’ve take today off work to sleep and get through it. I’m looking forward to a rest, I wish we could be more honest about these things, almost feels like I don’t deserve to rest or have to recover because of the process.

Thinking of you xx

The wait is the hardest part. You will be okay. They will most likely scan you at the appointment, and ask if you want to know how far along you are.

You are more than welcome to private message me if you need any questions answered or just someone to talk to c

Thank you so much girls.

YnysMon20 I’m so sorry you’re having a tough one today and good for you taking the day off to rest. The waiting is by far the hardest part and I agree on keeping busy. I’m saving some stuff to watch next week when I’m praying I get seen.

notanothernamechange766 I will if thats ok. Much as I dont particularly want to see a heartbeat I am genuinely concerned. I have massive bloating and think I could pass for 4 months gone! I don’t remember having the cramps and pain like this with my DS at all. I also seem to have a huge belly in the evening - did anyone else have this so early?

I am so tired. And with the bloating I seem to be full of gas, which is obviously bubbling in my tummy but dont know of if its my mind playing tricks on me but it feels like kicks. I had regular periods all of last year but I’m even back checking every one of them now.

I totally get how you feel about the rest. I am so ashamed and angry at myself for getting into this situation. I’ve told my best friend IRL but no-one else.

Sorry you are going through this op. Although I had to have these pills due to a missed miscarriage I’ve not been through exactly the same you are but I’m a similar age, settled home with 2 children but if I got pregnant I would absolutely make the same choice that you are. Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone

Just to say with my second I bloated out massively at 5 weeks so fingers crossed you aren't further along. Even with my twin pregnancy which I heartbreakingly felt I had to terminate I wasnt as big at 11 weeks as what I was at 5 weeks with my second who was a singleton. I've had cramping from 4 weeks with all my pregnancies. So sorry youre having to wait it really is the most horrible thing x

Anony - thats a relief to hear. I feel huge, and pregnancy huge not just the stone I put on during lockdown. I did wonder if a second pregnancy really does show that bit quicker. God I wish someone would ring and do this medical assessment so I could get a date for the clinic! I’ve even priced flights and a private one in england. I can’t believe how archaic the system here is!

Daisy829 - I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m dreading taking the pills but conversely, wish I had them tonight to take.

Its awful im actually from Northern Ireland but living in England now. Is there anything in Liverpool so you could even nip over as a foot passenger if you didn't want to wait,? I could barely hide the pregnancy at 5 weeks with my second was crazy X

Hope you’re doing ok! I had the pills at 6 weeks last year, thinking of you.

Hey everyone... just an update on this saga. I’ve STILL not had a phone call from any organisation here in NI to carry out a phone appt, which would then result in an in-person appt to take the first pill. I still feel tired, sick, worried scared and full of dread every day.

I knew this would end up being a case of me ringing around for weeks asking people to help, and constantly getting the response of it not being that persons job (and I was right) so yesterday I rang BPAS, and explained that I’m getting nowhere fast over here. Long story short rang at 3pm, medical phone consult with a wonderful healthcare professional called Tess at 5.15pm who booked me in for a surgical termination in England next week. By 8.30pm I had flight confirmations and everyone was so so lovely and supportive along the way. What a wonderful service and open minded, non judgemental people.

It is criminal the attitude towards abortion here (and that its early abortion pills only, upto 12 weeks) despite it supposedly being legal.

Now I’m just worried about travelling and Covid but sod it. I’ll be on the first flight out and last flight home with a light GA and can hopefully put it behind me. How is everyone else doing? Xx

@Wantthistobedone I am so sorry you have had to go through all this. I thought it would be easier for people in NI now but it seems not - it’s almost like the delay tactics are purposeful, and for women who are firm on choice the constant limbo is exhausting. I totally empathise of waking up with dread, I felt like I was living a nightmare for weeks until I had my appointment, I’d even go as far as saying that at some points I just wanted to disappear. My DD and husband kept me going.

I can’t fault BPAS - my experience has been so positive with them. I’m so glad it’s sorted. You are allowed to travel for medical treatment so try not to worry, easier said the done.

I know someone had recently posted their positive experience of having the surgical procedure in case it may be helpful.

Hope all goes okay x