Does my GP need to know?

[JuniperBee]

I had a positive pregnancy test this weekend. I was initially really happy but in the past couple of days I have been overcome with anxiety. I have huge, huge anxiety about the future and the thought of bringing another child into the world is too much. I’ve been crying all day.

I’d really like to have a termination ASAP. I’m planning to contact Marie Stopes or BPAS tomorrow but will they tell my GP? I’d really rather not have it on my record at all.

Anybody?

No they will ask your permission and you can say no don't worry

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time of it OP. I am unsure if they would inform your GP, though I presume they would.

It is absolutely your choice as to whether you terminate this pregnancy or not, but with you saying you were initially happy but are now suffering with anxiety do you think you might change your mind if the anxiety was dealt with?

Thank you for your replies

@SomethingAboutNothing my anxiety is centred around climate change and the threat to humanity. I feel like bringing a baby into the world would just be dooming them to suffer. It’s really upsetting because I would love to have this baby. But I feel like it’s not fair to them.

I already take Medication but I just feel like no amount of medication changes the devastating reality of the situation

@JuniperBee

Please speak to your Dr. OP. If you really would love to have this baby having a termination based on fears of things which are out with your control sounds a lot like anxiety.

My mums motto is always don't do something permanent on temporary feelings if your anxiety can be helped you might feel differently

@newnameswhothis I really do appreciate it’s out of my control. I feel like having the termination is the only thing I can control. I can choose not to subject them to a life of suffering and I feel morally that’s what I should do, regardless of what I want for myself.

Why are you so anxious about the future?

Just throwing this out there - pregnancy hormones can do very strange things to you. I have horrendous antenatal depression, totally detached, angry, had no attachment to my husband or existing son - no feelings at all other than irritated - and wanted a termination. It was the bizarrest thing. I've never felt like it before or since despite a long history of periods of mental ill health.

Anyway in the end nature took care of it sadly and I had a miscarriage. As soon as it started the feeling went and I felt myself again (devastated at that point by the miscarriage but back to me).

I am completely pro choice and if this pregnancy not right for you, then I fully support your right to have an abortion.

Just wanted to let you know that sometimes pregnancy does funny things to your head as you said you were originally so happy. Reminded me of me.

@MiniMum97 I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a really difficult time for you

This is an ongoing situation for me, it flares up now and again. I try and avoid the news, social media etc and anything that is scaremongering.

But I suppose I’m anxious because by all accounts the future is meant to be extremely bleak and I’m really scared for the child I already have. I feel so guilty for having them and for the life they’ll have. The thought of adding to that with another child is just too much.

You simply don't know if they will have a life of suffering, they could live a long and happy life. We don't know what the future holds, we can only hope for the best.

Ultimately it is your decision and I would never tell someone that they shouldn't terminate, but I would hate you to make such a big decision and later regret it when you are in a different headspace.

Are you under the mental health services for your anxiety? If not maybe a chat with your GP might help?

Sorry cross posted with the question.

Thank you for the 💐. It was a while ago now but was a difficult time and still feel sad at the outcome but life is hard.

I don't know I have a different outlook to you. I think life is hard, very hard. What has made life hard for me is not external circumstances, but my poor mental health, my ADHD and lately my poor physical health. These affect everything in my life and often make it hard to get through everyday. I can't worry about it climate ch age as I literally cannot take that on on top of just managing me!

Difficult things could happen to anyone but my poor mental health mainly comes from my inconsistent upbringing by a mother with mental health issues plus bullying in school. That sort of thing can be protected against by loving attentive parents. The happiest people I know have inner confidence and can roll with life's up and downs whatever is thrown at them.

You can't protect your children against everything. Science may come up with something to turn the climate change things around, but your child could be disabled in an accident or blighted by a physical health problem, or attacked and traumatised.

A million things could befall them. All you can do as parents is try and bring up confident, secure children who can cope with what life throws at them. You can't protect them from everything.

Hi op I'm so sorry your feeling like this, I'm in a similar situation at the moment and very torn on what to do for the best..I go each day from keeping the baby to terminating. In answer to your question they won't tell your gp if you state no, I had an initial call with bpas last week and have a consultation booked with a nurse a week today it's one of the questions they ask when you book an appointment. Hope this helps x

@Cakles2010 sorry to hear you’re going through this too. Thank you so much for your reply

@MiniMum97 thanks again for replying. I hear what you’re saying about life throwing different things at us and weirdly, the thought of having a disabled child or something awful happening to one of us in a split second doesn’t seem to phase me. I suppose it’s because we are constantly bombarded with how fucked we are in the media and there’s nothing we can do. I just find it so utterly overwhelming and feel like I simply cannot justify bringing another baby into the world, no matter how much I’d like to.

@Cakles2010 I really hope your consultation goes well and gives you more clarity on what you’d like to do next

I’m wide awake and feeling so hopeless. Does anyone know how long it’ll take from making contact to receiving the pills in the post? I just want to get this over with ASAP.

I don’t know your personal circumstances but it sounds like your termination is motivated by your bleak outlook / depression. I would think long and hard and discuss this with a counsellor at least because a termination might bring on even worse feelings for you afterwards. Once it’s done there is no undoing it. You said you take medication already, irregardless of your pregnancy, it would be worth talking to your professional about your feelings. Maybe there are different meds that work better for you. It must feel like a huge weight on your shoulder to be worrying like this all the time and doesn’t sound like a good or healthy way to live your life. Do you not see anything positive about it? The decision is entirely yours of course. There’s always problems in the world and life gets hard but it’s also filled with good times, great accomplishments and happiness.

@JuniperBee

I’m wide awake and feeling so hopeless. Does anyone know how long it’ll take from making contact to receiving the pills in the post? I just want to get this over with ASAP.

OP, seriously, how bad do you think Climate Change will get in the next 80 years? Do you think the UK is going to turn into some kind of wasteland?

Also you mention "us" - are you in a relationship with the father? Have you discussed things with him?

Have a look at the IPCC Climate Change report. Yes, there is a fair chance that the developing climate crisis will have an extremely negative impact on the lives on our children...

OP, I had a termination with MSI, they didn’t inform my GP.

That was for YoureNotOnTheList obviously the OP is aware of the predictions scientists are making.

OP, I also worry a great deal about the future but I already have 3 children. It’s hard to disentangle here what is - to my mind - quite reasonable concern about the hardship a child may face, and the determination not to bring a child into it, and what might be pregnancy induced anxiety. Could you talk it all through with someone supportive?

I’ve spoken with MSI and BPAS this morning and both advising they don’t have a contract for providing services in my area so I have to go through NHS. Is it this right? Surely this means my GP will find out and it will be in my medical records.

I really think you need to speak to your GP. It makes no difference if this is on your medical records, no one can or will judge you for this. But you're obviously suffering extreme anxiety and depression, you need help. Please seek help OP. Don't do anything rash while not in the best frame of mind. You don't know what effect this will have on you in the future. If we all stopped having babies, the world would end anyway. Children are our future.

I really would rather not speak to my GP because I don’t want them to be concerned about my ability to parent the child I already have.

Asking for a referral for a termination will not make the GP question your parenting abilities, don’t worry.

You can pay for a private termination if you want to do it without going through the NHS, but it’s expensive.

Do you have a partner? What do they think? The fact that you were initially happy & then started to worry suggests that maybe you could do with some support talking things over. Nobody will judge you.

@YoureNotOnTheList

Not a wasteland but I worry about extreme food shortages, mass migration due to places becoming uninhabitable which will could lead to conflict, extreme weather, poverty, disease etc.

It might seem to you but it seems inevitable to me and leaves me feeling really bleak.

Also, I am with the father. He knows I am pregnant and that I am feeling this way. He will support me in choosing a termination.

@borageforager thank you for being kind. I’m not so much worried about being judged for seeking a termination but more that if I admit how I feel and how anxious I am they will think I am not fit to look after my dc