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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Health Vs termination

35 replies

Suz321 · 04/10/2020 20:30

Hi so I have a health condition they don't know what's really going on. But I'm fed by a IV line as I cannot eat. I'm 46 kg and just found out I'm pregnant with twins.

I'm bed bound but have a supportive family. Part of the condition makes me very fatigued and IV no idea how I would look after twins. Let alone deal with my health.

I am very depressed with my condition.

I'm very late in to the pregnancy as only just found out. I'm almost 40 this might be my only chance. But I don't know if I can get through the pregnancy let alone when they are here.

Looking for advice

OP posts:

KylieKangaroo · 04/10/2020 21:10

Oh gosh that sounds really hard, would you have help with the twins if you decide to continue? Is your health likely to improve at all?

I think you have to do what's best for you, whatever that is in this situation. Hope you are okay

Lougle · 04/10/2020 21:12

How far into the pregnancy are you? I'm sorry to hear about your health difficulties.

TitianaTitsling · 04/10/2020 21:14

Are you under a consultant for your health condition? What are they saying? I spent the majority of my pg unable to eat and on Iv so sympathise!

RedPandaFluff · 04/10/2020 21:16

What a difficult position to be in :-(

I agree with @KylieKangaroo - support would be key if you decided to go ahead and have the babies. You say your family is supportive - are they available and willing to help look after the babies? What resources are available to you - do you work? Can you afford to pay for private help?

What about the toll on your health? Have you had a detailed conversation with your doctor about whether your body can physically sustain the pregnancy, and how it would affect you both in the short and long term?

Huge issues and I'm sure your emotions are all over the place, especially as you feel that this may be your "last chance" to be a mum. I'm a big believer that if something is practically possible, and you CAN do it, listen to your heat and your instincts as to whether you SHOULD do it

1940s · 04/10/2020 21:39

Do you have a partner?

Original poster

Suz321 · 04/10/2020 23:13

I'm 18 weeks. Found out last week.
Drs think I can hold a pregnancy but it's very high risk.
My family are supportive. But I'm so I'll they have no idea how to deal with me.

I'm worried I won't be good enough or be able to do very little

OP posts:

Original poster

Suz321 · 04/10/2020 23:14

Yes I do he is supportive

OP posts:

Babyboomtastic · 05/10/2020 00:15

The doctors are right about you being able to hold a pregnancy because it's almost at the stage where they could survive outside the womb (earliest being 21 weeks I believe), so they are very near viability at the moment. The fact that you've been able to make it this far, not only without difficulties but without even realising you're pregnant with two babies is a good sign, though obviously in some ways the third trimester is more demanding. But by that stage, if your body couldn't cope, they could be born early.

Obviously raising children when poorly is going to be difficult, but it's wonderful that you have a supportive family and partner. It's pretty inevitable that your partner would need to take on a pretty major role, possibly assisted by your family, but children are hugely adaptable, and if those around you are willing to muck in and make this work, then I think it's possible.

I know it's nowhere near as bad, but when I could barely walk during my second pregnancy, my first sat with me, made my toy snacks, and never once complained. She even insisted on giving me 'pretend medicine' to make me feel better.

There are forums on here for disabled parents, it might be worth also posting in there to have a chat to some mums that have done it, whether it's doable etc.

Good luck X.

nimbuscloud · 05/10/2020 00:21

Do you live with your dp?

Original poster

Suz321 · 05/10/2020 01:54

Thanks I will look there in that group.

I am temporarily staying with parents as I had sepsis in April.

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FromDespairToHere · 05/10/2020 12:02

Gosh you had sepsis in April and got pregnant in June? I'm amazed you were well enough to be in a position to conceive. Did you recover and then relapse?

Original poster

Suz321 · 05/10/2020 13:04

I was given strong antifungals. I think I have a bacterial overgrowth so somehow I fell pregnant after that. I don't know how it happened though. Now I don't know what's best. I'm getting worse each day

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PeaceAndHarmoneeee · 05/10/2020 13:17

Aside from supportive family and partner do you have any spare cash to employ help like a childminder or cleaner?

1940s · 05/10/2020 13:19

We're you actively trying or failed contraception?

Original poster

Suz321 · 05/10/2020 14:21

Not really got the money. I fear of not being well enough to even be a real mum.

It was planned at all

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Babyboomtastic · 05/10/2020 15:04

Given the stage that you are at, if you don't think you can raise them, would it be worth considering adoption? You'd likely still be able to have letterbox contact, and you'd know that you'd given them a chance at happy lives, and they'd know in time that it wasn't because they weren't wanted, but because of your health, and you may be able to eventually (even if only as adults) develop a relationship with them. It would also be a way of having a genetic legacy in this world, that you may not be able to otherwise have, if that is something that is important to you.

If that was something you'd consider, you wouldn't have to decide now, or even by birth, as you could see whether you could get the support together and manage. Or if you have any siblings/close friends that are willing, you could share care between you potentially, as an informal fostering arrangement. Families take so many different forms.

Whatever course you take, it's going to be emotionally very difficult, and for that you have my greatest sympathies.

Leimarel · 05/10/2020 15:30

What does your medical team think? A twin pregnancy is hard going for someone in excellent health. Is your parenteral nutrition adequate for the pregnancy? I am surprised you didn't realise you were pregnant before now. I would speak to your consultant and your family and see what physical and emotional support there is available. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, no-one would blame you.

Lougle · 05/10/2020 16:52

I think you also have to consider the fact that at 18 weeks, you'll have to have a medical termination, not surgical.

Original poster

Suz321 · 05/10/2020 17:27

I was told it's anesthestic and d and c

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DinoMamasaurus · 05/10/2020 17:47

Gosh what a hard situation to find yourself in. There is definitely no right or wrong answer here. You do have options and you need make the decision based on what you want. It probably feels like you have to know right away but I would really try to take all the time you need to process all of the emotions and practical considerations.

Do you have any clear prognosis on your health in the medium to longer term. Is the bacterial overgrowth something the Drs think can be resolved, or are you looking at long term chronic problems?

I think if you really want to have children then don’t feel like you can because your circumstances are less than ideal. Definitely look at disabled parents groups, and what support you would have. I guess I would think about what parenting them would look like at different ages because although obviously the baby stage is the first and most intense they really do grow up so fast.

Be kind to yourself. I guess I would start with trying to work out which way my heart was leaning and then try to follow all the practical threads based on that decision and then think about the alternative options and hope to find some clarity but try to give no weight at to what other people might think. Life throws crazy curve balls sometimes.

DinoMamasaurus · 05/10/2020 17:47

Don’t feel like you “can’t” sorry!

Babyboomtastic · 05/10/2020 18:09

I don't know much about this area but was having a quick look. Given your current situation, are you eligible for a personal budget with which you could fund an assistant to help you?

The assistant could do the fetching, and the cleaning, and whatever care tasks you can't manage. You can have snuggles in a baby sling if you are too tired to hold babies in your arms, and a lot of parents use bedside cribs, so they could sleep right next to you if that helps (or not if that would be too tiring).

What you haven't mentioned is if you'd want to have these children if it's safe for you to do so, and if you were able to do so?

Honestly though, if it's something that you do want, I'd hate to think that you'd feel like you didn't have a choice because of your disability. Because I expect there would be a lot of support out there if it is something you wanted.

FourPlasticRings · 05/10/2020 18:16

I've no advice here, OP, but think PP's suggestion about looking into groups for parents with disabilities is a good one. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Original poster

Suz321 · 05/10/2020 18:41

What's a personal budget?

OP posts:

bitheby · 05/10/2020 18:55

Personal budget is through an assessment of your support needs via social services.

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