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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Abortion without telling my husband

29 replies

NameChange1919 · 21/09/2020 09:38

I have just found out I’m pregnant. It’s still very early days.

For various reasons I absolutely cannot have another child and I’ve already made up my mind to have an abortion.

My problem is that my DH would absolutely not support my decision to have an abortion. He is completely against it and his family would be the same. The fallout would be huge.

I’m of the opinion that it’s my body and so it’s my choice. I’m seriously considering not telling him because I don’t have the emotional energy right now to deal with the consequences, it would probably end my marriage and ruin my relationship with my in-laws.

Has anyone ever been it this situation and what did you do?

OP posts:
Scweltish · 21/09/2020 09:40

I haven’t been, but if I were in your situation, I probably wouldn’t tell him. Obviously it’s your choice, you’d normally let your partners know so they can support you. If he’s going to make it harder then why tell him?

Soubriquet · 21/09/2020 09:41

Just do it and don’t tell him

If he already knows you’re pregnant it’s a miscarriage.

If he doesn’t it’s a heavy period

He doesn’t need to know

sarahc336 · 21/09/2020 09:41

Yes if you have your reasons just go and do it, look after yourself though xx

AugieMarch · 21/09/2020 09:42

In your position I wouldn’t tell him. Sorry you’re in this situation. It is 100% your choice, as is the decision of whether to tell him (or anyone).

LeaveMyDamnJam · 21/09/2020 09:43

I wouldn’t tell him - it’s your body.

That said I wouldn’t want to be married to someone I couldn’t tell.

00Sassy · 21/09/2020 09:44

Absolutely your body your choice Flowers

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/09/2020 09:45

At the moment they are likely to post tablets out to you.

Would that be safe for you?

Make sure you hide all evidence, and nobody needs to know anything.

You may be able to get some counselling through the hospital if you need to talk to anyone.

Sorry you're in this position op Flowers

Original poster
NameChange1919 · 21/09/2020 09:46

He doesn’t know I’m pregnant.

My marriage is already in trouble and I know I need to end it at some point anyway. I’m working on that but I’m just not at a point where that’s possible yet.

Thank you all for you advice, I needed to hear that I’m not doing the wrong thing.

OP posts:
Feelingpoorlysick · 21/09/2020 09:47

Personally, I couldn't live with myself if I kept something so serious from my husband.

It's your body and you have the right to have an abortion if that's what you want but I also feel your husband has a right to know. It's his baby too.

If your husband won't support you, maybe you're with the wrong person.

Original poster
NameChange1919 · 21/09/2020 09:47

I didn’t know they were posting tablets out. I will speak to my GP , she is really good and I trust her.

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 21/09/2020 09:49

OP, it is your body, you do not need to tell him anything. In your circumstances I would not tell either. I would urge you to get it done soon so that you can get a tablet rather than having to go to a clinic, if you are still within the time frame.

However, when this is all over, please review your contraception with your GP to get something more reliable.

AdoraBell · 21/09/2020 09:49

You are absolutely not doing anything wrong.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 21/09/2020 09:49

Feeling poorly I think the op knows she is with the wrong person.
Mind yourself op x

Original poster
NameChange1919 · 21/09/2020 09:50

You’re right I shouldn’t be married to hear. It’s a very difficult marriage and I am planning on getting out.

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 21/09/2020 09:50

OP, please do not listen to people who tell you to tell your DH - they are living with their reality, you are living with yours. No man has a right to know what their wife does medically with her body.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/09/2020 09:51

They have been through covid, and I know they still are in my area, not sure about everywhere else.

Your GP will know what the situation is where you are.

Hope the process is as gentle as possible on you Flowers

Original poster
NameChange1919 · 21/09/2020 09:51

I do need to speak to my Gp about a contraception that works better for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChange1919 · 21/09/2020 09:52

Thank you all for your kind words. I do appreciate it. There’s nobody in real life that I trust enough to talk this through with.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/09/2020 09:54

In your circumstances I agree that you shouldn't tell him. So if you are absolutely decided then don't tell him.

YoBeaches · 21/09/2020 09:55

Sounds like you need to prioritise yourself here so do what's right for you. If the marriage is technically over and you don't want another baby on your own then this is the right choice for you.

steppemum · 21/09/2020 09:59

Op Flowers
What a mess.
I think you need ot go ahead for your own sake, but then this marriage is dead isn't it?

You can't be married to someone who you can't share such an important thing with.
I am so sorry

phoenixrosehere · 21/09/2020 10:13

You’re doing the right thing.

The marriage is already difficult and you’re trying to end it anyway. The last thing you want is to be tied to a man you don’t want to be married to. He (and his family) from the sounds of things would likely make things very difficult and you definitely don’t want to have to deal with them for life or put an innocent baby/child through that.

Talk to your gp who you trust and go from there.

All the best. 🙂

Dillo10 · 21/09/2020 10:26

Do what is best for you OP Flowers

Now for practical advice, from personal experience.

Everyone has different experiences, but do be prepared for feeling rather unwell for a few hours/a day after you have the tablets - I won't go into detail but it would have been difficult for me to hide what was happening from somebody I lived with. Could you stay with a friend/family member, even get a hotel for the afternoon/evening?

Secondly, please tell someone - a friend, family member etc. just in case you are taken ill or need assistance in the hours following. And so you have someone to talk to.

Finally remember to be clear that you do NOT want your GP informed, so it's not on your medical records and won't ever be revealed to DH somehow.

Good luck

unmarkedbythat · 21/09/2020 10:28

Your body, your choice. You do not have to tell him. Your bravery and realism are commendable. Flowers

86jabberwocky · 21/09/2020 10:30

Don't tell him