Possibly pregnant at 49 - what would you do?

[Chocolatefreak]

My son is 12. I tried to conceive another child 18 months after having him; my husband refused. A year or so later, he agreed to try. No baby. A couple of years after that I had an investigation, turns out I had chlamydia. I did not have sex with anyone else after I met my husband, neither did I want to. i had a messy and difficult birth with my son, ending up with an emergency C-section - could it be that I became infected that way rather than my husband's infidelity? He swears he has been faithful and I believe him. We were both treated, but I didn't conceive again. I had IVF twice after that, no luck. Assuming I couldn't get pregnant, we haven't used contraception for the last nine years or so. I desperately wanted a brother or sister for my son all that time. Now it seems very likely that I am actually pregnant - very regular 26 day cycle, now 35 days, emotional, funny taste in mouth etc. I was thinking it might be the beginning of the menopause but why would it be so sudden? Surely there would be other signs. Anyhow, if I am pregnant it seems so cruelly ironic; the despair of not being able to conceive for so long, now I think I am too old to have the energy for a baby and things are not going well in our marriage. My husband is a good man but we are so different and his attitude to money is partly what is damaging our relationship. But we live in a beautiful place, and have moved around so much. Our son is happy here and I don't want to upset his happiness or stability, that's why I'm holding on. Another problem is my work, I am working as a consultant but this work will finish next year and finding work for me where we live (not in UK) has been really difficult. I have bought a test and will take it tomorrow to confirm, but I'm pretty sure. Just wanted to get some other perspectives on this difficult decision.

Take a test first.

I'm 50 and my cycle isn't as regular as it was. If I'm reading your post correctly, it seems you haven't done a pregnancy test yet. I'd start with that before getting stressed about your options.

Sorry you're going through this.

Although I don't see how you can contract chlamydia through a C-section? Although that may not be worth the emotional space thinking about anymore. Would it be possible one of you had it unknowingly before you met?

Don't torture yourself without knowing the full facts, you're just putting yourself through it twice. Do the test.

Deep breath. Take the test. Don't tie yourself in knots or get your hopes up over what may never happen.
At your age there could be a number of reasons for a disrupted cycle.
Good luck.

Did either of you gave a sexual relationship beforeyou met? Because you can have chlamydia for years. Or were you tested during pregnancy? You can't get it from a c section. If you were clear during your last pregnancy and contracted it later then someone has been telling porkies...

I hope you get the outcome you want.

A few points

No point worrying until you actually take a test, in the nicest possible way it's unlikely you're pregnant, and the only way to confirm is to POAS

You are deluding yourself about chlamydia; it's not possible to get it from a c-section (WTF) and it's much more likely your husband cheated

At the age of 49 with a child already (a big age gap) and a husband who doesn't sound great (what do you mean about his attitude to money?) if i was actually pregnant, I wouldn't hesitate to terminate.

Your decision though and if you struggle with it perhaps you could get some counselling to talk it through with an impartial professional. In the U.K., BPAS and Marie Stopes can usually offer it.

Just take the test today. If you’re 7 days late it will be accurate. It’s far more likely to be menopause than pregnancy. The chances of a successful pregnancy at your age are very low.

And stop kidding yourself about the chlamydia. Your DH cheated on you and gave you a disease which caused secondary infertility. You presumably know this deep down.

@Isthisfinallyit I had a smear test done to check for everything before planning to conceive the first time, was clear and at this point I had been with my boyfriend-then-husband for over a year. I was physically quite damaged after my C section and contracted an infection in hospital, treated in accident and emergency a couple of weeks after with a short dose of antibiotics but wonder if this could be connected. Just that this has brought all that anger and despair up again. Have a test and will do it tomorrow, hoping it's negative but throws up all kinds of difficulties if positive. Thanks for your support, everyone.

Smear tests don't check for STDs.

Well if they didn't specifically test for chlamydia during the check then either of you could have been infected before you met.

You may have had chlamydia for years without knowing as it’s not tested for in pregnancy, so you could have had it even before you and your DH got together.

Although Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease it can be found in the rectum, throat and eyes but it’s spread through genital fluid, so they’re is slim chance if someone had it in their eyes or throat and you had contact with them you could become infected, but that would be a very low chance.

You cannot catch it from having a Caesarean section the dr’s etc are gowned up and everything is sterile, it also wasn’t responsible for the infection you got after having the caesarean. Also, a SMEAR test doesn’t test for STIs.

So, you either had it before you and your DH got together or you got it whilst being with him. Unless you had a test specifically to test for chlamydia whilst you were pregnant, you’ll never know the answer.

@Isthisfinallyit I was screened for chlamydia at the same time, I think this is standard for pre-conception tests, at any rate I was tested for it and at that stage we had been together for over a year or even two, it would have showed up. After I had my son I had a smear where this test was not offered so yes I appreciate there is ore than one type of test.

Why wait until tomorrow? Do you enjoy torturing yourself or are you wanting the drama?

I’m afraid you’ll never be certain when you caught it, as you may have had a false negative test. But be assured you did not catch it from the caesarean.

The accuracy of a chlamydia test depends on the kind of test used and the type of sample that’s collected.The recommended tests are over 95% accurate in picking up chlamydia. As no test is 100% accurate there’s a small chance that the test will give a negative result when you do have the infection.This is known as a false negative result.

www.fpa.org.uk/sites/default/files/chlamydia-information-and-advice.pdf

@bythehairsonmychinichinchin after I was operated and recovering from my C section I contracted an infection. It could be that there was rectal bacterial infection, I was in labour for 36 hours before I was operated and fecally incontinent for a couple of days afterwards so that could be why. I was treated for this infection (stitches burst and haemorrhage) a couple of weeks later, but the A&E doc who saw me seemed quite hesitant, he prescribed antibiotics but a short course, it could be that any infection present didn't quite go away. Seems incredible but DH and I were in love and I really don't think he was unfaithful to me, however at the moment I don't really care about that!

@Crockodoodle best time to do test is early morning (when HcG levels are highest) - want to be certain.

Before I got pregnant I checked for everything - stds, rubella vaccination, everything and like I say had been with my husband almost two years at that point, pretty sure neither of us were infected before then. Got pregnant first month of trying. Either I got infected after the birth of my son through my C section surgery and complications, or yes, my husband infected me after that. It would explain why I got pregnant so fast then nothing after he was born. But that's not the issue now. I will update tomorrow after my test.

The tests are so sensitive these days OP that you really don't need to wait to do it first thing. If I were you I'd take it now. If it's positive at least you know for sure that you are. If it's negative then it's very highly unlikely you've pregnant but by all means follow up with another in a couple of days if it would make you feel better.

If you're that late it would should up now regardless of FMU or time of day. Just do it and stop torturing yourself. Or don't you want to know?

If your stitches burst the dr should have taken a swab to check what bacteria has caused the infection so that they can prescribe the correct antibiotics.

Constipation after a CS is common as the medication and being less mobile slows things down. I don’t understand what you mean rectal bacterial infection? Are you saying that your rectum tore due to being impacted/constipated and then you developed an infection? If so, again the DR should have taken a swab to make sure they gave you the correct antibiotics.

You need to take the test first, before you make any decisions.

Personally, (near to your age) I cant think of anything worse than having small children around again, I have 2 older teenagers, and i like my life now, i'm not having to entertain toddlers or run around after them.
Thats just me though, you need to workout what you want

Someone I worked with, his wife like you had a late period, thought it was the menopause, turned out she was pregnant, decided to go through with it. Their children were both A level/University age, she had a very good pregnancy & delivery, the little girl is about 10 now, once their older children had finished university, they both took redundancy/early retirement & became stay at home parents, something they couldn't afford to do for their older children, they love it, look 20 years younger, do the school run, loads of activities, help out in school, they are also grandparents now so their youngest daughter is growing up with young family members. Get a test, take your time, don't rush in to anything, talk to each other & decide what you both want.

You need to take the test and stop worrying before you even know if you are pregnant, you could be stressing yourself out over nothing.

Re chlamydia .... Apart from being infected at birth you can not catch chlamydia without performing some form of sexual act. However, you don't have to have penetrative sex to get infected, it is enough if your genitals come in contact with an infected person's sexual fluids (for example if your genitals touch).

If you both tested negative at some point in your relationship and you didn’t cheat then your husband certainly did

As said above the tests can be done at pretty much anytime. I done one of the first response ones in the evening and it gave me a positive 5days before a missed period, do it now to put your mind at rest

Wait until you've done your test and know for sure. Once you know you can start to look at your options