Feel like I’m being forced to abort

[Jaysmum2009]

Hi ladies, iv not being seeing my partner for very long and I found out I’m 5 weeks pregnant. My partner has 2 other children from another relationship. After I found out about the pregnancy he turned very cold. Little reply’s and he seems very distant. He blocked me for awhile on wassap. So I saw him for a short period yesterday and he told me to be fair. He said I was to abort as it wasn’t fair to his two sons. I feel like I have had no emotional support from him and not once has he asked me what I want. Should I do I ladies? Part of me wants to but part of me doesn’t I’m so unsure. Do I want to bring a child into this world and get accused of trapping the father? Thanks for reading ladies

Well you need to stop talking to him, stop expecting emotional support from him, and seek support elsewhere to decide whether or not you want to terminate the pregnancy or continue and be a single mother.

You could contact your GP, BPAS or Marie Stopes to ask about counselling for your situation.

How old are you? What's your housing and job situation? Do you have supportive family nearby?

You need to take him out of the equation and consider whether you want to do it without him.

I would call the marie stopes helpline (0345 300 8090), as they can offer support and advice to you on things like this, as well as practically talking through your options. They are open 24hrs. All the best

Please don't be blackmailed into making a choice. You have to do what's right for you, whether that means as a single parent or not.
From what you've written it doesn't sound as though your partner will support you, and you need to put yourself first.

Yeah I’m 28 I have my own home and a job, I also have a daughter who is 11. I have supportive family but they agree that abortion would be the right thing to do, given the circumstance. I’m waiting for a councillor to phone me on Sunday. Thankyou for replying

If you are up for being a single mum and are dead set against abortion don't have one.

It's your body your choice but it's also his choice not to stick around.

I'm assuming you were using protection, if he didn't want other kids I hope he provided it, due to you saying it's a newish relationship so this is a huge surprise and I hope you have some real life support as I think you need to try to rationally deside what to do, but think your relationship will end which ever you choose sadly as one of you will be recentful no matter what.

But do not get an abortion if its not what YOU want, this is something only you can deside.

I think your choices are termination or going it alone. You are the only person that can make that choice but it really doesn't sound as if he'll be involved at all. Blocking you on watsapp is very childish. I'm sorry you're going through this OP

Don,tdo it unless you want to.

The top and bottom of it is he doesn’t want a baby with you.

You saying that you’re going to feel like ‘you’ve tapped him’ to me suggests you think he’ll stay with you only because of the baby. You may think that’s ok as long as he’s still with you?

I don’t think he will stay with you. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want a baby so it’s more than likely you’ll end up a single parent.

If you’re ok with that then that’s great. If you think he’ll change his mind once the baby is here I think is a risky tactic!

He sounds like a dick too!

Well we got together and I hadn’t had a partner in 6 years. I made him fully aware that I wasn’t on anything. I asked him to wear a condom and he refused he said that he would pull out. It’s very irresponsible of me and him both. So I don’t know why the pregnancy has come as such a shock for him. What is most frustrating is that he is blaming me for all of this

Unfortunately they don’t come with ‘I’m a dick across their four head’ which is a shame

Refusing to wear a condom is a pretty good sign.

This is advice I heard years ago, if you want avoid pregnancy 100%, practice abstinence. I say that as someone who had 7 children only 1 planned, the first one. In the end I was sterilised.

He's not going to support you in anyway and it's not his decision whether you have the baby either. Whatever you decide to do, it's up to you. There's support for both outcomes.

Sending you Hugs 🤗

Also why on earth did you have sex without protection and not even get the MAP

Why didn't you choose to use contraception? Did you want to get pregnant?

He should have used a condom but it doesn't sound like you took any responsibility either.

Do you want to have and raise another child?

I think this is a decision that you will have to make according to what YOU want, as both your family and your boyfriend will not get the emotional or physical fall out either way.
It would likely be quite a bind to be connected to this bloke via a child that he hasnt wanted from the start.
Did you want to get pregnant. Surely you noticed he didnt pull out.
It sounds to me like you arent that great at telling people what you want. If you didn t want to have sex without a condom, then how come you did?

How did you manage to get pregnant during lockdown to someone you don’t live with?

Well, your relationship is over one way or the other. There's no coming back from his twattery. Now, you choose what you want to do. Be a single mum of 1 or 2 children?

Firstly it's your body and your choice. If he didn't want more kids then he needs to learn to wrap it up. He doesn't get to choose what you do. He sounds vile. You do what works for you, not him.

So your partner took absolutely no responsibility himself for birth control, and now says he doesn't want another child because it isn't fair on his other children? Sounds like a real catch.
You absolutely do not have to terminate if you don't want to, but you need to have a real think about whether you can and want to bring up this child as a single parent as in all likelihood, that's what will happen. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but you need to consider whether you are happy and able to do that.
The other option of course is to terminate, but if you do, will the relationship survive anyway? You seem to understand that he is being a dick now so do you think you can get over that and move on together? If you're only having the termination for him, there's a reasonable chance you won't be able to go back to how things were before.

You are completely within your rights to terminate but if you do, please do it for you, not for him. Good luck

You should never have an abortion because that is what somebody else wants. The only person who has a right to make that decision is you.

If there is any part of you that wants the baby and is only considering an abortion because it's what he wants then you shouldn't have one.

The only people you have to consider is you and your daughter, what he or your family think doesn't matter.

I am continuously baffled by how little consideration people give contraception on here. If he refused to wear a condom he shouldn’t have been allowed within 50 feet of you.

A termination is an enormous decision, one that is not likely to leave you once you are no longer pregnant. Take the arsehole out of the equation and decide if you are prepared to go this alone. He will obviously have to provide financial support, even if he chooses to not be involved.
Whatever decision you make, I hope this is a lesson to you that sex without protection creates babies 🤦‍♀️