Please help I don’t know what to do.....

[Green19]

Hi, I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child, planned sort of but a bit of a Shock. Originally I was happy and decided to tell immediate friends and family at 6 weeks...I then started to get severe sickness which lasts all day and night and has done for a number of weeks now. I am now 8 weeks and can no longer deal with the sickness! I’ve been prescribed different anti sickness which don’t seem to make a difference! I can’t work, look after my daughter (3yrs) or focus on daily household tasks! It has got to a point where I’ve started thinking all sorts...another child, added pressures, making our house even smaller then it already feels, doing it all again, etc...I cannot go on feeling like this and being bed ridden and have therefore booked a consultation with Marie stopes for a termination...problem is I’ve told people....what do I do? What do I say??????? I want to do this- my partner is supportive of my decision as he can see what I’m going through but what will we tell people????????

Help!!!!

You need to be honest and tell people the truth I know it will be hard but it’s the only way. I think it would be totally the wrong thing to say you had a miscarriage or anything as people everyday are going through the trauma of having miscarriages or are unable to have children. Are you sure this is what you want I had HG with both pregnancies and it was tough yes but the hospital really helped and the drips. And once that little baby was born it was all forgotten and they were all that mattered. X

Hi I suppose your right, I’m not sure what I want to do...I ended up on a drip last night with anti sickness through the drip too and feel more human today and like I could possibly manage..just so scared of the sickness coming back!

I completely understand how hard it is. I struggled with both my pregnancies it was exhausting and I was so jealous of all the women I saw breezing through pregnancy. But the hospital drips do work and make it bare able. I understand how hard it is but please think about this seriously. Don’t not have this baby just cuz you feel rotten atm cuz soon as he/she is born that goes away and the happiness and love takes over. Just consider all your option and reasons xxx

I disagree with Justme completely. You definitely do not have to tell people that you have terminated. Something along the lines of ‘the pregnancy didn’t continue’ is fine.

I’m guessing Aloe6 you have never had a miscarriage then. I have and I would find it so disrespectful to say this when so many women genuinely loose their baby and are heart broken for life over the lose. My sister also struggled for years to have a baby and had 7 miscarriages and somebody to say they had a miscarriage because they didn’t want the baby is wrong. Just tell the truth and I plain your reasons and it’s your family they will understand and have YOUR best interests at heart.

My worry is that when OP found out she was pregnant she was excited and told her close friends and family. But the sickness has now put a dampener on that and is now considering an abortion. You are still only 8 weeks so in a few more weeks the sickness may pass and if not the drips will help. Xx

Marie Stopes or BPAS should be able to give you access to counselling. Have you had your booking in appointment yet? I think in your circumstances I would ask for a referral from the midwife to the antenatal mental health team so you can get additional support.

This is your life, go talk to the medical profession and decide from there.
If saying you lost the pregnancy is what you decide to tell people, then that is OK.
I know people will say you can't do that but as said this is your life, if your doing the best for the child you have then your being a good mum.

You don't have to tell anyone anything other than the pregnancy didn't continue. @Justmeandmyboys2517, stop projecting. This board is Pregnancy Choices. Not Guilt Someone into Continuing a Pregnancy They Don't Want.

@Justmeandmyboys2517 - sorry you've had a tough time but at no point did Aloe even mention miscarriage

I’ve had a miscarriage and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you telling people that’s what happened if you want to. Or use a neutral phrase like ‘the pregnancy didn’t continue’ if you’re more comfortable with that.

It sounds like you do need some counselling before you make a decision.

I completely understand why you feel the way you feel.

HG is the reason I have a large age gap between my children. If my second pregnancy had been as bad as my first sickness wise, I would be considering the same option as you.

You are not the only HG sufferer to feel this way. It is the worst fucking feeling in the world. I was constantly on drips, anti sickness meds and nothing worked.

talk everything through before you make a final decision.

Hi my last pregnancy was like this , I was hospitalised 3 times on a drip. It was horrendous I was constantly signed of work , looking after another child is very tough when you can't function. I'm so glad that I kept my baby when he was born it was all forgotten. I do remember saying to my husband around 12 weeks I wanted a termination as I couldn't cope he supported me either way. Good luck op it's is a horrendous time especially when some people. Don't even get nausea!

Please speak with a consultant at the hospital where you are having your drip. I had hyperemisis with both and spent a lot of my second pregnancy in hospital until my anti sickness medication was changed and I had two back to back, plus and iron infusion then iron tablets. I also know how debilitating hyperemisis is, my mum had to move in to help with my first as I was being so sick with my second. Once I had the right combination of drugs plus intervention I felt more human.

I definitely wouldn't tell the truth. You will absolutely be judged for it and you don't need that shit.

Just say that unfortunately the pregnancy wasn't viable but you'd rather not go into detail as it's upsetting for you.

Hi OP, what medication are you currently on ? I have myself been suffering terribly with sickness to the point I was lucky to drink 300ml a day and was admitted for dehydration tried 5/6 different tablets and combinations before we found the right one for me. I'm currently on cyclizine and ondansetron throughout each day and life is becoming bearable again. If the tablets aren't working don't be afraid to speak with doctors and trying different tablets. Also I used to be a massive water drinker but that makes me feel quite ill now so currently drink full fat lemonade and that has helped so much also. There is a HG group on here also, it's can help knowing your not alone x

I have had 2 miscarriages and a TFMR, If someone told me their pregnancy hadn't worked out or didn't go as planned it wouldn't upset me, and TBF noone but you and your husband would ever know really anyway.

Op I’m in almost the same situation, although not quite as bad as you.

We were trying for baby number 2, but then I decided I wasn’t ready. So we we’re being careful again for a good month or so.

But then I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. I started feeling really tired and sick so did a test and it was positive.

I didn’t want the baby, I didn’t want to be sick or tired, suffer with insomnia, have another child to look after, struggle financially, give up the freedom I felt I was just starting to get again as our dd is nearly 2, but DH really didn’t want me to terminate the pregnancy.

I’m not sure I ever really wanted that but I’m now on week 10, I’m sleeping better and the sickness is a more manageable and I’m starting to see things in a more positive light. I’m even a little excited for the scan in a couple of weeks.

Only you know what’s right for you, but don’t rush into anything. Take your time and decide what you truly want. The sickness will end eventually, if that’s the only thing stopping you. Other things can be worked out.

Also OPs situation has nothing to do with anyone else's miscarriage! That is not a reason to come clean to friends and family, who likely won't understand or be able to empathise.

Cyclizine and Promethazine was my combination- just had to google the name. That plus IV's, plus an iron infusion a week later I felt a bit better within two weeks. Whatever your decision, feel free to message me if I can help. Hyperemisis is utterly shit. I will never have a third because of it.

I got up and had a bath and still feel so weak, nauseas and fed up...I thought today it would all be gone but it’s not. I just can’t stop thinking about so many things...like ‘can I do a newborn all over again’ ‘do I want to give up freedom that I’m
Just getting back’ the thought of decorating a room for the baby...having to buy baby bits etc! I just don’t know if I want all this again...I thought I did but not sure if with the sickness it’s all just sinking in and making me realise that I just want to enjoy what I already have.....

OP I had a termination and already had a child. Granted it wasn't planned but it was still the right thing to do (for me). I also couldn't face doing it all again for a myriad of very valid reasons.

This is your life, your choice. It's undoubtedly being made harder because you have HG. But you don't have to continue with this if you don't want to.

I’ve had a telephone consultation with Marie stopes and I am going to an appointment tomorrow for bloods etc....at the moment everything is just outweighing anything positive....is anyone ever 100% sure on a termination....