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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Feeling extremely sad about pending abortion

36 replies

driftonby · 04/08/2019 16:13

I'm booked in for when I'm around 11 weeks and I'm feeling really sad about it today.

It's definitely the right decision for me and my current DC but it's hard none the less.

I'm studying in September with uni. DH is finally where he wants/needs to be career wise and there's lots of lovely holiday and fun time. I don't have to think all that much about money, although things will be slightly tighter once I'm at uni. Family have agreed to provide nighttime childcare for when I need it in September.

Amazingly this pregnancy hasn't given me HG sickness, and I have imagined them to be this sweet little thing (I know that's a bunch of crap and it's not a baby).

I was completely emotionally detached when I found out but I've really warmed to 'them' and now I feel quite sad it'll eventually have to end soon

Has anyone else been through similar? I know for certain I've made the right choice to end the pregnancy but I feel sad none the less.

OP posts:

Pannalash · 04/08/2019 16:16

You can change your mind

ourkidmolly · 04/08/2019 16:19

You don't sound certain. Be careful or you'll end up pregnant again in another 6 months.

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 16:21

Practically I can't change my mind. This is definitely for the best.

There's no way I'm putting my wants on hold or postponing my degree. It's just a sad decision

I wish I could fast forward 6 years and have this same pregnancy

OP posts:

Goodnightjude1 · 04/08/2019 16:25

I completely get where you’re coming from. I had an abortion at 10 weeks in May and it was the hardest decision of my life. It was the right decision for all of us but still so hard. Every month on that date I think about how far along i would have been...what me and OH would have bought, what names we’d have thought of etc. It’s not easy. But....having another child for us would have been too much. We have 6 already and although financially it wouldn’t have been a struggle, it would have changed our family dynamic so much that we couldn’t see how it would work.

Are you sure this is the right decision for you? What does your DH think?

Sending you hugs and 💐 from someone who completely gets how you feel xx

alislim · 04/08/2019 16:27

I had an abortion. Practically it was all for the right reasons. I'm still with my now husband and we have a nice life with a beautiful little boy. We talk about everything but for me that subject is something I can't talk about.
I often think about who they might have been and how old they would be...
sorry perhaps not helpful. Good luck x

SlinkyDogDash · 04/08/2019 16:29

Hi OP, I have had an abortion and I found it very sad too. It affected me quite a lot, I had to throw myself into working hard in my job, looking after my dc and a lot of distraction to get over it.

I hope yours goes ok and you feel ok, it's fine to be sad. Also if you change your mind that's ok too

pennypineapple · 04/08/2019 16:29

It sounds so hard OP. You sound like you're being quite hard on yourself for feeling any attachment to the pregnancy. I think it's ok to let yourself acknowledge that even though you feel this is the right thing to do overall you can still feel sad about what might have been.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 04/08/2019 16:32

It's okay to be sad. If you are confident and unwavering in your decision, let yourself be sad and grieve. With time, it will pass and you will move on.

Good luck.

opalescent · 04/08/2019 16:35

Its ok to be sad and still know you've made the right decision 💐

I've been there- it's a hugely personal process, but I knew before, during and after that it was the right decision. It didn't stop me feeling sad though.

Wishing you all the best,

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 16:36

Thank you for the lovey replies

Goodnight DH is keen for me to continue but supports my right to choice thankfully. Although he finds it quite sad but not because of ending the pregnancy. More so because he wants another DC anyway

OP posts:

CmdrCressidaDuck · 04/08/2019 16:42

I have a termination in my past for complex reasons. I was sad about it but not ultimately uncertain. I will always have a kernel of sadness about it, but I also still know I made the right choice - and that kernel doesn't dominate or affect my life. Sadness is normal - knowing it's the right choice doesn't mean feeling nothing but happy or relieved about a termination. Most of us feel a mix of emotions.

RedSheep73 · 04/08/2019 16:53

It's normal to feel sad. Even when you know you're making the right decision.

NancyJoan · 04/08/2019 16:56

It is sad, but the right decision often is. Lots of love.

LaurenSarah22 · 04/08/2019 17:03

This reply has been deleted

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Soola · 04/08/2019 17:05

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Soola · 04/08/2019 17:06

Scan

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 17:09

Qualifications, a career, money...wont make you happy like a baby will. Sorry but having had 2 miscarriages I think your making a massive mistake, and to think a week later you would see your little baby in a scan moving and kicking about..heartbreaking

Who's to say a new baby would make me happy? I've had 4 miscarriage, yet even before this pregnancy I never once stopped and thought abortion was a mistake for a woman who thinks it's the right decision for her. Not my body, not my concern.

It would already be moving about and kicking. That's just an emotive point.

I can assure you a degree I've always wanted to have, money and a fantastic life for my DC would indeed make me happy. I'm already very happy as it is too

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 04/08/2019 17:12

Im only commenting because youre making the decisin for practicalities. Otherwise i wouldnt say anything...

My friend had a suprise pregnancy when she was at uni part time in the evenings. She worked full time during the day. She took maternity leave from work. She went to a lecture at 9 months pg having twinges, gave birth tue day after, was back at uni two weeks later. Her dh had the baby on uni nights. She was on mat leave so hni was the only commitment she had and managed it fine, getting a first class honours.

Totally your choice, but just wanted to say unis are often accommodating of pregnant students, just in case that was the only reason x

Original poster

driftonby · 04/08/2019 17:12

Soola What relevance is that? I'm extremely happy for that particular OP and I hope she has a wonderful pregnancy and gorgeous baby at the end of it. I'm sure to her that is her baby and son it should be if that's what she feels.

OP posts:

ParanoidPinky · 04/08/2019 17:12

Soola and LaurenSarah22, get off your high horses and fuck off somewhere else. The Op has explained her circumstances and why it isn’t the right time. Why come on and read a post that is clearly about abortion then complain it is making you sad? Read another thread.

OP I’m sorry you have to make this choice. I’ve been where you are and it’s not easy. Ignore the people trying to make you feel guilty, they haven’t got a clue

Skittlenommer · 04/08/2019 17:14

How offensive! There is more to a woman’s life than children!! My qualifications, career and money make me plenty happy. A child would make me miserable! This is the right decision for OP, she’s allowed to feel sad about it without having people try to change her mind!

Soola · 04/08/2019 17:14

So why put yourself in a position to get pregnant in the first place if it’s something you and your partner absolutely do not want?

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 04/08/2019 17:14

Hi OP

We're going to move this thread over to pregnancy choices for you - we hope that's OK.

timshelthechoice · 04/08/2019 17:15

Please ignore the people trying to make you feel guilty about this! You're allowed to feel sad and to make what is the best decision for you.

ParanoidPinky · 04/08/2019 17:15

@Soola people have sex and get pregnant. That is life. No contraception is 100% and no one ever wants to be in this position. Why are you being so goady?

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