I regret my abortion. how soon can I be pregnant again?

[pleaseforgiveme]

I had my abortion at 13+ weeks, the heartbreak and guilt is crushing me. the reasons were a combination of circumstantial and also medical from my GP, with regard to my mental health (I suffer from depression). i'm nearly 27.

my partner has been nothing but supportive over it all but it has broken his heart too. we are grieving and mourning our baby.

the pregnancy was unplanned but I loved my baby as soon as I knew I was pregnant. and that is why I can't live with the guilt.

irrespective of my mental health I just want to have a baby and to be pregnant, i'll never forgive myself for what happened..I feel as though I listened to 'reason' when I should have listened to my heart.

Its been 4 days since my surgery. which to be honest was completely traumatising and I am haunted by it all. i'm trying to arrange counselling and seeking support from friends and my partner,

my question is how soon can I become pregnant again? I don't want to wait for my period, I just want to start trying.

if anyone relates, how soon did they get pregnant after a surgical abortion and how possible is it to fall pregnant quickly?

i am sorry if this comes across as insensitive. its not my intention at all.

x

You poor thing, I think you should let yourself grieve and work through your current emotions before falling pregnant again. It is so soon. I would imagine you would be able to get pregnant very quickly but I would encourage you to care of your emotions and devastation first.

Getting pregnant now would be the worst thing you can do. What you are feeling is common, but you had a termination for a reason. Those reasons have not changed in 4 days.

Getting pregnant will not replace the other baby. It may make you feel worse.

Get counselling asap before you start trying again.

I agree with the two previous posters. Wait a while, pleaseforgiveme, the reasons for you having the abortion are probably still valid. In a year or two things may be different.

For now, grieve for the one you lost, really look after yourself and heal. It's a sad business for both of you but things will get better, I promise.

thank you both :(

i can't stop crying, i can't eat, i can't sleep. my GP has gave me some sleeping tablets for now.. i feel as though the only possible way i can be happy is to be pregnant again, i understand i must be incredibly hormonal but i also feel so deadset on being pregnant. i just don't know how possible it is so soon.

re; counselling, i have a phone appointment next saturday...which seems like forever away. i'm so hesitant about posting online about my abortion because when i tried to do so anonoymously i got a lot of backlash and disgusting things said to me. and i get everyone has their own views/opinions on abortion, and i regret mine.

i don't really know where to seek support, my gp has is making me weekly appointments for now. i know its all so very raw still :(

OP These are all very common post surgical abortion feelings.

Are the reasons for the abortion still there if you were to get pregnant again immediately?

www.afterabortion.com/message.html

This forum is extremely supportive.

thank you for the forum, i'll have a look

Am so sorry op , I hope you can get some support.

@pleaseforgiveme I feel for you. I don’t think you should rush into getting pregnant again because in my experience (I work in a medical field) it will make the guilt worst. My advice would be to get into the best financial situation possible, with a stable living situation, and continue in your relationship with your partner. See psychiatry about your depression and establish a solid pregnancy friendly treatment plan, and then try again. This will be in the knowledge that you’re bringing this baby into the best circumstances and that the decision to terminate was for the best because it allowed you to give the next baby the BEST life you can.

Have your counselling, grieve for the baby you've lost. You should also have a discussion with your mental health team regarding things like medication (are you taking anything that could be dangerous in pregnancy for example?) and could your MH condition(s) be exacerbated in pregnancy and how they could support you through that.

The reasons for which you chose to terminate still valid. Work on getting over this, it'll help you be a better parent when the time is right

First of all hugs. Please let your body recover, 2-3 cycles ideally and start taking vitamins to boost your reserves. Approach your gp for a referral for specialist advice so you can be in the best position for pregnancy as far as your mental health and adjusting any medication

thanks everyone :(

i am going to try and work really hard on myself and also in continuing to improve circumstantial factors, make sure theres a safety net as such.

just...i just want to be pregnant again so, so badly. i've googled and there's various feedback to how soon you can ovulate again. so i'm not sure..

I've been in your position, or very similar. I got some help online on a forum and a bit of counselling and then became pregnant again and I think I needed that gap.

I did feel terrible after the surgery so I completely understand. Take care of yourself op and you did what was right at the time which is never something to feel bad about.

@ThisLittlePiggyWentTo thanks for your reply, it seems we have similar situations :(
I light a candle every night and apologise/say goodnight. i did try to speak to a medium but to be honest i think she was just a scammer, so i hung up.
i wish i had a time machine :'(

I got pregnant the cycle after a miscarriage with d&c and I miscarried again. Not worth the risk imo. I have no evidence of this but I'm sure my uterus wasn't ready to get pregnant again. It was rotten.
I really really counsel you to wait a while.

@pleaseforgiveme I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. I had a medical abortion and found the first few weeks after really hard. You will be very hormonal still and it takes time to get past that and process the trauma.

As pp said, the reasons for terminating are still true. I was advised by a counsellor to write a letter to the pregnancy, explaining and apologising. I felt crazy doing it and cried so much, but afterwards I did feel better for addressing the guilt.

Give yourself time and focus on improving your life and health, then when you're ready in the future you can plan another pregnancy.

Getting pregnant again is not going to help you right now. You need time to heal. You need time to change the things that made you decide to go ahead with it in the first place.
A new baby is not the fix right now it wouldn't be fair on you or then.
Heal first babies later. X

I think you'll feel worse if you get pregnant again soon. As pp said, at the moment, you know what you did was rational and made sense to you at the time with the information you had. If you get better, put yourself into better circumstances and then have another baby, you'll know that there was a reason for your abortion and that things are better for the new baby because of it. If you just get pregnant straight away, in the exact same circumstances you aborted the last baby in, the abortion was for nothing, iyswim?

Ever listened to the sunscreen song? It says, 'don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, and so are everybody else's.'

Be kind to yourself.

OP it's really OK to feel as you do. Nobody skips away from an abortion without a backward glance, whatever the reasons for doing it. You must have had some very real reasons for needing the abortion, for it not being right to have a baby just now. Those reasons for not having a baby can coexist alongside grief and sadness. Please don't feel guilty though. You made what you thought was the right decision in the circumstances. If you give it time you may again come to feel that it WAS the right decision, even thought it brought about a lot of heartache. Can you give yourself some space, and get yourself to a better place so that when you do decide to get pregnant again it's a positive decision and not just a rebound reaction to replace the baby you parted with selflessly because you knew you couldn't offer it the right sort of life just yet?

Hope you are both okay. Sending lots of love but my friend was in a similar situation and fell prevent soon after the abortion however couldn't bond/love her second baby because she was so in love with the aborted baby. She was living with all this guilt and thought falling pregnant would help and sort everything but it just made her feel so much worse.

Here are some other resources:

www.archtrust.org.uk/

Rachel’s vineyard is Catholic but all faiths and/or none are welcome:

www.rachelsvineyard.org.uk/

Everyone is different, not everyone bounces back quickly, they need support over a longer period of time and a chance to talk to other women and men who have made the decision for abortion. There is no “correct” way to process your experience, just because people tell you don’t feel guilty doesn’t help if guilt is one of the emotions you feel. Don’t let other people tell you your emotions are wrong.

For some people abortion is a traumatic event, for others it is not. If a woman experiences it as personally traumatic they should not be judged because of that.

Sending you lots of love, it's good to hear you have a supportive partner. Be kind to yourself.

@LittleMermaid1 advice about the letter is really helpful.

Your reasons are absolutely valid for ending this pregnancy, this time. It wasn't an easy decision for you, people on the internet spout a lot of comments which make it seem like it is, but I know it is not.

OP I really feel your pain as I felt exactly the same in March when I also made that heartbreaking decision. I was suffering with depression and there was many other reasons in making that decision including my partner who unlike yours was not support so I felt very alone when I was pregnant. I had the abortion at 12 weeks and It almost destroyed me I felt such deep grief and heartache and didn’t think it would ever lift! I had such a strong urge to replace what I had lost and I just felt completely empty and broken like you.

I do feel that hormones played a large part in that but an abortion can be very traumatic for some people and how you are feeling is very normal. I now feel a lot better in myself even though it still makes me very upset at times I feel I’ve had time to heal.

This video really helped me and I noticed you mentioned a medium so I think you might find some peace with this:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=nDpoeksTNSE

Take care of yourself things will feel better eventually although it really doesn’t feel like it now because I remember where you are but maybe it’s not the best idea to try replace so early I think it will cause you even more emotional pain but at the same time it is still your life so I hope you find some peace.