Can't decide if I should have an abortion

[Bohemianrhapsody17]

Hi,
I'm 31 and my partner is nearly 32.
I found out 4 days ago that I'm pregnant ( approx 4 weeks and unplanned). I have been with my partner for over 2 years and we are strong and stable within our relationship. We have previously discussed not wanting more children. I have tried to get sterilized 3 times....been refused 3 times. I asked him to get a vasectomy but he didn't get round to it.

I was on the pill and if I missed 1 (happened 3 times over 2 years pill has 3 hour window and i missed that time slot) we either didn't have sex or used condoms until my next period.
So I am confused how this has happened as the last time I missed the pill we took precautions then I had a period. So I know I didn't miss a pill! :(

We have 5 children between us. I have 2 (with 2 exs) and he has 3 with his ex. They are all aged between 12 and 4.

In our conversations I have always said I would terminate. But now I'm in this situation I'm not sure if I can. I already feel the maternal bond with our baby. And it's hard as it's our baby....the man who I love and adore more than anyone. But, I feel bad as I have said before I didn't want another baby.

He feels confused because of those previous conversations. He has said he'd support me whatever i decide. And if I choose to keep the baby he will come to terms with my decision and he will be ok. I'm scared he won't. I'm scared he'll resent me and the baby.

I suffer with depression, anxiety and PTSD from a previous relationship. So he's worried about my mental health especially if I have an abortion.
He doesnt think I'd cope.

I'm not sure I would either. But I'm not sure I could cope with starting all over again.

Feeling upset and confused :(

Hoping to find some advice from people who have been in similar situations xxx

Ps...sorry for long post

We're just moving this over to pregnancy choices for the OP.

Sorry to hear this OP. It's got to be a decision that you're happy with - it's your body.

Im in a similar situation in terms of unplanned pregnancy, though mine is with a man I was only dating and barely know. I'm also considering abortion and I know how hard it is. It's like all the hormones are conspiring to keep us wanting to be pregnant. Maybe try to imagine not being pregnant, how does that feel?

I hope you feel better soon and come to the right decision for you

Thank you. I can't imagine not being pregnant now. It's strange. From not wanting anymore children then to be in this situation and not feeling sure if I want to carry through with the pregnancy is confusing and super stressful.

I know what you mean about the hormones confusing us. It drives you crazy.

I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation and I hope that you are ok and you make the right decision for yourself also.

In my opinion it is not only a matter of hormonal confusion. There is still a lot of societal pressure around the concept of choice for women, and it would be strange if we were not impacted by that.

It is entirely your decision, whatever you decide . Try not to feel bad whatever you decide

I was in a similar position OP. I booked myself an appointment at the clinic and felt that gut feeling about my choice once it was time to go. Action may help swing your decision either way and you can always cancel those appointments or even change your mind once you’re there.

Please try not to feel pressure, trust your dp when he says he’ll support you, you’ll know if he’s genuine or not and most of all keep talking to him, it’s ultimately your choice but you’re in this together good luck

Thank you everyone for your support and advice ❤
We have decided to keep the baby.
I had made an appointment but I cancelled it as we decided that wasnt the right choice for us.
Thank you all.

Congratulations @Bohemianrhapsody17! I’m so glad you came to a decision

Congratulations to you both! How thrilling. 5 children will have a half sibling they are all related to. Fingers crossed for you and please keep us updated x x x

Thank you all for your kind comments. And yes I'll keep you updated 😊❤
We're waiting to tell the children until after the 12 week scan after we've made sure everything is ok. I know they'll be so excited xx