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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

**Trigger Warning - title edited by MHHQ** To ask for a hand hold please just for next few days

40 replies

BluePirates · 22/04/2019 16:22

Going to clinic tomorrow.
Unplanned 3rd pregnancy- due to various issues - finances, house move, mental health issues, no help etc we have decided it’s better to terminate this pregnancy.
We’ve been so stupid and should have been extra careful. I’ve been in tears everyday thinking how we could make it work but we can’t.
I feel horrendous- so guilty.
I don’t know what will happen tomorrow as not sure if I’m under 10 weeks or not so might be able to have the tablet or have to wait for surgical. I’m already showing but no one has called me out yet.
I know it’s completely my/our fault I’m in this situation but I could do with some support will be on my own tomorrow and no one in the world apart from Dh knows what’s happening. I will have to carry on as normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
BluePirates · 22/04/2019 16:26

Have name changed fr obvious reasons

OP posts:
TrixieFranklin · 22/04/2019 16:26

Oh I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Is your husband supportive? Can you lean on him?

Ffswtf · 22/04/2019 16:29

Oh I'm so sorry @Blue no experience I'm afraid but here to listen Flowers

Sparklesocks · 22/04/2019 16:32

Thinking of you and sending support Flowers

Janek · 22/04/2019 16:44

What a nightmare, you poor, poor thing.

Original poster
BluePirates · 22/04/2019 16:49

Thank you I’m so scared I have to get through tomorrow and then the next few days we are due to move house and area within the next few weeks. I’m like a robot during the day atm going through motions but break down in bed at night.

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 22/04/2019 16:57

I’ve been there, OP. The staff at the clinic will put your mind at rest. They are lovely and help women all the time. It’s just one of those things that you need to do.
The surgical procedure was over for me very quickly with not much pain. The tablet will be a longer process at home. I haven’t experienced the medical abortion, just the surgical one.
It sounds like you aren’t very far along, honestly, you won’t be hurting the embryo, women have miscarriages at this stage and there’s not much to see when it comes out to be graphic. You are doing the best that you can for you and your family. The shock of an unwanted pregnancy and the waiting to end it are the hardest part. No one will hand you sack cloth and ashes to wear at the clinic. Go easy on yourself, this too will pass xxx

SecretWitch · 22/04/2019 17:05

The waiting is the hardest, isn’t it? A surgical abortion will be completed very quickly. You may have some cramping after but should be managed very well with over the counter medication. Make sure you have towels at home as you won’t be able to wear tampons.

Plan a day or two of rest, if you can. You will most likely feel fine but It would be nice if you could nap, watch films or read when you want.

Sending hugs from an internet stranger who has been there💐

LittleMissHappy19 · 22/04/2019 17:22

I have been there, but I had to have a surgical abortion due to not realising until it was later on, and I had medical complications meaning I couldn't carry a baby that time..so I didn't have a choice.

You don't have a choice either though, you are not in the right place or state of mind to have a baby. Which is absolutely fine!!

Everything will be fine, whether it's the tablet or surgical..

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!

You are making 100% the right, sensible, mature decision for you.

The wrong to decision would be to keep it, when you don't feel ready or able at all!! That would be asking for disaster!

Abortions are still not talked about enough, women keep it to themselves, scared they will be judged. You don't have to explain yourself. Things happen! That's life! Women should be able to speak more openly about it..

Sending hugs, you will be absolutely fine. And being very sensible under the circumstances xx

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2019 17:36

I am sorry OP. It is a very hard situation be kind to yourself. Flowers
I really don't mean to be the one to say but I think you need a trigger warning pm this thread.

Original poster
BluePirates · 22/04/2019 18:56

Have reported for trigger warning in title- hadn’t thought tbh.
Trying to get sorted for tomorrow I hope it does happen tomorrow this build up of nerves is unbearable I feel like I’m on the edge of a panic attack today. Will have to ring in sick tomorrow as due in office at 8.30 :(

OP posts:
mabelsgarden · 22/04/2019 19:30

Sorry you're going through this love. Flowers

It's for the best I'm sure........... I am sending big hugs to you!

**Trigger Warning - title edited by MHHQ** To ask for a hand hold please just for next few days
Original poster
BluePirates · 22/04/2019 20:14

It’s just so hard. I feel so alone. I know it’s for the best but my heart hurts.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 22/04/2019 20:17

So so tough BluePirates - it’s the right decision but a hard one Flowers Sending strength to you.

Just know that there’s a silent network of women all over the country who send support.

Original poster
BluePirates · 22/04/2019 22:07

Can’t stop crying tonight wish this had never happened I’m too old to make these kind of fuck ups.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2019 22:22
Flowers
ncadx · 23/04/2019 03:01

So sorry you are going through this OP

Are you sure this is the right decision for you? I can’t help but think if you are so emotional before going ahead then this may really effect your mental health long term.

If you are 10 weeks you still have time to decide, does the clinic offer any counselling services? I think you would really benefit from this before going ahead.

I hope all goes well for you today Flowers

Raspberrytruffle · 23/04/2019 03:55

Here is a huge hug, a hand hold, a naice big slice of cake to go with it, you are a strong woman op and I'm absolutely heartbroken for you. Please dont blame yourself op Flowers Cake Wine

Original poster
BluePirates · 23/04/2019 06:10

Thanks all I’m calm after sleeping now. If the decision was with my heart then I would talk myself out of this but with my head we cannot cope right now. So many changes in our lives right now and we need to be sorted financially asap. It’s not an option for me to carry on.

OP posts:
jackstini · 23/04/2019 06:28

Hand holding for you this morning and glad you slept

Horrible situation to be in but just know that you have virtual support today Thanks

GinUnicorn · 23/04/2019 06:30

I hope you are okay. Please don’t feel guilty for your decision- you know what is right for you.

Just sending a hand hold and support Flowers

Original poster
BluePirates · 23/04/2019 08:16

Thank you.
Called in sick to work so that’s something done.
Will set off shortly.

OP posts:
surrealreal · 23/04/2019 08:19

Good luck today blue. My appointment is tomorrow :(

Original poster
BluePirates · 23/04/2019 08:29

Oh surreal hope the waiting isn’t too difficult today for you yesterday I was so edgy the whole time today I feel more resolute and want it all over xx

OP posts:
surrealreal · 23/04/2019 08:31

That's how I feel, need it over. I know it needs to be done despite how I feel and I'm fixed on it. I've got a strange worry I'll be spotted and 'found out' but that's me being silly.
I hope it goes smoothly for you x