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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Unsure who the dad is

36 replies

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 18:42

Ok so this might be long so bear with me. I've been an idiot and now I'm pregnant and unsure who the father is. I split with my ex who I have a child with a few months ago for various reasons. On day 22 of my cycle, 1st Feb I slept with someone else, unprotected but he pulled out. On day 24 I slept with my ex also unprotected but he did not pull out. I got a positive clear blue test on February 10th the day after my period was due. The test said 1-2 weeks. I took another test today and it said 2-3 weeks and as it would be 2 weeks tomorrow that I slept with the other guy I'm freaking out that the baby might be his. I know that no one can tell me definitively whose it is but I'm unsure how reliable these dating tests are. I've booked to have a pre natal paternity test but will have to wait till April to have it done and by then I will obviously be much further on.

OP posts:

TheVanguardSix · 14/02/2019 18:47

I'd imagine your ex, to be honest, since he finished the job, so to speak. It's tricky because both times are so close together, the 22nd and 24th. But my money's on your ex.
Still, it's wise to get the paternity test. Good luck with the outcome of it all. It's a tough place you're in, so I hope things will get better for you and that you can enjoy your pregnancy with peace of mind.

ClashQueen · 14/02/2019 18:48

Sperm can live in a woman's body for up to 5 days, so any dating info you come up with isn't going to be definitive. It's more likely to be the second partners' but that is my no means definite. You basically have an equal chance of guessing at this point.

viques · 14/02/2019 18:57

I had never heard of a pre natal pregnancy test so googled. According to the NHS site I looked at the test sounds very invasive and carries a risk of miscarriage, and also , legally, has to have the consent of all the people involved, how are you going to approach this with them?

Are you going to continue with the pregnancy whatever the result? if you are wouldn't it be better to stay as you are now, ie single, and deal with the issue of paternity after the baby arrives?

2019Dancerz · 14/02/2019 18:58

Do you ovulate quite late? I would have been surprised to get pg so late in a cycle - you have what, a 30 day cycle? So needed to ovulate somewhere between day 21 and 25?

Original poster

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 18:58

Thank you for your replies, I wasn't sure how accurate those tests were. I suppose there is no way of knowing for sure. I have a scan booked for beginning of March and am wondering if they'll be able to shed anymore light on the situation.

OP posts:

2019Dancerz · 14/02/2019 19:00

Vicques I googled too but the first result I got was for a risk free (as uses maternal blood) test useable from 8 weeks pg.

Original poster

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 19:00

I don't know when I ovulated, I was also surprised to fall pregnant so late in my cycle, that is partly why I was less careful, although obviously that is no excuse. I would not be keeping the baby if it was not my ex partners. The pre natal test I'm looking at is done via blood test from me and swab from my ex. He is aware of the situation

OP posts:

importantkath · 14/02/2019 19:02

As they are so close together, there is no way of knowing.

viques · 14/02/2019 19:02

2019, I saw that site, thought it looke iffy so looked for a reliable site!

NotHeightyButMighty · 14/02/2019 19:05

Everyone is different but for 4 months I done pull out as birth control then the first time he didn't pull out I became pregnant (this was planned and I was using ovulation tests and a fertility tracking app so I knew what was what). Since having my baby I have used the same method as above successfully for 3 months. I'd guess it's your ex's but there's a chance so you would have to have the tests done I'd say, to be certain.

2019Dancerz · 14/02/2019 19:09

Reading more, tests before ten weeks don’t seem very reliable - nor tests that are cheap (under a grand!). The invasive test is a cvs which a lot of people have to test for genetic abnormalities. It does carry a risk of mc.
I wouldn’t like to wait till 10 weeks + to decide whether to terminate or not.

scaredofthecity · 14/02/2019 19:14

Did you have sex at any other time that month? You either got a bfp 7 or 9 days after sex, which seems very early (especially 7 days)

Pre cum babies definately happen. I think only some men secrete sperm in pre-ejaculate, so it's not possible for all.

I hope you get the answer you want

Original poster

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 19:17

Yeah the test I'm getting will be when I'm around 10 weeks and yes it was very expensive but I can't continue not knowing. I did have sex with my ex about a week before the other guy but he pulled out. I know it's obviously not a great contraception method but I had been using pull out with my ex and not fallen pregnant. I just don't trust this other guy enough to know that he definitely pulled out in time

OP posts:

Original poster

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 19:18

I don't want to terminate that far on but would really like to keep the baby if it is my exes

OP posts:

HalfBloodPrincess · 14/02/2019 19:19

Have I got this right -

Other man 1st feb
Ex 3rd feb
Positive pregnancy test 10th feb

When was your last period?
Did you sleep with anyone else before the other man?

I think it’s highly unlikely to be from the sex you had on the 3rd of feb, especially if the pregnancy was picked up on a digital test. That’s only 7 days.

HalfBloodPrincess · 14/02/2019 19:19

X posted ignore me.

Kittykat93 · 14/02/2019 19:29

How come the result will determine if you terminate or not? I understand you're in a very difficult position, but surely you either want another baby or you don't.

SinkGirl · 14/02/2019 19:34

Much more likely to have been conceived the week before when you slept with your ex - highly unlikely to get a positive digital test a week after conception IMO, they require a much higher level of hormone. Even early response tests may struggle within 7 days of conception.

Of course there’s no way to know for sure from a scan or any means besides paternity testing when it’s so close together.

scaredofthecity · 14/02/2019 19:37

With those date it's far more likely to be the result of the earlier sex with your ex. Even if he thinks he didn't cum.

Sperm can last for a while but eggs don't last long at all. You would have had to ovulate really late, which is not impossible but unlikely.

Original poster

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 19:40

I want the baby but not if it's the other man's, he's been quite nasty about the situation and has since revealed he has a pregnant girlfriend. So he would not want to be involved at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whenwillitstop1 · 14/02/2019 19:41

I just thought since the first test said one to two weeks that that meant since conception and thought it was most likely to be from the sex on the 3rd when my ex didn't pull out

OP posts:

scaredofthecity · 14/02/2019 19:56

They are not very accurate, or sensitive and don't tend to pick up very early pregnancy at all. I've not heard of someone getting a bfp only a week after conception.

There's no way to know for sure though.

Alwaysthesun · 14/02/2019 20:09

It would be very unusual to get pregnant so late in your cycle. Obviously no way to know right now, but my money is on your ex the week before - not the two later times you mention in your first post. The first time with your ex would actually be around when most women ovulate x

2019Dancerz · 14/02/2019 21:10

So you had sex around the time most women ovulate? Seems pretty clear to me!
I hope you get the result you want. But what other than anxiety and uncertainty do you think comes from unprotected sex? Seems a strange way to go about things.

2019Dancerz · 14/02/2019 21:22

Sorry OP I know that sounds judgy and I really do wish you all the best, you just aren’t very clued up on your fertility to do this and not even register the earlier time when in all likelihood you conceived! Maybe your ex would be happy with the baby either way.

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