Are you done having kids? How did you know?

[cherrylola]

I have two sons, 2 and 4. I honestly think I must have thought about having a third more or less everyday since my youngest was born BUT I really have struggled through every single stage, from breastfeeding, PND and anxiety, a traumatic birth (and a wonderful home birth), sibling rivalry, seriously challenging behaviour, no time for self care at all, relationship counselling, the list goes on and on. So even if practically it didn't seem like such a leap (bigger house/car/childcare bill) this is what puts me off. My other half feels the same (stress levels have been high while having babies) and maintains that he is happy with two, although I know he would agree to a third if I said it was important. I can't shake the thought that I want another, but I'm scared too! How did you know you were done? Will this feeling eventually fade away (it hasn't reduced yet). I feel if we left it too much longer to make a decision the gap would widen too far with their siblings but the 2.5 year gap we had was also so so hard.

Mine are almost 3 and 5. I couldn’t cope with another. Wouldn’t be able to afford the lifestyle we want with a third. I want to be able to manage with them when my husband was at work and I couldn’t cope. I want to do nice things with the children I have not be tied down to having a baby again.
Also I had HG both times and was too ill to look after myself never mind two children!
That’s how we know.

i dont know, i just really dont want another and wouldnt cope. I barely cope with the ones ive got.

I can no longer take the sound of a baby shrieking. I just can’t.

So I am done.

I have two and I love them and that’s enough for me.

I felt exactly like this, id always thought I'd have 3 and obsessed about it! In the end we tried and decided to 'See what happens'....well nothing happened! must be almost 18 months of no contraception and not a sniff of pregnancy here. So that's that I guess. To be honest at this stage the kids are 4 and 6, life is easier in so many ways I'm not sure i'd cope mentally...i need my own space (and I'm finally getting it and back working in a job I enjoy) its a little said to think that's it and I imagine till I go through menopause I'll still wonder! Friends are having first babies at the mo and I'm hoping I'll be happy for them without any jealousy, I'm not brilliant at the baby stage and I wouldn't want as big an age gap as if now have (well unless I had four so they all had a play mate!)

Decision has been made for me, maybe try if you think you'll regret not.

I always knew number 4 would be my last, I think you just have that feeling that you have finished your family.

I now have just the right amount of chaos in my life. There wasn't enough before. But now it's just the right amount. When my last DC was born I fantasized about another daily. And then it disappeared, almost overnight.

We have 3 and I just knew when I was pregnant that it was my last, DH had a vasectomy when dc3 was 4 months old just in case I changed my mind.
When he was 1 I was convinced that we’d made a huge mistake, but I came through that feeling and now they’re older 11, 9 and 7 I know that we made the right decision for us. 4 would be too much and too expensive.

I am finding it hella hard with a 22mo DD and a 10w DS but I know I’m not done.

This is enhanced by the fact DD just grew out of a tonne of sleepsuits and I breathed a sigh of relief when DH mentioned putting them in the loft and not to the charity shop.

Having two nippers in rapid succession is hard though. I wanted four with 20month gaps between each one: no WAY is DS getting a sibling this side of 2020.

I hear you very keenly re the MH issues; mine was terrible after DD and has been tested hard with (a sporadically ill) DS. Every single day I fear my babies will die in their sleep. That’s not normal, is it?

But I feel that I have to bear the mental down side to achieve my goal of having a large happy family of wonderful children who regardless of what they do with their lives will hopefully be happy, and enjoy the company of Mum and Dad and their siblings.

That’s just me. Your circumstances may dictate that it’s time to close the shop. But if you and DH are on the same one after counselling that’s a very positive thing. X

WineGummyBear that's good to know the feeling vanished for you. I do keep waiting for it to happen. I hope it will really, because two is manageable (just about!) for us, another would certainly be challenging in many ways. Despite being fully aware of that it's like I have an ache inside me, and I don't feel our family is complete.

I thought about dc3 until dc2 was about 18 months and now we are in the thick of terrible 2's I know honestly I'm done.

I would be devasted to fall pregnant now.

I have 2, 4 and 2. DH would like another, im struggling to make a decision. Both of mine were awful sleepers (DD1 didn’t sleep through until 3.5) and I struggled with BF-ing. I don’t want another baby, but I desperately want another child/member of our family. So I don’t feel ‘done’ but I can’t make a decision to have another!
We have a big enough house, savings etc, I’m just struggling to think past those first 2 years.

I've got 5. Really enjoyed the last pregnancy. Loved having a baby again. Fully open to the idea of more. Until when she was around 18 months old and I was with a newborn baby that started crying. There was nothing. No reaction from me. I didn't need to cuddle it. I didn't want to help it feel better. There was just nothing. So that's how I knew. I am done!

I have 2 and am definitely done, I'm ready to enjoy watching them grow up without the pressure of pregnancy, birth and another new born stage.

It's different for everyone though. If had another one it would financially cripple us- new house, new car, I would need to be a sahm

I'm desperate to go back to work this time as well and couldn't handle another year being off

Chien - I am in exactly the same situation. Two terrible sleepers, and physically I am exhausted. However I don’t feel my family is complete and now the youngest is 2, I am starting to look longingly at babies. But I just don’t know if I can deal with another 1 - 2 years of sleep deprivation.

Plus, as pp said, my husband travels a lot and with two I can manage just fine on my own. Add a baby into the mix and it is harder to imagine coping alone. And if I stop now I can get my career back on track.

But all that said: I just don’t feel “done”

Would you be able to be the mother/partner you want to be, with another baby in the mix? What if you went for it and it was twins? Or a child with additional needs? Do you think your family would benefit from having another person in it?

I don’t mean to sound doom and gloom but it sounds like you have been through a hell of a lot already. Is it worth adding years more stress and struggling? Why not just enjoy the family you have?

My DC are 5 and 7 and life is just starting to get easier. The thought of going through the relentless baby and toddler years again is appalling TBH. So I’m well and truly done!

A combination of things really, my age, the upset a baby would bring into our lives right now, money, space, time etc.

I have 2 DC, one of 5 years the other 5 weeks.

I'm constantly thinking about having a third since our last was born even though before the birth I thought I'd only want 2.

Not mentioned it to DH yet.... I'll maybe wait until this one sleeps through

No guarantees as needed clomid for our 2nd and age isn't on our side but I really don't want to regret not trying.

After two I knew I wanted another one. As soon as I got pregnant with the third I knew that was it, and i never got broody again after I had him. Three is perfect for me, four would've broken me.

I have 3 dc all boys and 2 have sen. They are 13, 4 and 3. When the 4 year old started having development issues and the 1e year already diagnosed with autism. We knew we had enough on our plate (we had already had the 3 year old).
Also the fact my body struggled with the last pregnancy I really wouldn't want to take the risk again. My body told me enough.

I knew once we had our 2nd. I have found two a lot harder than having another one if that makes sense! No way on earth I want to go through the first 9 months again. Ever!

For a long time I couldn't face another mostly due to MH. DS was an easy baby and DH is very hands on.
Then I realised that I desperately wanted DS to have a sibling. Now we're hit with secondary infertility and it makes me sad. Even if you don't feel you're done, you actually might be.
Sorry not trying to derail but worth bearing in mind

I knew once I had given birth.I adore my ds 4 but after a traumatic 2 day induced labour and a stressful pregnancy I knew I wouldn't do it again

Pregnancy with my second child was too hard physically and I wouldn't be able to do school runs. Also I think too great a gap between eldest and youngest (would be 9 years) and would affect DS detrimentally as a result.

I'm done. I was so broody for years after having DS1 and always wanted 3 children at least, but couldn't afford more for a while. Then as soon as DS2 arrived 6.5 years later, it was like a switch flicked and I just knew I wasn't having more and was very happy with that. That sounds awful as if DS2 put me off! It wasn't like that at all though.

Quite glad I hadn't known he'd be the last while I was pregnant or I'd have felt a bit sad that it was the last time I was going to go through all that, but I never felt sad as DS2 grew that I wouldn't experience the baby days again.