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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

My partner wants me to have an abortion and my daughter does not want a sibling!

32 replies

Saminsachs · 22/12/2017 08:01

Hello :)

I've just found out that I'm roughly 8 weeks pregnant, with my second child. My daughter is 8 years old.

My partner is completely against it and is urging me to have an abortion. My daughter has big problems with jealousy...she does not like me showing any affection towards her father, or anybody else for that matter and is very afraid that I would love someone else more than her.

I've tested the water a bit with my daughter, bringing up the idea of having a sibling, and she has got so upset and made me promise that I wouldn't have another baby, which I obviously couldn't and tried to explain that sometimes these things happen, but she got so upset and didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I do not want an abortion. I am a bit of a believer that things happen for a reason and I've had a really difficult few years and I see this as something promising and hopeful. I'm scared, but also a little bit excited. But there is no-one to share in my excitement, only negativity.

I haven't broken the news to my daughter yet about the baby. And I haven't told my partner that I 100% do not want an abortion - he thinks that I am still undecided.

Any advice would be so much appreciated, thank you :)

OP posts:
misslost · 22/12/2017 11:10

Do not have a termination for anyone else. What's going to happen in a few years time, when your daughter is a teenager doing her own thing, without much interest in you anymore. A termination is not something to be taken lightly. Think about yourself, your feelings and want you want, its your mind and your body, you owe nothing to anyone.

specialsubject · 22/12/2017 13:32

Looks like game over with your 'partner' - remind him he will still be paying. Your daughter doesn't get to decide but that jealousy needs help.

However - can you support two children on your own? Housing? Cash? The first few years?

Original poster
Saminsachs · 22/12/2017 15:22

Thank you for the replies, appreciated!

Yes, I can support two children - not easily, but I can manage.

The jealousy definitely needs help, you're right.

Thanks a lot :)

OP posts:
specialsubject · 22/12/2017 16:43

The very best to you in whatever you decide.

LexieLulu · 22/12/2017 16:51

My son was all for me.. but they do come round.

He's a bit bratty at times thinks everything is his and not his sisters. Not the end of the world, I just have to correct him lots.

And he thinks mummy is his and daddies is his sisters Grin

Anyway... please don't have an abortion. You'll hate yourself if you've done it when you don't want to xxx

MadameJosephine · 22/12/2017 16:54

You can’t have an abortion just to keep them happy. The decision is yours and yours alone. Sounds like you are happy to be pregnant so congratulations 💐

supersop60 · 22/12/2017 16:55

I shall echo a pp - don't have a termination to suit anyone else. My DD was 3 when I found I was pg for the second time and was quite clingy. My DP did not want me to have the baby, and as I was older (43) and we struggled for money, I reluctantly agreed to a termination. In the end, I changed my mind, right at the very last minute (ie in the clinic with the robe on, about to have pre meds) having sobbed my way through all the examinations.
My DP had no choice, and all I felt was enormous relief, and now have a strapping 14 yr old.
Please think about yourself first and foremost, and if necessary get help for your daughter's jealousy.

cheesypastatonight · 22/12/2017 16:56

Seriously? You don't let an 8 year old decide whether to terminate a baby or not.

Mummyontherun86 · 22/12/2017 17:03

Please don’t let your daughter’s opinion have any weight. It would be awful for her to carry that kind of responsibility, if it ever came out.

Enjoy the baby. Hopefully your partner will come around.

Leviticus · 22/12/2017 17:17

Your DD has no idea what it would be like to have a sibling and PP are right, you mustn't give her any responsibility in this decision.

I think your DP would have a say in whether you have another child together if you weren't already pregnant but this is your call and you know what you want.

It will all be fine. Congratulations.

Original poster
Saminsachs · 23/12/2017 09:05

Just an update...I told him last night that I did not want an abortion and he went mad and we had such a huge row...he said that I was selfish and said how much it would affect him,his life/career etc. He's really angry. And obviously I wouldn't let an 8 year old decide...it's just another negative. I'll tell my daughter after my second scan,which is on the 5th January. My partner wants to tell her now and is threatening it,but I've been adamant and pleaded that we'll tell her together. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
cakeymccakington · 23/12/2017 09:08

Your partner is being awful. How dare he threaten to tell your daughter and use her as a pawn in his emotional blackmail.
Absolutely horrid behaviour.

debbs77 · 23/12/2017 09:08

Kick him out. What a tosser!!!!!

Anasnake · 23/12/2017 09:10

Get rid of him now !

L0V3 · 23/12/2017 09:14

He sounds like a prize. Threatening to tell your DD....what is an 8 year old gonna do? Confused. I'd be telling him to leave if he can't be helpful and supportive. If he didn't want more children maybe be should have gotten the snip? Hmm
Good Luck OP. Flowers My two have a 5 year gap between. My DD wasn't filled with happiness and delight at first when she found out about her brother but she learned fast that he wasn't going anywhere.

specialsubject · 23/12/2017 09:51

He doesn't want the baby and needs to go. If he didn't want a baby that much he should have checked for doubled up contraception.

You will be a single parent. Might as well start now...

Chocolate254 · 23/12/2017 09:57

Absolutely do not get rid of your baby if you want to keep it, You will forever regret it.
Good luck op

MrsPringles · 23/12/2017 11:13

Good luck op. Agree that the 8yr absolutely gets no say and it’s tough but she does need help with the jealously thing.

Your DH sounds like a bit of a prick tbh, and if he tells her, what’s the worse than can happen? She’ll need to know ultimately, I just hope for her sake, he does it sympathetically to her with you both rather than in a way to spite you and hurting her

timeisnotaline · 23/12/2017 11:22

I think your daughter could do with a sibling actually - a good lesson as soon as possible that she isn’t the only person that matters in the universe! Your partner is being very childish.

Original poster
Saminsachs · 23/12/2017 17:12

Thank you - you're right, maybe a sibling would do her good.

My partner is giving me the silent treatment - all he's said to me today is that I have a double chin.

Should be a fun Christmas!

I'm just going to concentrate on my daughter, and giving her a wonderful Christmas.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 23/12/2017 17:18

Tell him to get lost. Sulking is for the playground, so he can go sleep there.

Viviennemary · 23/12/2017 17:20

I certainly wouldn't take into consideration the views of an eight year old thinking she doesn't want a sibling. And doesn't look like you will. Very sensible. I agree she'll be absolutely delighted with a baby brother or sister. Your partner is awful with his negativity. And certainly don't go ahead with anything you don't want to do to please others.

BewareOfDragons · 23/12/2017 17:22

Your partner is a horrible, abusive twat.

The silent treatment is abuse, emotional abuse.

If you want the baby, please have the baby. And prepare yourself to go it alone. Anyone who would insist you have an abortion, rage when you refuse, threaten to involve a child in the disagreement, and then abuse you by not talking to you, doesn't deserves to stay in the family home.

If he truly didn't want another child, then he should have taken serious steps to ensure it didn't happen

Your DD will adjust. You will be fine. But I would dump the twat.

pollythedolly · 23/12/2017 17:22

Congratulations OP!

Di you want to stay with this man though?

Starlight2345 · 23/12/2017 17:27

Is your Dd his ? I would be furious if my dp treated me like that .