I'm not sure if this is allowed here, but here I go. So I've just found out I'm pregnant. I'm kind of horrified but also confused. I'm only 20, in uni and living my own mother.
First of, I've been drinking, taking heavy drugs, and opiates for the past few months. I had an appointment with my GP yesterday that was completely irrelevant to all of his. But lately things haven't been right - I've felt sick each morning, very sensitive to alcohol (I'd be on my back after just a few glasses of wine), constantly tired and had a horrid aversion to coffee, plus I couldn't remember when I last had a period and I had begun to get sore breats, which I never get during PMS.
So, the test was positive and I screaming the surgeons down. I had a consultation booked for an abortion just 30 minutes later. I've always been SO certain that I never want children (even branded myself as a complete anti natalist). So once the check up was booked, I downed a huge amount of opiates. I've now woken up with severe stomach cramps and even sorer breats feeling more nauseous than ever. I'm scared I've killed my little baby before I even had chance to really think this throug. I'm terrified.
I don't think it'd be fair for me to bring a child into this world. I'm in uni, rely on my student grants and living with mum. The father and I have a very on/off volitie relationship and would not want me to keep this unless it was too late. He has his own two children and says he's had enough. Plus he's between jobs constantly, an alcohol and living in a van. All a big no no.
Despite all of this I'm so confused and terrified my previous habits have destroyed even my choice.