Termination - Please don't be quick to judge

[Mrspotatohead18]

hello, this is my first post on here.
I am aware MN is a platform for every kind of subject there is, and I'm also aware that this post may be seen as insensitive to some ladies who are going through MC/ struggling to conceive, so I do sincerely apologise.

I found out around a week ago that I am pregnant, (estimated 5wks ish) I wasn't planning a baby nor was i being purposefully careless. I won't go into the ins and outs of why I have ended up in this situation but I do ask you not to jump the gun and think I'm silly and using termination as a form of contraception as that's certainly not the case.

I'm not a child, I'm in my mid 20s and have a good job etc. I've been in a very volatile relationship for two years, which ended just prior to me finding out about the pregnancy. We've spoken and both have decided it's in our best interest and that of what we've created that we don't carry on with the pregnancy. I'm sure of my decision yet it's affecting me emotionally. I'm scared of how I'm going to feel and what the experience is going to do to me as a person. I have my first consultation tomorrow - has anyone been through this, someone that can give me a little insight?
Again I am sorry for the upset this may cause some MNrs, but I really need somebody to talk with.

Thanks so much

I hope you don't mind, but I've reported your post to ask for it to mine moved to to 'pregnancy choices' topic where it is much more likely to be seem by posters with the experience/expertise to help.

(This topic is family planning as in contraception)

Yes that is fine. Apologies it's in the wrong section, there are so many I wasn't sure which one to post in

Hi Mrspotatohead18

Would you like us to move this thread to pregnancy choices?

yes please Lorna that would be brilliant thankyou!

No one will judge you. Many women have abortions. Teenagers and 40 something's, married and single. The only important thing is that you make the right choice for you.

I don't think you'll receive nearly as much judgement as you think. Your choices are just that. Choices. And as you've said, you know you're making the best one for you and your situation.

That being said, just because you've thought about it and it's the best decision for you, doesn't mean that you aren't going to struggle or find it upsetting. It's natural to feel that way so please go easy on yourself.

I just want to add, please remember that if you need to grieve, it's ok to. You should do whatever makes this easiest. Some women are able to have a termination, walk away and rarely think about it afterwards. Some women need to go through a process of grief. Just remember you are allowed to deal with this any way you choose.

Whatever decision you make will be the right one.

I say that as someone who had a termination very early into the relationship with my now dh. I then had a miscarriage and then had ds.

We genuinely did make the right decision at the time of the termination. I adore the family I have now and it would have been very different had we made different choices. Maybe better maybe worse but definitely different.

Be kind to yourself. It is a big decision but ultimately, that's all it is - a decision. You will have times when you feel bad and times when you don't but whatever you decide is right.

There are worse things than deciding the time isn't right to have a baby.

It is your choice but not your fault (whatever you decide).

Thankyou all so much for you kind words. I think a lot of it is the unknown that terrifies me - not knowing if I will be sad/relieved/full of regret. And also the actual process, I have read what it entails but obviously can't 'know' until i experience it myself.

Your responses however small are very much appreciated

I've recently had a termination. I found the waiting beforehand and that 'unknown' bit worse than the actual event and how I feel afterwards. It also feels a very lonely process although the staff where I had mine done were so lovely and kind which really helped. Happy to answer any questions and hope your first consultation goes OK.

I had an early termination many years ago and it was definitely the right decision. That's not to say it's an easy decision as it isn't. Make use of the counselling service- they're not there to talk you out of it, just help.

If there's anything specific I can help with please let me know.