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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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I am having a termination next week and I'm sad and scared

26 replies

sweetiepie1979 · 05/10/2014 20:28

I am 4 weeks. We have 2 children already one will be one next month the other is 3. We do not have family near by to help us out. Both my pregnancies have been difficult. The last one wasawful with SPD and a pro lapsed disc and the thought of feeling so useful to both of them while heavily pregnant and not enjoying them makes me realise now is not the time.we have decided together that yes we do want a 3rd now that this has happened but not now while my pelvis is still a bit weak. But I am scared. I am having a medical termination. Can anyone help me come to terms with this.....

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fourthandfinal · 05/10/2014 20:36

I just wanted to send hugs. Nothing more helpful I'm afraid but didn't want to leave you without an answer. x

sweetiepie1979 · 05/10/2014 21:24

Thank you.

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DawnMumsnet · 05/10/2014 21:40

Hi sweetiepie1979

We just wondered if you'd like us to move this thread over to our Pregnancy choices topic?

We're sure you'll get plenty of support there at this difficult time. Thanks

sweetiepie1979 · 05/10/2014 22:07

Yes please I didn't know where to post

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CatKisser · 05/10/2014 22:10

Hellosweetiepie
It's bloody hard sometimes isn't it? Sad
I've had a medical termination and am happy to answer any questions you might have. Remember, it is OK to choose to end a pregnancy. Although I regret that I had to end mine, I know it's the right thing.
You WILL be ok x

CatKisser · 05/10/2014 22:10

It WAS, sorry.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/10/2014 22:11

You poor thing. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and the thought of falling pg now is terrifying.

Do what is best for your health and your family. Flowers

MrsExcited · 05/10/2014 22:14

I am desperate for a baby and wish we could swap, but understand everyone needs to make their own choices.

Good luck and lots of supportive hugs

Nessalina · 05/10/2014 22:22

So sorry to hear you're going through this. The most important thing is that you are making the choice for your young children so that they can have their mum at her best and most able to support them.
With you being so early on, the process itself will be very straightforward, so try not to worry too much about that aspect. Above all, don't be too hard on yourself! Thanks

DawnMumsnet · 05/10/2014 22:27

@sweetiepie1979

Yes please I didn't know where to post

No problem at all, we're moving it over now.

MeAndMySpoon · 05/10/2014 22:35

You poor love. I don't have any direct experience of this but just wanted to offer my support and good wishes. It's such a hard decision to make, but it is your choice. Could you ask if the hospital offer any post-operation counselling, perhaps? Some midwives (independent ones sometimes) do workshops on coping with different kinds of pregnancy loss, including termination, and that might help too.

sweetiepie1979 · 06/10/2014 08:49

Catkisser, is it very painful? Will I be OK within 3 days? Physically anyway.....

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PeachOwl · 06/10/2014 10:54

Flowers sweetiepie, it's a horrid decision to have make. I had a medical termination almost a year ago and it wasn't too painful. I had the tablets then went into hospital for the pessary a couple of days later. I was offered pain relief but didn't need it (i usually have quite heavy painfulish periods and manage labour both times with a bit of gas and air) but the nurses were happy to offer me as much as I needed. I was quite unwell for about a week but was still suffering from extreme sickness so you may feel ok after 3 days physically.

The nurses at the hospital I was at were so kind and understanding and I've had great counseling from the counselor there so I would recommend trying that if available near you. Anymore questions or worries please ask. (hugs)

SophieBarringtonWard · 06/10/2014 13:19

Flowers hugs to you. Hope you are feeling "okay" with your decision. I had a medical termination, and I was fine within 3 days - in fact I was back in work on day 3.

AllYouNeedIsTea · 06/10/2014 22:18

I'm so sorry you've had to make such a difficult decision. It sounds like you have good support from your dh which is so important.

I had a medical termination and i actually didn't have any pain although everything i'd read said it would be very painful. I returned to work the following week. I was physically able to.go back sooner but emotionally i was a bit wobbly.

There are many people on this board who have been through the same and will be able to answer any questions you have.

Wishing you all the best. It's such a difficult time, even when it's for all the right reasons.Thanks

AllYouNeedIsTea · 06/10/2014 22:42

And i'm not sure how to help you come to terms with it. I think the most important thing is that you're making the decision for the right reasons and it's what you want (well, not what you want because nobody wants a termination, but its the decision that's best for you and you're not feeling pressured into it which it doesn't sound like you are).

You may feel sad about it but that doesn't mean its the wrong decision. It's okay to feel sad about it and you're entitled to grieve if you feel you need to.

Good luck and take care Thanks

Isabeller · 06/10/2014 22:46

hugs Flowers

Thurlow · 07/10/2014 16:15

You poor thing Flowers

I'm so glad that your DH is supportive, that makes all the difference.

I also had a termination, for similar reasons (mine was sickness) while knowing full well that we want a 2nd child at some point. It's such a difficult decision to make but remember you are doing it for your whole family, and that if you feel a pregnancy at the moment will have a big effect on the children you already have and on your long-term health, then it is a very sensible decision to make.

I had a medical termination at about 6 weeks. It wasn't particularly painful. Remember to take some ibuprofen an hour or so before you go to take the second tablets, as that helps. The second tablets I had were actually ones that you let dissolve against your gums and that wasn't entirely pleasant (it burnt a little for me) it wasn't horrible. Strong mints or something for afterwards would be very helpful. It took me a few hours to start bleeding, which worried me, and then I bled very heavily for about 12 hours. I have very heavy periods anyway so it wasn't much worse than that, though how heavy you find it probably depends on your normal periods.

Practically, wear night time pads, sleep on a big bath towel, and also I found folding a tea towel and putting it between my knickers and a pair of shorts (so that I had loads of towel padding coming down the side of my legs too, if that makes sense) made me feel more comfortable in case the bleeding was very heavy. I think that first night I also set the alarm for 4am so that I could get up and change pads if I wanted too, as psychologically that made me feel better.

Take lots and lots and painkillers if you want, but I didn't find it painful actually, just quite heavy bleeding. Bizarrely I stopped bleeding after that first night for a day or so, then started again.

The worst part, physically, for me, was the big dose of antibiotics they gave me to take a day later which completely screwed my stomach for a few days.

But overall it wasn't a painful experience. I imagine a surgical termination might be physically easier, but a medical one wasn't bad, and it had the benefit of being able to happen much earlier than a surgical one could.

Good luck. Remember why you've made this decision, focus on the children you have now. And please, please remember that making this decision now in no way means you can't have another child later. The timing was just dreadful now, and you've made a decision for your whole family.

sweetiepie1979 · 08/10/2014 11:53

Thank you everyone, im in the waiting room alone unfortunately but that couldn't be helped. Your comments and warm wishes have really helped me and I keep reading them over and over. Trying to stay strong. This is for us the family and I can come back to this in a few years.

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momnipotent · 08/10/2014 11:58

OP, I can't really add anything that hasn't been said but I am sending you support. It is an awful decision to have to make and even when you make the right decision for you it still feels horrible. I am sorry you are alone but please know that there are many people here thinking of you and sending you un-mumsnetty hugs.
Look after yourself.
xx

PeachOwl · 08/10/2014 14:41

I hope you are feeling ok sweetiepie. I was alone for mine as I didn't want my dc seeing me upset and hooked up to an iv (i had several stays in hospital being treated for sickness) but it was ok, I hope the staff are as kind to you as they were me.

Take it easy afterwards and have lots of cuddles with your dc. You made a choice partly (mostly?) to benefit them, as most of us have and that is so brave.

Keep talking to us if it helps. X

sweetiepie1979 · 08/10/2014 17:06

Thanks again. Feeling a bit crampy already didn't expect that to happen until Friday when I go back. Dreading the pain on Friday! Managing to get the kids looked after today part tomorrow and Friday by a child minder so that is one less thing to worry about.

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PeachOwl · 10/10/2014 07:08

Hope everything is ok today sweetiepie. Take all the painkillers you are offered and don't be worried about asking for more if you are in pain. I'll thinking of you. Flowers

sweetiepie1979 · 10/10/2014 18:47

Hi all just having a bixset DAT after the pessaries this morning lots of heavy bleeding all painkillers though pain not that bad at all, nurse said there would be a moment when it all comes away and I'll feel it and go to toilet but I've not had that moment and I feel like I'm waiting on it......

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sweetiepie1979 · 10/10/2014 18:47

Sorry that was box set

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