Help! Just found out I'm pregnant, have 10 month old. Reassurance needed!

[InspectorGadget]

Well the title says it all really.

I have a 10 month old and I've just found out I'm pregnant again. It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant the first time! We both wanted another baby and didn't want to wait too long as we're both already knocking on a bit (me 38, him 44) so decided we'd just go for it and see what happens.

Well what happened is that we shagged ONCE (how stupid do I feel....... I KNOW it only takes once but didn't believe it really would) and within 2 weeks of deciding to go for it we are up le duff. It took us three years to have our wee boy, so thought it'd probs take a wee while again, hence the not wanting to wait.

So anyway, I had an extremely traumatic birth in which I nearly died and a baby who is not a lover of sleep (currently waking at 4.30 every morning ) and we are KNACKERED.

I am now actually shitting myself at being pregnant with such a small child to look after (I remember being just so so tired last time) and having a 19 month old and a new baby to look after.

We have no local support whatsoever, my ten month old is already a handful and I just don't know how we are going to manage.

My poor husband is in total shock. I keep telling him that other people manage with small age gaps (in fact I know someone who had a 10 month old when she gave birth to twins )but at the moment we are struggling to fight off impending doom.

So please, can anyone with small age gap tell us we will be ok and how great it is to have kids close together in age.

Lie if necessary.

You will muddle through . There will be mess, chaos, shouty mummy, hours of cbeebies, housework barely getting done and you will be very tired. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and slowly it will get easier.

I have a 22mo age gap, got pg when DS was 13months old. I'm quite crap at the baby stage but we are all here, fed, clothes and in one piece.

A smalll age gap is fun once the smallest is toddling. Mine are 3.7 and 22mo now so they are little pests but can play together really well.

All the best.

I do know two people with small age gaps between their dc's and while it was difficult to begin with, somehow they managed.

Now their dc's are great together, really close friends and of course much easier.

Congratulations

Congratulations. Exactly the same thing happened to me (one time only!) when my DS was about 8 months old. I have a 17 month age gap between my two boys. The first thing you need to remember is that your little boy will not be 10 months old when the new one comes along, but 19 months. I know that sounds obvious but I couldn't get my head round it.

It will be hard, particularly for the first year. I have no family locally but I do have three very good friends. You will get through it! My boys are 2 and 3 now and are the best of friends. They have always been close and that's half the reason that things have become so much easier.

I must admit that I felt exactly the same as you do when I first found out that we were expecting a second child but now I wouldn't change it for the world!

You will manage.

I got pregnant when DS was just 6 months so just 15 months between him and DD. Honestly i's not as bad as I feared everything just takes a little longer!

Hi there, not me but a friend had a similar experience. Took years to conceive dd1 and then fell pregnant really quickly with dd2 within a year. Yes, they are knackered, can't deny it but they have two lovely girls and their family is now complete so you could argue it's 2-3 years of really hard work and then it's over. They don't have family support either so are doing it alone. Is there any way you could afford a bit of extra help or put dc1 into nursery for a few hours a week to give you a break? Or get a cleaner in for a couple of hours?
As to being pregnant and having a toddler, can only sympathise as it is so knackering. My ds is 2.5 years so more independent but still wants to be carried sometimes and babied. The one thing we do is go to bed really early every night to catch as much sleep as possible and have a lie in at the weekend and take it in turns to do the early shift. And bugger the housework too!
Good luck, you will come through it!

You could be writing about me...took about 8 months to get pg with DD1 and had her when I was 35, DH 47. We decided that we didn't want to wait too long for DC2 given our ages and thought it would take a few months. But NO! got pg first time of trying when DD1 was 5months old .

Am now the proud mother of DD1 (15mo) and DD2 (7 weeks today!!) and loving it. Neither labour was easy - ended up in theatre both labours, first time with forceps, second time with retained placenta so didn't have the dreamy birth I'd hoped for either time, but they're both beautiful girls so I don't care.

It is hard work, esp as DD1 isn't walking yet so I have to carry them both everywhere/load the car up in relay etc but as long as you're organised it's ok. I very quickly decided that no matter what happened, I had to do something every day or else we'd go stir crazy at home so we try and go to as many groups/activities as possible. Also DD1 goes to nursery 1.5 days a week which was a godsend towards the end of the pg when I was too big to be comfortable and means now that I have a bit of time to breathe and spend with DD2.

Having them this close together hasn't put us off at all - we've already had vague discussions about DC3 (gulp!) though that will have to wait until we have at least one of them out of nappies .

Good luck - you'll be fine and many congratulations!

DS1 was 17months old when DS2 was born.

I wont lie its is bloody knackering and we are still in a bit of sleep deprivation as DS2 is a lover of the 5am starts. But I managed you will manage you do become uber organised and rely on cbeebies a bit too much but you will cope. I promise If I can do it anyone can.

Good luck and congratulations.

You will be fine! I have a 17 month age gap; I won't deny that it was a bit tough in the beginning (although moving when dd2 was 5 weeks old probably didn't help) but it's fab now.

DD1 is 3.6 and DD2 just 2; more often than not they play beautifully together.

I will just warn you that if either or both aren't brilliant sleepers you will be very tired for a while.... DD1 started sleeping through not long before I had DD2, DD2 started sleeping through at about 1 and DD1 started waking up EVERY night, we had 4 nights where they both slept and ever since then DD2 has woken up every night. But it would appear that most people have better sleepers than mine!

Oh, and it can't be that bad - am expecting no 3 just after DD1 turns 4.

Good luck and congratulations!

I've got a 14 month gap between my boys and the way the older one dotes on 'baby brother' is just jaw droppingly gorgeous.And baby brother is all smiles and diving onto big brother(he's only 10 months old).

The plus side is I've been sleep deprived for about 5 years now and it's not so bad - I've forgotten how to sleep well but I'm great at a 20 minutes cat nap.

I yearn for the days when they both nap at lunchtime together and i cancatchuponmn have five minutes peace.

19mo gap here. To be honest, I found it harder being heavily pregnant and having a toddler than I did looking after a toddler and a newborn.

The things I found most helpful were:

• in the last month of pregnancy, as I was doing things day-to-day I was always planning how I would do them when the baby came. So when he arrived, I found I'd already got ideas for most scenarios. Silly things like having a shower, children's bathtime, unloading the car and the children into the house etc.
• when he needed feeding, I would let him cry for a minute while I got DD settled in front of the TV with a drink and a snack. Yes, she watched too much telly for a while but her needs were always met quickly and she didn't resent his arrival. And I could focus on feeding in peace!
• DD was still young enough to have one reasonably long nap during the day. So when DS slept in the morning, I always woke him up around 90mins/2hrs before DD's naptime so he'd be ready for sleep again when she was. Quickly got them napping at the same time so I could at least grab lunch and have a few minutes to myself.

Sorry for the long post - it's hard work some days, other days it's no problem at all. BTW, we were same as you, thought we'd be okay 'just the once' and now we have our DS. But I can't imagine it any other way now

18 month gap here (waves to carikube as well)

Yes it is hard to begin with especially if you are BFing a baby and have a toddler around, cbeebies and books are your best friends.

Mine are now 6 and 4 1/2 and I wouldn't have changed it for the world, I am a big fan of small gaps. I went on to have DD3 (2) and DS (9 weeks).

You will cope and be utterly fine.

We have 19mo gap too between ds1 and dd1. It's fine! You still have months of pregnancy ahead of you; by the time dc2 arrives dc1 will be walking, sleeping (probably!), and so much easier than now. And they'll grow up together. Relax, go with the flow.

A friend of mine has an 11mo gap. Now that's what I call small!

Congratulations!

Honestly it is congrats.

I have a 15 month age gap - pretty much the same story (except the traumatic birth bit - sorry to hear about that).

DS2 was born by EMCS 5 weeks early. Thankfully I was in England at the time as I needed my parents but essentially it was a very tough time - he had Respiratory Distress Syndrome and was on a ventilator for a week, had fits, the works. He's fine now but we had a tough old start... despite that I do not regret a thing. DS1 LOVES his little brother and DS2 is a total joy.

I managed breastfeeding fine. LOTS of toys, lots of DVDs, lots of walks. In fact, still BF DS2 at nearly a year old. I've no family nearby as live in the Netherlands, but we've coped despite DS2 needing 2 more admissions to hospital before he was 6 months old.

I would describe myself as practical and organised, but not a 'coper'. If I can manage, really I think anyone can.

congratulations!!

we have an 11month age gap between dc2 and dc3!

and at times its crazy and hard work but my dc2 has soo much love for dc3 it is amazing! he has never once shown that he has felt jealous, just accepted his sibling and they are really close.

things would have been easier if dc2 could have walked by the time dc3 arrived, but i am now a pro at carrying the two together!

think of some of the positives -
close bond between siblings
they both wont be babies forever
if same sex can re use clothes etc
can share toys
and probably your dc1 will be too young too feel jealous etc.

Congratulations! I became pregnant with my third baby when DC2 was 7 months old. At first I was completely in denial ("I can't be having another baby - I already have one!" )

But it really wasn't too bad at all, we even moved house when I was 5 months pregnant - and I used washable nappies, couldn't afford disposables.

Don't expect your DS to be a 'big boy' when the baby's born, it's much easier to treat them both as babies and let him take the lead in showing you more 'grown up' behaviour - he's still a baby himself after all.

I BF which made life a lot easier.

I bought a secondhand twin buggy which I was able to use till my DS became too heavy and wanted to walk - the empty seat was handy for shopping!

I learned to ignore dust and accept all offers of help from family & friends.

When children are so close in age they do seem to need less attention as they keep each other amused to a certain degree. As they get older they do tend to gang up on you though!

Hope the birth goes well. You will cope.

And like Fleecy, I managed to co-ordinate nap times so the two younger ones slept for most of the afternoon for a few months (those were the days...)

yes definatly agree with fleecy, i co-ordinate their nap times and its lovely and refreshing to be baby free for an hour!! silence is bliss!! and even then im left with a 3 year old!

Congratualtions! I have a 19 month gap between mine and it has worked out great. The afternoon naps coincided until DD1 started preschool so I got eveyr afternoon to myself for nearly 18 months. They are so close now they share a room and have their own little games and jokes.
Lots of things we do work for both, so I don't have an older child getting bored with toddler stuff or vice versa, which really helps.

The worst thing was late pregnancy, first few weeks. Cbeebies/sky+ is your friend, your eldest won't suffer for lazy days at this age and you will need them, but get through it and it gets so much easier.
Also, in the next year or so the toddler stage will be over, and no more nappies/wipes etc, rather than sgtarting it all again once I have got out of it with the eldest.

I am not going to lie - because what is the point in that? I found a 21 month age gap horrendous - it sent me spiralling into depression. Lots of people cope fine though. It wholly depends upon your character.

I am: controlling, organised, a little obsessive, orderly, impatient, etc etc - small age gap - murder

If you are: laid back, relaxed, que sera que sera - it will be a doddle.

Hopefully you are not a Type A perfectionist like me - but if you are, I suggest - advertise for a mother's help now. Don't hesitate (if you can afford it) about paying for a private nursery place for a couple of sessions for your eldest.....Be prepared

Congratulations OP!
SIL was pregnant with her second 1 month after she'd had her first!!!!!!

Look on the bright side your still in 'baby phase' so it wont hit you again when dc2 arrives.
I have 19 mths between DD1 and DS1 then 14 mths between DS1 and DD2. Im currently 38 weeks with DD3 so that'll be 4 DC in 5yr 11 mths and I love it TBH I would have had DC4 sooner.

I agree with HMC a bit as in Ive never done 'routine' but the house is clean the kids are fed we have fun so it works

Congratulations it'll be great.

congratulations you will be fine

I have 1 year 3 days between dds 1& 2 and am ready to pop with dc3 in 3 weeks so will have 3 under 3 for around 6-8 wks..

All 3 have been planned but it was a shock falling pregnant first try with dd2 so I get what you mean.

Peole will all stick their oar in about how you'll have your hands full etc etc but I think it's easier once you're already in baby mode. The sleepless nights pass more easily the 2nd time.

You will get all the advice you need on here if you ask.

Agree with everyone here, I have 18 months between dds, dd2 now 14 months and it really is starting to get easier, I suddenly realized the other day that we don't have beebies on 24/7 and that the washing basket was just full rather than full with 3 or 4 piles of dirty washing surrounding it! The last year has been hard, especially because for me it was my pregnancy & birth with dd2 that was the disaster (I also nearly died). Nevertheless I'm glad we only have a small gap as dd1 has never been jealous & now they are playing/interracting with each other it is extremely cute & funny.

Thanks you so so much everyone.

Especially hmc...... I really appreciate your candour. Actually I AM a little bit controlling and impatient (hubby even more so) but we are both learning not to sweat the small stuff and hopefully we'll end up more chilled out when the new baby comes.

I saw a teeny tiny baby in a service station today and couldn't keep my eyes off her. Very excited at getting me another one of those! Hopefully we can enjoy this one a wee bit more, hopefully no repeat of disasterous start we had last time, and surely nothing can compare to the absolute shock of becoming parents for the first time?

Enjoying having a wee secret to ourselves at the moment and lookign forward to seeing the looks on our friends and families faces when we tell them!!

i have two girls aged one n two and am due another in one week so i know exactly what you are up against just a reminder as no one else seems to have mentioned this the one with the biggest impact in their lives is the child u already have wen my second was born it turned my eldests life upside down for a couple of weeks we had tantrums and lots of jelousy dont ever leave them in the room on thier own togeva as my daughter pulled her sister of the couch unfortunatly u cannot tell them of u just have to get them as involved as u possibly can with feeding getting them dressed baths togeva is great for them bonding and make sure u buy ur eldest a present wen baby is born and tell them its of their new bro or sis this makes them feel special once ur new baby settles into his or her routine u will find it an absolute breeze good luck