Pregnant at 20..

[LovelyKatie]

Hello, I have just found out I am pregnant.

I am only 20.

I'm scared. I dont know what to do. My boyfriend and I are stable and have been together for 2 years.

Im terrfied. I went to the doctors today and she referred me but said in the time of waiting I could cancel my appointment.

Im scared of what this will mean for me. Im used to myself. Just getting up when I want and going to sleep whenever and I love my job too and all my friends there. But I now feel this life inside me and I just want to protect it even though its only 5 weeks old.

I need some advice from mums who know what this is like. Im just a wreck.

Thanks

I had DD when I was 20. She was planned but we didn't tell anyone as we thought they'd be upset. But when we did tell my parents I was pregnant, the shock wore off pretty quickly and then they were happy for us.

You need to tell your parents ASAP, even if they're upset or angry they need to know.

Being a parent is hard work whatever age you are, but I love being a young mum. I think the fact that you're feeling so protective of that little life is a great sign.

I ment to say i thought my dad would be really disappointed in me as he's always said i can do anything i want etc. I was terrified of telling him so i told my mum first she went into the room with me to tell my dad. He's never been anything but supportive. My parents adore ds and have him so i can go doctors etc or for a night out.

katie I can only echo what others have said already. Having a baby is scary no matter how old you are and how long you've tried. I knew a lady who tried for ten years. She even had to have surgery to remove fibroids. She said when she conceived (aged 35) she was terrified. I felt the same when I found out I was pregnant with DS (I was 26). I wouldn't be without him now, and I'm pregnant with my second

Only you can decide what's right for you. Don't feel that you HAVE to terminate just because you're 20. My mum had my sister at 20. My partner's mum had her first child at 18. Both of them survived just fine!

Whatever you decide, make sure it's the right decision for you. DOn't let anyone else make this decision for you, as you will be the one who has to live through it/with it.

Thanks for all the wonderful advice everyone.

It has kept me going since last night.

My partner and I discussed it in more detail and we have both decided we want to keep it.

I feel happy we have now both made a decision but im very scared and were do i go now?

His mum already knows about the pregnancy but im too worried to tell my mum as she has just come out of a very messy relationship her mum died last year and she is very weak at the moment i think this would just topple her over.

I know i need to go to the midwife next as im unsure how many weeks exactly I am.

This baby would be born around march just after my 21st birthday and once my partner and I talked we thought it didnt feel that terrible that I had gotten pregnant now.

What do other people think?

hello lovelykatie
i got pregnant at 18, i aborted in a fit of disbelife. i still think about that pregnancy everyday...i am not anti abortion-just wish someone had said it would/could effect me like that.
i broke up with that guy
found dp at 21 and was pregnant within two months!!he was very supportive and we are still together,very happy and ds is due september,dd is two know and i wouldnt change any of it for anything or anyone. YOU WILL BE ABSOLUTEY FINE!
go book a midwife app, they are genraly very lovely and you can talk to them about any concerns you may have at your booking appointment. xxx
(sorry about ALL the typos dd is climing on me!)

Yes it is scary and will be hard but once your used to it you wont be able to imagine otherwise. I dont want to influence your decision because only you can decide!

I was 19 when i found out i was pregnant after only being with DP for 1 month. I totally S**t myself if im honest but i couldnt imagine giving this life up. My sister was a yound mum so my parents couldnt really moan about that but they did say ill end up down the single road that she was in.

Everything moved so quickly we moved in together, he stuck by me all the way. We had DD a week before i was 20. 2 weeks later we split up for 9 months, (which id rather forget) but now 5 years on we are happily engaged and planning no.2.

I was at college when i was pregnant so missed the end of my course but have since completed a shorter one. I still go out and still have my young life. It has held me back in a few areas but i wouldnt change anything as my DD is the most important thing in the world to me/us.

Only thing i wish for is that my mum and dad would be there for us more and help out but were not a really close family so thats that.

So thats my experience!

Thats good that you have both had a good cthat about it. I found the hardest thing was to tell the parents but just think when its done its done.
Your mum might see this as a happy thing you never know. A life has gone and new one born!

Hope all goes well for you! Sorry this is so llong!

I had dd at 20.

It was the best decision I ever made.

She's 5 now and has two younger brothers as i grew up an only child and didn't want her to have to do so.

It always amazes me how many older women stop me in the street and tell me i've been very sensible having them young and that it's the best way to do it.

My mother cried when i told her but waas fine afterwards... apart from the occasional 'But you're just a baby yourself [sob][sob]'. I was terrified of telling my dad as i thought he be so disappointed but he was absolutely fine, told me 'A baby is always a joyful thing' and knew instantly it was girl

start taking folic acid immedietly is my best bit of advice, everything else can wait til later... right now you just need to focus on taking care of yourself and baby. Good luck, and congratulations

what clairebear said about telling your mum is absolutley true!once those words are spoken,its done.
and it will feel better,even if she doesnt take it well,because it will be over!

lovelykatie - wishing you, DP and LO the very best of luck!
I don't know your mum, obviously, but this baby might be a ray of sunshine for her after the loss of your nan.
Would it be worth making an appointment at the CAB to find out what maternity allowance/tax credits you may be entitled to?
Hope you have a safe pregnancy, enjoy it!

glad you've made the decision katie - from what you'd already said in your posts it sounds like the best choice! and 20/21 isn't really terribly young, by today's standards. and you've got a good relationship with the father, so that's great!

I agree with hickey, this baby may just be the best thing your mum could wish for right now - some good news among all the bad. I do think you should tell her soon as she may be more hurt if you leave it too long.

best of luck

Hoorah for you,your partner and your tiny-in-utero person.there is a good quote that resonated woth me,I think it was India Knight,she said (roughly)that looking back most women would prefer condemnation in their teens to infertility in their 40s,she was talking about really young mothers,teenagers.But even so,it is true.I was lucky and got pregnant really easily in my 40's but I might not have been lucky,and then i would be childless,which even though my 3 year old had a monster hour long tantrum earlier is a terrible thought.I have had friends completely messed up by terminations,it is a very hard thing to get over if you even half want the baby.And babies are hard work but also the best fun,and you will never know love like it.I have known or met a lot of women who had babies at your age or a year or so younger,and it worked out really well,they still managed to get degrees if they wanted them,they travelled,they did everything,just with a baby.My five year old's teacher is only a couple of years older than me and she has quite a few Grandchildren,she is 48,really young and fit and having fun with her grandchildren! I think young motherhood has far more pros than cons and i will be delighted if my daughters are pregnant at your age.Wishing you all the best,it is a brave step,but you will never regret it.

I had my first child (my DD) when I was 16. I had my second child at 20 (DS1) and my third at 21 (DS2). they are now 12, 8 and 6. I am also pregnant with number 4, I am 12 weeks and 4 days. To be honest, I found that I had much more energy to cope with pregnancy when I was younger, this time round I'm much more exhausted. I had all the energy in the world to run around with my dc when they were smaller. I think 20 is a nice age to be having your first! Congratulations.

LovelyKatie Congratulations to you and your DP. I hope everything goes well for you. FWIW I knew quite a few people who got pregnant whilst at Uni and went on to finish their courses and then establish careers. It may have taken them a little longer than others without children, but it is entirely possible to do. Regarding your Mum, you're in a stable relationship and are obviously responsible. It could be a little ray of sunshine for her as other posters have said. In realation to your midwife, make an appointment with your Docs and ask for a referral for a booking in appointment with the midwife. Tell them that you're not sure how far along you are and they'll take things from there. They'll do stuff like you and your partners history, take bloods off of you, run through the tests that they can perform and take a urine sample. They'll also refer you for your first scan as well.

If you have any problems before your booking in appointment, generally your first port of call is your Docs who dependent on your query may refer you to the early pregnancy unit at your local hospital to get checked out.

You can also join one of the antenatel threads on here, that way you can talk to other Mums to be who are at a similar stage to yourself. I've found mine to be invaluable as I really don't have a clue about pregnancy. Otherwise if you need any questions answering, just do a post and more often than not you'll get an answer from people with that particular brand of knowledge.

Only other advice I can give you is to enjoy your pregnancy. I hope everything goes well for you.

Hey I'm pregnant and 19, I know how you feel. Everything you're wired to do wants to protect the little life inside of you but at the same time you're so scared of the changes and whether you'll be able to cope.

My advice is to sit down with your partner and really discuss everything, financial implications, how opting for "the other choice" will effect you personally (eg. will you be regretting it) and of course are you both ready for the big leap.

From personal experience I'm so happy with the choice i made, it came as a complete shock for me too. However, at the first scan when i saw her for the first time i knew I'd made the right decision.

Hiya KATIE

I fell pregnant a few months before my 21st birthday (i'm due 22/10/2010)

We are over the moon, but that doesnt stop the nerves. I am thinking all the time; will i be able to cope, will i be a good mum, the thought of somebody calling me mum!, the birth, hormones etc.

I am 25weeks + 1 at the mo, and the pregnancy is going really well, no sickness or anything. just tired! no matter how nervous i am i love the thought that I am able to carry our child, its safe & cosy in there and its actually a life. amazing or what.

I was a bit funny at first in regards to buying things as i was thinking (i dont look like a mum!) then it clicked, i love buying things now, but even now i still have the thought that oh my god i'm going to have a baby!!!! lol

hugs xxx

I had my first baby at 18 and it was the best thing that happend to me.my daughter is just 17,she has been with her partner 2 years aswell,she is n ow 16weeks,and i know she will be a brilliant mum,we are very close and talk about anything.

once you have the baby,your life just seems to fit in with them,and you wonder what you ever did before,and couldnt imagine life without them. At 20 its up to you and your partner,what you want to do,and as one poster said ,maybe the family will be upset,but babys bring a lot of love,good luck whatever you decide..

I am telling my parents tomorrow (divorced)

So 2 houses and two reactions!!!

I will let you know how i get on

but my partner and I are definitely keeping the baby and i am looking after him/her already!!

I love this little life inside me and I am trying not to do anything wrong.

I love curry but have been craving it badly this last week...Is it ok to eat big amounts?

I am very lucky to have the support and happiness of my partner and all of your support on here..without this my choice may have been a different very regretful one.

You'll be fine. Of course parenthood can be hard, but no way (NO WAY) is this the end of your life. Embrace it. Follow your heart. Good luck!

How did it go Lovelykatie??...

I was put off from curry, gutted i was!

x

Well I told my dad and his wife today

they have 5 young kids. oldest being 14 youngest being 8.

they started off late.

anyhow. told them i needed to speak with them my dads sitting there and is like 'your not pregnant are you' and i was like yeh i am and he couldnt believe it

we had this massive talk and he said aslong as you know what lies ahead of you and you can deal with it and you have the money to raise a child i am very happy.

we are happy if you are happy. its you thats carrying it and your not a child anymore not even a teen. your starting you life off early and you always knew you was going to have children just a bit earlier than planned. my reaction would be this if you were 25.

he said hes never had a break from young kids (which he hasnt as he went straight from me and my older sister to his new wife and they had 5 children) so he said being a grandad wont feel any different to how he feels now

i felt happier and he gave me a hug. i had planned to tell my mum today too but as i got home from his too late i couldnt

and i was annoyed as id built myself up all night to do it and she was too tired so im going to do it tomorrow.

i am so so scared. want to just do it and get it over with!

Hi, I had my first child when I was 15 (found out I was pregnant when I was 14) and it was pretty scary.

I didn't find out until I was 24 weeks pregnant and so had no choice of an abortion. I decided I wanted to keep the baby and managed to go on to finish my GCSE's, A-levels and Degree. It's nearly 7 years on from having my DS and I have no regrets. I am now in a steady relationship (4 years, engaged) and am expecting DC2 at the age of 22.

Really excited!! I think it is incredible having children young, you get to grow up with them and see their whole lives through, and perceivably your future grand-children's lives too. You also have plenty of time to have more children, if that is what you wish. I couldn't imagine the pressure of having children later on in life, the risks there could be and the chance you might have problems with your fertility, that would be pretty scary (although I have no problem with people who do wait to have children).

I understand you feel young being that you are just 20, but believe me it's not too young for you to raise a child. You'll be fine, I wish you the very best for the future!! x x x

i was pregnant at 20, dd was born the day after my 21st birthday!! I then had ds when i was 23!! I dont regret anything really, I'm now 28 ds is away to start in school in august, i wouldnt change a thing!

I have a really supportive partner, he works really hard to support us, as do our parents!

Oh i told my mum and dad when they were on holiday in France over the fone as i was worried about their reaction, they were over the moon.

Congratulations btw!

Hi LovelyKatie, im 20 and just had my little girl 9 weeks ago and like you at the time of conception i had only been with my partner for 2 years. i was so scared when i first found out i was pregnant, my partner was aswell but now we wouldnt change it for the world. we have a gorgeous baby girl now and although i miss my work my friends still come to see me and i see my family more now than i did before.
Also i was terrified to tell my family and at the time it seems like such a big deal but a couple of weeks later youll see everyone starting to get excited,
its the best feelin becomin a mum and although its scary and its hard work i wouldnt change a thing!! (i fouund the pregnancy more hard work than actually having my little one here!!)
youll be fine, just keep bein positive and think what you will have in 7 months time!! xx

We had our daughter at 23 and we are now both 26. It didnt really change that much I still carried on working, graduated with a 2:1 last month, get to go out and see my friends etc. It is nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be, but I have a supportive husband and extended family. I also work in the nursery my child attends so I get the best of both worlds.

I had 10 days off after birth then went back 1 day a week and didnt get an essay late or have to have any extenuating circumstances. I was really worried about everything and as soon as she was born wondered why I ever worried about any of it

Hi Katie,

You sound like you are going to be just fine, congratulations! On a practical note though buy a pregnancy book (I have 'the pregnancy bible' which is very good so that you can read about things like foods you shouldn't be eating. You also need to take a folic acid supplement up to 12 weeks so pop out and buy some pregnancy vitamins today too.

Being pregnant is just the most amazing thing in the world, enjoy every minute! Sx