Baby showers: nice or nasty?

[PixieCake]

Are they a nice idea or a commercial invention to make people feel like they have to buy you stuff?
Any why on earth do people only invite women?

I think they're great - wish I had more local friends to throw me one!

Nasty, grasping and poor manners. I hope that answers your first question

People don't ask men because they know that the men would say "WTF would I want to attend such an event."

Nice if organised by willing volunteers - NOT the pregnant person themselves asking for things but her friends getting together to coo over baby stuff.

Agree with Trillian The thought of a pregnant woman organising a baby shower sounds really greedy and bad manners to me.

But if someone else decides to do one, great.
My friends tried to organise something similar for me on my due date. It didn't quite happen because DD arrived early, but they wanted to give me a nice surprise, knowing that late pregnancy is not much fun, and I found that very touching.

I have been to several here in London and they have ranged from a nice girly brunch/lunch to tea at the ritz to a relaxed, sunny cake, pimms and tea party in a park. They are really nice events, just a get together for the pregnant lady and her girlfriends really, and I don't see why people find them offensive or tacky. I always buy a gift for a friend when they have a baby - so if they have a baby shower I simply give them the gift beforehand at the shower, makes no odds really!! Why do people get so worked up over such a nice idea?!! Surely it is nice to be invited to these things because it means you have a pregnant friend who considers you one of the close friends she wants to have a chance to see before her baby arrives!!

I agree that a pregnant woman organising a baby shower (complete with suggested present list) is a bit grasping.

However I see no problem with a baby shower organised by willing friends and family.

My sister organised me a lovely surprise baby shower which was a gathering of friends at her house with a few drinks and nibbles and some silly baby related games.

Baby showers don't have to be expensive and you certainly shouldn't be demanding expensive gifts at them.

Baby showers are nice.
I always brought a gift for a friend who became pregnant regardless if they had a baby shower or not, just because. Baby shower is a girly get together and a way for mum to say thanks to these who supported her through the pregnancy. Now, if random people are invited to the baby shower then it's nasty.

(I'm American so my view is because I 'grew up' with it)
It can be a great way to bring family together over the baby...and likewise help them organise one big gift you might need rather than a lot of little things you don't. I don't see it as grasping as it's the same people who'd be getting you a gift for the birth of the baby anyhow. Though I always say as a rule of thumb, if you get a gift at a shower, then don't expect something at the birth, to have/expect both would be a bit 'grasping.'
In my family we've always invited our men ESPECIALLY if they've not encountered babies before. Then playing games like how fast can you diaper the baby, or what poo (melted candybar) is in the nappy become tons of fun because it helps them see the funny side of things later.

I hesitated before reading this as my two best friends are throwing me one this weekend and having initially resisted on the grounds that they are nasty and grasping I am now really looking forward to it! I asked them to make a point that it was not about presents (which I feel we got plenty of for our wedding) just girls having cake and fizz and a catch up. A friend of mine had gift list for hers set up at Mamas and Papas. Gross!

My friend who was pregnant at the same time as me with DS1 suggested we throw a joint one for ourselves, and I recoiled in horror. No way was I getting involved in throwing one for myself, and I was pretty shocked that she was so keen on it.

It didn't go ahead, not least because I knew we'd be having a Christening (where everyone also tends to bring gifts), and also many of my friends has already leant or given me stuff, and to then be appearing to ask for more gifts was anathaema to me.

I used to think they were just awful - blanket statement, but I have come around to seeing that those organised by someone for their pregnant friend are actually quite a nice idea.

i've organised one (for my best friend NOT for myself!!!) and been to quite a few.
always a gathering for girlfriends with food and coffee (for the morning ones!) or champers for the evening ones.

NO "baby" related games thankfully!!!
Just everyone sitting around have a chat and a catch up and giving gifts (that had not been asked for nor gift list arranged) though some friends said they were waiting for the baby to arrive to find out the sex before giving their gift.

All very easy, fun and quite jolly. I think its lovely for the mum-to-be to have a little bit of attention in the late stages of pregnancy whem i imagine most of us have felt like c**p !!!

Bewler I also hesitated as my best friend is throwing me one this Sunday and didn't want to read everyone saying they're crap! We're having tea and cake on charity shop/car boot sale vintage plates, Cava for the non-pregnant ones, and generally sitting around in the park and gossiping. It will be weird having my mum there together with my SIL and a couple of old schoolfriends and some university friends and my neighbour etc.

I think it really depends. My DH is American, so of course he said: When are you having your baby shower? I reminded him that it's a US tradition, not English (we live in the UK) so he called his mum and asked her to come over and arrange one for me! So, I'm actually really looking forward to it as she loves meeting my friends and it will just be a nice girly afternoon. I've warned my friends about it and their reactions were all really positive and insisting on being invited. So, I think it depends how you approach it. I would not want to organise one for myself, but I trust my MIL to be culturally sensitive and not send out a gift list or anything.

Well mine was this afternoon and it was absolutely lovely! We had tea and cake and cava and cucumber sandwiches in the park, and my friend who organised it had got lots of bunting, and teacups and saucers from charity shops etc. It was a lovely chance to get together with friends. Some people brought lovely presents, some of my friends said they were waiting until we know if it's a boy or a girl to buy anything, some people didn't bring anything, anything goes! It was really nice.

I had mine this afternoon - was a complete surprise, no idea it was happening! Was a lovely way to get friends and family altogether for tea, buns and cava before baby arrives and yes, I did get some great presents for LO but my sister (who organised the whole thing) just made it a 'toy' theme so it wasn't like people had to spend a load of money or anything.

Agree that they can seem a bit commercial tho, but I think if the guest list is kept to close friends and family members and it's stressed that it's more about having a bit of time to all see each other, catch up and toast the baby who is about to arrive rather than a complete present fest it can be a nice thing to do.

really don't like the idea of baby showers, i may be a tad superstitious but i think to get a lot of presents and start celebrating the baby before it has safely arrived is tempting fate somewhat. Seems like i am on my own in this thinking though and people generally like them!

I agree with clpsmum completely - don't want to do that kind of thing until the baby is safely here.

Some friends of mine want to do something and I said I would really prefer they don't. I don;t like all women things anyway really as find them completely excluding to men (and then we wonder why men don;t feel involved!). The friends asked if they could throw a party for us after the baby is born instead which I thought was a lovely thought and said yes providing a) it's men too as I have many male friends and DH of course and b) nothing is arranged until it is safely here.

Nasty.Evry nasty. And American.

People who have baby showers will become the parents of children who want sweet 16 parties, with limos and the Saturdays...

Nasty - also agree with not tempting fate. OK if it's just something like work colleagues going out for a meal when your about to go off on mat leave and giving you gifts. Or just cake, fizz and a cath up as Bewler suggested. But a proper baby shower is naff. I will buy gifts for people I care about who have had a baby but wouldn't want to feel obliged to.

Emster30 glad you had fun. I really enjoyed mine too and was so touched by the effort my friends went to. We just ate a mountain of cake, drank some fizz and had a good old catch up in the sun. Suprisingly little babychat and no wanky baby games
Pagwatch with all due respect to a someone who seems to command a round of applause with every post on MN but I think that's a sweeping generalisation and rather bitchy.

I went to one last weekend. We all sat in the garden drinking sparkly non-alcoholic drinks, had a buffet and lots of cakes, and everyone gave little gifts, talked about birth/pregnancy stories, and had a good gossip. Was especially nice to have grandmas, mums and daughters all together too.

Feel a little bit sad that i will never have one, but mainly because i have now been to one and it was lovely.

I always thought it was a nasty american import until I got pg, now I'm hoping someone will throw one for me (!!). Would never do one for myself, but don't have enough 'local' friends to do one for me

I'd feel a bit peeved at being invited to someones baby shower though I think, as even if I was told no gifts, I'd still feel like I'd be oblidged to get something (not that I would mind, just the general feeling that I should which I don't like).

Maybe don't call it a 'baby shower', rather just a final freedom party with the girls before the little one make things a bit more complicated.

Baby gifts are so cheap though that even if you felt compelled to buy something, it wouldn't necessarily mean spending a load of money. A little toy or a pair of socks costs less than, say, a bottle of wine or some nibbles that you would take to a normal party you'd been invited to.