Baby showers: nice or nasty?

[PixieCake]

Are they a nice idea or a commercial invention to make people feel like they have to buy you stuff?
Any why on earth do people only invite women?

Bewler

Question was nice or nasty and i responded as such.
OP didn't say 'I am having a baby shower and am so excited ' to which I replied 'no,they are nasty' - that may well have been bitchy. She asked a general question which I answered with my general view.

So we disagree.

But I am really not clear on what any other post I have ever posted on here has to do with anything. Nor what is the relevence of how you feel my posts are generally received by whoever.What does it have to do with anything else. Or are you just being pretty bitchy yourself?

I have been invited to a friend's, and I'm highly offended by the accompanying gift list she attached with the invite - everything ranging from a cot to car seat to specific toys.

This same friend also suggested that I tell the NCT I was on low income so I could get classes free (even though I work). She said, "Why pay for something when you can get it for free?"

I will not be attending her baby shower, or having one of my own.

I have no problem with a difference of views. But other people on the thread had said that their friends had thrown baby showers for them and had enjoyed them. So your post, accompanied with a shudder, that we were all going to end up parents of kids who had sweet sixteen parties with limos and the saturdays was pointed and bitchy and merited comment. Bygones!

Fair enough Bewler

And FWIW I would have no problem with you saying 'oi Pag that was bitchy'. I have, or rather had, a problem with the round of applause stuff.
It implies I am a bully or a cow. And i really don't think I am. I am just on here a lot. The vast majority of my posts are just nonsense or supportive.It smacks of the passive aggressive 'mn royalty' jibe that gets thrown at regular posters when the person has nothing else to draw on for nastiness.

I am allowed to loath baby showers, sweet 16s, proms, grandparents day etc I think.

But you are of course entitled to pull me up when others had posted they have had them.
Bygones.

Cool. It was because I had you pegged as a pretty supportive MNer that I took umbrage at that particular post. Couple that with a cocktail of pregnancy hormones and indignance at the implication that I would be seen dead in a limo.

I hadn't realised the full weight of my post.

I apologise wholeheartedly for ever implying that you would willingly get into a limo.

[shamed]

Urgh I blimming hope not about the limos and sweet 16 parties.

I do know what people mean about tempting fate - it scares me that DH keeps throwing out all the boxes for things we've bought etc! I have taken the view that, God forbid, if something does go wrong, it will be no more awful because we have a room full of baby stuff than it would be anyway, so I might as well enjoy the run up to the birth without worrying too much.

I loved mine! (I live in the USA but me and DH are British.)
Friends started cooing about when they could throw me a babyshower pretty much the moment we told people I was pg, in Jan - and I spent a lot of time calming one or two of them down from things that would have made me cringe/feel uncomfortable (naff parlour games, all-women, etc) and nudging them towards things that I'd actually enjoy (lots of cake, no emphasis on presents, lots of time spent with my lovely friends before I start having less time to see them whenever I fancy).
On the present thing: I think it's a matter of timing more than anything else - people give you stuff BEFORE here, but not (as I understand it) after the birth. Pretty much everyone I know back home would buy a friend or family member a present when they had a baby, so it's the same deal here, just in advance, with the idea that you can therefore set things up a bit.

We're pretty broke and have got most things for the baby on freecyle or 2nd-4th hand. I'm ok with that cos I love a bargain, but I also loved getting things at the babyshower because unwrapping and unpacking and putting away the presents was so exciting, made things seem a bit more real, and made me feel like the baby has lots of friends and well-wishers already, before it's even born....
So I suppose my reaction to a babyshower is "it depends on how it's done." Mine felt lovely because DH and I felt enormously supported, we're the first of our friends to have a baby, and we're miles from family. It was lovely the extent to which people wanted to make a fuss...
(heh, also, we served daiquiris and people didn't leave till 10.30pm - so it became just a 'real party' once we'd opened presents and eaten cake - and I hadn't been to a decent party in ages, so it was fun having one that was easy to waddle home from, afterwards!

If you call it a baby shower then there are connotations that everyone should buy gifts and thats just bad form. I always buy pressies for friends with new babies - but crucially that's AFTER baby gets here, and there isnt an obligation.

Was surprised to see companies such as John Lewis offering to do online baby gift lists in the same way as they push wedding gift lists. Its acceptable (for younger generations) to do wedding gift lists - and it makes sense - but baby gift lists?!? Yuk... if I got one of these from a friend I would probably feel put off getting any gift as its would feel like Im not allowed to make my own choice and that anything off-list would be unappreciated anyway...

Nothing wrong with having a get together with your mates - I know all of mine would hate the idea of baby related games, but happy to come and see me whilst still unencumbered by baby!! (Im not doing it - all my friends live miles away and we are already doing summer get togethers for weddings and bbqs so cant fit in a 'baby shower' too).

My mum threw me a baby shower on Sunday She invited my nan, godmother, aunts and cousins, my sister and a few family friends, had a nice lunch, lots of fizzy wine and cakes, and I got some lovely presents - particularly lots of baby cardigans my mum and nan had been knitting. What's not to like?

Hi all,
My business 'Baby Showers' is going great.

We offer a party service where we provide all invites, hand written and posted for you. The games, prizes and gifts are also included. (Some people may say that the games are boring, but the games we provide are great fun, and have everyone laughing).

Mum-to-Be will also receive a £50 gift, with love, as a thank-you for letting Baby Showers share your special pregnancy. Baby will not be left out, as a gift is given to him/her aswell. After the Shower, Mum-to-Be will be given a Keepsake bag, full of memories of her Shower, to look back on whenever she wants.

It really doesn't matter if men attend the Shower, as the whole purpose is to celebrate the forthcoming birth. This can also be quite a giggle, as the men have to get involved too :-).

Please feel free to email me if you would like to receive an information letter about the Shower service we offer. You will be pleasantly surprised.
Take care, loads of love and luck with your pregnancy and a safe delivery.

xxxx

Baby Showers are not all centered around how much money people spend on gifts. The Shower service I offer does not have any connection with gift lists. It is purely for Mum-to-Be to get together with loved ones and close friends to celebrate the pending birth of a beautiful baby.
Please don't be misguided into thinking ALL Baby Showers are purely for the parent/s to receive gifts, that is not the case. The last 3 Showers I have organised for clients didn't even have a single gift taken to the Shower.

It is personal choice, if the guests attending wish to buy a gift to take with them.

Thanks, hope this clears a few misguided ideas.

xx

Best baby shower I went to had all family buying baby gifts (mum to be had a specific theme for nursery and baby so they were more aware) friends however bought totally non baby related gifts! Pampering sessions, free gifts such as promised babysitting, clothes vouchers for her favourite haunts she went before being pregnant

After the event we were talking as she said she had been dreading it however as the majority of people made it fun as far as the impending baby went.....it also recognized that she wasn't just a mum and she had a night mainly about her rather tthan just the baby.

Now I'm pregnant I can relate to this...mainly because out of my close mates I am the first to fall pregnant. We don't live close anymore and they had arranged a get together which we love doing as it's so rare.... once I told them I was pregnant I only got invited to the daytime bits!! Now ok I have bad days but they don't know that and just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I am against a night out! So for some people the minute you announce your news it's almost like you get written off and lose your identity. Gone off on a tangent here but that's how she felt and her baby shower helped her realise her buddies werent going to write her off.

I think they are a nice thing if like has been said before, a willing volunteer decides to throw one. Creating a gift list and arranging your own...very tacky.

My friends have just thrown me a baby shower. It was lovely.

A really nice civilised tea, cakes etc for the afternoon, nice girly chat without our other children there (I had no friends last time so they are all friends I have made through toddler groups after DS was born). I did get vouchers as my friend who organised it asked me to provide some ideas of what people could get. She specified that it was to be something nice for me that I would love but couldn't afford or justify spending my money on so I asked for vouchers towards that finger print jewellery you can get. I have £80 towards it, everyone just put in what they could, about 11 people contributed I think. Can't wait to spend the vouchers. I fully expected to have to put some money towards it which was fine.

I could have done without the smutty talk whilst my nan was there though and one of my friends talking about her DH's morning glory! I did want to run away and hide.

The games were fun and I got a nice little book that my friend made with each person putting messages in for me to look back at.

Organising or expecting your own is tacky though.

I recently wento a surprise one, which was organised by the mum-to-be's sister. I'm not keen on the whole idea, tbh, but had a nie time.

I just gave my friend the things I would have sent when her DS was born, so didn't feel pressured into buying more gifts than I wanted to.

The one thing I found particularly weird, and still have slight problems with, is that all the presents that had tags on (mine didn't) had my friend's name only on - not the dad's. He was at the pub, with my DH adn other friends. Typical stereotyped behaviour - women enjoying the baby stuff, men drinking.

Yes, I loved cooing over gidfts for DD when she was born, and I know men are much less likely to enjoy doing this, but it just seemed a bit weird: friend's DH gets back from the pub and friend says 'look what X bought us' - all a bit superfluous for the dad. Or something like that - something I can't quite put my finger on writing her now. But that gifts and baby enjoyment is expected to be only for the mum.

I do not like baby showers. I do not expect people to give me gifts and I can always have a nice meal with friends. In my culture, it is very rare that women throw baby showers, primarily out of superstition. I am not planning to have one. We'll have a big christening celebration which is culturally more acceptable to us, and that's when people can give us gifts...

Yeh I sort of think it's a bit naff too. I understand it is an American tradition, but I am British and have not really embraced this...

A friend of mine had a babyshower (the invitation came from her friend, but she was obviously the driving force) and it had details of a gift list at Peter Jones. SO naff I think. I didn't go to the shower and didn't get a gift from the list (which, amongt other things, had a £250 glider chair on it!).

When the baby was born, I bought it a fab present.

I am now pregnant myself, and do not imagine that I will be having a babyshower.

Also agree a bit with the 'tempting fate' comments...

I am American, and I personally hate being invited to showers for people I don't know very well. It feels like I am just another present walking through the door. However, if you limit the guest list to people you are close to, it can be very lovely. I had one with about 10 friends and we all had a great time. You get less presents but everyone is there because they genuinely love you.

Also, about the husbands, next week my husband is going to a "beer and bottles" party. It's a shower for the dad to be. The guys will drink beer, play poker, and bring a present for the new baby.

My sister wanted to organise one for me and, although I was initially sceptical I'm pleased that she is. I've said she must specify no presents are required. We're going to a nice local cafe and as I have friends who live far away and/or we all work full-time I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to see all my friends before my life is taken over by a small and demanding baby.

Ohh good post, esp as I feel a little stuck right now about baby showers!

I am pregnant with our first baby, I'm American and DH is British. We live in an extremely small place and he has loads of family/relatives within a 5 mile radius.

I've had to give up work quite early but all my colleagues are so thrilled I'm pregnant and two of my closest friends are very excited to throw me a shower. I think its very kind of them. Heres the problem:

We were in the States for Christmas. Whilst there my best friend threw me a big shower. I got loooooads of stuff from friends and family, i am guessing mostly because i don't see them much and it makes it a bit easier once bub is born, no having to send parcels etc.

Because DH has such a huge fam, between work people and relations, this is going to be a 40++ shower here. Because I have so much of what I need already, I feel quite guilty. I will feel greedy when i end up with5x the amount of stuff I need. But my friend is so excited to throw the shower, and to be honest, I am wanting to celebrate the pregnancy and culturally, this is how we do it. :)

DH's family are big list makers for christmas etc. I know sending something out with the invitation can be really tacky. Is this?:

"While in America baby showers are usually to shower the new mom with goodies, DH and I have been so lucky to receive lots of bits and pieces from our recent trip to America. I am so grateful to friend for wanting to throw us this shower and are really excited to see you all and catch before the birth and... eat lots of cake! Please do not feel obligated to bring a gift. If you would really like to, friend has a small list of things that would be really useful to us. We hope to see you there!"

The list would literally be things like, nappies, toiletries, bibs, socks.

Thoughts?

That sounds a good idea and compromise. Sounds like you're like me and just want the chance to see everyone before life takes over!