Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Find out the sex or not?!?

36 replies

AdamsMammy · 01/07/2010 16:28

Hi - just for fun really - wanted to know if you found out the sex of your baby before it was born or not. Or if you're planning to find out before the birth? Interested to see where the mums netters stand on this one.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

japhrimel · 01/07/2010 16:33

We've decided to find out. We figured that we weren't that fussed, but it would feel silly saying we didn't want to know if it was obvious to the sonographer (and not looking for any signs on the scan ourselves!). Also, I want to get it straight in my head if I can. I know it's never 100% at the 20 week but I always call the baby "her" and DH mostly says "he" so it'd be nice (but not important) to know either way.

japhrimel · 01/07/2010 16:33

Forgot to mention - we're doing everything (nursery, baby clothes) pretty neutral whatever.

mum2oneloudbaby · 01/07/2010 16:34

Found out with both because I'm impatient and wanted to know. Not because I cared way.

DuelingFanjo · 01/07/2010 16:40

I have decided not to find out. My DH would like to know but I want a surprise. I also want to keep something private as I conceived through IVF and everyone knew, then everyone knew when I was testing and then everyone knew the test was positive.

So... it's really important for me to have a secret and I know if we found out we'd just tell people. My DH only has to mention something to his brother and it's all over town

TheOldestCat · 01/07/2010 16:43

We didn't find out either time - we really wanted that 'it's a boy/girl' moment from the midwife and weren't bothered whether our baby was a girl or boy. But both times, they left it to us to discover (well, DH, as I was too high on the lovely, lovely gas & air).

BunnyLebowski · 01/07/2010 16:43

I didn't want to find out and neither did DP.

Finding out the sex of your baby at birth is one of the few genuine surprises left in life.

I would much rather have that amazing 'It's a girl!!!' moment than the chance to call your bump 'she' or buy pink babygrows.

thisisyesterday · 01/07/2010 16:47

we didn't. had 3 babies and didn't find out with any of them

i had a thread on here actually when pg with ds3. had a LOT of responses and while most people were happy with what they'd decided I think there were 3 or 4 people who had wished they hadn't found out- i think they said it was a bit of an anti-climax being told just like that by the sonographer.
NONE of the people who didn't find out had regretted their decision, so that swung it for me

I think as well, they can't be 100% sure. so personally i wouldn't have been calling it by a name, or buying gender specific clothes etc etc just in case it was wrong, so there didn't seem any point

tutusare4 · 01/07/2010 16:52

I don't want to find out - I don't care either way, so it'll be a nice surprise

JoandMax · 01/07/2010 16:55

We didn't find out with either of our DSs - nothing beats that moment of being told 'It's a boy!!' after all the effort and stress of birth.

babynelly2010 · 01/07/2010 17:00

I want to find out. I think it will help to bond with the baby more and also with all the technology available nowadays why not!
This is such a personal view however, I understand these people that do not want to know before the birth. My sister in law did not find the gender with both of her kids and I respect that.

PrettyCandles · 01/07/2010 17:06

Dh did not want to know, so we didn't find out (I could not have kept it a secret!). And I am glad we didn't. Holding your new baby for the first time, exploring them, gazing into those amazingly dark eyes, not yet knowing who they are, taking your time...and, when you're ready, discovering for yourself whether they are boy or girl - it is the most wonderful experience.

PlasticCenturion · 01/07/2010 17:08

Different people do it different ways. People who wait can't understand why people who don't aren't fussed by finding out after the delivery and people who find out at the scan can't see the point in waiting.

You do what you want according to your own opinions.

PandaEis · 01/07/2010 17:41

ours is a slightly different one that others have said

we wanted to know but couldnt at the 20 week scan we asked if they would tell us and the baby had her legs crossed so there was no chance to get a good look!! i even got up and moved around and they rescanned and still...no chance it was the most wonderful feeling hearing "ITS A GIRL" from DH i am 8+4 with number 2 and DH has said he doesnt want to find out this time as he said it was amazing seeing what we had brought into the world

sedgiebaby · 01/07/2010 17:43

I was in two minds but finding out has really helped me to bond with my baby, it helped to give her an identity for me to think about how I will raise her, I have been able to buy more personal things for her so I'm really glad. I felt soooooo much more excited about my pregnancy for finding out the sex.

Also I found shopping and availability of unisex stuff was a problem, the stuff I do have (from before finding out) is more boyish and I'm gifting some of it now

MissCalamity · 01/07/2010 17:53

I didn't find out, and DH wasn't bothered either way.

At my 20 scan, it's legs were tightly crossed, so I thought it's be a girl. By my due date I was still convinced it was a girl - and when I reached down in the birthing pool to pick up my gorgeous new baby, I was so engrossed looking at the little feet and fingers I didn't even look in between his legs - until my DH suddenly shouted "it's a geezer!"

I wouldn't change that moment for the world

elk4baby · 01/07/2010 17:54

We decided to find out before birth.

To be honest, I don't really understand the whole 'surprise' of finding out at birth. Isn't it a surprise before birth?! Besides, there are only two possibilities really... And you know that you're having a baby before it's actually born, right? So you could say the real 'surprise' is gone... Although, having been through birth, there's nothing that can possibly prepare you for the sheer shock of it . Whether or not you know the sex before you meet your baby doesn't spoil the experience in any way. (IMHO)

Of course, there are some who don't do anything in advance - don't buy a cot or a pram, don't think of names, etc. Who's to say where we ought to draw the line?

emmyloo2 · 01/07/2010 17:57

We found out last weekend and it was the most amazing surprise. For me, it has helped me bond immensely with the baby knowing it is now a boy. We can focus on the names and just knowing he is a boy makes him more real in my imagination. Plus it gave me something to look forward to during those first weeks of pregnancy.

I am also impatient though and there is no way I could have not found out.

Having found out - it was the best decision ever. I am still walking on the clouds knowing my little baby is a boy!

upahill · 01/07/2010 18:03

We didn't either time. I was happy to see what came out!!

I'm not sure what was meant by it helps with bonding. We had no problems. I was smitten from the moment DS1 and 2 were born!

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 01/07/2010 18:05

I didn't want to find out either time - have a 7yo DD and am 38 weeks pg. This time round we didn't have the 20 week scan anyway.

I don't really understand the idea that it helps you bond, or that it gives the unborn baby an identity. You are not having 'A Boy' or 'A Girl' but a whole new wonderful and individual person. One of my wishes for my DC is that they will not go through life defined by their gender, that they will be recognised as being so much more than that. I personally wouldn't want to start forming their identity for them before birth based on what gender they are.

stressheaderic · 01/07/2010 18:06

Just to hear DP's voice breaking as he exclaimed 'it's a little girl' was so wondrous that I'm glad we never found out. Biggest and best surprise of our lives.

I absolutely and categorically would never find out, but I respect those that do.

MoJangles · 01/07/2010 18:07

This is helpful - my scan's next week and I haven't decided yet! I too say 'she' and DH says 'he', so one of us will have to adjust (we'd both be delighted either way) so possibly good to start early. On the other hand, like Dueling, I had a very public conception so keeping something just for us would be nice too.

sedgiebaby · 01/07/2010 18:10

upahill for me I meant bonding before baby was born (I'm still pregnant) and I found it made a difference for me, perhaps 'identity' isn't the ideal word it's the best way I can explain about little one being more 'real' to me, and somehow my feeling closer to her already

upahill · 01/07/2010 18:18

Sedgiebaby. I sort of see what you mean. What made the baby real for me (Apart from a massive stomach, sore boobs, vomiting, chronic tiredness and swollen ankles) was hearing the babies heart beat. I cried at that (of happiness that is, not dispair)

thisisyesterday · 01/07/2010 18:21

but sedgie, what if they're wrong? all tht bonding you've done, and it's a different sex? won't htat be worse than not knowing at all?

SeoMum · 01/07/2010 18:45

We can't wait to find out both me and DH will get the surprise at 20 weeks. They are usually pretty good at getting the sex right. I have a doppler and been listening to the babies heartbeat to bond and I think knowing will add to that.
It is your individual choice to find out but for us we can't wait- my friend in Oz already found out at just over 12 weeks (he is a big boy and the scan was so clear) so she already knows.

Flip

1 2