I *know* people are only trying to be nice and friendly and show an interest, really I do...

[QueenOfFlamingEverything]

But my internal dialogue every time I go out is along the lines of "Yes, thats right, I'm pregnant. How clever of you to notice. Due in five weeks, yes thats right, five weeks. No, don't worry, I won't give birth here and now, usually women get some warning when thats about to happen. Yes, yes, its just the one in there. No, no, really, you are the first person to make that excuse for a joke all week, I'm just not laughing because I'm not entirely sure my pelvic floor can take the strain. Yes, of course I know what it is, its A BABY, you annoying nosey loon."

I think I'm turning into a horrible fat harpy and need to go and have a sit down and some more chocolate before any of this mental bitching at innocent people who are only trying to be nice actually emerges from my bitter old mouth.

Is it your first?

Do you not what it is?

Aren't you big / small.

Oooh when my sisters aunts cousins dogs owners girlfriends babysitters local shopkeepers milkmans wife gave birth she had to have 342837339 stitches and lost her middle finger.

Know not not

I hear you...
Wishing my bump would make more of an appearence. I'm 23 weeks at the moment and it still depends on whether I've eaten recently as to if there's anything that looks remotely bump-like. SO MANY people have said to me: 'Gosh, nearly six months along? You're not showing very much, are you?.... Well, I'm sure the sonographer would pick up any problems, wouldn't they?' And then they walk away, looking vaguely worried.
Enjoy your chocolate!

Aaaah Peppa I know!
I swear to God if one more person comes into my office this week and tells me their vile, Quentin-Tarratntino-movie inspired birth story about some friend-or-relation or other WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING (!!!) I am going to throw my desk plant at them.

I was 20 weeks pregnant and the lady on the till in Asda said (very loudly) her daughter had a smaller bump than mine and she gave birth last week. Surely I was due to deliver soon!.

Smile and wave everyone, smile and wave.

What's weird though is when you have your second and people couldn't care less. Am very much not looking forward to being ignored even further this time around .

Pregnant lady = public property

Pregnant lady + small child = eek, don't mention it.

Honestly, whenever I went out without dd I'd get all of the above. With her, nada.

So enjoy it - it won't last long! (and then will come the ooh isn't she small/big, is it a boy/girl? you wanna put him down carrying him like that etc etc comments )

Oh but this is my second! Though my first is not exactly small now, she's a big grown up 7 year old.

Chocolate is lovely, dark (for the iron, you see!) with amaretti biscuit pieces (for the, um, carbs). And it has the added advantage of meaning I can't be rude to anyone 'cos my mouth is too full.

Throw it and blame it on the hormones

Ah, maybe that's the key... Coss she;s bigger people don't think you've made a terrible mistake they don't want to talk about

Oh God, I want some chocolate with amaretti biscuit peices so much...
Peppa

And don't forget that chocolate is made from a plant and that amaretti biscuits contain almonds - so you are getting 2 of your 5 a day. Plus all that important vitamin E and cholesterol lowering fats from the almonds .

I am particularly enjoying...

Random stranger: Ooh not long now, is it your 1st?
Me: No, it's my 4th. [dead pan]
Random stranger: ....oh...
Me: Yes I'm only half way! The 1st three have totally buggered my stomach muscles that's why I'm so huge [crazed grin]
Random stranger: ....oh....

Have also had Oh you must really like kids then if you'r having no 4.

I was so tempted to say, 'No I just really like irresponsible drunken sex' but I'm too chicken!

I particularly like "ah, you'll have a nice quick birth as your body knows what it's doing"

Love to shut them up with "yes I know, I'm having an elective section in a fortnight"

@ 'irresponsible drunken sex'

Oh and to top it all off, when I went into Oxfam today the lady on the till said 'Oooooh, can I touch?'.

To which I gritted my teeth and said nothing, and she reached out anyway to stroke MY HAIR!!!

The worst I had was yesterday a very loud till assistant in boots asking me if I was preparing for the birth when I was buying MATTERNITY PADS - I am 39+4 so very noticably pregnant. I felt like saying, no I just like to collect bit matress style pads to wear for fun because they are so sexy! What the f**k else would you use them for? If I had been buying tampax would she have said very loudly 'preparing for your period are you?'

Seriously am I just unreasonable or is it the hormones????

ooh your hair. That IS weird.

But generally, you lot are unreasonable (but it's forgivable because you are allowed to be unreasonable when you're preg in my book).

I like all that small talk. Though ask me again in about 6 months .

Touched your hair?!?!?

I don't mind the small talk along the lines of 'do you know if its a boy/ girl' etc

BUT I am starting to mind all the comments on the size of my bump, I would never comment on people's appearance (except I guess to be obviously complimentary) so I don't know why people think its ok to comment on my appearance in a way that I might not like e.g. "surely its triplets hahaha". It especially annoys me if I'm working in the public facing part of my job as I feel I can't do anything except smile and accept what ever they say. I am getting to the point where I will be tempted to retort however ... "oooh and what a lovely big wart that is" ... or maybe "ooh gosh you've got a lot of wrinkles, how old are you, gosh, so I would have thought you were much older" . I might get sacked though

lol at buckbuck comments. This is exactly what my mum said when I told her I was pregnant with my third: "ah I guess you kind of like kids then" followed by "I guess they look sort of happy". Lovely!

I usually get the "was it planned" and "are you going to stop there or keep going". I won't even mention on here the list of rude and unappropriate replies I have to bite my lips to avoid blurting out!

My male neighbour, who is the nosiest man in the world, nice, but nosey, saw me coming down the road the other day and knows I'm pregnant said "OOh look at you, you've got yourself a good old bump there haven't you?" before placing his great big sausage hands on it and having a good old squeeze like I was a ripening melon.

That was a bit odd.

I can barely remember his name, I know him this little.

Perhaps I stumbled onto a Benny Hill set in 1984.

I get such different bump comments.

Told last week I was tiny for almost full term.

Told today it's a good job I'm having a section in two weeks as I will pop if I get much bigger!

How weird and funny. lol!

I never got any of those stuff during my first pregnancy and guess I won't be getting any this time round either. I hardly got any attention with being pregnant and nobody touched my bump really, not even the midwives. All colleagues and friends who spoke to me were all lovely. The only thing I do remember being offended about is "was it planned?". Arrrghh!

Touching hair?

I quite like all the chat so far, it's kind of friendly and nice. But if any strangers touch me or my bump, I'll probably bite their hands off!!

The number of apparently fully-qualified and psychic obstetricians wandering the streets of my local town, who knew that I must be having twins as I was so unfeasably huge with DS, was incredible!

I'd prepare some witty come-backs this time around, but I know people just aren't bothered by subsequent pregnancies.