I *know* people are only trying to be nice and friendly and show an interest, really I do...

[QueenOfFlamingEverything]

But my internal dialogue every time I go out is along the lines of "Yes, thats right, I'm pregnant. How clever of you to notice. Due in five weeks, yes thats right, five weeks. No, don't worry, I won't give birth here and now, usually women get some warning when thats about to happen. Yes, yes, its just the one in there. No, no, really, you are the first person to make that excuse for a joke all week, I'm just not laughing because I'm not entirely sure my pelvic floor can take the strain. Yes, of course I know what it is, its A BABY, you annoying nosey loon."

I think I'm turning into a horrible fat harpy and need to go and have a sit down and some more chocolate before any of this mental bitching at innocent people who are only trying to be nice actually emerges from my bitter old mouth.

Im currently 34+6 with no 4 and have a very large bump (the last 3 have been nearly 10lbs so expected). 2 weeks ago I was in new look communal changing room (all the skinny girls were far too insecure and the q was huge) trying on a dress, the lady next to me who happened to be a midwife got talking when a deranged dear old lady came rushing over to me and grabbed my belly.
I was plus I was stood just in a bra and pants (luckily big pants Im not sure she would have approached from behind if Id been in a thong
Why would anyone do that to a half naked woman they didnt know ?
The mw next to me shouted what the hell did she think she was doing and she scarpered but I for once was stunned into silence.

vicbar !

Has anyone tried any good comebacks?

"You are huge....look at the size of you" etc could try, yeah, but you're ugly and at least this baby will come out one day!! I'm never feeling that brave, so I just think it!!

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago with about 4 other preggers ladies all due around the same time. All of them on their 1st pregnancy and probably not having baby elephants but one girl kept going on and on and on about how huge Iam and am I sure its only one etc. In the end my FIL said (very loudly) From behind you dont look pregnant and Im amazed how some women use pregnancy as an excuse to get fat. I love him for it as I blatently have the pregnancy waddle but seriously 2 of the women were due before me and I wasnt sure if they were pregnant or just large.
goodlifemummy
I read a thread where someone said its baby no * and they said you muist like babies and she wished she'd replied no I just like drunken irresponsible sex - Im using that at the next opportunity.

Buckbuck - that did make me laugh (I'm storing it mentally for when I have the same comments (on our 4th, too).

Each time we tell our neighbour, he does the nudge, nudge, wink, wink thing and says, 'What? Was you're telly broken?' to which, I have promised myself that I'm going to answer this time, 'Hell, no - it was just the ad break!'

and QueenofFlamingEverything - touching your hair is very weird. Don't go back in there!

I really have started telling people that my stomach muscles are shot from baby number one - not that they were much cop in the first place - and that it's not just baby, there's a lot of cake contribution too

I also know two other women who are due on the same date as me, and if people comment it on it I just smile sweetly and say that there really can't have been much on telly that night.

It is bizarre how suddenly everyone feels the need to comment. Including people I've known for years who wouldn't normally pass the time of day with me.

It's got to the stage where I can't be arsed with politeness though; just be direct. MAybe they'll get the hint?

And, touching your hair? Ewwwwww.

The only person who ever touched my bump (apart from DH and MIL) was a guy at work, who came up to me and grabbed on. I stood very still and said loudly "Excuse me Neil, you do know that that is my body that you have your hands on, don't you?" He went bright red and stumbled away and avoided me until I went on ML.

All from female colleagues:

"Oh, given that you're due around the same time as X you're MUCH bigger aren't you?"

"Have the doctor's told you you will have to have a caesaerean because you're so small?"

"Oh, your FACE looks so tired and exhausted as if you just want have the baby right now" - me - I've 3 months to go - "Is THAT 6 months!! Well let's hope your ankles don't swell up like my sister's did! Are you scared about giving birth?" Cue quick exit from the ladies from me just as outraged lady still in the cubicle who has obviously overheard the conversation shouts "YOU'LL BE FINE!!!" I wish I knew who that was to say thanks!. As if I want to discuss my childbirth fears with someone so insensitive!

Am also looking forward to not being blatantly STARED at in the street as I waddle to work. Two weeks to go till maternity leave starts

Doctors not doctor's....

Ah, vicbar, your FIL is lovely. Although I do think I'm using pregnancy as an excuse to get fat(ter) .

From the beginning with The Cub, if they asked me what I was having they got this stock response:

A baby, I did want a giraffe but apparently that isn't allowed!

And if they touched without asking they got:

Do I look like Buddha? If you rub my stomach, trust me, it isn't good luck you will be getting!

SomewhatGrumpyWhilstPregnantTiggaxx

I'm 38+3 and whilst not the most ginormous pregnant person, am definitely ready to 'pop' now. I can sympathise with all of the above!!
The most bizarre thing over the last week happened in Sainsbury's the other night when the lady behind us in the queue leaned around me to ask my OH "Ooo when is she due??" to which he replied "In two weeks, and she STILL possesses the power of speech, isn't it amazing?!"

Next person who grabs my bump, I'm gonna honk one of their boobs/moobs... I swear to God, I'm gonna do it!!!!

Strangers touched my bump, it's like a native tradition! Maybe it's to find out if it real. Don't forget it is a miracle!

My mother sees fit to comment on my size every time she sees me and, looked smug when I was 16 weeks that she was wearing her normal jeans 2 weeks before having me and was never as big then as I am now- so I must be having a boy. She saw me 2 weeks ago and declared me to be 'nice and plump'. I'm a size 8, but with a belly-obviously. How can that translate to plump? does she seriously think that is complementary?

I think "was it planned?" (from my boss) the rudest question of all - Im 31, stable job, got married last year (mainly because we wanted to start a family)... errrr what do you think? Also my (male, thirty something) neighbour tried to touch my bump - to which I managed some uncharacteristicaly deft footwork to get out of the way without looking too much like I was flinching... strangers who want to talk to me on the bus - fine, partial acquaintances that want to paw me - not fine

I am pregnant with DC3 and find that offering too much information works wonders i.e. "Oh you are having a third despite having one of each?', I respond with 'well it wasn't planned but when it was snowing in January it was cold and we didn't have much to do so we drank wine and had sex and here we are' Works every time

Same as Helena...that was the first question from so many people! I couldn't believe it, it is such a rude question! "Errr, no...we had unprotected drunken sex and look where it got us."

Even a close family member (BiL) did it...announced it at family gathering and he came running over with congratulations...second statement out of his mouth was 'was it planned?' to DH.

I'm 29, he's 35, we're married, 2 dogs, a house, responsible jobs...

'No I just really like irresponsible drunken sex'

BuckBuck - that has made my day!

If a stranger asks if this is my first I think I feel obliged to look around me with a panicked look and say "shit, what have I done with the other one".

I like the idea of responsible drunken sex though . When I was nursing and wearing my tent just before ML, an elderly lady came up to me placed one hand on bump and rubbed the small of my back for a good few minutes. She kept saying how lovely it was to a colleague because she used to be a midwife, it was quite sweet rally.

Because I had a big bump I'd get "haven't you had it yet"?

Just wanted to add that now I am pregnant, am very glad it is obvious! As last summer, when I so desperately WANTED to be, and was in the queue in M%S on a v hot day, and had one of those long waterfall cardigans on, that'd I'd superstylishly (or not) tied in a knot across my stomach, the elderly lady behind me said
"Ooh hot isn't it...bet you're sweltering in your condition. When's it due?"

I was so VERY embarrassed that I just went along with it and instead of saying, nope I'm just porky and the knot's exacerbating it, I said "Oh yes, I'm 5 months....it is a bit hot isn't it?" and tried desperately to change the subject but no, she wanted to talk about it..... She was ever so sweet and I felt a bit guilty with the lies but hey!

Glad she didn't get touchy feely mind you.

I don't get a lot of strangers commenting - maybe because I live in London and no hardly gives you eye contact

Have had friends ask was it planned though - er hello, we are 34, married for 3 years, together for 15, have four bedroom house. I don't get it.

Oh also in one day have had 10 comments on size of bump which vary from you're massive to you're tiny - all very useful

The only person who asked 'was it planned?' was my boss (and HR Director!).

1. I'm 29 and have been married for 7 years
2. He'd just approved a document for managers which included guidance on what to say/not to say to a pregnant employee
3. About two weeks later our team had a meal out (with partners) and he then also asked my husband!

I ended up querying whether he was trying to check if I'd somehow tricked DH and he admitted he thought it was the normal thing to ask. I gently put him right on that and suggested he read some of our own department's guidance :-)

Thankfully haven't had anyone touch the bump other than some friends who asked first but I'd be freaked out if a random stranger just came up and prodded me!

Well I have been very lucky and have only had lovely people at work saying nice things like "You're lucky that you've stayed slim"(I haven't), and "You haven't put on weight anywhere apart from your bump" (I have, but disguise it by wearing black).

And the only people who have wanted to touch and stroke the bump are my Girl Guides who are all pretty obsessed, but in such a sweet way.

Plus I have used every opportunity to shoehorn in a short lecture on how pregnancy is great, once you're in a stable relationship and have established a career and done lots of fun things like travel the world. I am good and can turn the most innocuous conversation round to this topic.