Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Finding the sex but keeping it secret

48 replies

PixieCake · 08/06/2010 14:22

I have planned to find out the sex of my baby next week at my 20 week scan, but keep it a secret between me and DH until it is born.

However, DH mentioned this to his family and they got a bit funny, asking what was the point of not telling them, they all want to know, makes it easier to buy things, etc.

I'm not a big fan of pink for girls and blue for boys, (or of buying too much before the birth for that matter) so am dismissing that bit of the argument, but I am finding the attitude annoying.

Should we just pretend that we decided not to find out to stop them pestering? Or will that make it tricky when they start asking what we think it will be etc.

Anyone else kept it secret, and how did you tell people. Does 'We know but we're not telling you' sound rude, or is it quite common?

Thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
DramaInPyjamas · 08/06/2010 14:26

I was going to keep it a secret. But I blabbed to everybody the minute I found out. Both times.

Just pretend that the scan couldn't show clearly if the baby is a boy or a girl.

LadyintheRadiator · 08/06/2010 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Romilly70 · 08/06/2010 14:32

I am hopeless at keeoing secrets.

I know I am having a little boy and have told most people. quite handy for getting handme down clothes from friends, especially if there are other people expecitng at a similar time.

Also i like to refer to my baby as "he" not it, and DP and I refer to him by the name we've chosen, although that is a secret.

In your case, would just lie and say baby was in the wrong position and you don't know!!

Sonilaa · 08/06/2010 14:34

we did not find out the sex both times but got pestered by family a lot. they could not believe we did not want to find out. and I would not have been able to lie to them.
with our second my mum tried to ask ds (3) the name of our baby. thank good we only had a "working title"...

lu1 · 08/06/2010 14:55

with my first we found out we were having a boy but told people that we didnt find out its your baby you dont have to tell any one if you dont want to good luck

knackered76 · 08/06/2010 15:15

I had friends who knew but kept it a secret, didn't seem to bother anyone, it's not like we were never going to find out! She did say when she had her second (and told everyone what she was having) she has no idea why they wanted to keep it a secret as it seemed quite pointless! My parents said if we did find out they didn't want to know.

I wouldn't worry about the attitude, it's your secret to keep and nowt to do with them. Agree with ladyintheradiator, give your DH a kick for making it harder then it was meant to be

AhLaVache · 08/06/2010 15:18

What is the reason for not telling?

I've never been able to get my head around this.

Xavielli · 08/06/2010 17:13

I've never understood the 'we know but you can't' thing either. You BOTH know and tbh, everyone else is unimportant. You'll get pink for a girl and blue for a boy from other people no matter what you say I'm afraid, and no matter that they have to wait until baby is born to do so.

I'm going to my scan on my own, and finding out, I won't tell anyone as DP doesn't want to know. It would be unfair of me to tell everyone else before babies Dad knows. I will be going with the 'baby had it's legs crossed' line - to DP and everyone else (the staff in mothercare might figure it out however... I have no problem with pink/blue but, by God, I HATE yellow)

addie81 · 08/06/2010 17:29

we know we are having a girl but my DH doesn't want to tell anyone apart from our families. When people ask me whether we know what we are having, I just tell them the truth and say yes, we do know, but my DH has sworn me to secrecy. No one seems even remotely offended by this - why should then? The majority of people I know who have found out the sex haven't told other people.

LadyintheRadiator · 08/06/2010 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moonstorm · 08/06/2010 18:32

My friends did this. It didn't even occur to me thst this was strange. Why not have your own special secret?? It's your choice!!

CTJ82 · 08/06/2010 18:40

Pixie Cake,

I can totally understand wanting to keep the sex between you and DH.

The real reason for me is that my mother-in-law is driving me batty wanting to know every in & out of the pregnancy. She works out all the dates before I do, tells me what to expect at each scan/MW appointment (I'm surprised she hasn't asked to see my notes). If I let on the sex I'll have a never ending barrage of name suggestions and possibly friction if I reject them.

Some might think that I'm selfish, but I just want to have a little bit of this pregnancy to myself.

Like a lot of others have said, I will just say the sonographer couldn't tell, so we don't know. Who cares they will find out in a few months anyhow?!

AhLaVache · 08/06/2010 18:45

Who cares...exactly!
Thats why it seems so mad, all this secrecy.
Is it a way of trying to maintain some sort of interest?
Its just so precious imo.

ronx · 08/06/2010 18:55

YABU - only because you will be inundated with pink/blue stuff whether you tell people the sex of your baby before or after it's born.

DomesticG0ddess · 08/06/2010 19:23

I would say the scan was inconclusive, to avoid having to justify your decision all the time.

MammyG · 08/06/2010 21:26

We know and arent telling anyone. Anyone who has asked if we were going to find out I just said 'no we didnt'. We are really loving having our little secret also we have had friends that told everyone what they were having and tbh it took a little of the surprise factor from the birth. The only thing left to find out was the weight.
For the most part tho we are just loving bonding and imagining her, taking the time to think about a suitable name etc but having it all between us. Feels very special.

DinahRod · 08/06/2010 21:49

We know the gender of no 3, if asked "we didn't find out with the other two" (which we didn't) and "it's a surprise" which they take to mean we don't know either. It's not to keep other ppl guessing, doubt they have an opinion about it, but just feel more at ease at presenting family/friends with a fait accompli.

usualsuspect · 08/06/2010 21:53

Why??????

EvilTwins · 08/06/2010 21:53

I think it's odd, TBH. Find out, don't tell anyone if you like, but pleeeease don't do the "we know but we're not telling you" thing. I agree - it's not like anyone else cares as much as you. It's a bit Mumzilla.

moondog · 08/06/2010 21:57

Lady, you are so righ here.

'If you were going to keep it a secret, I think a vital part of that is not letting on that you know.

Because to be honest, without wishing to sound mean, who else really cares that much apart from you? It's either a boy or a girl, it's not as though there's a long list of possibilities. So yes, 'we're not telling you' sounds rude - why not tell them?'

So true whic h is what i did. Nothingm ore irritating than some sanctimonious first timer saying smugly 'We'rre keeping it a secret'. I then feel like bawling 'Look,I don't really care-was just being polite.'

DinahRod · 08/06/2010 22:09

If you're asking me: because I had a gender preference and was pretty hormonal about it so just protecting myself a bit from well intentioned comment; because don't want naming suggestions from the ILs and once the baby is born ppl aren't generally rude to your face about names! Plus am quite a private person and don't feel the need to satisfy other people's curiosity.

PenguinsMummy · 09/06/2010 09:13

We found out with our first and didn't tell anyone but they knew that we knew. We were then continuously quizzed on what we were having, why we wouldn't tell, people reading into everything that you said about the baby, guessing continuously, etc, etc until it got REALLY annoying and stressful. Second time round we found out and just told everyone! And we will do again as DC3 is on the way. If you want to keep it a secret, then don't let anyone know that you know.

yama · 09/06/2010 09:24

I think it is a lovely surprise for friends and family to find out the baby's gender on the day it's born.

Parents have their own (varied) reasons for finding out the sex during pregnancy.

Just don't let on that you know. When I'm asked if I know what I'm having I say 'a baby'. Yes, I know it's really annoying but I find the question annoying.

vmcd28 · 09/06/2010 09:36

I totally understand not letting people know! Theres less of an excitement (dont think thats the right word) if everyone has known for weeks that you're having a boy, then they get the phonecall to say, "I've had, um, that boy you already knew we were having."
I think I'll be going for a private scan to find out, and I'd be hoping I could keep it secret from my family. I probably wont be able to, though...

vmcd28 · 09/06/2010 09:41

Plus, I think to say "no-one cares as much as you" is completely incorrect! My mum is desperate to know, esp given that this will be her last grandchild. I dont think she'd be interefering in any way, but I just would like someone to get a surprise, even if I dont.

Swipe left for the next trending thread