15 weeks and still of sex - books say libido should be up by now..

[blondecat]

Hi Ladies

A bit worried here - I am 15 weeks pregnant, no longer sick, just some back pain and off sex. Am a bit worried as the books say my sex drive should be up now and DH has read them so finds me a bit strange.

We do it once a week now and frankly I'd be happy if we didn't.

Has anyone else had a similar problem?

What to do?

We've had sex three times since I found out I am pregnant...am now 38 weeks

I just haven't wanted to, with feeling tired and just generally bleugh...

The books should be taken with a pinch of salt, everyone feels different. And if your morning sickness has gone about 15 weeks - hurrah! So did mine

Relax!

xx

Snap Foxy - sex 3 times in this pregnancy am I'm 31+4. Nothing in first trimester due to a bleed, some action in second trimester but nothing since 20 weeks as just not interested, DH is understanding about it but feeling a little hard done by

ha, once a week is too much effort for me!! I'm 15 w too, and have no interest whatsoever!
Partly I'm too scared to, after having some first-trimester spotting - I'm scared to set something like that off again.
But mainly thats an excuse!

I'm wondering how to break it to DH that I might never want to again.

oh god my libido was al over the show when pg with ds2. up til 12 weeks i wanted it all the time then after that...not so much. .

dont worry that the book says something different to what you are experiencing. all women experience each pregnancy differently. you are normal.

i hope your DH isn't being sulky or making you feel as if you aren't normal? my OH was a bit funny when i went of it. he took it personally but i produced a load of info from teh internet and even made him look for info himself to see what was going on. it really helped him understand.

God, I hate those books - they've made me feel totally inadequate too. Sex has just been the last thing on my mind!

DH has been utterly fantastic throughout my pg (I'm 32+4) and keeps telling me how much pregnancy suits me and how he finds my new shape really sexy. He even bought me sexy new underwear after my boobs exploded out of my last bra, but nothing. Makes me feel like a heel, particularly when the books are saying I should be feeling randy as a rabbit.

Just be honest about it, be close, kiss, cuddle, enjoy your pregnancy and chuck the books out the window.

Incidentally, the only pregnancy book that hasn't made me want to scream has been the Rough Guide to Pregnancy - if you haven't got that one yet get it- it's both hilarious and practical.

The books are sucha load of cock!

Even between dd1 and dd2 I was different for the first 2 trimesters, the only guarantee is that, as soon as you are too big to be able to have sex comfortably, your libido will return witha vengeance.

Oh books schmooks!!!

Everyone is completely different! I never lost my sex drive (even in first trimester) and a friend didn't have sex once durnig her whole pregnancy!! (or for 3 months after!!)

Ignore the books!

And I am sure there are other ways you can keep DH happy... you have a mouth... he has a....

Everyone's different I think. My sex drive has been up if anything from the start.

As soon as I found out I was PG (both times) my sex drive disappeared and did not return until months (years?) after giving birth!

i have no sex drive at the moment either, haven't for ages (28wks)

um, sod books,. it comes back when it comes back.

31 weeks and mine hasn't come back yet I can't even be bothered to make a token effort anymore.

I hope all this makes you feel a bit better, tbh, if you don't feel like having sex then you need to tell your DH, woudl he want to be having sex with you if you don't want to? Maybe show him this thread so he can see that you are completely normal.

Thank goodness for this thread. Generally on here you get the impression everyone turns rampant and is banging away all through their pregnancies. I was starting to feel a prude - I'm really not, but I didn't do it at all in my first pregnancy and don't fancy it this time either. Thankfully DH very understanding and happy to do other stuff (although that doesn't mean he's getting wall-to-wall BJs either cos I'm hardly in the mood for that). So please don't feel at all abnormal or pressured. Do what feels right for you and no more.

Oh my thank god I'm not the only one. One of my mates keeps telling me she was up for anything in her pregnancy but I simply can't be bothered. I'm just tired or not in the mood and when I am DP isn't there.
I'm 26 weeks and this lack of interest still hasn't lifted. I feel a bit sorry for DP to be honest.

I went off it in pregnancy. My son is now 3.5 and I am still off it.

I was rampant in my first but not that bothered in the second, and tbh, very rarely bothered now (baby born nov 09). I think it is such a variable thing, just go with the flow.

I'm envious. I'm 11 weeks and my DH has gone off it. He can't get rid of the idea that he might hurt the baby and the idea of sex now totally freaks him out. It's definately not going to get any better when I develop a bump and start feeling it move. I wish it was me who had gone off it instead. It's nice to feel desired.

Do Not Read Books!

If you continue that habit you will also think that babies should fit a particular routine and it Must Not Be Disrupted and you will never visit friends at Nap Time and you will be left alone and friendless.

Put them all in the bin, now!

Once my sickness stopped I couldn't get enough in my first pregnancy. Was even really randy within a couple of weeks of giving birth.

This time I really have no sex drive at all, I think it's harder as you get bigger as I really don't feel sexy and most positions squash me/baby and it's just awkward. Having been the person in my relationship with the higher sex drive in the past I understand how DH feels and do my best to be interested when he is but I just don't feel it. Luckily he doesn't have a very high sex drive anyway so once a week is fine by him, on the odd occasion I do feel like it he has turned me down! I'm now almost 28 weeks so can't see it getting any better.

Hopefully you can find something that suits you both and it doesn't cause a problem during the rest of your pregnancy. Good luck!

I had hyperemesis and it lasted til about week 15 and I think between weeks 6-15 we prob only had sex once or twice because I felt so wretched :-/

2nd trimester was a very different story but now I'm 29 weeks, bump is pretty big, heartburn is bad and my hands, legs and feet are very puffy so think sex will be a once weekly occurence if he's lucky ;)

Everyone is different, I had a friend whose sex drive completely disappeared about 8 weeks into her pregnancy, not to return again until after the baby is born. Don't try and measure yourself against other people, just stay relaxed about it and buy yourself a few nice maternity nighties in case the mood strikes!!

Wow

Thank you all for the fantastic response. I feel a lot better and a lot less like an unloving freak now.

We must have every pregnancy book ever printed - wait n Rough Guide - should I rush to buy it or just start chucking the existing books out f the window and onto the heads of passers by?

Thumbs I'm with you- my DH went off sex straight after coming with me to the 12 week scan. I find it quite upsetting and its hard not to take it personally. We've had the whole it won't hurt the baby conversation and I basically feel like I'm pushing him, which does naff all for my self esteem. Without wishing to sound needy, I am getting a little self-conscious of the bump and feel like I need some reassurance that I look alright, but I just get 'you're lovely' (which is not the same as you look lovely) and 'you're pregnant!'. Umm yes, thanks for reminding me, I forgot for a moment there.

I've started to wear a nightie to bed which I never ever normally do, and bought a really nice one from hotmilk, primarily to help my boobs out, but really on the basis of I was holding back as my DH had previousy expressed disappointment that I may start wearing bedclothes and now I'm like why the hell not? I could easily wear bloody all in one pyjamas with a velcro neckline for all the distress it would give my DH....

The effect on my self-esteem has, for me been marked and perhaps erroneously I've decided not to initiate anymore as I don't want him going through the motions and that would be on my mind.

Also, my DH is waiting for me to get 'more affectionate' as he's read I may get more affecionate and needy in pregnancy and he's looking forward to that...well, I can tell you its hard to be all cooingly affectionate when I feel as desired as a bogey. He doesn't think the 2 are linked, but for me they are.

He doesn't link it to me- he just 'doesn't feel like it'and has a 'low libido' which is the first time ever. When I got upset, he turned it all back round on me and dredged something up from ancient history to throw in my face. I've had 2 argument with him in a week, both of which he's managed to say something devastating, so I'm just not bothering anymore as its too easy to get hurt. If I bring something up I know worry its all going to go back to something else and it will make me feel like poo which to be honest I don't need right now. Other than that, he's lovely....
Rant over and I don't feel any better and it was nothing to do with the thread!!! Sorry.

I agree books should be banned. You can guarantee to have a symptom not mentioned in a book or have none!