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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What do you wish someone told you about having your first baby?

45 replies

dolphina78 · 12/05/2010 11:40

The above says it all really! I'm 36+3 and thought this maybe a useful thread.
Would appreciate anything you think of!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

melrose · 12/05/2010 11:42

That it gets easier!!

Before40 · 12/05/2010 11:43

Can we expand the thread to cover your first pregnancy as well? I've just found out, and I'm all at sea!

Hevster · 12/05/2010 11:44

that you learn to live without proper sleep!

Original poster

dolphina78 · 12/05/2010 11:48

Hi Before40,
That sounds good to me as this is my first pregnancy also!
How many weeks are you?

OP posts:

Thandeka · 12/05/2010 11:51

practice pushing your poo's out!

vmcd28 · 12/05/2010 12:21

That everything is just a phase. If the baby cries all night, it won't soon.

If the baby sleeps all night, it won't soon...

Dont get too used to something, good or bad, cos it will change.

Also, the first few weeks are so so hard. You will have days you feel like you're rubbish at it all. But we've all felt like that.

Don't punish yourself for things. Dont get too many set ideas in your head about what you will and wont do. eg I swore I'd never give my son a dummy, but when he was the hungriest baby in the world, and cried when he wasnt getting fed, it was the only way to help for a few months.
I also said I would breast feed for months. That didnt work out either, but he was happier for it.

If you are stressed, the baby is stressed. So dont sweat the small stuff. Just do whats going to make you all happier.

Kity · 12/05/2010 12:44

great reply vmcd and so very true.

However hard people tell you it is, its harder
However rewarding people tell you having kids is, it will be more than their words can ever express

As vmcd says, be flexible, be prepared for things you desperately wished and hoped for to go out of the window, I have lost count of the amount of friends and family I've known, who, whilst pregnant have said "i'll never use a dummy" or "ill never use formula" only to find themselves doing those things they swore they wouldn't because their little bundle of joy shifted the goal posts when they were born. Just go with it all and don't beat yourself up

And try and enjoy it, coz before long they're running around the house climbing all over the furniture and you find yourself thinking I wish Id enjoyed that newborn snuggly phase more!

In terms of pregnancy, omg I WISH I could have gone back and had a serious word with my pregnant self (first time around) I would tell myself to sleep as much as is humanly possible for one person to do, to chill the hell out when it comes to eating various foods, to enjoy time alone and time with your partner because you will soon realise how precious those two things are. And in terms of birth you will forget what a contraction feels like, sounds ridiculous but its true I could not tell you what one felt like (apart from it hurt) the day after I had my son!
But THE most important thing that no one told me was how hard breast feeding can be, I honestly thought it would be show baby boob and bobs your uncle but no, took 3 weeks of tears and very hard slog to get it right. It was worth it for me and I fed my DS for 7months but if you cant do it then formula is GOOD ENOUGH, again don't beat yourself up but be prepared for it to be hard work
Good luck all!

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2010 12:47

that pushing the baby out is just having a big poo - it's not 'similar' or using the same sorts of muscles, you are having a big poo.
Oh and that you can and will survive on less sleep than you ever thought possible and most of the time it will be fine. You're tired, but it's fine.

withorwithoutyou · 12/05/2010 12:51

That some babies really don't breastfeed every 3 or 4 hours, they just want to feed all the time.

That the easiest thing you can do is not fight it, stop waiting for things to improve and just resign yourself to being topless for at least 6 motnh!

libelulle · 12/05/2010 13:00

'This too will pass'. Tattoo it on your hands and repeat it over and over and over when things are seeming desperate!

And you have complete license to ignore all the advice in the baby books that you don't like, especially the bits that seem most strident and self-assured. They write with an image of a theoretical baby in mind which will be nothing like your own.

sunshiney · 12/05/2010 13:16

that when they're newborn and you've just breastfed them, if they continue the hysterical screaming with hunger, a little top up of formula won't herald the end of breastfeeding.

they like to be snuggly in order to go to sleep. SIDS is a terrible thing, but quite rare. Making your babies bed cosy isn't a bad thing. (so says the mother who deliberated endlessly - one more cellular blanket - will it lead to overheating??? - arrggh)

if they won't stop crying, and you have offered food and comfort and made sure they have a clean nappy, and don't have any wind - RELAX. there is nothing you can do. at times they cry and if you can keep yourself calm you will handle it better. Sometimes there's nothing you can do so no point getting frantic.

lifeistooshort · 12/05/2010 13:23

that after three months your hair will start to fall off. You'll think you'll go bald. You won't

lifeistooshort · 12/05/2010 13:23

oh and to go and see a cranial osteopath if baby has colics

DuelingFanjo · 12/05/2010 13:26

Oooh am interested in this too, specially the pregnancy stuff.

Bonsoir · 12/05/2010 13:27

How much extra laundry there would be!

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2010 13:30

If you are breastfeeding and your baby cries when he/she's not due another feed, feed them. In fact unless there's obviously another problem (pain/dirty nappy) you can always offer a feed.

Ferry · 12/05/2010 13:52

Get a sling. Throw money at anything that will help your baby sleep. Swaddle. WHITE NOISE! You will love them so much and this love just grows the more they do. You will want to throw them across the room. It's amazing. Have low standards to make life easier. Your body adjusts to the lack of sleep and you will still feel tired but will stop shaking and wanting to collapse when you get up.

You'll love it (eventually)!

BertieBotts · 12/05/2010 13:57

Yes. Pushing the baby out is literally like doing a poo. DON'T stress about doing a poo and try to hold the poo in, because it won't help. Trust me, you want to get that bit over with!

Also I am glad I did know about co-sleeping, it saved my sanity. Even if you don't want to do it full time I think that all breastfeeding mums should set up a safe space in your bed or a spare bed where you can feed lying down and the baby will be safe if you drop off. This is MUCH safer and more sensible than accidentally falling asleep on the sofa with them because you are so knackered.

ninedragons · 12/05/2010 13:58

Don't beat yourself up if breastfeeding doesn't work for you.

mrsfred · 12/05/2010 13:58

The first six weeks are pretty rubbish. You are constantly knackered and out of your comfort zone. Then suddenly you get to the end of a day and think 'well that wasn't too bad' and it all starts getting easier.

Don't tiptoe around your newborn. Stick him/her in the pram next to the washing machine and hoover round them so they don't need to be in total quiet when they sleep.

Twittle · 12/05/2010 14:01

Dolphina great thread, I am also a first timer 29 weeks today and reading through everyones posts is really helpful! Vmcd and Kity your posts were brilliant and have really put it all into context and made me more excited and a little less nervous!

Good luck to all those first timers out there - we've got to start somewhere!

vmcd28 · 12/05/2010 14:04

mrsfred, good point! In fact, my DS is now 5, and he still sleeps with a CD on in his room - he prefers it to silence, and I'm sure it's cos he slept in his moses basket in whatever room we were in - ie TV is on, washing machine on, us chatting etc etc

dingdong3 · 12/05/2010 14:05

What a lovely thread with lots of off the record advice that you would get lynched for on other threads! Loving it and happy to add my tuppence worth.
I wish someone told me it was ok not to breastfeed to save me weeks of pain and upset and months of stress and guilt for not perservering.
I wish I had been more assertive in hospital to ensure that I got the rest I needed and did the things I wanted to do, like bottle feeding, giving DS1 a dummy and using baby wipes!
Wish someone had told me also not to hold and rock my baby all the time but to just feed, wind, change and put back into his crib.
And, no matter what anyone tells you, you don't have to have any more than three months of sleepless nights. Expect your child to sleep through and use all the techniques to help your child to do so. They are not born with the ability to settle themselves and put themselves back asleep and it will be the best gift you can give them as a mother if you guide them through this. I found the Baby Whisperer's book great.
Finally, try to enjoy it all if AT ALL possible! It flies by!
BTW, did all of the above with DTs who came along 4 years after DS and it all worked and they are the happiest and most content kids.

Good luck all you new mummies out there...I am a bit
tbh...wish I could afford and was young enough to do it all again

AchillesTortoise · 12/05/2010 14:25

That it could arrive at 37 weeks!

That for some people it can take literally years (for me maybe 1-2) to adjust to and accept the fact that their needs no longer come first. Took me ages to find some kind of peace in my new life of never being able to take my time over little things ifyswim.

LaDiDaDi · 12/05/2010 14:43

Echo SPB,

If your baby seems hungry, or is crying and you don't know why then try feeding again.

I really think that a lot more women would manage to bf successfully withought ff top ups if this advice was emblazoned on all maternity wards.

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