Constant comments about weight- make me feel better!

[strawberrycake]

I know people are joking but the CONSTANT comments about my size are getting me down, even though I know I'm at a sensible weight. I don't think people realise how much it's getting to me but if you're told something day in and day out for months it starts to play with your mind! Please can people ressure me with experiences/ common sense before I lose it and feel pushed into dieting or something! I am fed up of being called 'baby whale' etc.

I'm 5'9, 38 weeks and 11st 12lb having gained 2 st. Not the minimum, but I belive healthy.

(btw the way maybe I'm a little sensitive but in the past I've worked long and hard to completely overcome years of anorexia)

It's worth plucking up the courage to say something to the next person who comments - it really will make you feel better (e.g. "I know you aren't meaning to be rude, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and unhappy when people comment on my weight").

You've barely put on any weight. You've got a nearly full-size baby in there!

Don't worry about it - know easier said than done. You are still within healthy weight range for bmi at 11st 12 and only putting on 2 stone is fantastic.

I think if you were quite slim before you got pregnant people feel it is ok to say things like " you are huge" etc. Whereas if you were not quite so slim before people don't say anything.

People have always made comments about the weight I put on during my pregnancies. I put on about 3 stones. I am 5ft 7inch and usually weigh between 9 stone and 9st 5lb. I lost the weight after my previous 3 children were born so just hoping I will lose it again this time.

You have only put on 2 stone, I would love to put on so little.

For some reason people think that you are public property when you are pregnant. I returned to work after the Christmas break when pregnant with DD and someone felt that she needed to comment how HUGE I had got and how much weight I'd put on. In fact I'd lost half a stone because of morning sickness. Silly people!

I'm also 38 weeks and to be honest quite jealous! I'd love to have just put on 2stone, especially because I'm only 5'5. But I've put on 2.75 stone and now weigh 11stone 5pounds. You're lucky, you're tall I'm sure it barely even shows. It does on me

I'm wondering if people might actually be tying to compliment and reassure you about it being ok to gain weight in pg, knowing you have stuggled with anorexia in the past? And that perhaps they are going about this the wrong way (maybe making jokes as they feel a bit uncomfortable talking about weight with you and aren't sure how to approach it), and/or perhaps you are (very understandably) overly sensitive about it yourself?

That wasn't meant at all to sound like a criticism of you, just a thought. Hope it made sense.

FWIW from your info you are NOT in the slightest overweight.

I am 26weeks with DC2 and find i change size and shape a lot throughout the day!

Last week, my lovely friends said how neat i was looking, but was talking to another mum i don't know very well and when i told her i was only 25 weeks her jaw hit the floor, and she said she was this size the day she went into labour

I found this quite reassuring - pregnancy weight gain estimator

you know, a lot of the 'weight' people are seeing is fluid - you have double your blood and retaining water is really common. it wasn't until i stopped breastfeeding that i got my cheekbones back, it was unbelievable how much water was sloshing around me.

we as a society definitely need to invent a new stock phrase that people can say to you in late pregnancy when they don't know what else to say! they're being unthinkingly cruel - you're not in the least overweight. you are however feeling very vulnerable. if you can i would spend as much time as poss with other pregnant women, it's very comforting as it becomes the norm for your inner self, and you suddenly realise lots have much much bigger bumps than you...

Thank you.

Jacks-it isn't complimentry, it's just male joking mainly. I look bigger probably because of water retention on my face, it's REALLY puffy around my neck (weirdly ankles ok). I think it gives the illusion of weight gain, particularly as the rest of me is hidden under baggy clothes.

Most people don't know I had anorexia in the past, or at least didn't know me in my teenage years/ uni when I did so didn't actually see it.

I think from DH point of view it is more a comment of how much I'm eating. I eat pretty healthily (sensible amount of junk on top of healthy meals) but huge portions and constantly. I KNOW I'm stuffing myself, and have throughout, but it's a combination of being bloody hungry and the fact that it's been the only way to keep sickness at bay. I feel like death in I'm hungry and get cramps/ sickness but when I'm eating well I'm full of beans and walking miles happily. I'm at the point of snacking outside the house to hide quite how much I eat . The only plus is I do exercise, and enjoy it, which goes some way to helping matters.

Onaoma- I do need to seek out other pregnant women but I've found it difficult.

gosh don't worry about your eating while you're preggers, there are bigger fish to fry! as you say, you're eating healthy stuff, so what. you've put on a perfectly healthy amount of weight (2 stone is about what the babs and placenta etc weigh) so clearly you need everything you're eating. relax relax relax about the weight it's all ok. next time they start i should answer the 'male joking' a bit more robustly and tell them to shut the fuck up and have they realised you might be quite anxious given that you're going to go through one of the most intense and important events of your life? and if they want to be helpful they can make you a cup of tea and ask if you want a foot massage. or go and put their balls in a vice.

hello!
I really understand -i have also had issues in my life and even though im ok with my changing shape it does make feel feel bad with people keep talking about it like "gosh you are big" i think the thing is they are just talking about your tummy nothing else but i know it doesnt help - some one said that i look much better with a fuller face!! i mean when is it ok to say that!! - i was just honest and said that he had offended me - some one in the comments did say they are trying to make you feel better and they are being nice and that is true but i think that it doesnt help if you are sensetive about this - so anyway really i think i just wanted to say you are not alone - you sound like you are totally fine - weight wise and when people are saying stuff to you just stop them before they say whole sentence and just tell them to not say any more!! hope you feel better!

strawberry - have you tried pregnancy yoga? even if you don't actually DO the yoga, you can just sit there and breathe and lots of chat before and after usually. if you're brave and ask people for a tea there are usually others there in exactly the same boat and happy to make friends. are you on maternity leave yet my lovely? i found it a double-edged sword - it was good to get time to myself and not have to deal with the non-pregnant world, but i could get pretty isolated.

Say "I`m pregnant you twat!" to the next one who says it xx

or, 'oh, how much weight did you put on last time you created life from nothing?' xxx

I love yoga, and I went to a group but I must admit I drifted away. While I didn't have an issue with being 10-15 yrs younger than the average age there it put me a bit on the edge of the group and others didn't seem to relate to me as well. They were ALL SAHM 35-40 yrs old and I'm mid-twenties and full time teaching. A lot of the conversation/ meeting times were difficult for me and naturally excluded me a bit. Nice people, just v. little in common. Also the nearest group was a little far away and I found it difficult to get to their area after around 32 weeks as I don't drive and there was a long walk after the bus journey. Maybe I should have made more effort, but I plan to try some more local groups after birth. I'm on mat leave now, not feeling isolated or unhappy but I would like to find other mums.

My stock response has been to the constant offenders is that low weight gain is linked to potential health problems for the baby. Do they think a diet is more important that my child? That comment shut DH up, when I pointed out my weight gain was considered in the ideal rang for fetal health and anything much less could have potential health consequences for HIS son. (I know women healthily gain less/ more, I think it's about what is natural for YOUR body and going with what nature intends for you)

i'm glad you're not feeling lonely (and also that you're on leave! was a bit worried there) but i do empathise about finding 'like minds', i found it quite hard to meet other mums, thought it was just me (everybody else had flippin NCT groups they were joined at the hip with) but have heard it from so many other women! think we're just good at looking busy and slinking home... i can assure you that the older mums are feeling a bit unconfident about you being younger and still working. i finally made good friends with one mum via baby yoga - a group of us went for tea a few times after class, she was the only on who kept in touch - and another via a post on netmums local board (i know i know, the unmentionable). i think you just have to go the attrition route - ask everybody you think seems vaguely human to a cup of tea and suggest swapping nos/emails and people kind of self-select as to whether they feel the same about you! apparently people do meet up via mumsnet but i've not stumbled on those threads

Do you have a Surestart Children's centre near you? Some are really good and have groups like 'Bump to 3months' 'young parents group' 'breastfeeding support groups' etc. Maybe pop in a pick up a leaflet and it may help you feel less isolated.

Our town has a post natal group for first time mums run by the HV's, and it was good, but like you i was younger than everyone there, and haven't kept in contact with them at all. But have made some lovely friends of mixed ages through the childrens centre.

I don't know if you tried the weight gain estimator, but i liked the fact that it told me roughly how much is likely to be baby, blood, fluid, placenta etc.

(I've been considering the netmums idea!)

My local church seems very very child orientated with baby and toddler groups so it's my main plan to get down there. Also I'm going to look out for other groups now I'm off in the day, it's murder to find anything outside working hours whilst pregnant, also every class and group were during school time round here.

I don't think there was nastiness or anything from the other mums, it was all conversation about fertility treatment and home life and meetings in the day where they bonded a bit whilst I was working. I'll try again, I'm not against it, just haven't found any real friends there.

I'm lucky I have good friends and family, I just want to find mums to relate to too, especially in the day when everyone I know is working.

Its the only time in a woman's life when its deemed acceptable to tell her how humongous she is! It used to really wind me up -especially coming from strangers eg. well meaning shop assistants. I just used to scowl and give them the silent treatment

Alice- the surestart is within the school I work in! There are even parents attending with kids in my class, I find it awkward to be honest having been leading some groups and adult classes down there until recently. Also it's not great having parents of those I teach knowing the ins and outs of my life, some sadly are not nice about it and can't draw thel ine between me as a teacher and me as a person. Sadly so much is run there, by colleagues. I want a life away from work and not always being on my best behaviour!

yes tis important to have other mums nearby that you click with, espec when the babs are very young - you need to know you're not going mad/doing it wrong! as your baby gets older i found it became easier again to hang out with the non-baby friends.

good plan is to find somewhere to go every day to get you out and about and give you as many chances as poss to link up. different places do have different 'tones' so you get to find something that fits best and easy to get to for you too. then if you miss one day you know you always have somewhere to go tomorrow to do something sociable - one o'clock clubs, surestart centre, playground, local baby cafe, music classes (there are millions of these round us), baby yoga, baby signing, swimming... you might want to mix and match paid and unpaid classes!

Ahh, not great! How about one in another area?

i do live in nappy valley, but do they do any free local mags round you, done by a community group or an estate agent? they often advertise classes/meet ups, including free ones. NCT also do a magazine for each area and can tell you where your nearest meet up is, they'll have a variety of coffee-morning type things. you just ask to be put on their list. oh yes, and you can join their NCT groups even if you didn't do the classes but best to do it sooner rather than later as they do bond early on...

I coud alice, but then I'm back to the issue of no local friends plus no car. I'll see how it goes.
Omaoma- It seems more geared up here once bubs is born, I'm just trying to view this time as me time then he'll be wrapped up and taken out pretty sharpish after birth!