Partners staying on postnatal ward

[LooL00]

I have just been reading about the refurbishment of my local hospital maternity services and was stunned to read that partners may now spend the night on the postnatal ward. I think that 6 women and 6 babies in a small ward is plenty, and to add 6 new dads is just too much. And I'd like a bit of privacy too. I'm not looking forward to spending a night on this ward. Has anyone got any experience of this working well?

It says they have to be named

Err well babies don't sleep all night long do they? They wake up and cry and the parents will be anxiously discussing the best plan of action to calm baby.

Someone on the other thread also posted that there is a risk for some women of their partners insisting on having sex and that having that breathing space and privacy means they are able to seek help if they need it.

I am all for people choosing to have this but I really don't think it's critical when NHS resources are so stretched. Even if you have a child in hospital you don't get a proper bed, just a chair

If its private ensuite rooms then yes I'd be all for it - multi bed ward then no - yes I hated the fact that dh had to leave after my cs but surely the issue is better postnatal mw care. I would rather nhs spent more money on more mws than facilities for dhs.
I think there are also issues regarding privacy and recovery to be considered and there will always be a minority who will abuse it in some way. When I had dd2 I was witness to an almost stand up fight in the ward between a dh and mw because dh was being difficult (woman herself was lovely just v. overpowering dh) - although amusing now it was very intimidating at the time.

I feel personally my recovery was hindered by lack of postnatal care and this lack also affected valuable bonding time with my child for the first few hours as I couldn't reach her or even see her. In my personal view postnatal care in hospitals will only get worse as time goes on. If I had a choice I would do a home birth and avoid any form of hospital stay but I don't so I will have to endure the understaffed and overworked ward again. To be honest the lack of care people recieved on the ward I was on was a joke, and it doesn't suprise me that people get annoyed during their stay. Having your baby is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, I found the two days following the most stressful and I put this down as a partial cause of my PND.
This isn't an option at my local unit, or any units close by, private wards aren't even an option here unless I pay for the full labour and probable surgery afterwards and I can't afford that tbh, and why should I pay just to get a little thing called postnatal care, this should be offered as standard at any maternity unit, private or nhs.

This subject winds me up so much, the only dread I have in this pregnancy is 2 nights of the same after it is over!

If the NHS could promise they would spend enough on postnatal care, that means all ladies get the care they need after giving birth then I would say there is no need for there to be a partner there, as this is not likely to happen, then I see this is the only alternative and the cheapest for the NHS as it is free care for all as there is someone else there to help the mother and baby, thus meaning they can cut costs on employing more midwifes or maybe even make cutbacks for what few they have already. Might be wrong, but I see this is more of an option for the NHS and their budget than employing more, and it is the most likely route they will take. Call me a cynic but save money or spend it, I know which the government will encourage them to do!

Waffel over sorry x

Well said nunnie!

This is my first pregnancy and I am 28 weeks and to be honest the post natal care is a concern for me.

My main worry is MW being short staffed and run off their feet and I need help with something but no one is around. Fingers crossed I will have a very straight forward birth in the MLU and discharged very quickly but am worried about having an emergency CS and then staying in for a few days, not being able to pick up/reach/see my baby.

Would be very tempted with a home birth but DH is nervous. Also if I need to go into hospital I would be transferred to North Middlesex instead of the whittingon as it is marginally nearer.

Fingers crossed I have a straight forward birth in the birthing suite that looks fab.

I too had an em cs after a very rough and prolonged labour with lots of intervention. DH was sent straight home as it was the middle of the night.

It was terrible. I was distraught, alone, desperate for help, ignored, unsupported, lonely and suffered indignities that I will not repeat on here. I recognise many of the experiences on here.

But, it would have been made much worse by the presence of 6 random men with their own needs, standards, opinions, behaviours and relationships.

It was hideous and contributed directly to PTSD but I don't think partners on the ward is the answer. The answer is better care from medical professionals.

I was discharged after 12hrs and was glad to see the back of the place.

How awaful itwas , my nephew was dropped by his father when he was born (he passed out), they rushed him off for scans straight away, this should have been done if not just to set your mind at rest.

I felt like I was in the way when I was on the maternity ward, delivery suite was fab and care was wonderful, it was when I got to the ward that it all went wrong.

Dreading it this time round, all the things that you have to worry about with a pregnancy, this really should not be one of them, post natal care should never be a concern.

Sorry, I would hit the roof if there were men on a PN ward overnight. I would walk out, simple as that. Really, really bad idea.

This is a terrible idea. I think there are some good arguments for banning men from maternity units altogether. This is certainly normal in some other countries - for example, Russia, where a two-week stay without the man is normal. The idea is to let the ladies recover without alcoholic / violent / sex-crazed men bothering them

I agree that in the ideal world the answer would be better support from midwives and health assistants on the PN ward - i.e. more of them. But we all know the chances of that happening are minimal. As nunnie posted above, allowing DPs to stay is something that could be done without any extra cost (i.e. it only involves a policy change on visiting hrs, no need to provide any extra facilities) to relieve midwives of some of the burden of the basic care for new mums and babies (helping them to the toilet etc) and let them (the midwives) do the stuff they are actually skilled (some of them ) to do like helping with BFing etc.

One of the biggest ironies IME was that on the first night the reason I was transferred to the PN ward was because of the EMCS and having a prem baby, I was supposedly in need of the "extra attention" (for which read: being neglected and humiliated) provided on the PN ward, unlike a friend who had her baby in the same hospital but because it was relatively complication-free, she was allowed to stay in the private delivery suite overnight with her DH. Surely that is just the wrong way round!

Sorry that is slightly off the point but this thread has stirred up old feelings that I needed to vent!

Lots of and feelings at our collective rubbish experiences!

I think the biggest issue is that there are some DH/Dp's who you just wouldn't want on a ward during the night.

Some people are very inconsiderate and do not understand how to respect privacy.

After having my last dc the young DP afterwards just kept staring at all of us who were trying to bf. Now it was probably innocent but to be honest it felt rather creepy. Not sure I'd have slept terribly well if he'd been on the ward all night.

Also - suspect as others have said it would mean less staff to help/intervene if things got tricksy with any of the men on the ward.

But in Russia I gather they have better resources and staffing levels. My dh is not a violent alcoholic and never expected me to have sex with him after giving birth, it was me that requested it when I was ready, not all men are arses. Truth be told, it is also a wonderful event in the mans life as well, and they are just told to leave, in some cases to return home to an empty house, feeling useless and not knowing what to do. At the end of the day there would be no baby if it wasn't for them, why can't they spend at least the first night with their new child if they so wish?

I think in an ideal world Nunnie - it would be lovely for DH's to be there if they wished. But only when there were adequate facilities - separate loos etc.

But when there's not enough funding for midwifes/nicu's etc - I know where I would rather the funds went.

Because, nunnie, lovely as I am sure your DH is, I don't want to spend the night with him on the other side of the curtain. I have torn so badly in past births that I am incontinent some of the time. I don't want HCPs asking about it with random men on the other side of the curtain.And whilst your DH is nice, others are not. And women and babies are noisy enough on a PN ward, add DHs and the noise would be awful. And no, I don;t think for one minute that midwives would be coming in telling them to be quiet.

Just to add, have no issues with men staying if there are separate ROOMS. But balancing a man's wish to spend the first night with their child against women feeling comfortable enough to BF (maybe learning how to do so for the first time) and be generally postnatal, umm, I think that men should do the decent thing and GO HOME at night.

"This is a terrible idea. I think there are some good arguments for banning men from maternity units altogether. This is certainly normal in some other countries - for example, Russia, where a two-week stay without the man is normal. The idea is to let the ladies recover without alcoholic / violent / sex-crazed men bothering them"

I'm lost for words....

On the ward I stayed on after dds1 and 2, there was a toilet/shower in each bay that was supposed to be for mothers only, and then toilets for visitors in the corridors - don't they do this on most wards. Partners obviously wouldn't need showers etc, because they can go home for a shower.

I still don't understand what people would do if they had to stay on a mixed ward - surely some of the men there could be violent etc.

It obviously seems to work in some hospitals (that partners can stay overnight), so I wonder how they do it?

Well, for starters hazey you wouldn't be in a mixed BAY. So that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

Also, you would be less liekyl to have a newborn baby with you.

But when I had dds I had stitches dealt with, b'feeding help and a rather horrendous bout of incontinence during the day, when men and other peoples children were around. Surely this is when most of this stuff happens.

But wards for gynae ops aren't mixed are they?

And you're not constantly getting your boobs out discussing lochia etc on a normal mixed ward.

I hate mixed wards anyway and think they're generally a crap idea.

Visitors loos, same place they go when they're there for 8 hours.
Like I said earlier, if the post natal care I received was well existent then I wouldn't mind my hubby being sent home, but as this was not the case, sending my dh home just left me feeling even more vulnerable, degraded and the fact that my dd was left crying as I couldn't reach her and I was unable to move, and the buzzer was ignored I was left feeling an inadequate mother at a time when I should have been happy.
For every bad experience there is a good one. I was in a ward with 4 other women, and for 8 hours a day their partners and in one case partner and parents were there, it didn't bother me then, and this was the time I was most likely to ask questions about swollen lady parts, excessive wind, incontinence etc, tbh who was around me was the least of my worries, they were busy hugging and spending quality time with their babies and the babies mothers and I am pretty sure they didn't have time to listen to what I was discussing.

The ward I was on wasn't a gynecological ward, but I had gynecological isues, as did other women on the ward.