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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

My non preggers friends are annoying me

31 replies

dappymoo · 30/03/2010 18:10

And perhaps I am annoying them? By being pregnant perhaps? I don't know. I don't think I talk about it all the time though...

But I am finding it soooooo hard to keep my mouth shut when they say things like "millions of people have been pregnant"- I know but I'm allowed to be worried right?
or "loads of pregnant people worry" yes ok so am I allowed to?
I don't know, they're just not very reassuring, I've already found myself migrating to friends who HAVE been pregnant... it's really bad as these are my best friends but they just have no clue what to say to me anymore.

And they keep talking about "getting hammered", and how they will drink for me at my hen do... am I being really bad in thinking they just don't get it? I want them to have fun but... It does still suck not being able to drink and go out!

This is about the millionth moan I've had on here so feel free to ignore me, I am feeling soooooooo moany at the moment!! and noone understands me!!

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TheArmadillo · 30/03/2010 18:15

By the time I gave birth to ds the only person I was speaking to was dh. And that was only to blame him for my condition.

I am 22 weeks with dc2. I am still speaking to some people. I have another 18 weeks before they all piss me off so much I won't speak to any of them.

TBH it probably is you as much as them but who cares everyones a bastard when you're up the duff.

Throw things and shout, and randomly burst into tears. They'll soon leave you alone.

Original poster
dappymoo · 30/03/2010 18:32

Oh dear! Eveyone is a bastard though.

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UnrequitedSkink · 30/03/2010 19:01

How old are they, out of interest? First time I got pg I was 26 and it was pretty lonely as all my friends were still going out, getting drunk, and not really v interested in pregnancy (apart from to make 'ewwww' noises in disgust when I mentioned childbirth). This time we're all early to mid thirties and even the childless ones are a lot more interested and a lot more involved. I think it has something to do with maturity.

Original poster
dappymoo · 30/03/2010 19:17

I'm 29 but friends are proper Londoners and not at all settled.. I'm the "married" in the suburbs... so that makes sense....
Oh dear I am going to be totally ousted huh...

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MrsHormonal · 30/03/2010 19:22

i'm so glad it's not just me!

'the only person I was speaking to was dh. And that was only to blame him for my condition.' - that is pretty much where i'm at! made me !

SPBInDisguise · 30/03/2010 19:24

me too - I loved that and if I can be bothered I will nominate it for quote of the week
(do they still do that??)

EMS23 · 31/03/2010 10:55

I'm only 6 weeks but had my 4 best friends over this weekend (I moved 200 miles away recently and this was their first visit).
As they were all gearing up for a boozy weekend I told them my news.

Whilst pleased for me, they were clearly then stumped as to what to say or do and I was left feeling really odd and outcast by the Sunday night. The main reaction was "oh, life will never be the same for us". Fab - so pleased I've ruined your lives!!

On Saturday night we went out as planned to a cocktail bar but obviously I was driving. When i asked to leave at 11pm I was told "one more drink". At 2am I finally dragged them out and considering it was a 40 minute drive back I was feeling pretty miffed.

All my friends are London based and although some are married they are not there yet with wanting kids and I am the first so I understand it's odd but nonetheless, I feel very much like an outsider now!

My punishment to them will be plenty of babysitting duty when the time comes!

Threelittleducks · 31/03/2010 11:50

I was 23 when I had my first baby and apart from being abandoned when I was pregnant, they all came over to coo and be in awe of new child before buggering off again when he was born. I soon found that invitations out dried up and being preggers was "difficult" for them to "figure out what to do" with me when I did meet up with them. They didn't understand any of it, as I was the 1st in my group of mates to have a babba and thus I was indespensibe.

Looking forward to giving it a big "told you so" when they are all preggers and come crawling to me with their moaning and advice.

It's amazing how women can be so selfish
naieve about each other's pregnancy experiences. Sometimes it's friends that have been there all your life and suddenly when it comes to babies you are very divided. I was at my loneliest when pregnant.

I'm expecting number 2 now and am a lot stronger than I used to be. Still hurts like hell when they don't make the effort.
But I'm old fashioned, I like to hold o to things and eke out a glorious long revenge :D

moominmarvellous · 31/03/2010 11:51

Hi Dappy, I'm exactly the same, 29, only married one, only one not living in the big smoke! Except I'm on no.2

My main friends are great, and to be honest it's actually me that's changed, they still invite me out, but even before I was pg again, I now like a different kind of night out i.e I want to go to a bar, round someones place for drinks and a good old catch up, but not be up til 5am! Not drinking didn't bother me first time, but this time I can't be bothered listening to drunks!

When I was pg first time round I organised a girls night at mine for a couple of other friends, I got the wine in for them and all the usual, only to get a call cancelling an hour before to tell me they were going out instead. They bumped into a mutual friend that night and explained they didn't 'do babies'. Spent the rest of the night in tears! We're still friends sort of, but things haven't been the same since. At the time I didn't let on, but it really hurt my feelings.

But when the baby arrived I had so much going on and soon came into contact with women who were in the same place as me, and that filled the gaps between when I met my other friends. One day they'll be in the same boat and it'll all even out for us again I think x x x

MPuppykin · 31/03/2010 12:04

at your frie3nds cancelling a night at your place Moominmarvellous

moominmarvellous · 31/03/2010 14:11

I know. Arses.

cariad73 · 31/03/2010 19:00

My friends keep making jokes about how often I mention the fact that I am pregnant. Its starting to annoy me.

YES LADIES, ITS CAUSE I AM PREGNANT, DUH!

Mind you, similar boat. I am 36 and most of my friends are late 20s to mid-30s, but they are all city London gals who may be married but arent near the baby time yet.

CazEM · 01/04/2010 09:31

moominmarvellous I'm at the absolute rudeness of cancelling a night at yours. You don't need friends like that!

EMS23 - thats sounds pretty much like my friends reactions when I announced my good news! How things would never be the same for our group now and boohoohoo. Bloody pissed me off! Nevermind excitment and congratulations hey. They also made it blantently obvious baby would not be welcome at their house and that when we had our get togethers (we live apart) I would have to leave the baby at my Mums. Like hell I will mind! Haha! If I so choose to occasionally I will but no way am I going to leave my baby regularly. As far as I'm concerned I now come as a family, and if that doesn't suit them then its time to move on anyway... real friends will take on your change of circumstances. I can see us drifting a long way apart after baby is born because they they've also commented how clingy I sound like I will be, all because I made the point this baby will need me and therefore will be put first. I'm such an unusual mother obviously.

My other group of friends have never grown out of the student hammered all weekend stage, and they just totally don't get it, another simular situation just before Christmas (I was about 7 weeks at the time) to you EMS23 I was the driver for a MID-WEEK evenning out for a meal, by 11 I was knackered unsurprisingly and have work the next day, one friend insisted on having a liquor coffee before leaving the restaurant that took 20 mins to turn up and then 20 mins for her to drink it. We didn't leave till 11.45 and I didn't get home until another hour later. I haven't seen her since (now almost 22 weeks) because I now refuse to go out mid-week with her because of her selfishness and she's too drunk all weekend. Nevermind. Another friend I'm sure I will never really see again, our lives are too different now! I'm all married and familied up, she's an eternal student!

I'm so looking forward to making lots of Mummy friends, will be going to lots of baby groups when baby is born!!

Haha I can so see where your coming from TheArmadilo when you say we'll only be talking to DH by the end and only to blame him. I'm so less paitient with people than I've ever been! 18 weeks to go!!

choccybiccylover · 06/04/2010 17:17

I've sort of got the opposite of what everyone else seems to be experiencing, my non pregnant friends all seem to want to talk about my pregnancy non stop and give continuous advice (even those without kids). Even though I'm loving being pregnant (22 wks now) : ), I would like to have normal non baby related discussions with people. Am I being too tetchy?

Katy86 · 07/04/2010 12:26

i know people can be really funny when your pregnant but i kind of think part of it is us just being hormonal aswel? maybe? no maybe they are just arseholes. Im 24 so most of my friends havnt got children so those ones have dissappeared completely lol. to busy drinking and looking at men i guess. but even the couple of friends i have that do have children are treating my pregnancy as a slight inconvenience and i have noticed that the invitations out have waned. Even though i would turn most of the invites down, it would still be nice to be asked right? Im finding im spending alot more time with my slightly older friends (in their thirties) who i met when i was pregnant with DD. They seem to be treating me like a normal person lol

xx

MumNWLondon · 07/04/2010 19:15

Personally I find the best approach is just to not talk about it AT ALL to friends who haven't had kids, unless asked direct questions and even then try and change subject. i wouldn't expect them to be interested or care. i know i didn't....

re: hen do - arrange something that isn't dependent on drinking eg dinner out.

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/04/2010 19:28

Please, is it possible to use the word pregnant, not preggers?

Original poster
dappymoo · 08/04/2010 06:16

(hormonally)
I think I can refer to my state as I wish.

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EmmaBemma · 08/04/2010 06:44

Quite right, dappymoo.

pagwatch · 08/04/2010 07:30

but Bibbity may have struck upon something. Even the most loving and supportive friend will soon want to strangle anyone who persists in using 'preggers'.

Perhaps just try it for a while - refer to yourself as pregnant and perhaps their eyes will cease to bulge and they will be nice and lovely again.
You never know.

Original poster
dappymoo · 08/04/2010 09:57

I love it when people come onto a thread they don't like just to state they don't like it. Why not just stop clicking?

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Original poster
dappymoo · 08/04/2010 09:58

And also, if I need to use full length terms, shouldn't we stop all this BH, CM, CS, VB rubbish? hmmm...

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yama · 08/04/2010 10:05

Yes, distaste at terms is subjective.

In rl I will quite often say 'finish the word' but on here it doesn't bother me.

Original poster
dappymoo · 08/04/2010 10:14

But in response to the other people who have replied, thanks! And I am definitely finding that my friends who have children are a lot more understanding, I think maybe it's hard for people who don't have children (or haven't been "pregnant") to empathise sometimes.

Ooh now I'm thinking about all the non-drinking hen do ideas... my london friends will love that! My boyf (I'm just doing that to be annoying now) said I should insist that noone can drink! Now even I'm not that mean!!

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Original poster
dappymoo · 08/04/2010 10:15

And once I went to a hen do where no one was drinking, not because of the same reason, but because they were a bit religious. Oh my god it was the most boring hen do ever. Not a penis in sight.

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