smoking

[ladyjadey]

Someone please give me a huge kick up the arse. I am 13 weeks and can't stop smoking. Am on 10 a day from my previous 20. Did quit for about a month when I first found out , have since split up with father and am so stressed all the time. I know its no excuse, but I'm dealing with an unexpected pregnancy alone and to be honest I am bloody miserable.

Told midwife, she said someone from smoking cessation would contact me but that was 2 weeks ago and have not heard anything.

I feel bloody awful, so guilty and I'm terrified of the effect it is having on the little one, I have arranged to go for some counselling and I hope that will help too, give me other ways of dealing with stress. I think I don't really believe I am preg and that is why it is so difficult to stop (i do keep trying but then end up giving in when I'm upset, which I seem to be a lot) This whole situation is such a shock.

What makes it worse is I quit instantly and without a second thought whilst pg with dd1. I wonder if I do not value this baby the same way?

Please shout at me, tell me how selfish I am, pass on your quitting tips, anything and everything is worth a go right now, I don't think I could feel any worse.

Oh and sorry for yet another miserable post, one of these days I will have something cheerful to say I promise!

Have you had your first scan yet? The baby becomes more "real" when you've actually seen it and that may help you focus on quitting.

My mother smoked while pg with me and I was a healthy baby with no medical problems.

That said, all the risks to your unborn child go up if you smoke - as you well know. One thing I will say is that I had a baby almost 3 weeks ago and the thought that anything I could do might harm her tears at my heart, as it would yours. There is enough guilt and anxiety surrounding motherhood as it is, so do something positive NOW to counteract it.

Get the Allen Carr book, pick up the phone and call the cessation people yourself, find a buddy to support you through quitting - but above all, DO something. Just feeling bad about it won't do you or your baby any favours.

Take action TODAY and you will start to feel better about it.

PS I smoked for 10 years, but giving up wasn't so hard once I'd really made my mind up.

You've already cut down - and well done for that - now cut it out.

Good luck!

Phone that midwife or your Dr's and push them to sort out that stop smoking clinic.

Whenever you have the fag urge, think ok but first I have to do........ something else like washing up/ ironing/ folding laundry etc.....the urge will fade and then it gets longer between urges and that might help you until clinic time. Go and have stomping walks so temptation isn't there......

Keep kicking yourself up the bum cos' we all know smoking does harm little babies and nothing looks so chavvy vile as a hugely pregnant woman in her dressing gown stood outside having a fag at the maternity hospital.

Hi Ladeyjadey

I was a heavy smoker when I found out I was pregnant (at 7 weeks) and it took me about 3 weeks to stop, and I don't think it's any easier just because you're pregnant, contrary to popular belief. I was also in a supportive relationship and not suffering from any external stresses, so I can imagine it must be really hard for you to give up what you see as such an important crutch. I think you should stop comparing your feelings for this baby with dc1 as well, I presume your circumstances are very different now from what they were when you were first pregnant? This is probably why you feel so different.

So you've halved how much you smoke, nothing to be sniffed at. Keep positive about it and keep going, and stop beating yourself up so much, as I think this is making you even more stressed and even less likely to stop. Yes, it's true a smoking Mum does not do their baby any favours and you know you should stop, but create a head-state for yourself that is conducive to this huge task. Treat yourself to other stuff you like, and Yes, find other ways to relax (mine was chocolate and the more-healthy regular reflexology and massages)

On a practical note, have you tried reading Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking? I read it thinking the whole way through that he's a bit of a prat, but it basically brainwashes you with arguments as to why smoking is not everything wonderful you think it is. I highly recommend it, especially if you see nicotine as being a way to unwind and relax when stressed.

I smoked 4 a day for 20 years and gave up. For the first few weeks I used patches but still foudn it hard. Then I got the Allen Carr book and although I had stopped when reading it, it really helped me. Can't recommend it enough.

So I used the patches, drank loads of water (had a bottle constantly with me), Allen Carr's book and will power. Noone in the world thought I would ever be a non smoker. If I can do it anyone can. Oh I also had one person who kept telling me I could do it, as I constantly doubted I could. Having one person with that faith in me kept me going.

Is there anyone who could support you? If not you still can. Honestly. There is also a website, american based but was quite good for when I really wanted one. If I remember the name of it I will post it.

Give up just for one day. Only do it a day at a time. I could never think of doing it forever, I just focused on getting through each day, or each hour, or each minute.

Good luck.

Sorry 4 a day!! Meant to say I smoked 40 a day.

Hi lady. Im in the same boat as you. We could try and do it together if you like. Everyday we post how many we have had and make it into a kinda comp lol. See who gets to 0 first. Im 12 weeks and smoke about 10 a day aswell. I find i smoke more when im at the laptop so im trying to find something else to do instead. I find lollys work quite well

thanks guys, some really good advice there, I thought I would be seriously given the cold shoulder by everyone here for confessing my dirty little secret.

I already bought and read the allen carr book twice! Its really good actually and I felt really positive about it until the next time I felt so bad I just didn't care :-(

I also had a course of patches right at the begining of pg.

Starshaker, what a brilliant idea! I think that will be really helpful to know I'm not doing it alone. Whats the plan? Cut down? Stop outright? Pick a quit day? I really need it to be sooner rather than later because I will die of guilt before I die of cancer. I have planned to quit every day so far this week! I'm all for it, and every enouraging word makes me feel I might actually be able to do it. I do not want to be one of those women with the huge bump and dressing gown. If we do it here, together, and are completely honest about successes or failures that would be great.

And if there is anyone else out there with a secret smoking shame, join in!

Good luck with stopping!

I managed to stop nearly 2 years ago when I found out I was pg. What I did was google 'effects of smoking on foetus' and then cut down to 5 a day for a week or 2 before stopping completely. Basically I was so used to craving a fag from cutting down so much, when I actually stopped I was used to coping with the cravings. A cup of tea after a meal also helped me.

All the best! Let us know how you get on

Well done you for trying so hard especially considering your circumstances. Stop beating yourself up with guilt and just focus on small, achievable goals such as when you fancy a ciggie, try and delay it for as long as you can by going for a walk or treating yourself to a good book or magazine. Even only smoking half a cig at a time is better than nothing.

Read up on the effects of smoking on an unborn child to give you more clarity and more of an incentive. When you're feeling low or stressed pick up the phone and talk to a friend or somebody from the smoking helpline (sorry I don't have the numbers to hand).

Are there any chewing gums/lozenges/mints/patches that you can take whilst you are pregnant to help you with the cravings? Might be worth looking into? All the best and remember who you are doing it for and that even reducing it by a couple a day initially is better than nothing.

How about tomorrow we aim for 9 then the day after we aim 8 and do it that way. Hopefully after 10 days we will have quit

Good luck ladyjadey and starshaker!

Keep us all posted on your progress.

As an ex-smoker, I know it's not easy - especially when you've got other stresses in your life - but it CAN be done.

Sending you both positive vibes.

Good luck from me as well!

I was a very heavy smoker thorugh my teens and twenties, and I quit six years ago with Allen Carr. The book didn't work for me - well, it only worked for three weeks. In the end, I went to one of his clinics, and that was it - I've never looked back.

I thoroughly, thoroughly recommend his clinics. They are much better than the book (also less tedious) and also come with a money-back guarantee, so you really do have nothing to lose.

They're quite expensive, but compared to what you'd spend on cigarettes, it's nothing.

Good luck.

Last night I managed only smoking 2 cigs throughout a ten hour night shift instead of my usual 5 or six. Its a start! I'm making a real concious effort to cut down. What I've been doing the last few weeks is saying to myself I'll just finish this pack of ten then quit so I have smoked then quickly and then gone and bought more. Didn't help!

I'd love to go to an allen carr clinic but how much do they cost? I'm barely able to feed my daughter and myself at the minute. I know thats stupid to say when I spend money on fags.

Starshaker, I'm going to aim for cutting down a bit quicker than that if i can, I felt really good not smoking last night and I smelled nice too! I think I would like to try aiming for around 7 today and see how I get on. The sooner we do it the better for our little ones! I'm already worried about the damage I may have caused because the early weeks are so important to development. I have horrible images in my head of beautiful newborns in special care wards that we can't take home .

On the plus side, I am feeling the most positive I have to date about this pregnancy, I am starting to feel like this baby is mine and feeling a bond with him/her so hopefully that should make this easier.

Off now to google effects of smoking. Will be taking nicotine gum to work and will update you all on how I get on!

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you make a small mistake then you might as welll make it a big one - I mean, if you slip up and think 'oh god I've blown it now, I'm a failure, might as well just smoke the rest of the packet' etc.

You are human, and you might slip up. But after you do, just draw a line under it and move on. Don't let it be a reason/ excuse to go back to old habits. And it's never wasteful to bin fags.

The Allen Carr clinics are about £225,I think. Beg, borrow or steal it. i put it on my credit card, cos I was skint at the time.

First pregnancy I managed to give up for a couple of months then lapsed back to the occassional one... As soon as the baby was born I was back on the ciggis.

This time I went to the most amazing hypnotist - Susan Hepburn. She's in London, not cheap (£275) but I gave up just like that. Was amazing, and like you finding out I was pregnant only got me to reduce how much I smoked rather than give up completely. I've tried many other methods and can safely say this worked by far the best and was definately the least painful.

My partner found Alan Carr clinic the answer (and he was a 40 + a day man, who tried just about everything).

Best of luck ladies. It isn't easy, but it can be done. You'll get there.

At 10 cigarettes a day, you would get your money back from an Allen Carr clinic in 3 months.

My brother lived in a country where you could buy 200 cigarettes for £9, and struggled to give up because they were so cheap. He read the Allen Carr book and just stopped one day and hasn't had a single cig since.

Another recommendation for Allen Carr. Makes it easy

Details of clinics here

It sounds too good to be true, I know, but honestly, as someone who smoked for years and thought they could never give up, this was a total revelation

A colleague of mine went to a clinic which cost about £300. It wasn't Allan Carr and the brainwashing thing it was to actually detox the blood from Nictone. Not sure if it would be OK in pregnancy though.

The theory is that you wouldn't suffer the physical withdrawal symptoms as the procedure takes care of that. After that you just have to make sure you don't put anymore Nicotine into your system.

Sorry of this isn't helpful but just wondered if anyone else had heard of it.

what about a nicotene diet? I think its bloody hard to go from 20 to zero, more feasible to go from 20 to say 2, 3

DONT BUY PACKS OF 20- this is key!
DONT HAVE SPARE CASH SO YOU CAN BUY THEM
DO YOU SMOKE WHEN YOU HAVE TEA./COFFEE? AVOID
AVOID GOING TO THE SHOPS

Right now, its more realistic to drastically cut down,

good luck

Well done you for taking steps to quit - it's so so hard.

I was smoking (not heavily - maybe 4 a day) when I found out I was pg with this one - I have always given up during my pgs and ended up 6 months after the birth having "the odd one" at a party after I've stopped bf and the babes are sleeping through the night....and inevitably my intake crept back up. I am DETERMINED not to smoke again after this one because I cannot bear the thought of leaving my children behind if I die of cancer. IT also helps that almost all of my friends (bar one) has now quit so it will be easier to avoid the drunken "just one cig" trap.

What I did whenever I thought about smoking in the early days of my pg, was to visualise the foetus/baby inhaling my smoke through the placenta and choking as it exhaled. I also stuck a picture of smoke damaged lungs on my fridge - and those shock tactics worked for me.

I did also do an Allen Carr clinic about 10 years ago, and was evangelical about not smoking for about a year, and then fell off the wagon - I never went back to a 20 a day habit, but convinced myself that 5 a day was social smoking....

Good luck and just take it one day at a time - you CAN do it!

Hello again and thanks again for all the input and advice.

An update:

I have not smoked at all for 5 days. I got a call from the specialist midwife smoking cessation service. This did not help as I have not got an appointment to see anyone and am still waiting for one! I did however get a pack of info on smoking in pregnancy through the post which I read. The thing that stuck in my mind is that baby retains twice the carbon monoxide that I do when I smoke because it sticks to his blood better in the same way oxygen does to help him grow. Scared the pants off me.

I also googled the effect of smoking in pregnancy and found worrying info on statistics on cot death etc. Not good.

I did not go to any clinics or doctors or smoking cessation services.

What I did do was go to Morrisons, buy a pack of patches with my own cash (as an added incentive rather than a free prescription) and stick one on. I also highlighted some useful bits of allen carrs book just to make them stick in my mind. What has also helped is the fact I have developed a stinking cold at pretty much the exact same time and can barely breathe or stop coughing as it is.

I will not be lighting up another fag.

I feel more positive about the pregnancy too. I tried not to think about it before because I felt so guilty but now a bit of excitement is creeping in. I went and bought a little outfit from mothercare, my first thing for this baby.

I know people think patches etc are not allowed in pg, they are now, don't think they were when I was pg last time. The nicotine in them is still not good for the little one, makes the heart beat too fast, but a damn sight better than all the other chemicals poisons and crap in fags. Even so, I am doing this MY way and not through GP because I want to be on them for as short a time as poss, so I am on full strength this week, step 2 next, step 3 the week after and that is enough for me to be out of the habit and not thinking about them any more. Even if my house burns to the ground I will not be lighting another fag.

I actually believe all the stuff allen carr says about patches etc being counter productive because you continue to use the drug you are trying to kick, however the ONLY thing that kept me from kicking the fags without nicotine replacement was that I would get so unbelievably angry when going cold turkey, it was not fair to my daughter when I was snapping and snarling. This way is easier, I am happy and proud of myself for finally doing it, for my sake, my daughters and of course the baby's.

I may well attend an Allen Carr clinic in the future just for some positive reinforcement so I don't start again when the baby is born, and I will not be throwing away or loaning out that book!

Thank you again, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. Everything you have said has really helped, you have all been so positive and non judgemental and given some sound advice. I think I have used a little bit of everyones!

A final word...... if I can do this, anyone can!

Brilliant - well done you - you sound as though you are very determined to stay off the cigs and both you and your baby will be so much the healthier for it .