mums of 3 - do you recommend?

[whensmydayoff]

Im a bit of a nutter to say the least!

I have a 2.7 month old DS and a 4 week old DD.....and I can't stop wondering if I will have a third .
Seriously, Im thinking about it constantly.

It's like I NEED to know if she is my last. I suppose it would help with constant BF going on day and night - knowing I NEVER had to do this again!!

I feel like 2 is still a small family. I grew up with an older brother. We never palyed together and I felt a bit like an only child (although he was 6 years older).

I also think it would be nice to have babies for longer in my life IYSWIM. I feel I might miss the boat if I leave it (im 33) then want another baby when its too late.

ANYWAY, if you have 3, what is it like? What are the pro's and cons. Are you glad you had the 3rd or do you find it makes life very difficult.

I suppose im aiming this at age gaps of 2-3 years between aswell. Big age gaps will be very different.

It depends on the DCs you already have. I have 3 DSs and its bloody HARD. I have 2 hands and 2 knees so there is always one left out somewhere, Mine are 6 4 and 22 months.

Thanks mumofmonsters for your honesty.

That would be roughly the age gap I was thinking of.

Hmmm, Im not the greatest of copers as it is....'bloody HARD' does not sound appealing, ha!

I think it's because it has hit me how fast DS has grown from a baby to a 2.7 yr old. The thought of DD growing even faster (as everyone tells me)is scary.
I feel sad when I put away the tiny baby grows she has already grown out of.

Hormones I suspect! I think your right too. It depends what my 2 are like a couple of years from now.

I think I want mums of 3 to come on here and say 'no, it's shit, leave it at 2' and then I can stop wondering about it.

Yes - on reading this back, my hormones are haywire!!!

I am quite new to being a mum of 3, DD is just 10 weeks old, but I have 2 DSs, aged 5 and 3 and tbh they are bloody hard work, all they seem to do is fight.

Only thing keeping me sane is thinking that by the time DD is in the mix my oldest son will be a bit more sensible. (Please don't anyone come on and say that won't be the case... I can't cope with that thought!)

On a lighter note, I think it is quite early days for you to be thinking about number 3, play it by ear and see how you cope with 2.

(I am 37)

I have 3 and it works really well for us - but I have a bigger gap between dc1 and dc2 (due to fertility problems) - so never had 3 pre-schoolers at home! I know a few people who had two a couple of years apart and then a bigger gap before the third, also seemed to work well. Mine all get on far better than I expected given age gaps, etc (there were similar age gaps between me and my siblings so think it very much depends on personalities and we had a very different dynamic.)

I do know quite a few adults with only one sibling that they don't get on with and think it is hard for them - at least with two siblings there is a chance that you would get on with at least one of them!

I have 3 DSs (8,4,2) and I think that having 3 is bloody hard work. It seems to me (and my other frineds who have had 3) that when number 3 arrives, the work feels as if 1.5 children have arrived rather than 1 . And it still feels like that at times.

I certainly don't regret it but maybe you are feeling like this because it is lovely having 2 right now when DD is still newborn. Once they get older....

Maybe think about it in 2 years time

sorry i need to point out that DS1 was a dream baby but we have a DS2 who has "issues" possibly ASD related and DS3 is at THAT stage.

DS1 and 2 don't get on AT ALL at the momenmt - they used to. DS3 doesn't like DS2, DS2 can't be by himself for more than a second. I guess i feel a tad s t r e t c h e d!!

sorry in advance I won't be any help!

I have 3 DCs, 8 yrs, 7 yrs and 4yrs. The hardest part for me was when 2 eldest were tiny (19 months between them). The arrival on no 3 didn't change my life that much. He just fitted in.

Having 3 is fab, they are a lovely little gang always looking out for each other. When one is away (to a friend, or an activity) there is usually someone else to play with. I would definitely say that 3 is much better than 2!

However, your baby is only 4 weeks old. Give it another year and see how you feel then.

I have 4; I really think going past 2 was a bad decision in that I have no family and little friend support. No.3-Child has always been the most demanding one of the lot, fortunately No.4 is not so bad, but even so....

If you do go for a 3rd, wait until the eldest is at least 4yo so that you can rely on them walking places on their own, you really don't want to deal with 3-in-pushchair or 3-in-nappies.

I agree with goldieandthreebears that the smaller gap is the hard work bit (22 months btw DS2 and 3).

Also, maybe I would not have found it so hard in the beginning if DS3 had been planned - if he were, there would not have been a 22 month gap .

I have 3 but I don't think it's hard tbh. The hardest is the first but after that it's been fine. Ds1 does seem to have some behavioural issues which we're tying to deal with but, generally, it's lovely and I'd love more.

Dd is 7 (8 at the end of next month, ds1 is 6.3 and ds2 is 3 today I'm 31 btw. I do find time for them all, we have lots of fun playing, reading, games etc and they (usually) play really well together I love having 3 and woulnd't change it, other than for more

Oh and Dd was 20 months old when ds1 was born.

I have three with 5 years between the oldest and youngest, 2.4 yr gap and 2.9 yr gap.

The hardest thing is balancing the needs of each. The youngest 2 vie for attention. After school I have to find time for 2 lots of homework while fending off a almost 2 year old shouting 'hug' 'hug' at me.

Also the noise....the are significantly noisier than 2!

Then there is watching my friends go off and do their own thing after school drop off while I toddle off to yet another mother and toddler group. It seems I ahev been doing thatt sort of stuff for years.

But I would do it all again and the youngest starts nursery in September which has come round really quickly. Life gets easier all the time.

I have 3 and I love it, I don't see it as much harder than two, mine are 5, 4 and 18 months so I have 18 month and a 2.6 year gaps, TBH I found the smaller gap easier especially as they have got older as they play well together and are into the same things. They dote on their little sister.

Cons are the washing and ironing basket are never empty, the house is never tidy and I am knackered a lot but I wouldn't change it for the world.

In fact, no 4 is now on it's way.

I am pg with DC3 so am v naive about life with 3

BUT... dd1 and dd2 will be at school (they will be 6 and 4) so I am hoping the transition from 2-3 will be manageable

IMO so far the tricky and exhausting bit is small baby and pre-schoolers. I know for a fact that there is NO WAY I could have handled 3 under 5

I would have posted exactly what sweetkitty said - I have almost exactly the same gaps too - 5,4 and 21 months, with 15 months between the first two, but 2.9 years between the second and third, and number 4 is due at the end of April.

It is very hard work, and my house always looks 'lived in' rather than immaculate, partly because I work three days a week - but the children are happy and healthy - I do a frightening number of washing loads a week, but it's great fun and I'm loving it (most of the time ).

I would however, give yourself a bit of time to recover and work out whether it's hormones or a real desire for a third that is driving this current thought process....!

PanicMode - nice to see someone as insane as me completely agree with everything you say. I don't work couldn't imagine when I would fit it in.

One thing I do find hard is not having anyone to mind them for half an hour if I need to go somewhere or even for an hours peace. If you have good family support it definitely helps.

I have three aged,5 3, 10 months and am 10 weeks pregnant with number 4.

I have actually found it far easier than people led me to believe but as panicmode says you do need to let go of any ideas of perfection!. The only 2 things that really annoy me are 1. whenever we go anywhere over night we need a giant case and 2. we use silly amounts of bread and keep running out!

As long as you give in to the chaos it is fun number 4 however is yet to be seen!

if it helps the picture of my houase at the moment is :

10 month old and three year old sharing a digestive biscuit by rolling it across the floor (will hoover later) older child totally naked running around with a toilet roll pretending its a rocket, floor messy, couches messy, washing not done. BUT everyone happy - me mumsnetting in the middle of it all relaxing before feeding and bed time!. I actually like it being like this when things are tidy and organized I feel on edge like something awful is about to happen lol

people who have 4 - tell me it will be ok!!!!

Just go for it, when you are ready!! Your mind/body/hormones etc clearly want another . I've got three, but had an 8 year gap between 2 and 3. I love being able to do all the baby/toddler stuff again, whilst the older two are at school all day (well except when it snows!!) and they can help out a little.

I probably would recommend a bigger gap though than 2 to 3 years, it is alot of work, and friends that have had 3 or 4 in quick succession don't seem to have as much time to enjoy the little ones as much as I did when they are tiny. At 33 you have loads of time, so don't worry about that at all.

its funny to come across this post.,,, i am already thinking about number 3 and im only 33 weeks PG with DC2 and my DD is 19 months. Though I have days when i wonder why on earth we are having 2, having a third sometime in the future does make me feel all warm and fuzzy but i think we would deffo leave a bigger age gap between number 2+3

I have 3 pre-schoolers at home. I personally found going from 1 to 2 children soooooooooooo hard, but 2 to 3 a peice of cake. Preggers now with 4th, i'll let you know what that is like!!! I would say go for it, you could never regret it once baby is here.

I have 3 pre-schoolers at home. I personally found going from 1 to 2 children soooooooooooo hard, but 2 to 3 a peice of cake. Preggers now with 4th, i'll let you know what that is like!!! I would say go for it, you could never regret it once baby is here.

I have four, when the last was born they were....6boy,5boy,2girl.....baby boy.

We had a fourth becasue ds2 was a middle child.

I have DSs and I love it. When DS3 was born the others were 2 and 5 but the eldest is 6 now.

I have 3 and a half years between DS1 & 2 and 2.2 years between DS2 & 3.

DS3 whos 8 months has been an absolute dream and we have started trying for number 4.

We have a 10 year old and a 12 year old, and now a 2, nearly 3, year old who was not planned. I'm almost 41, DH almost 47. We're constantly exhausted, and skint again with so much going out on nursery fees and just the cost of feeding/clothing/shoeing 3 kids. We've also had to curtail a lot of the things we enjoyed with the older 2 - skiing, walking, going out for meals etc, and find the whole tantrum thing quite tiring.

On the plus side, he is great fun and we love him dearly but we had just got our life back together and it has been very hard to readjust and go back to it all again.

Can you tell he's been a bit 'challenging' today?! I'm sure I'll feel more positive in the morning after a good night's sleep.