Antenatal Anxiety- Please Help.

[ConfusedAndScared]

I am about 5 weeks pregnant, me and my partner were trying for a baby, and we both really wanted another one. However since finding out last week that I was pregnant I have been suffering from uncontrollable anxiety/panic attacks. I hate myself for saying it, but I feel like I just don't want this baby anymore. I can't imagine going through just one more attack, let alone a whole pregnancy. Has anyone else suffered like this and started to feel better before they had the baby. My partner doesn't think I am strong enough to go through with the pregnancy, but I just cannot imagine how I could get rid of my baby.

I had a bad birth with my first and suffered exactly the same after the birth, but this time it's starting before I've even had the baby. The doctor says he cannot put me on anti-deppresents as they will affect the baby. But i just don't know what to do. Anyone with some wise words that can help me?

It just seems like totally irrational fear of having a newborn baby.

Oh no, poor you, that sounds really terrible. Do you know what is it that you're so anxious about? Is it the labour or the newborn stage or something else? I don't really have any advice but think you should either go back to your GP and demand a referral to a counsellor or perhaps contact the maternity hospital - I know that some have antenatal counselling services. Maybe talking to a midwife/supervisor of midwives from the hospital you gave birth in last time about your labour and how the same thing could be avoided this time might help to allieviate some of your fears.

I have also just found out that I'm pregnant with my second child and although my labour was pretty easy last time, the thought of have a newborn again and the sleep deprivation that goes with it is pretty overwhelming. I was not the natural earth mother I assumed I would be and had some terrible times early on. I think it's natural to feel apprehensive second time around because you know what it's going to be like!

Not sure if this is at all helpful, sorry. I hope you manage to get some help and begin to feel better soon.

it's rubbish that you can't take anti-d during pg. See a different doctor. Pre-natal depression is a common phenomenon and if your doctor isn't prepared to help you with it, you need another one.

You are not alone, i suffer with anxiety all the time anyway and when im pregnant it seems to get out of control. These last few weeks of my 2nd pregnancy are really hard as i find every time i leave the house or even think about leaving the house, my anxiety starts. It is awful. Im sure hormones effect it. I am not half as bad as this when not pregnant. The last few weeks of my first pregnancy were exactly the same but it got much much better after the birth so i am keeping fingers crossed same will happen when i have this baby.

Obviously my case is a bit different to yours as yours may be connected to the rough time you had with your first? Mine is just the usual anxiety i always have x 1000. I have no advice im afraid because i don't even know how to help myself!

Deep breaths, try to tell yourself it is just anxiety and nothing awful is happening to you. Hope you are ok and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Sorry - this is probably going to be long but I wanted to tell you what I went through, and am going through, in case it supports you a bit.

I was PG earlier this year - planned and very wanted - and suddenly had the worst feelings of anxiety ever. It was utterly awful. Didn't want anything to do with the baby, didn't react at all like I thought I would. Unfortunately, it ended in a MC and that was equally devastating in a different way, because that felt real and I could attach my grief to something that happened as opposed the generalised constant very unexplained feelings of terror.

I went for help ... in classic NHS unjoined-up inefficient thinking ... saw a string of different experts (about 7!!!!) who passed me from appointment to appointment with no real resolution. Horrible. I was hoping to get 'tools' or answers or explanations before it happened again.

I can tell you the general perception among everyone I saw was that CBT would help me to address anxieties as they arose ... you know, unlearn negative patterns of thinking etc. Make me get my fears in perspective. The assumption was that there was 'something' I was worrying about.

I have been seeing a CBT therapist, and just before my third last session with her I arrived and told her that that weekend I had had complete unexplained terror again, shaking hands, fluttering heart, weak legs. I told her it felt like I had when I was pregnant and I was wondering if it was happening again. She asked what I was worrying about. We spent the entire sesssion talking about 'other things'... her basically trying to hook the feelings of anxiety I was having onto something real, and me struggling to find a reason I could give her for the 'worry'.

3 days after that I did a HPT at about 10DPO and it was negative. But the anxiety was worse - AWFUL feelings - and I could not understand what was going on. It felt like someone had given me a huge syringe shot of pure adrenaline...

The day before AF was due, I did another test. BFP, and I have done about four more since then, all BFP.

When I saw CBT lady again she was flabbergasted. The fact that I had the feelings BEFORE I thought I was PG, and in spite of me thinking I WASN'T PG when I got BFN, has made her re-think everything and think is physiological. If I was worrying about being PG, how did that explain the anxiety before I even knew I was PG, and why didn't I have it in the months before when I was trying....?

So that brings me to thinking I may need meds ... like most, I am reluctant to take them just because I have residual concerns about chemicals accross the placenta etc.

BUT.......

I can tell you that I was told by one of the psych experts I saw that there is medication you can take.

There is elevated risk, but I strongly recommend you deal with full set of facts ... for example, she said if I took Prozac there was a 0.6% increase in risk of a child with heart defects. BUT she also said that if I did not take Prozac, 0.5% risk of heart defects faced ALL women as a normal risk in ordinary PGs. So 'elevated risk' is acutally only 0.1% higher for Prozac. So do balance it all up. Don't trust the opinion - trust the data, and ask directly what it is.

I can also tell you that as unbearable as the anxiety was, and as much as I was thinking I was 'abnormal', a 'bad mother', that I was 'unconsciously rejecting my baby' etc ... the loss of the child after MC was really really bad for me. I did NOT feel emotional relief (which you would think you would) even though the physical symptoms of anxiety went away very quickly actually. I traded one horrible experience for another, IYKWIM.

I am now trying to get through first 3mths without medication. If I get utterly desperate, I will ask for it.... I feel like I am in hell sometimes.... but trying very hard to hold it together.

Very interesting post justshaggy! Thanks for that. So it seems that it is something to do with hormones then..I just have to ride out my last 3 weeks of pregnancy now. I said to DF last night that i think this would put me off having a 3rd DC. It is totally uncontrollable and i too feel like im in hell sometimes.

Good luck to everyone else who is feeling like this!

See a different doctor re: anti-depressants. You CAN take them but often a particular doctor will have their own personal strong opinions on this and will tell you that you can't or that you should come off them immediately.

Thank you so so much for all your replies. I did check back a couple of tmes, but didn't have any, so only just checked again.

Sometimes I feel desperate for 'something' but don't know what it is, I can't put my finger on it. The doctor has refered me to the counsellor, but I will have to wait for an appointment. Yesterday I just felt so so desperate, but right now, I am feeling 'ok' ish. I say ok, because the anxiety is there but I am constantly fighting it, it hasn't completely overwhelmed me yet. I was hoping that it may be hormonal, but just because at the start of pregnancy you get a surge of hormones I was bhoping that it might be settling down, is that too hopeful?

It's one of the worst feelings in the world, and is just so overwhelming that I don't know what to do with myself, and I have a toddler to look after too.

I really am hoping that it will go soon, and at least go before the birth. I've already told my partner that there is no way I can go through all of this again, so it will be our last, which I am ok with, as long as I can make it to the end. I will not be content with just one child and neither will my partner (although he tries his best to tell me it will be ok) I just keep telling myself each day that it will be the last time, and I won't have to go through it again.

I thought I had fully recovered after my last birth, I seemed so confident whilst trying for this baby, obviously it's till there.

If i'm honest I think it is just the thought of having panic attacks after I have the baby, which is making me have panic attacks now, which just seems totally irrational. The sleep deprevation is just torture, I do have support from my partner and my family, but have a horrible fear of being left on my own a lot, and that is what is causeing the anxiety.

Sorry, that is probably a rambbling mess, just typing as I think.

I'm sorry for your loss JustShaggy

I cannot read this all back through, it took me long enough to write it, so sorry for all the typos!!

Thingiebob He looked into a medical book, and read it out from there, saying that it can affect baby. But he prescribed me Diazepam as a short term help. He said I couldn't take them everyday and I couldn't take them for a long time, so it isn't really much help to me. It will help short term, but then I think I might come to rely on them to help me through the days and I know I won't be allowed them 'for the baby'.

How does everyone else get through the day? How do you even get through an attack, mine can last hours sometimes. I couldn't get to sleep the other night until 2AM as I was having an attack.

Definitely see another GP. It does sound like you are suffering from anxiety which can be combated by mild ADs such as citalopram.
You can be given a really low dose which will help even out your moods and cope with hormonal highs and lows.

I have been on ADs all through my pregnancy and apart from one doctor, who was an idiot, I have been told that they are safe and should continue taking them.

Thanks Thingie Has it helped a lot? Do you not get the really bad lows now?

I was on citalopram last time (after my first birth) only about 10/20mg which I think is the lowest dose. It did help, but am worried I will never be able to get off of them afterwards? Also do they make you not 'feel' anything? I really want to be excited about having this baby.

That really has given me some hope. At least if I know there is something that can help me, it makes me feel slightly better. Rather than being in the middle of a panic and thinking 'nothing and no-one can help me' which is how I felt last night after seeing the doctor!

Does anyone know the actual cause of doctors sayong it is not safe? What is it supposed to do to the baby?

I am on citalopram at 10 mg now as I am pregnant. I was on it before at 20 mg due to a long term health issue and history of mild depression.

As for them not making me 'feel' anything - so far this has not happened. They have helped me feel highs and lows in a normal fashion rather than the extreme lows and anxiety I had before. In the past I have been given short term ADs such as prozac and paroxetine - both gave me that 'numb' don't really care feeling whereas citalopram seems to redress the balance in your head so you experience life normally. This is why it is such a popular choice.

I believe that Prozac and Paroxetine are not recommended in pregnancy but citalopram is deemed ok at low doses.

When I came off citalopram suddenly as advised by one doctor who clearly was against ADs on principle, I spent a week feeling horrid, low, anxious - constant worrying, unable to sleep... so I can empathise. I went back to the GP surgery - told them this and said it was spoiling my pregnancy and life and they popped me back on them. I'll probably stay on them now for a while although I have in the past periodically come off them and done properly, I have had no bad side effects at all.

I know it is hard but keep seeing doctors until they will give you something. It maybe that they give you a different AD but there are some that are ok to take while pregnant. It will take a week or so once you start taking them but it is such a relief to wake up and think 'Ah, there I am! I feel normal again!

Hormones do affect your moods though when pregnant as I'm sure you know but this does even out over time.

nothing wrong with taking ADs by the way, for as long as you need to. If you need them, it is far better to be on them then to suffer though life without. IMHO.

I had Prozac in both of my pgs (before and after and during for that matter) and felt the 'normal' versions of happiness and sadness and worry. It removed the extreme lows.

My GP told me that it was a matter of balancing risks. The risk of me falling into deep depression and stress hormones damaging my baby far outweighed the unknown (and quite possibly negligible) risk attached to taking ADs in pg.

As of a year ago, I was told that there is no proof that ADs harm unborn babies. It's not proven unsafe, but it is not proven safe either, as it is impossible to do clinical trials on fetuses. All they have to go on is anecdotal evidence. Hence the risk evaluation.

HTH

Thank you for all of your replies. They really have made me feel better.

When I left the doctors yesterday I felt even more down as I really thought I was going to have to suffer like this until well after I have the baby, and that thought was itself causing me more anxiety. But to know that I can take AD's is a big relief. All I want is to feel like me again, just last week when I found out I was PG and kept walking round the house squeeling to myself with delight!

The anxiety is coming back a little this afternoon, but it is manageable knowing that it will pass, when I had it last time I didn't know what was happening to me, which scared me even more!

If I can just get through this pregnancy then I know I will be ok, and I will be happy having 2 DC. I will have no need to go through this all again.

I know I will struggle in the first few months, as I did before, I don't really enjoy the first newborn bit, up all night, etc etc. I just need to know there will be help.

Does anyone know what the small risks to the baby are? Or what they think they could be?

Hello,

Another one here who chemically goes haywire when pregnant and just after the birth. The search for there being 'a reason' is not right for everyone and for many of us it's a chemical reaction - helped and in my case totally sorted by a low level of AD's. I am pg with my third and am on 50mg of an older type anti-d called Chlomipramine. Totally works for me (and - get this - same for my mum so the chemical/biological link is there).

Anyway this is simply to reassure you that you are a) not alone, b) you can take something when pregnant. I would ask for a referral asap to a psychiatrist who specialises in PND/AND.

There is definitely help out there.

Good Luck
PP

oooo same here, it is a definite chemical/hormone thing - as soon as I can pregnant I get desperate anxiety and depressive feelings. So I'm on 40mg of citalopram, which helps a lot. I could NOT do pregnancy without it. Just the way I'm wired up. And my mum is the same. You're not alone, and it is definitely in my case a physiological symptom, nothing to do with "something" that is making me anxious. Good luck!

And another one!

I thought I was the only one, I'm amazed and comforted by the posts here.

My anxiety started half way through my second pregnancy and I have suffered from it for over 10 years now. My third pregnancy 6 years ago was terrible and I barely left the house but I went to see my GP afterwards and he put me on paroxatine which has been amazing. I am now 18 weeks into my 4th (and final) pregnancy and have had one bad panic attack and get palpitations every night but it IS manageable I think.

If it stays the way it is I can cope. I feel fine most of the time whereas in my last pregnancy without meds I felt anxious almost all the time.

I 100% know what you are all going through and it is hell but nobody can understand what it's like and how debilitating it is...

I know it is purely physical but nobody believes me, I can feel totally fine in my head and suddenly I will get all of these physical symptoms - cold sweats, shaking, palpitations and in my head I am not actually feeling anxious if that makes sense.

I am not even a worrier, I am really laid back and people are always really surprised when I say I suffer from anxiety. I am nearly finished a degree in biomedical science and have learned a lot which only re-enforces my thoughts that it is somehow hormonal/genetic. My Grandmother is exactly the same as me and improved 100% when she had a hysterectomy at 40 which I did find very interesting.

Sorry am banging on, it's just nice to find some people in the same boat!

My GP seemed happy for me to take paroxetine in pregnancy and I read some research papers which give that stats mentioned of a 0.1% possible increase in birth defects but I did have some issues with the methodology of that study...

Im so glad to read these replies. I agree about the genetic link as my nan and mum both suffer with anxiety.

Katnkittens, interesting how your grandmother's symptoms went away after her hysterectomy..and i know exactly what you mean about feeling absolutely fine and then suddenly starting with the symptoms when you are not even anxious bout anything!

It is hell. Totally debilitating. Im not on meds or anything, am going to see how i feel after ive had my baby (3 weeks)

For those of you who have taken the meds whilst pregnant, did it go after you had the baby (or within a few months?) or do you still suffer for a long time after? If it is down to hormaones I would think that it would go within a few months, when your hormons have settled down. I reallly hope I can go back to the old 'me' after this one.

It took about a year last time, I have always been a 'worrier' but not to the point where I get attacks or cannot carry on, just general mild worrying.

It makes so much sense what you are all saying, as it just started suddenly for no reason about a week after the birth last time, and this time suddenly at about 4 weeks pg. So it could be down to a 'rush' of hormones maybe?

Another one here too - had just thought it was me being weird when pg This thread is very interesting, and I hope it makes you feel a little better confusedandscared to know you're not alone in feeling like this, and that there is help.

I'm not pg at the moment, but have had anxiety with two pregnancies in the past. It was hell, and like you justshaggy (hi btw ) I felt it before I knew I was pg. It's like I was so anxious I was teetering over the edge of losing it all the time, and even a loud bang would have me in a state. I had panic attacks and scared dh stupid. It was awful.
Am ttc now, and if we do manage to get pg I will be looking into possibly taking something as I actually felt like I was going mad and wouldn't want to go through that again. Used to have awful, gruesome thoughts the whole time and horrifying nightmares

Good luck confused, I wsih you well with your pregnancy and hope that you manage to find something to keep your anxiety under control.

Just re-read your OP - my anxiety did get better during pregnancy. With the second pregnancy i didn't get to find out as we lost the baby at 12 weeks, but with the first (ds) it definately improved and was more manageable from around 20 weeks. It stayed like that iirc until after ds was born and then was awful again for a few months.
I did speak to my GP about it but she just said it was down to hormones and would go away, which it did.

I haven't managed to read all the replies so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but have you considered counselling of some sort? It might help to talk about how you're feeling?

just wanted to add this don't think anyone's mentioned it and it's probably for ppl with milder worries but it might be an idea to try a pregnancy relaxation cd of some sort. i've been having horrible nightmares and sleeplessness recently and can't wait to start listening to my hypnobirthing cd's again as they did make me feel calmer the first time round. just gotta force myself to make the time. roll on xmas hols...

oh and that was natal hypnotherapy not hypnobirthing by the way

ConfusedAndScared, my anxiety cleared fairly quickly after I had my MC ... I'd say about a week after the horrible procedure, it was like a switch had been flicked in my mind. I am hoping the same will happen again.

Having told you a few posts back that I was determined to get through this without meds, my anxiety is ramping up. Today my hands were shaking so badly I knocked over a whole tub of hot chocolate powder onto the floor and within minutes afterwards I dropped a mug.

My mind, which was not 'worrying' about anything and trying to be sensible about all this, is now going into overdrive with worry about effects of excessive adrenaline or whatever it is on the foetus. So now I have worry and anxiety symptoms and it was the anxiety that brought on the worry, not the other way around.

I can't tell you what a different it makes to me to hear others experiencing the same triggered by pregnancy. Yesterday my dad kept going on about 'thinking positive' and how amazing this was etc. God... how do you think positive when a month ago I was myself and today my legs tremble so badly I can't walk down the stairs properly.... I FEEL like I am really sick, and nothing annoys me more than being implicitly told to 'cheer up' - as if I am doing this to myself... aaaargh.

I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere away from everyone until its over.

My anxiety lasted for around 6 weeks after birth, and then it was if a cloud had been lifted.

i am 18 weeks pregnant, and even though I am currently on 40mg of citalopram I can STILL feel a black depression waiting on the sidelines. This is NOT me when I am not pregnant, I am not a depressive person, a worrier yes, but not with this black dragging feeling.

I truly believe that when I get pregnant I get a huge dose of hormone which changes brain chemistry and makes me feel desperate. It's a feeling as if I am never going to cope, I don't want the baby, and I don't want my husband or my current life.

I can cope with ADs and the fact that i KNOW that before I got pregnant with this baby I was very happy, and content, and sorted. So that keeps me going, and I have to force myself to get up and out.

I am SO glad that I am not the only one - in fact feel a bit tearful because I thought I was weird and strangely wired up.

Thanks ladies - and good luck everyone.

tinylion xx