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Original poster

Slightly gutted I'm having another boy - please come and tell me how ridiculous I'm being!

50 replies

ohgoshanotherboy · 02/10/2009 11:31

Already have a girl (3,11) and a boy (1,9) and just found out I'm having another boy. Hadn't realised I had a preference but both me and DH thought it might be better for DS if we had a girl as then he would be the only boy which might be nice for a middle child. Also DD wanted a girl (in the way that little girls like all things girlie).

I know I'm being ridiculous - I mean I already have a girl - it's not as if I'm girl-less!I also know I am incredibly lucky to have had all my children so easily and I should be grateful that all are healthy. I also feel really guilty for this little baby inside me but I can't stop thinking about the girl he could have been.

Please tell me 1. to stop being ridiculous and 2. how great boys are

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lucykate · 02/10/2009 11:35

i am an only girl with 2 brothers. i kind of liked having two borthers, lots of lego to play with in our house!

stop being ridiculous!, the boys will be quite close in age, they will be great mates. boys are lovely. i have one of each, dd came first, i really wanted another girl next time round but got ds instead, he's lovely, i'm well smitten

Original poster
ohgoshanotherboy · 02/10/2009 11:59

thanks lucykate! I also am smitten with my DS and sure I will be with this next one. I suppose it is the abstract thought of another boy, once he is actually here I'm sure I will be embarrassed of this thread (sort of am already!)

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FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED · 02/10/2009 12:01

You are being ridiculous.

We have boy, girl, boy and I worry about her being the only girl, especially as she is so different in personality to her brothers.

helips · 02/10/2009 12:03

You are being ridiculous, you already have a girl and should be pleased that the baby is healthy.

Oh, and boys are great!

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED · 02/10/2009 12:03

Boys are fantastic!!

AllThreeWays · 02/10/2009 12:06

I had two girls then a boy....and BOYS ROCK!!! Love him the best (shhh don't tell anyone )

belgo · 02/10/2009 12:13

1; stop being ridiculous
2; boys are fab!

More seriously though, I find it so sad to read threads like these, the baby is developing inside of you and before he's even born you are feeling disappointed with him. This is why I'm coming to the conclusion that parents shouldn't find out the sex of the baby before the birth.

HappyBump · 02/10/2009 12:16
  1. stop being ridiculous
  2. a healthy baby is the best thing!

Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy, I am sure when your baby arrives you will be delighted to meet him and wouldn't imagine it any other way!

Original poster
ohgoshanotherboy · 02/10/2009 12:18

belgo I find it so sad too - did not expect to feel like this at all. I am grateful that he is healthy and grateful to be having another baby and I have no doubt at all that i will love him completely and utterly but I think I agree that it would have been better not to find out - I'm sure that if we'd waited I wouldn't have felt like this once he was actually in my arms.

But as i said I didn't think I cared what sex he was.

BTW have literally just had the scan so I am assuming this feeling will be gone by the end of today/tomorrow

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MarshaBrady · 02/10/2009 12:26

Oh come now, a baby's gender isn't made to order. It will be fine.

It is sad that the people disappointed are usually so over having boys. Poor little things.

I don't mean to be heavy, but after a few of the same threads my heart goes out to these little boys. Really hope you feel better soon.

jellybeans · 02/10/2009 12:27

I have 3 DS and 2 DD and also had 2 stillborn DD and 2 m/c so was grateful for any live baby! BUT I have had friends who wanted girls/boys and so understand abit (however I don't understand those people who DO NOT WANT the baby if it is the 'wrong gender' only those who have preferences, I know you are not in this former catagory though!)

I had no idea 'what to do' with boys when I had my twin DS after having DDs, I have no brothers and never really saw the appeal of 'boistrous boys.' However, I really love being a mum of boys, together they are hilarious and have so much fun playing together and my DDs play well with them too. They are so loving and straightforward and crack me up. I also like the idea of helping to shape future men and feel relief that they won't have to go through some of the horrible things that women have to in our society.

Most of all though I think gender is quite irrelevant. One of my DD was as bositrous as my boys and played with cars. Society dictates that girls play with dolls and boys guns, I believe they are different but not as much as is marketed to us.

I also don't believe that boys don't bother with family when they are grown up. This usually only applies to interfering MIL.

Yikess · 02/10/2009 12:32

Girls always return home to mummy and daddy and are always really close to family - boys tend to drift away once they get older but when they have a brother they have a special bond that is unique to just them. My husband has always said he didnt know just how much he missed having a bro (hes only got a sister) until his wedding day when he so wished he had that strong bond with a brother that could stand next to him. A best friend was just not the same!

Original poster
ohgoshanotherboy · 02/10/2009 12:35

thanks jellybeans - that is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to hear . My DS is also very loving and straightforward and I love that about him. Also really like your point about shaping men of the future and them not having to go through all the sh*t us women sometimes have to. Feeling better about it already - thank you

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SquirrelTrap · 02/10/2009 12:36

It is not just ridiculous. It is actually pretty horrible.

You really should be ashamed of yourself

belgo · 02/10/2009 12:37

Yikes - not in my family they don't! I've moved to another country to my family, while my brother just lives down the road from my parents!

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 02/10/2009 12:42

Boys are great!
I agree with others who say that it's the personality of the child that counts, not their sex.
I'm a teacher and IME some boys are boistrous, lively and energetic, others are calm, thoughtful and creative and they can fall anywhere in these extremes!
Some of the most mature, sensible children I've taught have been boys.
Also, boys NEVER stop loving their mums!
I love having a son and I'm sure you will adore your new baby. Good luck.

VanillaIce · 02/10/2009 12:43

Hi there, I started a thread on here last week called "Please tell me baby boys are wonderful". Scroll down the thread list and it should still be there. It caused a bit of a ruckus later on (one or two took it a tad too seriously) but the vast majority of it will lift your spirits and put you on cloud 9 about the little boy inside you - it made me feel marvellous. Ignore the posts about boys being better than girls - that wasn't what I wanted to hear either - and focus on the ones that simply say boys are fab!! You'll weep, in a good way

Congratulations!

pigsinmud · 02/10/2009 12:45

Sometimes you can't help how you feel.

I'm sure in a few days you'll be used to the idea and the excitement will return. Your dd will be excited too whether it's a boy or a girl

I had 2 boys and then 2 girls - my boys are so much easier to handle!! Boys really are great.

madhairgirl · 02/10/2009 12:45

He will be lovely, and it doesn't matter whether they are boys or girls, whatever sex they are they are individual and unique, each with their own little quirks. Maybe it is good you found out, as you have time to adjust to these feelings that you didn't realise you had. On the middle child thing, perhaps the boy you already have will feel less different because he has a brother. I was a middle child and the only girl, and it did not help me. Don't persecute yourself over your feelings, just start planning, and buying cute little outfits etc. and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, good luck.

Poshpaws · 02/10/2009 12:46

I can understand where you are coming from to a certain extent, although not through my own experience.

I have 3 boys. Always wanted boys. Was very embarrassed in hindsight about how much I wanted DS1 to be born a boy and pratically danced out of the 20 week scan once confirmed .

My very good friend really wnated her 3rd to be a boy so that her Ds (elder child) would have company. She was bit disappointed when she found out DC3 was a girl.

You KNOW that boys are fab, as you have one. Is it that you wanted another girl because your DD wanted it so much? Or do you think you are more of a 'girl' mum?
I am very much a 'boys' mum in that I LOVE the noise, dirt and yelling that boys seem to do, although DS2 can whine for England

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 02/10/2009 12:52

I always thought I wanted girls. I am girly, was into ballet, I'm close to my Mum, love shopping and clothes etc and always found girls clothes, activities ,interests appealed to me more.

I have 2 sons.

They are the most amazing wonderful things to ever hapen to me and I now realise that waht I hoped for was not really waht I wanted as I didn't have the imagination to see how wonderful boys would be.

I love their maleness, and although I don't share many of thier intersts I'm into them beacuse my gorgeous boys are. They are so interesting and affectionate and I do think there is a special or maybe differnet bond beteween boys and thier mummies.

I am the only girl in my house, which I thought would be sad, but in fact it's great. All the boys (males-Dh and Ds's) love my girly ways and do the eye role thing but indulge me. They notive what I wear and like looking at my jewllry/make etc as it's a bit alien but mystical and they all think I'm gorgeous (which I'm not).

I do sometimes feel a pang of sadness that as adults they may not be as good at keeping in touch as a daughter, but I don't care, that's a small sarcrifice to pay for wonderful boys. They may not phone often but I know I will relish every call and adore every visit. I can't get enough of them.

I know you do have a dd so it's not the same, but sometimes I like to say how I feel abou my sons as there is alot of negativity about boys.

glasjam · 02/10/2009 12:55

You are being ridiculous!

This just confirms my own belief that you shouldn't find out the sex of your baby before birth (unless for medical reasons).

Please try and do your best and get over it and enjoy your pregnancy. I'm sure the rest of your family will be delighted to have another baby in the family. Your son will have a little brother to play with and your daughter will have a baby to play with. It'll be great. I hope you're managing to hide your disappointment from your other children too - would be a shame if they picked up on it.

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED · 02/10/2009 13:09

Yikees you said this - Girls always return home to mummy and daddy and are always really close to family - boys tend to drift away once they get older....

I have to say you are very wrong in this generalisation.

I have both sexes and and love them all.

Poshpaws · 02/10/2009 13:10

Couldn't agree more BBKs

Original poster
ohgoshanotherboy · 02/10/2009 13:21

squirreltrap - I think that's a bit harsh - I am not trying to say that how I feel is a good thing, of course I'm not, but these are the completely unexpected feelings I have. I am being honest about them and I hope this will help me to cast them aside very soon.

Thank you to all those with really positive posts, especially BBKS - your boys sound gorgeous!

glasjam - haven't seen my DC yet as came straight from scan to work. OF COURSE I will not let on that I am anything but delighted about this baby - especially as DD really wanted a girl. Am thinking I might go out with her tomorrow and buy a lovely little boy's outfit that she can choose - hopefully that will get her excited about having a another little brother

poshpaws - think I wanted a girl for my DS's sake more than my DD's (I'm not at all girly so don't think it was because of the whole mother and daughter girly stuff) - but madhairgirl's post has already helped me to see that it is probably no better for DS to be the only boy than to have a little brother

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