OMG unwanted pregnancy

[SweetPotato]

I cannot believe this has happened to me - I just feel completely stunned / mortified / stupid. It took us two years of trying and all sorts of stuff before i fell pregnant with the twins and after being told that I would probably need a hysterectomy in the future and my chances of more kids were virtually zero this has happened and I feel so sick.

FFS the twins arent even a year old and I am completely failing to cope with them so the thought of another baby is just way out there. Went to the doctors today to discuss "sorting the problem" and it was frankly the most humiliating experience of my life. Was treated like a completely stupid and irresponsible fool and made to feel even worse than I already do. Ended up in tears while doc sat there and finally he stood up gave me a piece of paper and said that if I change my mind to make sure I cancel the appt so as not to waste anyone's time.

Looks like it will be about 3 weeks before i can have a termination - ffs by then I will be about 12 weeks gone and probably showing. Its ridiculous. In the meantime I am suffering as much as when I was carrying the twins - constant dizzyness, nausea, exhaustion etc and these are just constant reminders of this terrible situation. And of course this time I am only getting about 5 hrs sleep a night anyway thanks to the twins.

I know I am just feeling really sorry for myself tbh but I just wish someone would give me a break. DH wants to murder the doc who told us we couldnt have any more kids - v helpful and thats about his total contributuion to the problem. Just cant believe this has happened to me. Dont know how I am going to get through the next few weeks, never mind the guilt afterwards.

You will get through this and the decision you make is whats best for you and your family. its awful to think you go to the dr for support and advice and some just do not have a clue how to handle these situations.
You should have been given a number for a counsellor - theres another unwanted pregnancy thread on here which someone has advice on a number to ring a counsellor and sounds like you could do with the same sort of support.
You must be feeling awful with all the upset hormones to boot but hang in there and find an outlet for all those feelings.
You won't feel guilty after once time has passed because the decision you make is whats best for you to live your life so bear with it and try to talk and not bottle up those feelings.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Hi sweetpotatoe, im in a very similar situation to you. I have a 8mth dd and dont think i could cope with another baby so soon as my dh will be away sea. I had pre-eclampsia with my last pregnancy and postnatal depression.My doctor was unhelpful too just told meto go think about it and come back in two wks. He made me feel alot worse though by telling me that it was unusual for women who who already have a child to ask for one and that I should just accept it and say this is part of my family planned or not. He said he thought I would regret it too and that dd would love it. I didnt even ask for a abortion I just said I was unsure and unhappy so you would think he would at least get me to discuss it with someone professional instead of saying talk it through with your mum.

This link- www.ferre.org/workbook/index.html, will take you to a politically neutral (not pro or anti choice) workbook you can use to help you come to an informed and empowered decision about your options in this pregnancy.

I link to this because, from personal experience, I know how difficult it is to make a decision isn't horribly influenced by everyone elses opinions and not your own. Good luck.

SP and Mary, this is awful. Doctors are not there to make moral judgments on their patients but to give them medical advice and treatment. I can totally sympathise with your situations. Can you see another doctor?

if you really are sure that a termination is what you want then you can get one quicker by going private - try the Brook clinics or the FPA. No personal experience, but I am sure you can get a quicker appointment and be treated with respect.
So sorry you feel so awful.

Someone very close to me had a termination through British Pregnancy Advisory Service clinic and found them very helpful and reassuring. They do give you counselling but it's completely neutral. They charge, but if you are on a low income, I think they only charge a proportion of the full fee.

It's outrageous and completely unacceptable that your doc should treat you like this. Obviously you won't feel like going to all the trouble of making a complaint right now, but when you are recovered from this situation it's worth thinking about. Docs like this are acting unprofessionally in failing to provide the healthcare their patient needs and can be reported to the General Medical Council.

All the very best.

Definately have some sort of counselling as soon as you can (the link dizietsma posted sounds good). IMO the key to a swift recovery from abortion is having the space and support to make your own decision with as little pressure as possible. Also going private sounds good.

Thanks everyone - the nightmare is continuing. After nearly 2 weeks i finally had my hospital appt in which a completely indifferent docotr (who didnt hardly look me in the eye once) just asked me to sign a hundred forms whilst giving a monologue of all of the things which can go wrong. That was it. No discussion of any sort, just a list of all of the risks so on top of everything else I am now completely scared shitless. Got to the stage now where I am actually hoping i might have a miscarriage because this is all so horrible. I now have to wait for the date of the op itself which will be about another two weeks. I think they are deliberately stretching it out.

Feel even more like suing the bastard doctor who told me I couldnt get pregnant again.

I am even starting to waver in my decision purely because I am so frightened which is ridiculous because having another baby would be completely the wrong decision and i would regret it forever, but I am so scared now.

I did look into doing it privately but the truth is we just cant afford it.

I think it's immoral the doctors' are scaring you like this. As far as I understand it, this is a relatively straightforward procedure and the fallout is emotional rather than physical. My friend was in this situation and had op without any problems at all.
Having made this decision the waiting must be ghastly, very very hard for you. Keep focused on the outcome.

by outcome, I mean daybreak after the nightmare iyswim

Sweetpotato - I really feel for you as I am in a similar situation. I am 43 with two lovely children and am unexpectedly pregnant again. I have tried to convince myself that I want it, but deep down I really don't. I too felt that the Doctor couldn't beilieve I'd want to terminate if I already had two children. I am still waiting for a counselling appointment a week later and feel the longer it goes on the harder it will be. Good Luck - I think you know in your own heart what is best for you and the family.

Hi, guys I decided to go priviate at bpas I had to travel 200miles to bournmouth to have counselling etc last wednesday and to see the doctor for an examination. I was offered an appointment to have it done the next day but the doctor had freaked me out by saying i was 10-11wks when I thought i was only 6wks. I decided to book a appointment for a few days later which was for yesterday so i could take it all in.I went to the appointment yesterday and waited in the waiting room to be seen with my head full of doubts telling me I couldnt do this, maybe I could cope with another baby, what if i never recovered from this experience emotionally.Dh held my hand and I almost wanted him to tell me not to go through with it even though i knew this pregnancy wasnt right for me. No matter how hard i tried i couldnt picture this baby in my future not at this time in my life.

My name was called, i kissed dh goodbye and went through the double doors not knowing what to expect. There i found another waiting room, i waited in silence with a few other women from different ages and backgrounds. I had some blood taken and then i had to have a scan which i was dreading. I was relieved to find out i was only 6/7wks after all.But my mind was still in conflict.

One by one we were called through and given an gown to change into. Everything seemed to be moving quickly now. The nurse took me into the lift and held my hand saying she would be with me until i fell asleep. I was holding back the tears and wondering what the hell i was doing-this wasnt me. I went in the anaesthetic room and laid on the trolley, the nurse still held my hand and stroked my hair telling me that i would be absolutely fine as a mask was put over my face and a needle was put into my arm for me to go to sleep.

When i woke up it was all over. I didnt feel in any pain and i didnt feel any real regret about my decision. I just felt relieved it was over.TBH i felt normal again and like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

My only regret is that i got pregnant at the wrong time and that it had to come to this because i didnt feel i could cope with another baby by myself.I cant say i dont feel guilty because i do and i still dont agree with abortion but now i understand why some people go through with it.It isnt an easy decision and it isnt taken lightly.I will make sure that i will never put myself in that position again.

Im not sure what to expect from the future now as its still early days. Sometimes my mind wonders to my baby and i feel sad. But for some reason something inside me was so strong for me not to go through with the pregancy like it never was meant to be. I hope i will be able to put this behind me in time and that somewhere, someone will forgive me.

Big Hugs Mary, {{{{{Hugs}}}}}} !

I'm glad you made your decision and it's now all over.

Thank you for sharing your story !

I just wanted to say that I think you are really brave for being honest and sharing this on here.

Loadsa hugs! Sounds like you made the right decision. xxx

MARY123 thanks so much for your post. I am finally booked in for the day after tomorrow (thursday) and I am just getting more and more worried about it. I have to be there at 7am and it will be done "some time before lunch" so I think I will be left fretting for a few hours on my own as dh has to stay home to mind the twins. I feel sick to my stomach with fear, but like you, I know that afterwards I will feel a lot of relief.

Hope all is well with you and thanks for being so positive.

mary123 - Thanks for sharing your story. I have finally got my counselling appointment for next Weds.but by that time will already be 10 weeks. I don't know if I will be able to go through with the termination as it could be the following week before I get booked in. I didn't realise that it would take this long to see someone. I had hoped that I would start to feel more maternal by now, but I still can't picture myself going through all the baby stuff again at my age (will be 44 by time baby is born), plus my own 2 dds will be nearly 9 and 6.

Hi sweet potatoe,im thinking of you. Sending big > x

cm2.. you may be surprised at how quickly they can fit you in.
i went to bpas on a wednesday and they booked me in that friday!

Well,I had it done finally on Thursday - 3 weeks after seeing my doctor and turned into a complete wreck. But now it is done and it wasn't so bad. The staff on the day made me feel really at ease etc and I didnt get the same attitude as my GP - they were sympathetic and understanding. Finally!

It might sound hard to believe to some of you but already I feel totally over it. I know it was the right decision so I have absolutely no guilt - just total relief.

So if you are thinking about it - I advise you to hang in there and know your own mind. It doesnt matter what people say or how long you have to wait - if it is the right thing for you, then it will be fine.

Hello SweetPotatoe,

haven't 'spoken' to you before but just wanted to say that I'm glad that you've finally had your termination and that the staff at on the day were kind and understanding to you, unlike the other doctors you encountered.
I know that many people disagree with termination on principle and I'm sure no-one thinks of it as a 'good' thing only a 'better' one that the alternative but I think from what you've said that it was the right thing for you.
Take care of yourself.

Thanks sweetpotatoe, for letting us know you are well. Take care of yourself x

I am in a simillarly hideous situation as i've just found out i'm pregnant- this happened while i had the mirena coil in place!! three different gp's have told me that this is unheard of and very bad luck, this doesn't seem to offer me any comfort at all. I have three very bouncy and demanding sons of 8,6 and 3, i seperated from their father two years ago and this pregnancy is with my new boyfriend who i don't live with, he's very swet but i know how hard my life is alraedy and can't bear the thought of spreading myself any thinner around my family. I went to have an early medical termination but they won't do it until they see a feotal heart beat on the monitor, i'm already six weeks and have been made to wait another two weeks which is just agonising as i know i will be terminating a little thing after seeing it's heart beating- i really feel that women have to go through endless personal invasions and horror at the mercy of our genes, good luck to anyone similar x

not sure what to say but ((((((((())))))))))) to you both xxx

Hi everyone.

I am a nurse who runs a termination clinic and I'm shocked to hear the way some of you have been treated. My opinion is no-one intends to get themselves pregnant by mistake and therefore no-one has the right to judge.
The clinic I run mainly does medical terminations and the reason why we wait till we can see a heartbeat (tho it is an awful wait) is that it makes the procedure easier for the lady. Contrary to popular belief it is harder to complete before there is an established blood supply. We used to do them earlier but found there was many complication that arose, inc excessive bleeding and sometimes failure of procedure that would have been avoided if we waited a week or so.
I got into the job as the same thing happened to me last summer. According to my dates I was 8 weeks but the scan said I was only 4-5. They went ahead and did the termination but nothing happened for a week and then I bled very heavily and needed a transfusion and emergency theatre. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.
As to the mirena coil. Has it been removed now? Anyone who comes to clinic with a coil in gets it removed before they leave the clinic. It obviously hasn't done its job as to contraception so it is pointless still being there. It will could cause problems during the actual termination if it is still in. It is not unheard of to get pregnant with a coil in place. It happens more often than you'd think.