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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Tonight I'm laying here thinking and crying a bit about how shit everythings been and wondering how I'm really going to cope with it all

108 replies

dizzymare · 13/09/2009 21:45

Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning, there's so much to think about. Too much really, and I know other people have got it much much harder than me, but does that make my shit any less painful or dificult. I've picked up an email from a family friend tonight, and it in she says 'so sorry to hear about your split from X but you're a strong women and there's people worse off. That's probably not much comfort is it, but it's a good way of thinking about stuff and putting things in to proportion'

Oh well cheers then It must be nice to be so fucking comfortable with life.

I've done lists until I end up with lists of lists. But don't seem to be getting anywhere, H stuff, newborn worries, scared about the future with 3 little ones, how we'll cope.

I suppose being hospitalised and having my problems taken seriously has helped a bit. My stress level isn't as high now, but I'm not relaxed at all. Geez I'm just waffling now.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Salleroo · 18/09/2009 22:55

I also have loads of girls clothes that you are welcome to. Where are you? Dont worry, between us, we'll have you kitted out. Hope today went well and you are home.

Original poster

dizzymare · 18/09/2009 23:41

Dee, have emailed you.

Salleroo, thank you x

Am off to get some sleep now, it's been a bit scarce the last few days

I'll either be here or not tomorrow, am really praying I don't get held again, Dee I still know where the fire exit is

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Original poster

dizzymare · 19/09/2009 23:10

If anyone is about, I could do with a quick gab about something. Don't want to start another thread.

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piprabbit · 19/09/2009 23:25

Hi dizzy, How have you been doing today? I've just been reading your thread and wishing you well.
Can I lend you my ears?

Original poster

dizzymare · 19/09/2009 23:36

Hi, yes if you don't mind.

I think I know what the consensus on this will be before I even start, but I really need to air this and get it straight in my head.

Ok, so as you may or may not know, H is now living (can't believe I just typed loving), with another women. Anyway, ds is due to see him tomorrow, normally on saturdays but I changed it due to being in hospital again. Now I'm thinking of sending an envelope with him, containing a copy of my scan. Is this a good or really shit idea?? I need him to take some interest, and I'm thinking if I drip feed them on him he might take some interest?

I need honesty.

OP posts:

piprabbit · 19/09/2009 23:42

I can see that it is a hard decision to make.
I think I would be tempted to send H a copy of the scan as you suggest. But I wouldn't necessarily expect it to lead anywhere. Instead I'd try and consider it as just another way of keeping the lines of communication open. I'd guess that that is probably the hard bit - feeling like your reaching out to him in some small way, but potentially getting nothing back.

Also, just because he's behaved disgracefully doesn't mean that at some stage the twins aren't going to ask questions about him and think about having a relationship with him. By keeping him informed on their progress now, you will be able to look them in the eye when they are older and tell them that you did what you could.

piprabbit · 19/09/2009 23:55

Basically, I think I'm saying... send the scan if you feel it is the best thing for you and your children, now and in the future. Forget about what he might think.

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 00:01

All I'm worried about is him thinking I'm using ds to get it to him, which I'm definately not. Part of me wants to do it whilst it's in the forfront of my mind, and before I chicken out.

Do you think it's using ds? The last think I want it so make ds visit horrid, with fuckmuppet in a mood. This is the problem really, I don't know how he will react, or even if he'll keep it, send it back or not even open it

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piprabbit · 20/09/2009 00:09

You have a point about using DS. Personally I don't think it is using him - seems reasonable to send an envelop with him when he goes to see his Dad (a bit like notes coming home in the book bag from school). But, I guess it's early days for you all - so if you have any doubts about making your DS feel uncomfortable, I'd maybe send the scan by post instead to keep him out of it. I have heard that it's not a good idea to make children feel like a go-between.

By the way - i should have asked sooner, how did the scan go? was it today? did DS enjoy seeing his sisters?

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 00:14

Well that's how I see it, after all I've sent notes with him about stuff before. But H can be a real bastard when he wants to be, and could twist it I suppose, and make me out to be in the wrong Ok, thanks, I need to re think maybe.

Yes, the scan was today, all is getting back to normal. Ds waved at one of his sisters, who was waving her arm about, only because I said 'look baby's waving at you'. It was a bit emotional tbh. Thank you for asking

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luckylady74 · 20/09/2009 00:19

Sorry to barge in, but have just read thread-you have all my sympathy -I was super stressed when pregnant with my twins.
Can't you just write on the envelope something along the lines of' I didn't want you to think I was leaving you out of their lives so I thought you'd appreciate seeing this.'
My 2 were 5 weeks early and fine. They slept together and as their 2 yrold brother had a routine still they kind of fitted into that. They also slept a lot in the same carrycot pram that ds1 had -they both cuddled in together(ds1 sat on top of it when we went for walks).My top tip for twin mums is accept there'll be more crying and also that things will get done in the end!
Hope you feel better.

Northernlurker · 20/09/2009 00:21

Well look - your ds has had a lovely experience which it would be totally expected for him to want to tell his Dad about - even if said Dad is utter muppet. Therefore him taking a scan pic with him is a very normal and reasonable act. I would send it with him and see what happens next. They are his children and he does have that connection with them. Up to him what he does with it , all you can do is keep the door open for now.

piprabbit · 20/09/2009 00:22

Soooo glad to hear that your LOs are well - you've really made my evening. .
In fact I'm going off to bed now - might as well end on a good note.

Sleep well.

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 00:24

Night piprabbit and thanks

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Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 00:28

Luckylady, you're not barging in at all

Any advice I can get or opinions on all this is really helpful, and makes me think about certain things in a different, more positive way.

Northernlurker, the problem is that ds is way too young to actually ask to take the picture, so it really is me inposing this on him iukwim. I just want H to see his daughters, and have something real to look at Oops a bit weepy

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shabbapinkfrog · 20/09/2009 00:41

Hiya Dizzy - I think I would hold onto the scan picture for at least another few days and think about it a little more. I think all the women on here wont think you are doing anything wrong but men are a totally different kettle of fish. See if anything is mentioned after he brings DS home. I suppose there is no right or wrong, good or bad way but you have had such a lovely day with your three precious children. Dont let him spoil it for you tomorrow (sorry today) Masses of hugs winging their way down the country to you xxxx

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 00:47

Hi shabbs, yes I think I will re think this. The more I'm thinking about it the more I'm seeing fuckmuppet twisting it and maybe ruining ds day with him, which I don't want. It does feel good to get this out there though, rather than being regurgitated by my head over and over again

Hugs are lovely, thank you

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shabbapinkfrog · 20/09/2009 00:52

I know what you mean - its good to ask a question and get different peoples opinions. If your DS was older it would be different BUT let him enjoy his day - make sure you put on your painted smile and hopefully your lovely Dad will be there to issue a few threats Doing a fantastic job my dear friend xxxx

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 00:57

Oh yes shabbs, he'll be here to issue any wrath if needed At this rate, I'll still be up when they get here, which is what happens if you sleep for 4 hours during the day. I didn't get much sleep friday night, so it kind of caught up with me. Thank goodness for 'dave'!

You're so sweet shabbs, thank you

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shabbapinkfrog · 20/09/2009 01:00

From the heart my love...xxxxx OK Im off to my pit...take care, deep breathing and nice thoughts - awwwwwww still cant get over how you and your DS have 'met' your babies today Night love xx

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 01:02

Sweet dreams shabbs, yes it's been a big day

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Deemented · 20/09/2009 06:50

FWIW Dizzy, i think fuckmuppet showed his true colours the other week when you rang to tell him about being in hosp/bleeding and he asked why you were telling him about it, so going on that, no, i wouldn't send a scan photo to him.

Imagine how devestated you'll be if he sends it back to you asking why you sent it to him?Don't do it to yourself, love.

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 09:24

I haven't sent it Dee.

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Deemented · 20/09/2009 09:33

I think you've made the right decision, Dizzy.

Original poster

dizzymare · 20/09/2009 19:36

Fuck fuck fuck fuck H has sent me a message saying he and ds went out and got a bed for him so he can stay over no NO NO i DON'T WANT HIM STAYING OVER WITH ANYONE BUT ME

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