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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you announce your big news?

34 replies

radio4 · 30/08/2009 12:04

Just wondering if people could tell me who they told they were pregnant and at what stage. Does everyone wait for the 12 week scan?

Family keep saying I'm boring as want to drive to wedding next weekend (perfect excuse for not drinking). Just want to scream at them "I'm PREGNANT OK?" but prob not the best way to announce it! Also have a hen weekend to get through before 12 week mark.

Advice and stories very welcome!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LadyStealthPolarBear · 30/08/2009 12:05

Congratulations
I announced it to parents etc at about 9 weeks but think I wanted until 12 weeks this time before telling everyone else

Mimile · 30/08/2009 12:49

We waited until 18wks at least. I like my peace and quiet, and felt it was our little special secret. I also struggle with speaking about personnal things with anyone else than my DH. We live far from both family and enjoy being "just us". I know some friends / relatives felt it was selfish of us (me), but he, my (our) choice .
At the time, we had Xmas, New Year, a couple of weddings to go through. I don't drink much anyway, but kept accepting glasses only for my DH to drink them discretly (he does that usually anyway). The hardest to cope with was the utter tiredness, and having to go on "the long muddy walk in the fog" on boxing day, when all I wanted to do was lazing in bed... Eventually broke the news over the phone, but only out of sheer guilt as it's my mum's first grandchild.

Southwestwhippet · 30/08/2009 12:53

Told parents pretty much straight away (4 weeks ).Then told a couple of close friends (one or two) after a week or two and had to tell work at about 9 weeks as was really struggling.

Everyone else, waited for the 12 week mark before doing the big announcement.

roxy12 · 30/08/2009 12:57

I told my parents and people straight away.

About 6 weeks pregnant i was.

Tell them it will be easier for you to get through the hen night and the wedding as people will no.

CONGRATULATIONS.

LouMacca · 30/08/2009 13:49

Congratulations on your happy news!

Told our parents after a 6wk scan (had IVF so had v early scan).

Told siblings and v. close friends after 2nd scan at 8wks

Shouted it from the rooftops and told everyone else after our 12 week scan at the local hospital.

Do what feels right for you radio

LaDiDaDi · 30/08/2009 14:02

I told my parents and family and close friends as soon as I knew.

I told most work colleagues after I had a bleed at 10 weeks though I had already told my boss.

I think that not telling family can make it difficult if things go wrong for you (obv. not that I'd wish that) and you need support.

lilmissmummy · 30/08/2009 14:37

I told family a couple of days after we found out... so I was about 6 weeks.

Told v close friends at 8 weeks and everyone else I am telling at 12 weeks although as baby no.3 I am huge so all my neighbours know!

Tangle · 30/08/2009 14:38

With DD we told immediate family pretty early - about 6 weeks IIRC - and asked them to keep it quiet until we had the results back after the 12 week scan. MIL couldn't resist telling some of her friends before we gave the all clear, so this time we told my sister early but didn't tell anyone else until we were happy for them to share the news.

I think, as LaDiDaDi says, to a certain extent it was a case of "if things do go wrong, would we rather this person new or didn't" - and for most people for us at the moment we'd rather they were happily oblivious. Do what rights for you and your circumstances

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 30/08/2009 14:57

We were going to keep it quiet with DS1 until 12 weeks, but we had to tell friends who we visited for New Year as they were very suspicious I wasn't drinking. I was about 7 weeks. Had managed to keep it from family over Christmas.

I think its a personal preference.

LaDiDaDi · 30/08/2009 15:57

Can I ask those who didn't tell close family until 12 weeks, would you have told them if you had a mc?

JulesJules · 30/08/2009 16:01

17 weeks. I don't know if I would have told family about a miscarriage, tbh. No one knew that we were thinking of having a baby.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 30/08/2009 16:04

With DS I told everyone at 12 weeks as I knew it would be a shock and had I miscarried I probably wouldn't have told them at all. Although I did have to tell a couple of people at work to get out of assisting during x-rays but they told no one.
With DD I told my mum and sis at 7 weeks as they were visiting and told everyone else around 12 weeks again. This time I have told no one except DP ( oh and he told his mother!)and Mumsnet but it's early days. i'll tell people when I'm ready.

BexJ78 · 30/08/2009 16:45

we waited and (except one couple we are very close to and PIL's for bizarre reasons (they live on a dairy farm, and drink unpasteurised milk!!) told everyone including parents, after the 12 week scan. had no symptoms so wasn't entirely convinced i was pg until we saw it for ourselves on the screen. Then literally told everyone, including work etc at that point. Did not want to put any pressure on ourselves prior to 12 weeks in case anything went wrong. had a few times though when it was hard lying to people, especially as prior to BFP had been a big social drinker and generally known for liking a glass or two of wine! One close friend had guessed, but i think if i had had a hen weekend, or anything like that to go to, we wouldn't have kept it secret for long!

Original poster

radio4 · 30/08/2009 17:18

Thanks for all your lovely advice. Still working out how I feel about it and worrying about jinxing it if I tell - crazy I know.
I am usually a big wine drinker though, so it won't be long before people guess!

How did you handle telling friends who have been trying without success? Feel so guilty that I'm pregnant before people who have been trying longer.

OP posts:

KateMess · 30/08/2009 17:25

I stuck my pee-stained BFP stick in my closest friend's face the very evening I found out shrieking look look look!

mumtojust3whippetsuntilnow · 30/08/2009 17:54

I told both sets of parents and my best friends the day I found out at 4 weeks (I figured if a had a MC I would want them to know anyway). Everyone else I told after a scan at about 6 weeks (due to a slight bleed) at which a heartbeat was found . I can see why some people would choose to hold off a little longer (not really with parents, but I can appreciate that not all parental relationshps are alike) but I am terribly impatient and just wanted to share the excitement as soon as possible.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 30/08/2009 17:56

8 weeks with inlaws and my nan for number one

can't remember with number 2

12 weeks with number 3

LouMacca · 30/08/2009 18:27

radio - i think its lovely of you to be thinking about how you will break the news to friends who have been trying without success. I think you will handle it well as you are obviously a caring friend.

We have been in both situations (we tried for children for a long time and were successful on our 3rd IVF attempt). I really appreciated it when friends actually told us to our faces rather than by text or phone. It was quite hard for us and I did always have a good cry when our friends left. I was lucky that I never had the situation where anyone shuffed the scan picture infront of my face, I think I would have found that quite hard.

When I got pregnant I had made some really good friends in the IVF support group along the way and I did find it hard to tell these friends, I hope that I was as sensitive as I could be.

The main thing I would say is DONT feel guilty. Its your time, enjoy being pregnant. I was happy for my friends that were pregnant but just sad that I wasn't. I'm sure their time will come x

LaDiDaDi · 30/08/2009 20:40

A very good friend of mine is ttc and had been ttc for her first for loger than I had been ttc my second when I got pregnant.

I told her in a group with two other very close friends of mine so that I knew that immediately they left my house to drive home she'd be able to cry/moan/be however she wanted to be. I then rang her a couple of days later to check how she was feeling. She said that yes, she was a bit jealous but obv. my getting pregnant didn't make it any more or less likely to happen for her and so it didn't change how pleased she was for me iyswim.

GwarchodwrPlant · 30/08/2009 20:42

OP- you could always say that you are taking antibiotics if you want to avoid drinking and not raise suspiscion. There are some you cannot combine with alcohol.

I told most people pretty much straight away, I just couldn't keep it in!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 30/08/2009 20:46

first baby we waited until we had a scan at 11+5 we asked both sets of parents for dinner as we knew there would be a bit of "who got told first" so we told them together.

with 2nd baby I told my sister at 7 weeks, then we told the parents at about 12 weeks again after a scan.

Like others I accepted drinks and then did not drink them at parties.

KateMess · 30/08/2009 21:07

People who are having a hard time conceiving usually understand this part of their nature that makes them scream noooo internally when (yet) another friend announces their pregnancy. I know I was not necessarily proud of it, but I accepted that I would need to get a lid on my emotions and that my happiness for my friend was there, just masked a bit by my own frustration and fear.

I quite liked to hear in a message rather than face to face, so I could rearrange myself and congratulate them sincerely later.

But that's just me.

threeplusone · 30/08/2009 22:31

With all 4 I have told everyone the day I foundout.. only because I find it really hard to keep my mouth shut when I am really excited. But you do what you feel is best for you

amyboo · 31/08/2009 08:45

Last time I told everyone after a successful scan at 10 weeks. It ended in a mmc at 13 weeks. So this time, I've only told my parents (out of necessity, cos we went to stay and I wasn't drinking) and a close friend. I also had to tell my boss on Friday as I'm not allowed to fly and was supposed to travel for work this week. I'm 9+2 today, and don't plan on officially announcing anything till I've cleared 14 weeks.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 31/08/2009 08:56

Each time have told parents, brothers, close friends pretty much straight away.

Wider family and grandparents who will ask questions like 'Why?' we don't tell until 12 week scan - can't be doing with it and try to hold off.

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