Average maternity leave - getting in arguments about it!

[rebeccacad]

Hi there - sorry for a long post but want to explain whole picture...

I wondered how much maternity leave those of you who are planning on returning to work are taking?

This is my first pregnancy and I have quite a busy, senior role managing a UK team. I'm only 27 so my parents are v proud and have always encouraged me to succeed. However having grandchildren wasn't in their (or in fact our!) plan at the moment.

My husband and I (been married for 2 and a bit years) are really happy at this surprise and I'm keen to take 6 months leave to really bond with my baby and get used to motherhood and then return for 3 days a week for 3 months before going back full time.

My parents are trying to be excited but are also very concerned about the practicalities. They want us to sell our flat and move somewhere bigger and have offered to lend us some money to help do this which we haven't decided whether we'll do or not (though v grateful for offer).

Today, my mum said that she and my dad thought I was taking a 'very luxurious' amount of maternity leave, that I'd be sidelined in my job (I won't), that if they are going to make sacrifices to help us financially I shouldn't be taking all that time off etc.

I'm trying hard not to be upset, and know that they are concerned for me (their daughter who they love and support) and not yet focused on the baby (still pretty imaginary to them). But am now worried that they are right and am being very selfish and that others will think I'm taking a really luxurious amount of time off.

What do you guys think honestly? We can afford (just!) for me to take the time off, but can't afford big moving costs at the moment with saving for the baby which is where they would help (though we haven't asked them to and they are really pushing us to do this).

How long are you guys taking?

Sorry to ramble...

x

I'm self employed and ended up having about 8 weeks off in total, I'd committed to a project before having my daughter and felt obligated to continue with it. So she went into nursery one day a week from 4 months old, until she was a year I juggled the business and having her at home the other 4 days. When she turned one I had to cave in and put her in 3 days a week (which luckily she loved). I absolutely regret taking as little time as I did - partly because I spent the first month in and out of hospital for various reasons but also because I spent the next few months feeling like I wasn't properly focussed on either my business or my relationship with my daughter.

But I'm pregnant again and have already decided I'm going to take a few months off. If it means my business takes a back seat then so be it - there will be other opportunities/jobs. You only get your kids once, and I know how quickly those early days pass.

I'm taking 11 months and I'm not a manager. My boss, who manages a team of 10 financial people and is a finance controller, took the full 12 months. My SIL took 14 months! I think you should take the amount of time off you feel is right for you, provided financially you can cope. When I return to work I won't have that much time with DS, so I want to make the most of it now. xx

Hello

Firstly, do what is right for you and your DH. It is your baby and your life so concentrate on whats best for you both and don't worry about your parents.

With DS1 I took 5 months off then went back FT. This was for financial reasons and was hard going as DS not sleeping through - in fact he was a complete night hawk and was up all night most nights!

DS2 was unfortunately stillborn and I was off for 3 months after I had him.

DS3 I took 6 months off and have just returned to work. When DS1 started school I condensed my working hours so that I can have a Friday off when he is on half day so I only work 4 days.

I have to admit I wish I could have had longer off to be with both my boys but needs must and we couldn't afford for any longer than we had.

Good luck and stay positive