Stress and pregnancy and outside factors, hormones or what?

[PavlovtheForgetfulCat]

I have had a very stressful day.

Builders are in. They are creating stress. I have felt stressful ALL day. And it has been a shit of a day. BUT, this morning I did not know it was going to be shit.

However, I was still sick, vomitted my breakfast, have felt off colour all day, very very very tired, lead legs, tightness in chest (windpipe/food area), feel a bit blocked, heart been pounding, everything is an effort.

The day has got progressively worse, DH had a job interview, has not heard anything back but told he would know today, so we presume not successful, the building work has taken a turn for the worse and when I got home at 4pm I blew a gasket, absolutely properly, DH thought I really was going to lose it completely. I just sort of lost control.

I think the building issues would have been issues anyway, but not sure if I would have dealt with them better if not pregnant, possibly, possibly not.

Should I be concerned about how I am feeling, is this normal in pregnancy? I know pregnant people can be a bit more how shallwe say 'highly strung'? but today seemed inevitable from the outset, and now I have a stinking headache, and fighting sickness again, bad indegestion, and my heart is still pounding.

Is this just pregnancy hormones making me feel so stressed?

You know I am so uptight I can't even make sense in my posts. The Opening post does not make sense

I think I am asking, is it normal to blow your top and feel this way in pregnancy? Is it pregnancy, the builders, a bit of both?

Calm me down if you can?

Anyone out there?

I am feeling less angry and stressed and more quietly anxious.

Fear, thats what it feels like. Fear, a loss of control.

So I am having a manhattan. I am thinking it will calm me down quicker than waiting for replies and DH has gone out!

Pavlov you are normal. Even when not pregnant it's quite ok to blow your top occasionally. Infact you'd be abnormal to always keep everything in.

People/strangers in your house is actually a big stress at the best of times so don't be hard on yourself.

The stress will be feeding the headache, heartburn and pounding heart. Can you get an early night or just a bit of space for yourself?

You could try getting yourself a relaxation cd. You can get non hippy ones and I think you can get them from you're dr too (No I don't think you need a dr) but it just might help to relieve some of the stress.

Again, you are normal. (unless there's anything properly nutty in your closet your not letting on about)

ninja thanks.

Just needed a bit of 'your ok' so thanks for that!

I have nothing in my closet apart from stuff shoved in from our loft while it is being converted!!! All non-human

Its hard to relax as DD is in our bedroom while the work is being done. And she won't settle so well and I am struggling to read her a million bedtime stories and DH has gone out and I just cannot do it, I need to have some me time so I have plonked her in front of scooby doo. I do not normally do it, but these are not normal circumstances!

Next pregnancy, I will try to keep it straightforward!

You're doing fine. No one ever grew up scarred from an evening of Scooby Doo.

This will pass and the builders will leave. You can't control everything so prioritise what you need to stay on top of then let some of the small stuff go. Tonight you need to look after you for a bit and that's fine. You deserve it, you need it.

I'm about to embark on a 2hr car journey to a caravan in deepest darkest Devon with DS and the ILs for the weekend (no DP).

Now that is truly terrifying.

Hope you get the space you need.

ninja - oh that sounds fab! Where in Deepest Darkest Devon? I live in Devon! I hope you have a great time.

Thanks again x

pavlov it is the stress of the building and the hormones making it all seem worse, you are ok. I am having moments recently where I just keep getting more and more wound up until I blow - I find the days I let go and blow, then burst into tears are actually the better ending ones and the stress release is physical.
Trying to put a lid on it, or cope just elongates the whole feeling in my experience and makes the stress levels rise.

When DD was v little and I was on my own, I used to go and throw empty milk bottles at the bottom of the garden - they make a strangely stress busting pop when they break Am not saying it's safe or advisable, and I was very young at the time, but boy did it help!!

Scarlotti - I wish my garden was big enough for that! I might install a punch bag into the dead space in the loft!

I feel calmer, but it just all feels a bit much, loft not finished, seems like it will never be so, got so much to do. I just want to have it all slow down, and enjoy being pregnant, but alas that appears not to be the case. Last pg was the same for very different reasons. And I am starting to think this is just life, you know that expression of life being a rollercoaster, comes from somewhere clearly !

It was quite scary though, i don't know for sure my blood pressure rose, but it must have, I could feel it rising if that makes sense.

Anyway, I am off to bed, thanks all. I will be taking DD with me and hoping that by holding her hand and us both talking sleepy talk she will fall asleep with me.

Somewhere near Lynmouth I think?

Here they are now.

Wish me luck x

Pavlov hopefully now you're in the land of dreams with your DD curled up and sleeping (quietly!)
I totally understand the feeling it rising comment, that's how I felt last night - I could see the imminent row with DH, my brain was telling me to back off but I felt the need to keep on. Cue a physical feeling of burning rage rising - in the end I left the room so as not to say something I'd regret.

Try and focus on the small light at the end of the loft tunnel Both of my current DC's have been born into complete building chaos and it does make you feel as though life will never be calm again ... but eventually it will, and at least it stops you being neurotic about baby stuff, the brick dust and drill noises will put paid to that!!

Scarlotti you are right about not being neurotic about baby stuff, no time, or money!

I feel a bit calmer this morning, well a lot calmer. DD went to sleep at 10pm, but then she slept well. I tossed and turned and dreamt of partition walls and chipboard! But I have resigned myself to a few things not going how I want, and in calmness I shall be calling my architect for a 'word'. And what will be will be. This is our first experience of building work so I guess problems are inevitable.

Ninja - I know you will be gone by now but hope the journey was bearable and you have a great time. The sun is shining, hope it stays that way for your trip!

Sorry to hear about your argument with your DH too, its difficult being pregnant and keeping a lid on things isn't it? I hope its all ok now?

That would be stressful enough without the pregnancy tbh, but with the pregnancy I think it's bound to be a recipe for an explosion.

I have had lots of panic/anxiety this pregnancy. I have been using Rescue Remedy a fair bit (don't know if it's just a placebo - don't care if it makes me feel better). Also finding someone you can just sob to & tell it like it is. I have found it so much worse if I can't just tell it like it is to people - so I give them a warning, then blow up & sob. I have this Calm Spritzer which I got as a birthday present - it's from Neals Yard & it comes in their Mother to Be gift box but can be bought separately. It's basically I think a blend of the same oils as are in their Mother's Massage Oil but that you can spray quickly on you/around you & it's obviously a pretty good combination as I really find it helps me get over the panic if it hits at night & get back to sleep.

Most of all, I think, that kind of stress really needs an outlet - you have to have your explosions/sobs etc. or it just eats you up. I think it's best to warn people though!

mogend DH takes the brunt of it though, bless him, he is not good at letting it lie, he bite, blows back. But not yesterday. He saw I was pissed off yesterday and backing off was best!

Hi Pavlov hope the sun made things feel a little easier.

We were in fact near Ilfracombe. Was actually very lovely. Did Woolacombe and Clovely and were very spoilt for the weekend.

How are you feeling now?

ninjacat - well, the old radiator connection was not capped, so yesterday we had a leak and our boiler stopped working. Could not get hold of any plumbers, or builder who had connected the plumbing upstairs, and left the bloody old tap on downstairs. DH finally spoke to our plumber on holiday who talked him through how to sort out the boiler, and we have just this second spoken to the builder after numerous messages and he said 'yes someone must have turned the tap of the radiator connector on' er, yes, we have a 3 year old, and were not told it was active still! Like, thats our fault, not his for not capping it he is starting to go from being a nice bloke to really bloody annoying me.

Had a huge argument with DH, about not very much, but between that was relatively ok and had started to get things into perspective.

This pregnancy just seems to much more stressful than last, even though I did in fact have real stress then as my mother was ill with terminal cancer. I felt much more able to cope mentally with the stuff going on then, this is nothing so serious but I just seem less able to manage.

Ilfracombe is lovely...how on earth did you manage the hilly slopes of Clovelly?

It does sound like things are very stressful with the house but do you think you could also be reliving or venting some of the feelings you had to keep under control in your last pg because it's safer to live them now?

I don't know how I made it back up Clovelly but I did walk very slowly. Just couldn't face the back of the land rover.

Ninja - bloody hell you walked all the way [shocked] impressed/horrified!!! MIL wanted us to go visit when I was last pg and she was visiting, but nooooo way!

Yes, stress. Indeed it is stressful, I just keep telling myself it was always going to be stressful, this stage. We have only 2 weeks to go, allegedly so the builder says and they will be done, but there seems so many little things to do, and he is being a bit crabby generally I worry that the nice easy going man is now realising we expect him to finish it off properly, like fix all the damage on ceilings, put a cupboard in under stairs, and that we will be picky about the finish. he should also remember too though that we have the retainer so if he fails to finish as required, he won't get it, no matter how many 'heavies' he knows - as he likes to remind us in conversations about other people owing him money - not related to us at all, think he just wants everyone to know he 'knows' people. But I work for the criminal justice system, which he was not banking on, so HA to his scare tactics, I know police in high places and his mouth of smacking people who annoy him, blah blah, is all talk and he knows I know it, and don't care either way!

I just have to keep reminding myself, not long to go, in one month, it will be decorated and we can move up, and it will all be ok.

I'm glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel

Your builder sounds very insecure. Maybe you should treat him like a toddler, lots of positive praise but firm boundries? (or bed time stories and Scooby Doo?)

Just keep visualising how lovely it's going to be when it's all over x

I think he is worried that we are going to cause trouble and refuse to pay. Which of course we will if he fucks it up. I also think he is struggling financially so he is being stretched as he is running out of cash, think this might be why stairs were delayed although he won't acknowledge it.

We are meeting with him tomorrow morning. He does not know this yet but we shall make him a cuppa as we normally do, and summon him to the kitchen to 'chat' about the work, he will get the idea then. I have a list of all the things that are bothering me and we will go through them one by one and he can reassure me/blag/tell me its not his problem to do on each point and we will continue until I am happy, or until I clonk him on the head and go to work! And then, I am going to work, regardless of how I feel as he will know what he needs to be doing to get his money, and I will not want to stay in the house while he stomps about.

Hope all goes to plan
Best of luck for the morning

Hi pavlov how did your morning meeting with the builder go? Hope you've mentioned that you work for the criminal justice system by now (I'm currently working for the police!) and got across all the points you wanted.
Keep the retainer until the end.
Our builder who did the extension on our old house (due to finish before DS was born but instead started the week before he arrived ) had tax problems along with a drink problem, and left us in the lurch at the end of the build. Luckily we had kept a fair chunk of money so could then afford to get a family friend to finish it off.
It is stressful though, and worse if you're there watching it all. If you have days when you're not working, do try and get out of the house once you've had your morning site meeting with him. My experience is that a lot of them are just like petulant children and can't cope with women that have brains and expect a decent job to be done.
Our builder used to wax lyrical about 'people he knew' - we were not impressed. DH is Scottish and 6'3" and I'm a fiesty welsh woman of 5'1" so he soon learnt that it didn't wash with us!!!

Hang in there, and in a few weeks time he'll be gone and you can get all sorted and clean the never ending dust, and all will be perfect for lo's arrival.

AAAAAAAARGH!

The small room is too small. The stipulation, which is on the plans from the architect clearly states internal walls need to be re-positioned to allow for a full sized single bed as demonstrated in diagram. The bloody space is just shy of it. I know where it has been lost too. The stairs are 800mm wide, not 600mm wide, which means an additional 400mm in total (turn at the bottom 200mm out and turn at top 200m out) and we have lost this off the bedroom. Well they are bloody well going to have to get it back. I do not care how they do it, but I am not going to lose a bedroom. If we wanted to lose a bedroom we would have lost the bedroom properly and put the bloody stairs in differently to allow more space up top!!! .

Before I knew this - had conversation with builder about concerns, he reassured me for the most part, and together we came up with a plan of action that will sort out most of the issues. Although it will cost us a bit of money, technically its no-ones fault, although if I look into it, and find its the architects I will make him pay his fee back, or some of it. He recognised I was pissed off and did his best to passify me, thankfully, until now.

Problem with the room, its not money, its space, and no amount of money will give us a bedroom back. So, I don't care if he has to rip down the stairs and start them all over again, if that is what he will have to do that is what he will have to do, and I will NOT pay for this as the plans clearly state he is to ensure the room is big enough for a single bed. I am so pissed off. I felt much calmer at work and now I am home I am furious. Again. And worried about this room as it was going to be the baby's room and its not big enough now. So we have just wasted £17k. No I bloody haven't, he will sort it .