Midwife should be slapped and nearly was!

[dyzzidi]

I had a missed miscarriage in Sept and have been awaiting IVF due to gynae problems for some time however I have just found out I am Pregnant[grin[

I went for my first midwife Appointment on Friday to arrange an early scan as instructed by my GP, when I got there I had seen this midwife in Sept so felt quite comfortable. there was also a nurse in the room with us. I sat down and she barely scanned my notes and said 'oh I'm not going to bother filling in any of the maternity notes as there is no point the scan may have a negative outcome' (even if I m/c I will need notes) I was completely gobsmacked I didn't expect a round of applause but FGS the insensitive cow. I was not in a mood to be messed with and said I don't think you should be speaking to me like that how dare you presume this baby is going to die as well. I expect some support from someone in your position I am aware of the risks but am trying to keep positive so don't you dare refer to my pregancy without further facts.

The poor nurse looked horrified as I asked the midwife when I could I expect my scan and she said oh I don't know why not wait till 12 weeks. I stood up told her my Consultant at the hospital had told me to get and early scan, my GP wanted it as well and if she couldn't be bothered I would see someone else.

I thought midwifes were generally nice to you!!!!

She was very lucky in my hormaonal state i didn't swing for her what a complete cow

[FLUM]

no, mp, course not just don't think all the formal complaints over a 'turn of phrase' helps thats all.

losing a baby is horrible, i know that but people dancing round the subject does not make it easier IMO

[NomDePlume]

Complain, complain, complain. Your treatment was terrible. Name and shame the midwife to the Trust.

[dyzzidi]

Miscarriage it the hardest thing I have ever been through I don't care what other people think it is a sensitive issue.

[MINNIE1]

Daffed ole cow!! That is way out of line!!!!

[nailpolish]

dyzzidi, just forget about her just now and get that scan appt! she can wait til later

[dyzzidi]

I am going to give it till the end of the week and phone my consultant direct. I am lucky that my consultant is also the surgeon who has been operating on me for years so he knows all my history.

He said when I was pregnant last time he was shocked to hear about it and it must be a miracle. i think he will need a brandy this time

[FLUM]

ohhhhhh wellmaybe I am being too harsh then. good luck anyway, hope it goes smoothly for you this time.

[nailpolish]

all the very best of luck with the scan! everything is crossed xxx

[dyzzidi]

Thanks

[Thomcat]

First off massive congratulations on being pregnant, and I wish you all the love and luck in the world.

Re this midwife, if someone is rude to you and upsets you are in your rights to complain. Be it a waiter, a shop assistant, a bus driver, a midwife, or another mumsnetter!

We all know that the early days of pregnancy are touch and go and we all live with that feeling when we discover we are pregnant, we all know okay, we just don't ned to be reminded in such a way as to say 'there's no point doing this you could (pregant person hears, very may well) loose this baby . We all live in the hope that our pregnancies will turn into a healthy babies and all will be okay. Overworked, stressed, yes I'm sure she is but tbh, whatever. i'm sure that midwife found herself at the mercy of a nurse or surgeon etc she would want a professional appointment where she was made to feel like she mattered and didn't overhear someone say, don't bother to stitch her up properly, it'll proably rupture again anyway, there's no point!

You do what you think best re complaining dyzzidi.

Good luck again and enjoy, TC xx (ps i'm about 7 weeks gone, how about you?)

[dyzzidi]

About 6 and a half weeks thomcat. and am trying to be very positive!!

[tarantula]

Am gobsmaked by two things on this thread Firstly what the midwife said to you dyzzidi was totally inappropriate and very insensitive and Im not surprised that the nurse was horrified. I do think that you should complain about her comments as I thin she may need it highlighted to her how hurtful it was so that she can reassess the way she deals with people i future.

However Im just as horrified by nailpolishs comments "older old school mw's cant be arsed. its like theyve been in the job too long and are just counting the days to retirement

i prefer being looked after someone my own age, who maybe is still enjoying the job, is interested in the latest research and is up to date."

Sorry if that isnt agism I dont know what is. I had a wonderful midwife who was an older women and was nearing the age of retirement but was banguptodate in her knowledge but also had years of EXPERIENCE to fall back on and was wonderfully supportive of me during my pregnancy. She was full of good advise and support and did 'tell it as it is' but she was def not counting the days to retirement. also not sure why someone older would automatically not be interested in their job.

[Thomcat]

Me too mate, TC xx

[nailpolish]

sorry tarantula, im speaking from experience though. i work in the nhs and i can assure you there are many many older nurses and midwives like this.

but, as you say, not all of them. it wasnt meant to be read as a sweeping statement.

[dyzzidi]

The midwife who was horrid to me was young ( well my age about 27) I have no experience of older midwives yet but have experienced both young and older nurses when in hospital. I have never noticed difference in care and was happy with all of them.

The older nurses were still compassionate and worked just as hard as the younger ones.

Maybe people are judging on persoanl expereince rather on the general topic.

[logic]

Congratulations dyzzidi! You must be so excited. I agree that your treatment by the midwife was appalling. I have been treated just like that before and didn't complain and should have because it still bothes me to this day that the people involved are still out there upsetting other miscarrying mothers. As soon as that blue line appears, you are a mother as far as I am concerned and you love that child no matter what your HcG level!

Also, I have recently written a letter of complaint to my local surgery about my antenatal care and warned my GP that I had done it yesterday. He was actually very pleased because he was obviously concerned about the issue too and the complaint would bring the problems to someone's attention. So I would complain in your situation...

[tarantula]

thats ok NP was leaping to the defence of my midwife who looked after me when pg. She was brill just wish I had her aftewards but ended up with a very wishy washy young girl who didnt seem to have a clue and was very dismissive of my problems with breastfeeding ggggrrrr. Luckily my HV was fab Yep there are some really good ones out there.

[Aragon]

Hi there,

I've only read some of this thread at the moment but I have to say the midwife's comments were insensitive. I've been a community midwife myself and there is no way I'd ever say something like this to a woman who was pregnant again with a much wanted baby after a miscarriage. It shows a total lack of understanding for your feelings and someone in her position should be aware of this. I don't think a complaint could do any harm - you can change midwives if you need to - just write to the midwifery manager at the hospital and explain why.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I had a miscarriage first time round too so I know how special the next pregnancy is. Hope all goes well for you - I'm sure it will.

[Surfermum]

This is outrageous Dyzzidi. I've had 2 mcs and would have been in bits if I had been in your shoes, so well done for standing up to her. I would complain in writing to the Practice Manager. Not only has she been totally inappropriate and unsympathetic she has effectively refused to book you for a scan that a Consultant has recommended.

I work in the NHS and I used to deal with complaints. It isn't a waste of time, it's important they know this sort of thing is going on.

Congrats on the pregnancy, I hope all goes well.

[Miaou]

dyzzidi, so sorry to hear about your rotten treatment - what she said to you was totally unacceptable! I've no advice to give to you other than what has already been said, but just wanted to say Good for you for telling her exactly what you thought of her comments! Even if you decide not to take it any further, she will have come away from that encounter knowing that her attitude was unacceptable.

And congratulations re the pregnancy

[dyzzidi]

Well I have just phoned the EPU at the hospital who want me to go in for a scan on Tuesday. They have not got a referral from the midwife but looked up my notes on the computer and booked me in straight away.

Fingers crossed for Tuesday!!!!!!

[chipmonkey]

Good luck, Dyzzidi!

[nailpolish]

thats great, hope all goes well for you on tuesday

[Thomcat]

Finfers absolutley crossed for Tuesday. TC x

[eidsvold]

fingers crossed for Tues - dizzydi - I have had some of the rudest things said to me by midwifes. Although best care I had with dd2 was from an older midwife - younger ones weren't so brilliant - inthe UK - young one was brilliant - olde rone was very strange esp. when she found out dd1 had down syndrome and was in ICU/SCBU - another story.

Midwife comments to me -

geriatric mothers like you - WHAT i was 33 at the time?!?!

With a pelvis ( read huge ass and hips) like yours - you may not have a choice of what hospital you give birth in

You knew your child had ds before they were born...... ( tone - strange you decided to go ahead... mm not sure what I should say next - by midwife - gobsmacked)

However - had a consultant ask me if I was sure my dd1 had down syndrome when I had an appt with this second pregnancy ....


So complain - I think her manner was inappropriate and she needs to know that it needs to be addressed. Good for you for standing your ground in the appointment.