Any stories of relatively straightforward natural conceptions at 41 or older? Really need some hope. Ttc no 2 and moving to donor sperm after 8 hard years of severe male factor infertility

[ChunkyChick]

Here?s the background:

Way back in 2002 when I was a spritely (well in fertility terms at least) 33 years old we discovered that dh had a problem with his pituitary gland, meaning he hardly produced any sperm, and those that he did produce were all immotile, mostly morphologically abnormal and mostly dead. We tried a couple of ICSI procedures, and didn?t get to transfer in either of them. Then dh went on hormone treatment for a couple of years that we were promised would solve the problem. Sadly there was no improvement at all.

We then tried another ICSI for ?closure? in 2008, neither of us believing it would work. Dh had to have sperm cells surgically removed from his testicles. Amazingly and miraculously we conceived when I was 39 and dd is now 18 months old. She is the love and light of my life.

I want to give her a sibling more than anything else in the world, and am now becoming depressed in the process. I have been trying to get started with conceiving a second since June last year and we have had nothing but problems. The first couple of months I was found to be developing follicles too early, then the next month after being on the pill to try to resolve the issue my fsh hormone levels came back too high (meaning I wouldn?t respond well to the IVF drugs) and the clinic wouldn?t let me start. I then swapped to another clinic who are less concerned about fsh levels. They were convinced I had a blocked fallopian tube, so I had an operation ? but it turned out it wasn?t blocked at all. Two more cycles of full-on drug injections I didn?t get to egg retrieval because of poor response, then there was Christmas in the way and other issues. Finally I got to complete a cycle last month ? but it was abysmal. I only produced two eggs, one of which wasn?t even mature, and dh?s sperm were the worst they have ever been. Unsurprisingly I didn?t get pregnant.

We have now decided that the only way I stand a chance of getting pregnant again is donor sperm IUI?s. I am going to do natural cycles at first but may move onto clomid, which I seem to respond okay to, better than the drugs they use for IVF. Everything seems okay with me. I ovulate every month and my tubes are open and uterus clear. But I have no idea if, at the age of 41, I?m going to be one of the lucky ones. Maybe I am now infertile too? Clearly my poor response to fertility drugs doesn?t bode well (I was never a great responder even when I was younger). But then again I did manage to get pregnant and carry to term at age 39...

We tried a natural donor IUI last month and although I had lots of very definite implantation cramping (after 8 years of ttc I know when something is different with my cycle!), guttingly, I didn?t get pregnant.

I just cling and cling to the hope that this might work the natural way (IUI being as close to natural as we are able to get). I can?t believe that we have wasted the best part of a year at this late stage in my remaining fertility trying to do another ICSI with dh?s sperm when we are now going to donor anyway. And I can?t believe that I am 41 and still doing this. Everyone says that we are lucky to have dd, and that I should be thankful for that. Of course I am thankful, but is two children really too much to ask for? It?s what most people get pretty easily. I feel so much guilt for condemning my beautiful daughter to be the only child of an older mother and I would quite literally give my arm for a sibling for her. Really, I would sell it tomorrow.

The desperation this time around is so, SO much worse than it ever was with ttc no 1. I want this more for dd than for myself, although of course I would love another child to love too. I am so desperate for this to happen that I am getting depressed ? which of course doesn?t help my fertility. I am going to get some counselling next week as I really need to take some major steps to improve my mental state. I cry a lot at the moment and don?t sleep very well. This weekend was just awful as two separate couple friends announced they are well along with pregnancies with number two. It was like being stabbed through the heart.

Everyone else is now getting pregnant again around me, while my long infertility journey just continues on and on. I feel that dh?s infertility has now robbed me of my own fertility. I do not blame him, but I am bitter beyond words at the situation. When is it going to be my turn again? Is it ever going to be my turn? Or do I just need to begin to come to terms with having an only child?

Sorry for the long post. Even if no one answers it has been cathartic writing this up.

So, anyone got any positive stories of 41+ pregnancies for me?

I got pg with ds2 practically on my 41st birthday. I was very into natural ways to increase cervical mucous. Such as grapefruit juice, evening primrose oil and even cough syrup! (Google cough syrup conception and it will explain what type, when to take, etc).

There is even a theory that taking low-dose aspirin while ttc will increase blood flow to the uterus making implantation easier and decreasing chances of miscarriage. So I did that too!

Oh, and one of the mums in my ante-natal club was 46 when she had her dd2. So it most definitely can happen

HTH

jabber

i got pg on my second month of TTC at 41. and then again at 42. while bf and not TTC . both babies healthy 8lb+

i don't mention it in RL as i know so many women struggling TC and dont want to make them feel bad

I am an old bird,maternally speaking, One at 38 (IVF) and one at 40 (au naturelle).

My very best wishes to you.

Am v similar to Huw , One at 39 (IVF) and one at 41 (Natural!).

I too wish you all the best.

I wish you every success ChunkyChick. After 5 years of unexplained infertility we have conceived naturally, albiet I'm slightly younger at 37. That was after 1 month of taking Maca root capsules so I believe in the end that was my secret... The cervical mucus the following month was abundant
We'd tried most other "natural" things - acupuncture, TCM, weight loss etc. and were about to embark on the whole IVF journey, when I conceived. jabberwocky has some good suggestions. And I was a firm believer that the more different things I did to improve my own fertility, then the more in control I felt and the less depressed and low I felt about the whole thing. Hope that last bit makes sense.

There are plenty of success stories out there.

One of our old neighbours conceived DD1 on her 3rd IVF cycle at the age of 39. Then had DD2 at 41 and DS at 43 - both conceived naturally.

My aunty conceived at the age of 44, and several of my mums close friends all conceived their first and second children naturally in their 40s.

I do hope it happens for you.

Thank you so much for all your stories ladies, I knew lovely Mumsnetters wouldn't let me down! Am feeling better after reading all these, and that I'm not crazy after all to be giving it a shot still at 41!

I'm definitely going to look into MACA JetLi - that's a pretty amazing story that you conceived naturally after 5 years! And Jabber I'm also going to look into grapefruit juice and cough syrup!

I have several friends who have conceived naturally at 40, 41, 42 and even 43.

After 2.5years of infertility due to severe male factor infertility, my dh and I were one month away from starting ICSI when I conceived naturally. I was only 36 at the time though. Like JetLi, we were also doing all the natural things - acupuncture, chinese herbs, yoga, reflexology, giving up alcohol, caffeine, red meat, cow dairy, aspartame, cutting out as much processsed and preserved food as possible, Also like JetLi, the more I did, the more in control, and less depressed I felt.

There's a great book by Dr Marilyn Glenville called "Natural Solutions to Infertility". We followed it so that whatever course we had to take in order to conceive, we would be the best possible physical state to do so, and give any sperm/egg/embryo the best possible chance of making it through!

Very good luck Chunkychick.

Had three m/c and struggled to conceive before 1st DC at 35. Second DC at 37 (when DC1 was 18m).

Conceived DC3 aged 42, totally unintentionally - made a mistake over contraception and bingo!

My Mum said that both her grannies had babies at 48 !! (She had two aunties, one from each side of the family who were more like sisters)

We have just had a lovely couple staying with us and her DIL has a 5 month old at 48.

Accupuncture might not help with the actual TTC (although it might) - but it could well help you feel a bit calmer and sleep a bit better etc - I certainly feel like that.

However, I want to share my story a bit... We were having problems ttc - and ended up going down the IVF route - got to the top of the NHS list (so quite a wait) and conceived naturally. Had mc at 10wks, which turned out to be a mp - although the hospital that did the erpc didn't tell my local hospital or Dr that I needed a follow up and so this took 3months to finally diagnose - 2nd erpc. Followed by 4 months chemo. Followed by a year of being banned from ttc. Back on the IVF list (given 5 months to try naturally before treatment) - again, right at the end got pregnant. Ds is now 4. We've ttc since ds was 18mo - 2 mc down the line (the first one including a big scare that mp coming back) I think that we've come to the conclusion that ds is going to be an only. We're not even ttc at the moment - I think dh is so freaked out at the mc and the potential health implications if a mp did happen again that he really is not keen on chancing it... I'm pretty sure that I was depressed at the end of last year with all of this... I am sad because I think that he would be a wonderful big brother. However, there are some pros - I can spend all my spare time with him, doing things he wants to do, and not share the time with a sibling and have to do some things that he's not so keen on; we've only got one miniwhirlwind to deal with - and only have 1,000 questions a day to answer - which means that we're more likely to give answers which satisfy his insatiable appetite for information; and we've only got one gaping black hole to try to fill with food - particularly when there are other more interesting things that might distract his attention. Oh, and, yes, at the moment, as dh's job disappeared when his company went into administration, we're just about coping with me back at work full time. With two we would have had more of a problem.

If we had not managed to conceive ds, we would have adopted (if we'd been accepted of course).

I suppose what I'm saying is that even if you do really want a 2nd child, it might not happen - but life can still be good with one. Yes, you might still have the odd pang and get jealous at other mothers with their 'perfect' two children - but you have a wonderful dd. Make the most of her now anyway as she'll soon grow up!

Hello Chunkychick, just wanted to add my bit here! I got pregnant first time IVF using donor sperm (we have male factor too). I was 41 when we conceived. I never tried IUI because the stats looked quite bad in my age bracket.

Like you, there was nothing wrong with me, and my FSH was pretty good at 7.4 (although they only tested it once, so I could have had higher readings too).

We are hoping to adopt an older child after our baby is born.

On the issue of donor sperm, I do think it helped to have good swimmers with no problems, good morphology etc.

My partner totally feels the baby is 'ours'.

I can only echo the other posters - having a baby at 41 is completely normal - I know tons of people who've done it. Don't you think 40 somethings who have completed their families use contraception?! That tells you much more than clinic stats which include a majority of women who do unfortunately have either male or female factor, hence seeking treatment.

Congratulations on your beautiful daughter and I wish you every luck with your journey.

I'm 26wks pregnant, having conceived naturally (no medical intervention at all) at age 43. It did take awhile, and we had 4 losses over the last 2.5 yrs, but I've seen lots of women in early 40s getting pregnant recently. Good luck to you!

I was 38 and dh was 44 when we conceived DS3 naturally (and unexpectedly) - I have PCOS and dh has a low sperm count. We've had fertility treatment in the past and a miscarriage.

I hope things work out for you - it's a miisery not being able to conceive when you want to [sad. Fingers and toes crossed.

peachyfox - juts a point of information. you are not allowed to adopt out of birth order in the Uk ie you cant adopt a child older than your birth child, only younger. and you cant allpy until your child is at least two years old.

so if you wish to add to your family you might consider having another bio child soon. good luck

I conceived first try of IUI using donor sperm at 41. I took clomid to regulate my cycle.

From everything the clinic told me, it's much harder to get pregnant using sperm of a man you love because the chances of your egg and sperm being compatible are lower. With donor sperm, they pick sperm that's compatible with your egg so your chances should be much better.

Good luck x

Wow more wonderful replies. Thanks so much ladies, all your posts are just wonderful, and I?m hoping to sleep a bit better tonight after all this. Littlefish I love stories like yours. I?ve got the Glenville book too, and have been following the advice on supplements etc for a while. I really hope they make a difference. Balloonslayer that?s an amazing story that you conceived by accident at age 43 ? wow. I can hardly imagine! Mistlethrush yes I get acu done regularly now. I don?t really enjoy the actual treatment, but I feel like it does me good. Thanks for your story ? I also think I need to start working on coming to terms with my dd as an only if it comes to that. So sorry to hear about your terrible experience with the mp. How very frightening. I can well imagine that you don?t want to have to deal with that scenario ever again.

Peachy thanks for your inspirational post ? it certainly helps to know that you got pg with ds at 41 and that your partner is so happy with his dc. I am also thinking about adoption longer term if this doesn?t work out. That?s another difficult journey though. Spicemonster you are my heroine! I am moving to clomid next cycle too. It gives me so much hope to hear you got pregnant via diui at 41.

Samantha gosh I hadn't actually realised that - we're just starting to look into it now. How ridiculous - I wonder what the reason is for that. We also might 'adopt' an 11 year old family member but that's just a transfer of guardianship so shouldn't be a problem.

Spicemonster I'm intrigued by the compatible sperm thing your clinic told you about. I've never heard of them being able to investigate that. Does that mean they recommend a certain donor?

I'll just chip in too, if I may. I conceived at 39, 40 and twice at 41, but all ended in miscarriage. We went down the adoption route, but were rejected, then decided to give IVF a bash. By this stage I had been through the whole utter obsession phase ? charting, acupuncture, supplements, etc et ? and was beginning to come out the other side. All tests showed my FSH was low, and DP's sperm was mighty.

Last October I was waiting for my period to come so we could start IVF, 18 months after the last miscarriage, but it never did. At 42 I had conceived, and this one stuck. I'll be giving birth at the end of June this year when I'll be 43. Naturally I'd like another one, but given my history that is unlikely. So I'm determined to be grateful for him, even though there'll be pangs...

Oh, and my bestest friend did IVF with donor sperm at 42, and has just had twins, which she conceived first time!

I thought that I tested on a scale and they chose donors from the same scale but I can't find my paperwork at the moment peachyfox. I might have got that entirely wrong but I thought that's what they said

After waiting for 5 years (from age 35) to conceive number 4, and one MMC at 13 weeks, I fell pregnant naturally at age 40 and 11 months late last year. By the time this one is born (I'm 24 weeks now) I will have been off contraception for over 6 years. I had given up hoping, and seriously felt as though everyone else had been invited to the ball but me (although I knew this not to be true rationally).

You might like the Hut of Gloom on the Conception topic. It helped a lot of us who were feeling like you, as low as low could be. There is also a 40+ conception thread there, where you can seek advice from others in the same boat. Good luck.

I conceived DS at 42 and am currently 26 weeks pregnant at 46. Both conceived naturally BUT have had four miscarriages on the way due, most likely, to aged eggs.

Completely agree with mistlethrush re only having one - much as we wanted a second, we'd got to the point of thinking it probably wouldn't happen for us, had come to terms with that and were able to see the positives.

Chunky Chick - your post is extremely honest and touching. It reminded me of a very poignant article in the Telegraph a couple of weeks ago about the loneliness and desperation felt when struggling to conceive a second child. Here is the link - One is not enough
I don't think it will give you any answers but it is nice to know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.

Lots and lots of women conceive at 41+ - look at all the lovely stories on your thread and have faith. My GP and his wife went through TEN rounds of IVF and now have twins. They were obviously lucky enough to be able to afford to go ten rounds but they are a testament to not giving up.

I am not really the complementary therapy type in general but am a absolute convert when it comes to conception. I read this article a few years ago: Miracle on Harley Street (again in the Telegraph) and mentally filed it should I ever need assisted conception. Luckily I haven't had to visit Dr Xiao-Ping Zhai but the article left a lasting impression on me - the press cuttings section (under FAQS/media centre) is really worth a read.
I also swear by acupuncture - Gerad Kite and Justine Hankin have both been instrumental in my quest to conceive.

Wishing you the best of luck

Just to add to the overwhelming evidence that 41 is not too old ... I conceived my third at 42 and had my best pregnancy and delivery. Number one took 6 months, when I was 36; number two was immediate when I was 38. We started trying for the third when I was 39 and were on the brink of giving up (after two miscarriages) when the miracle happened! Forty one is definitely not too old. Definitely. (She said, sounding a bit like Harry, or his dinosaurs.)