Any stories of relatively straightforward natural conceptions at 41 or older? Really need some hope. Ttc no 2 and moving to donor sperm after 8 hard years of severe male factor infertility

[ChunkyChick]

Here?s the background:

Way back in 2002 when I was a spritely (well in fertility terms at least) 33 years old we discovered that dh had a problem with his pituitary gland, meaning he hardly produced any sperm, and those that he did produce were all immotile, mostly morphologically abnormal and mostly dead. We tried a couple of ICSI procedures, and didn?t get to transfer in either of them. Then dh went on hormone treatment for a couple of years that we were promised would solve the problem. Sadly there was no improvement at all.

We then tried another ICSI for ?closure? in 2008, neither of us believing it would work. Dh had to have sperm cells surgically removed from his testicles. Amazingly and miraculously we conceived when I was 39 and dd is now 18 months old. She is the love and light of my life.

I want to give her a sibling more than anything else in the world, and am now becoming depressed in the process. I have been trying to get started with conceiving a second since June last year and we have had nothing but problems. The first couple of months I was found to be developing follicles too early, then the next month after being on the pill to try to resolve the issue my fsh hormone levels came back too high (meaning I wouldn?t respond well to the IVF drugs) and the clinic wouldn?t let me start. I then swapped to another clinic who are less concerned about fsh levels. They were convinced I had a blocked fallopian tube, so I had an operation ? but it turned out it wasn?t blocked at all. Two more cycles of full-on drug injections I didn?t get to egg retrieval because of poor response, then there was Christmas in the way and other issues. Finally I got to complete a cycle last month ? but it was abysmal. I only produced two eggs, one of which wasn?t even mature, and dh?s sperm were the worst they have ever been. Unsurprisingly I didn?t get pregnant.

We have now decided that the only way I stand a chance of getting pregnant again is donor sperm IUI?s. I am going to do natural cycles at first but may move onto clomid, which I seem to respond okay to, better than the drugs they use for IVF. Everything seems okay with me. I ovulate every month and my tubes are open and uterus clear. But I have no idea if, at the age of 41, I?m going to be one of the lucky ones. Maybe I am now infertile too? Clearly my poor response to fertility drugs doesn?t bode well (I was never a great responder even when I was younger). But then again I did manage to get pregnant and carry to term at age 39...

We tried a natural donor IUI last month and although I had lots of very definite implantation cramping (after 8 years of ttc I know when something is different with my cycle!), guttingly, I didn?t get pregnant.

I just cling and cling to the hope that this might work the natural way (IUI being as close to natural as we are able to get). I can?t believe that we have wasted the best part of a year at this late stage in my remaining fertility trying to do another ICSI with dh?s sperm when we are now going to donor anyway. And I can?t believe that I am 41 and still doing this. Everyone says that we are lucky to have dd, and that I should be thankful for that. Of course I am thankful, but is two children really too much to ask for? It?s what most people get pretty easily. I feel so much guilt for condemning my beautiful daughter to be the only child of an older mother and I would quite literally give my arm for a sibling for her. Really, I would sell it tomorrow.

The desperation this time around is so, SO much worse than it ever was with ttc no 1. I want this more for dd than for myself, although of course I would love another child to love too. I am so desperate for this to happen that I am getting depressed ? which of course doesn?t help my fertility. I am going to get some counselling next week as I really need to take some major steps to improve my mental state. I cry a lot at the moment and don?t sleep very well. This weekend was just awful as two separate couple friends announced they are well along with pregnancies with number two. It was like being stabbed through the heart.

Everyone else is now getting pregnant again around me, while my long infertility journey just continues on and on. I feel that dh?s infertility has now robbed me of my own fertility. I do not blame him, but I am bitter beyond words at the situation. When is it going to be my turn again? Is it ever going to be my turn? Or do I just need to begin to come to terms with having an only child?

Sorry for the long post. Even if no one answers it has been cathartic writing this up.

So, anyone got any positive stories of 41+ pregnancies for me?

Wow, have just logged in and can't believe the inspirational posts you guys have left once again. Thank you SO much! You have all made me feel so much better in my hour of need. I slept better last night after all of your evidence that I am not crazy to be trying again at my age and that my eggs are not completely fried, and I think I will have another, much-needed good rest tonight. It is easy to lose faith when all you hear from the medical profession is that women over 40 who manage to conceive are somehow medical miracles. Thanks for the reality check. It is easy, when you've lived in IVF-ville for so long, to forget that people DO actually get pregnant from the act of sexual intercourse, and that pregnancies over 40 do happen!

Herbaceous that is a truly amazing story. Wow. Rachel and Duchesse thanks also. Toppy thanks so much for those links, I'm going to check them out as soon as I'm done here. And Smilewearingthin that is a heartening story too, many thanks for that. Definitely!

CC - there is a group of ladies sharing their experience of secondary infertility here
Just wanted to hook you up with them. Also you might find lots of support in the assisted conception thread and the 40+ thread also in the conception pages. So glad you feel a little better

Chunky chick, I felt compelled to write on this page. of course it is possible to conceive at 41, there are a thousand success stories out there, however i am concerned about the state that you are getting yourself into, the lack of sleep and guilt at not providing a sibling for your dd. I wonder have you stopped to consider how much your dd loves you as you are. how much she appreciates your love and how much time you put into taking care of her. i just think mothers like us (i too have a dd and have tried for another for 2 years) need to be reminded sometimes that we have already created a little miracle, we need to stop, relax, take stock and enjoy the moment. all too soon she will be all grown up and we will wonder where the years went. i hope neither you nor i will regret how much time we spent wishing for a child, visiting gynaes, and spending sleepless nights, when happiness was right there all along asleep in her own bed next door.
also we just went on a lovely holiday, me, dd and dh and i actually thought to myself how great it was to be part of a nice, happy loving family and not trying to drag around and entertain 2 or 3 children! it was an eye-opener i can tell you!
good luck with ttc. i really hope it happens for you, but maybe we should try to just not care too much about it happening?

Thanks Toppy and Ailz. I've only just logged in after a few days away and seen your messages. Lovely post Ailz and you make a lot of sense. If it doesn't happen for us I hope to get to a place where I can take your advice

ChunkyChick I do hope so.
One more thing, just had consultation with (apparently one of best in the country)gynae in hammersmith yesterday. he is going to do x-ray, scan and bloods on me in week or two, according to my cycle. So I may have some amazing answers to the whole secondary infertility thing in couple of weeks! oh dear jesus, here is hoping!!!

Have you considered Natural Procreative technology (Napro technology)? There are several centres in London and practitioners around the country. The centres can help couples conceive naturally no matter what problems they are experiencing.

It would be a lot less stressful than IVF and can be more effective and a jolly site more cheaper too.

www.naprotechnology.co.uk/