Those of you pregnant with your second child, what are you going to do differently this time?

[Picante]

Oh I have so many silly unattainable ideas but I don't want to make some of the mistakes I made last time.

Some of mine:

1. Succeed at bf. Failed miserably last time and want to try harder!

1. Chill out more - cuddle my baby to sleep instead of thinking they always need to settle themselves.

1. Try not to have an epidural - in fact am even thinking this time of a homebirth!

1. Feed on demand instead of clock-watching.

1. Try not to use a dummy.

I shall look at this thread in a year and laugh I'm sure!

Same hopefully:
natural drug free labour in a pool! bliss...
demand feeding..
be a relaxed mummy not caring too much about anything apart from my babies and me...and DH!
lots of walking around the village.

Different:
mil to leave earlier after birth - 2 hr cuddle with ds last time when i was desperate for a shower and a sleep was awful.
Kick hubbie onto a mattress to make room for baby and me to co-sleep.
get used to bf quicker to avoid 3 weeks agony.
bedtime routine from as early as 6 weeks?
not falling asleep at breast as much.
put down in cot awake from young.
get evenings back quicker.
be less dramatic when i have to get up in the middle of the night....

1. Tell all the in-laws pressurising me into visits within the first week that visitors aren't welcome.

1. Aim for 6mths breastfeeding rather than the 4mths I managed with DS.

1. Allow my baby to wake me up for feeds during the night rather than wake him 2hrly to the alarm like I did with DS- was I insane??

1. I'm considering asking for an elective caesarean as birth was horrendous first time round.

I would like to change:

• not be 2 weeks overdue!
• eat a bit less breastfeeding so will shift the weight earlier
• use stacks of lansinoh and express quite a bit of milk when breasts become engorged - I didn;t express anything last time with torpedo boobs and think that is what caused most damage
• start a bedtime routine as soon as paternity leave over, otherwise doubt will cope with 2
• not be afraid of baby crying a bit when settling (I was too quick with DS and picked up and fed at the slightest murmur)
• not to confuse feeds with need for sleep, I didn;t spot that DS was actually sleeping on my boob and not feeding, until at least 3 months (no kidding!)
• to tell IL's to leave us be in the early days or to stay in a nearby hotel( i had MIL 'staying' with us overnight for 2 nights, 2 days after DS was born, as she wanted to 'bond' with the baby)
• to go out more, and earlier on - don;t think I left the house on my own until 10 days after birth
• introduce a bottle of EBM after 6 weeks, to give me more freedom. I didn;t with DS and that meant I was 'on demand' until he was weaned.

These have been great!

I only have one this time -

1. Expect nothing of myself and my baby.

That totally covers it. (If that sounds like a cop-out, you should have seen my list for last time! It ran to several pages.)

Scream at people who think its ok to grab my babies cheek !!!!!!!!

Move to a house with no steps up to the front door.

We banned visitors for the first 2 weeks with my DD, however when my mum came to visit she insisted I go out for lunch every day as it was good to get fresh air!! No, I will not be going out to lunch every day thank you!

When someone says 'I'd rather push for 7hours than have a c-section, then i will brain them, slowly and torturously....darling if it was as simple as pushing I wouldnt have had a section, you brain dead bimbo.

Do not do wash...who cares if the washing basket is overflowing.

Gosh, i Sound like a basket case!

To hopefully not go 12 days overdue, take it easy on the gas and air and hopefully have a nicer labour and get to bond with the little mite but apart from that not much really.

Just be more relaxed as I know what I'm doing.

MIL wanted to 'bond' with the baby. I'm so happy mine is far away.

Blimey - where do I start??

last time I was desperate for a natural waterbirth in our local midwife unit but was distraught when I had to be induced as DS was 16 days late!! and felt like a failure for having to have an epidural.

This time it is labour ward and epidural all the way!

If i think DC is jaundiced take him/her to GP and not HV to be told it is just because he/she is dressed in yellow!!! Hmmmmm

maybe bf exclusively as mixed last time and felt like a cow having to express a couple of times a day to replace the formula feeds as if i didnt DS was starving hungry the next day as my milk.

Avoid using a dummy - DS still needs his to sleep and there never seems like a good time to stop giving it to him!

Well girls - you have it all written above. Hospital staff must have some sort of standing joke accross Britain where first mum's are concerned. The fatal "Is this your first baby?" Arhh! and the nod.

Breast feeding for me was much better with routine rather than demand feed, especially with a second baby to care for.

Housework, that is for visitors and after they have done a little they can hold the baby.

Older child to help and feel valued, not pushed away. Finally diazpam and a stiff Vodka (if not breastfeeding)

Pregnancy - I will not put on 24 kilos this time and make sure I have a more balanced diet. I'll also try and do a little more exercise so that I am as fit as possible for birth. (am 15 weeks, so far diet has been good, exercise not so much)

Labour - going to Birth Centre instead of labour ward. Am hoping I wont have to be induced again and will wait longer before agreeing to induction if baby is overdue. I wont be writing a birth plan this time. I don't think it even came out the bag forst time. Would not change much else - had drug free, vaginal birth before and will be aiming for the same again.

After baby arrives I will not freak out so much about going out with newborn early on. I barely left the house for the first three weeks before and was extremely pfb about exposing dd to the nasty, dirty outside world . I will be throwing out all the books that told me exactly what I should be doing and when with my baby and made me feel like a failure when we couldn't stick to their rediculous routines. I shall listen to what my baby is saying rather than a book.

I highly recommend waiting until you see the personality of your baby, before getting your heart set on things....

I was quite happy with what I did with my first (bfing on demand, co-sleeping, no formula, all homemade babyfood when weaning after 6 months, dummy from birth - 3months) and then dd came along and non of the previously successful things worked. She was a colicky, snuffly, dummy addicted baby who was prescribed special formula at 5 months because of hidden reflux and who didn't want to sleep anywhere near me (feeling was mutual) from practically newborn.
By the way, intended natural births with both and ended up having 40 hours of labor followed by emergency cs with first and a VBAC with the second, but if I had it to do all over again I'd have an elective cs with both!

Try to breastfeed for longer (only managed 7 months)

I will not visit the HV at the clinic and I will not listen to anything she has to tell me especially when it comes to breastfeeding.

Stick up for myself more.

Not do as much to try to prove I am some kind of superwoman.

Let make DH actually get up stay up with the baby occasionally and not do it all myself.

Try not to have the epidural (want to try this gas and air and pethidine everyone goes on about)

Stay in the home a little bit longer this time so I can have the support of the midwives. Instead of coming home just hours after having DD and an horrendous labor.

Not worry about every little thing.

I will not allow myself to feel guilty that I cant do it all (all being baby, housework, cooking, dog walking etc) I am going to concentrate on DD1 who will be 20 months old and my newborn DD2 and stuff the housework and cooking. DH can survive on soups and noodles lol.

to not be induced
to not have pethidene
to not worry about how much lo feeds in the evening
to put the baby down more instead of holding all day and complaining i haven't had a minute to myself

Will give BF up very quickly if it's not working out.

Birth:
Realise that having an active birth doesn?t mean wearing yourself out. After a 3 day pre labour I was on the point of collapse. Thank god for the midwife who told me to get in the bath and then go to sleep.
Try not to be so scared of the second stage
Try not to give myself the worst piles in the world 

Breastfeeding:
Express and freeze from the start so i have a stash and can leave the baby to dh and bottle
If above doesn't happen - give baby formula, it is not poision!
Generally be less freaky about breastfeeding.
don't do dreamfeed with expressed milk from a bottle - it was the bain of my life trying to squeeze 6oz every day and then i never had the stash!
Do not have a nervous breakdown about weaning

I think I did okay mostly with my DD and would do the same again pretty much - obviously depending on the character of the new baby. But yes- demand feed, put down to sleep still awake, cuddle a lot, chill out, ignore the stupid books, take advice with a pinch of salt etc.

Definately WILL try and get baby to take an EBM bottle much , much earlier ... last time left it to 13 weeks and there was NO WAY on the planet that DD would touch it. Meant I couldn't leave her for more than 4 hours until she was over 6 months old. Aaaaa.

Bonzo I'm struggling with that at the moment. DD is just over 6 months and she won't take a bottle of any kind

The result is I haven't been away from her for more than 2 hours since she was born (and that's only been twice-to get my hair done).

At a push she'll take a nuby cup but most of whatever's in it ends up down her front.

I'm off out this Friday for the first time since getting pregnant and I'm dreading DP ringing me and me having to rush home to bf.

Have you (or anyone!) any tips on getting her to take the bottle?

Bunny you've probably done this, but I had to try just about every teat in the shops and finally my first settled on a variflo one from Tommy Tippee. No idea why. Finally worked the week before I was due to return to work - having been increasingly worried and given the advice by health visitor to just go because he would soon work out that any teat was better than starving!!!! With second I gave a bottle from 1 month to avoid the problem and it worked.

Oh, and I also had to sit him on my lap properly so he was facing away from me, not hold him the way you would a newborn across your front. He's still a bit awkward 6 years later.

I confess I am still pregnant with my first child and there are already 3 things I would do differently before planning for a 2nd.

1. Ensure I have a job that is sympathetic towards pregnancy and knows what it is doing to make life as simple and safe as possible.

2. Be sure to be fit whilst planning pregnancy. May help prevent general pregnancy and labour discomforts.

3. To just have a few small vitamin pills such as iron and folic acid rather than buying those mini multivit missiles that are Pregnacare and a pain to try and swallow.

Only one thing: try to have a natural birth rather than an emcs.

other than that, all the same please. (maybe eat a little less ice cream during this pregnancy!)

Boredwith ... what's wrong with icecream

bunny I tried every teat and bottle going and to no avail. DD shreiked the place down whether it was me of DH trying. She did eventually take milk from a Tommee Tippee cup - the basic one with the fold-down spout(can't remember if that was around 6 or 7 months). So maybe try going straight to a cup now as it isn't trying to be a bottle? But other than that - I'm no use - it was a nightmare. Good luck.

Number 3 for me this time. I don't think I'll do anything really differently this time. My two kids are good eaters and sleepers. I freecycled my nappy bin a while back. I think I'll be a bit more ruthless about unwanted gifts and just discreetly exchange them. I appreciate folk's generosity but I'd rather stick to the essential stuff we'll need as my house is cluttered enough and my kids wardrobes are bulging. I want to try and enjoy every minute of mat leave but I've said that every time and the time always flies!

MMm, good thread.
Well, I had an excellent pregnancy first time, and it's not too bad so far this time, fingers crossed (17 weeks at mo).

I SO don't want to go over, cos I SO don't want induction, all that fiddling... yuk!

Preferably no 3rd degree tear.

As short a stay in hospital as possible.

I am really looking forward to breastfeeding again, and will get it right, and stop arguing that I can't do it!! (I did for 13 months - very glad in the end).

Chill out this time

Sleep whent he baby does - if toddler allows

not iron vests???!!!!!

mum4d I like the preferably no 3rd degree tear - me too although I am booked for a section this time.

Ignore midwives in hospital who shout at you for putting baby on your bed to change etc.

Be more demanding in hospital

Be more assertive about visitors and asking people to leave when I want.

NO visitors till I say so when I'm in hospital

Not buy clothes until I need them and not buy stuff in the sale for the next yr as things never fit.

Try to BF this time - milk didn't come in for 10 days apparantly due to traumatic birth.

Other than that I'll do the same again. My DD slept in her room from 6 weeks and in cot from 16 weeks. I always put her to sleep and settle alone and never let her fall asleep on me. She slept though from about 16 wks.

Fingers crossed we have the same kind of babies again otherwise we might have to do EVERYTHING differently

ok ! hands up, not pregant with second but have got two and to be fair i was much better with first (though more anxious) than second. you think things will be easier because you'll ahve more experince but the sad truth is you are worse (or at least i am) because you simply can not give that much attention to two, and i have to say ds2 is much better behaved than dd1 ( who was, to say the least) a little scallywag.
The thing is when you have one, you've nothing else to do with your time if you're sahm so you respond immediately to crying baby - what else are you going to do?#
but second time round you've got first one to look after so simply cann't put that amount of imput in - which weirdly enough makes no. 2 an easier, less me me me child ( in my experience). Things i would't haven;t dreampt of doing with dd1, dds just has to tag along to , he so much less hard work. sorry to burst anyone's bubble. alternatively i could just be rubbish mother!!

Well I'm not pregnant, but things I would do definitely:

Take it easier during pregnancy. Why work right up to the last minute, when you feel like death?

Buy a decent chair for feeding in. Backache was utterly awful- and you're not in a good position to trawl the shops looking for a decent chair with a newborn.

Refuse all but the most essential visitors for the first two weeks. Tell more people to bugger off.

If bf isn't working, still feel able to ask others not to give the bottle as it made me feel totally crap watching them feeding my baby when I couldn't do it "naturally"

Babygros for the first- hey!- six months. None of this fancy outfit rubbish.

Sod the routines

Spot PND earlier and get professional help much much faster instead of bashing on and on and on thinking I could get through it on my own. So many months wasted and wasted in crying on the sofa instead of just getting the drugs I needed and getting on with life.