Those of you pregnant with your second child, what are you going to do differently this time?

[Picante]

Oh I have so many silly unattainable ideas but I don't want to make some of the mistakes I made last time.

Some of mine:

1. Succeed at bf. Failed miserably last time and want to try harder!

1. Chill out more - cuddle my baby to sleep instead of thinking they always need to settle themselves.

1. Try not to have an epidural - in fact am even thinking this time of a homebirth!

1. Feed on demand instead of clock-watching.

1. Try not to use a dummy.

I shall look at this thread in a year and laugh I'm sure!

-Not read or listen to any advice about routines, at least not for a good while.

-Not write down every feed, nappy change etc. in misguided effort to establish said routines.

-Not go to have baby weighed very often at all due to paranoia about providing enough breast milk.

-Generally chill out and trust my instincts more.

Notice I am actually in labour this time and it's not just wind.......

I had my second child 5 months ago, and the main two things I had were:

Breastfeed for longer

Not give a fig about routines.

BF-ing went out the window even earlier this time, I'm afraid, as I had the same pain/problems and a 3 yr old to run around after.

But the 'ignore all advice/books/experts/routines' thing has worked out beautifully. I am 100% more relaxed and confident. DD is a far more chilled out baby (and better sleeper!).

p.s PMSL!@Sweetie

• say, 'no, actually it isn't my first' when a MW tries to patronise me and refuses to believe I might possibly know when I am in labour/waters have broken etc

• use a sling - not sit trapped on the sofa for weeks on end.

• get baby to use a bottle for EBM after 2 months or so (to allow me some time off now and again. DD1 didnt take a bottle ever and we ended up BP til 20 months)

• buy and use Lansinoh BEFORE I start BF rather than when it hurts in the first couple of weeks

• not get so uptight about those screaming nights with teething etc and not be so worried about using bloody Calpol when it's needed.

• remember when babies have colds and catarrah they vomit milk every time they have a feed (my DD is never sick, apart from in this situation, and it scared the life out of me)

• smile politely to the HV, whilst showing them to the door and trusting my own instincts.

Top up with formula!!!!!!!!!

I found a diary from when I had my son (he's now 2.4) it had a list of how much he drank each feed and whether he spat any up or not! Yes. Wont be doing that again. But other than that Id do most things the same. Maybe try to get out more in the early days.

Love this thread!

I will try to:

Have a natural birth (EMCS last time as not progressing)

not have an epidural and have an active birth

Introduce bottle much earlier - had same problem as browntrout - DD BF solely and it was very tough!

Get up and about quicker - esp if i have a VBAC and use a sling

Relax more about every little niggle

Not hang on the words of the HV, in fact not listen to any of their words

Take the pill

• Not be presured into taking morphine after CS.
• Not ask HV for advise, trust my instincts, (my HV was a complete waste of space - she doesnt know what visists / checks my DD has had!!)
• Def NOT bringing them into bed if upset - still have DD (22 mnths) coming in every night!)

Other thqn that will prob try and do everything the same and cross my fingers that this one has the same good nature as DD!!

I think I will do most things the same, ie just go with the flow and do what feels right for the baby and for me, regardless of 'well meaning' advice.

But this time I won't worry about it. I was always questioning if I was doing the right thing. I will be calmer about it all and believe in myself.

Stock up on nipple cream and cabbage leaves ready for use immediately. Get help if bfding hurts lots- took 12 weeks to get over thrush and mastitis as I didn't realise that kind of pain was not normal.

I won't respond to every little noise.

Watch out for signs of allergy and GORD so we can catch them early and avoid the Months Of Hell we had with ds.

Realise that the baby will not implode if I leave them for an hour or two with grandparents.

Accept help from people. They are NOT trying to tell me I am shit and can't cope. They are being nice.

Not bother with proper clothes for the baby. Babygros will do.

I must be a right old hippy because everything I did during my first pregnancy I will do again next time!

I will breastfeed.....again - dd is 6 months and still on the boob

I will have a natural home birth.....again

I will use my sling......again

I will feed on demand....again

I won't bother with ante-natal classes, weekly weighing or comparing baby stats with other mums.....again

I will demand 3 days on our own after baby is born before invasion of relatives....again

I will try harder with bf, being more realistic about what else this means that I may not be able to achieve but also ensure that dc2 will take a bottle.

I will use a sling straight away as I loved it, planning to buy a couple of new ones too.

Tell dp it is not on for him to go fishing leaving me at home with a crying baby for the day . Equally it was not really on for me to go out for the evening to leave him with a crying baby who wouldn't settle for him at all. In other words we will have talks soon about our expectations of each other for when thid dc arrives.

Not be arsed about the state of the house, I'm not usually but bizarrely was after having dd. We will continue to have a cleaner and might increase her hours in in first few weeks after dc2.

1. try not to be a 'control freak' during labour. Not to have a plan - just to go with it and try not to fight the contractions.

1. make sure my DH does not start paternity leave until we are sure I am in 'proper' labour so as to have as much time as poss with baby afterwards.

1. to chill out. Not worry about routine until well after 6 weeks - to have a lovely 2 weeks with DH and DD and baby at home all getting to know baby and relaxing as much as poss.

1. to tell all unwanted visitors to bugger off.

1. to tell all family members (who never usually contact me - i.e. my mum) who start phoning in the last few weeks before labour to bugger off.

1. to take lots of laxatives after the birth.

1. to try and leave hospital asap after the birth.

1. to relax, enjoy it and not fret about the silly things.

Great thread by the way - found it quite useful getting that straight in my head!

I will not take no sh** from the specialist(if needed to deliver) my baby this time round as i was only 17 and he said to me not to suck on the gas and air, stop being a baby and push.. what a real nasty man he was. He had to use forseps and then stitched me up after with no pain relief, wouldn't let me have any, i was screaming in pain.
I will NOT take none of this, this time round i will demand someone else. I will also make sure i don't grab hold of the lovely midwife and push her back as i was saying just get this baby out....lol

I will be a better mum this time round as i was so young last time and felt it really difficult on my own. Now this time round it was a shock finding out i was pregnant and i am with the father, feels strange but glad i have the father here with me..

Good luck everone..

I haven't had my first baby yet but it should be here any day, so thank you to everyone sharing about the actual parent-to-baby stuff. And birth stuff!

Here are some notes for me to come and look back on if I ever have another pregnancy:

Tell everyone but DP baby is due 2 weeks later than real date

Tell DP 2 weeks earlier

If you have health problems and have to stop doing things, don't just cut out the nice things and leave duties - remember it could last for months and you will be depressed if you don't make time / energy to see your friends or do other things you like.

Don't get brushed off by HCPs - press the point if it hasn't been answered.

Use condoms afterwards! Or go on the pill. This is my second and last baby. SO sick of being pregnant and I'm only 10 weeks!

I will...

1. Try to have an active labour and refuse to be stuck on a bed

1. Refuse to let the in-laws come to visit within 4 weeks of the baby's due date (with DD they came over 11 days after my EDD, which was her birthday and they stayed for a week which was rubbish)

1. Not read any parenting books and not waste any time trying to foist a routine on a child with a mind of her own

1. Take the time to enjoy this pregnancy and to bond with the baby. With DD I was working so hard that I didn't really focus on my pregnancy and didn't even notice when I started to feel ill.

I want to stay as active as possible in labour, this time round.
I want to go to hypnobirthing classes and possibly have a doula.
I intend to be as prepared as possibe this time round, (mentally, at least)

I am planning a home water birth with an IM - last time I had an absolute cow of a community midwife and an induction and epidural

I am going to hypnobirthing classes

I am planning to cosleep from the very beginning - with DD1 we fought cosleeping for weeks, once we gave in and decided to do it we all slept better.

I am going to stick with babygrows and not bother with outfits for the first few months

I am going to get some lanisoh and use it from the very first feed.

Most things we will do the same though, we were very 'go with the flow' with DD1 and will do the same with this one.

Message withdrawn

Great thread.

This time I will not waste my entire pregnancy worrying about the labour!

I will try and have an active birth or at least feel more in control

I will try to relax more when the baby is born and enjoy the hazy early days

I will use a sling (mostly because I'm hoping this will make it easier to look after toddler too)

... actually most other stuff I will do the same

I will....

Pay for a private room instead of suffering on the post-natal ward. Listening to my own screaming baby was sufficient.

Get a consultant to do the epidural for c-section instead of registrar.

Formula feed (maybe).

Cx (had DS nearly 4 weeks ago and currently BF - v. tough going!).

Same hopefully:
natural drug free labour in a pool! bliss...
demand feeding..
be a relaxed mummy not caring too much about anything apart from my babies and me...and DH!
lots of walking around the village.

Different:
mil to leave earlier after birth - 2 hr cuddle with ds last time when i was desperate for a shower and a sleep was awful.
Kick hubbie onto a mattress to make room for baby and me to co-sleep.
get used to bf quicker to avoid 3 weeks agony.
bedtime routine from as early as 6 weeks?
not falling asleep at breast as much.
put down in cot awake from young.
get evenings back quicker.
be less dramatic when i have to get up in the middle of the night....

Same hopefully:
natural drug free labour in a pool! bliss...
demand feeding..
be a relaxed mummy not caring too much about anything apart from my babies and me...and DH!
lots of walking around the village.

Different:
mil to leave earlier after birth - 2 hr cuddle with ds last time when i was desperate for a shower and a sleep was awful.
Kick hubbie onto a mattress to make room for baby and me to co-sleep.
get used to bf quicker to avoid 3 weeks agony.
bedtime routine from as early as 6 weeks?
not falling asleep at breast as much.
put down in cot awake from young.
get evenings back quicker.
be less dramatic when i have to get up in the middle of the night....