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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Teen mothers..?

29 replies

ErikaMaye · 25/03/2009 19:58

Okay so I'm 17. And I've just found out I'm about 6/7 weeks pregnant.

And basically - I'm terrified. I'm really scared about every single aspect of the pregnancy and of being a mother, and I really would just like to talk to some other mothers, or those who are expecting.

Please don't judge me, I feel stupid already. But I'm determind to be the best mother I possibly can.

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Alibobster · 25/03/2009 20:01

Can't offer any advice, just wanted to say good luck x

Haribosmummy · 25/03/2009 20:01

Hey... I'm not a teen mum (by any stretch of the imagination!!) but it's still largely terrifying at first!! You have a lot of time to get used to it!!!

Will the baby's dad be supportive?

I'm sure lots of younger mums will be along soon, but your determination is the most important thing at the mo!

FWIW, I didn't realise I was PG until I was 22 weeks along with DS (now 10 months) and didn't feel at all prepared for a baby... But we coped just fine (even though I'll admit, I felt lonely in the first few weeks) but we are getting along just fine now!

You will too, I am sure!!

madlentileater · 25/03/2009 20:05

congratulations!
I'm very ancient, and my kids are around your age, so pregnancy and babies seem a long way off...but you ave come to the right place- lots of people come here for a moan, but really most of the time being a Mum is great...but exhausting...altho yu ay have more energy than most of us!
Please don't feel stupid! An unplanned pregnancy (sorry to make that assumption, maybe you planned it)- that can happen to anyone, it's how you approach it that matters.
I have to go in a minute but didn't want you to be unanswered!

BeehiveBaby · 25/03/2009 20:05

Everyone was terrified

My mum was 17 when she had me and managed to go to University and have a fantastic career too.

Ewe · 25/03/2009 20:06

I am 22 so not quite as young as you but echo what others have said, pregnancy is pretty much terrifying for everyone at first!

Have you told your parents? I found this very hard despite the fact I was working full time, living away from home with my partner etc - I was so scared of what they were going to say! Silly really, as they were great.

Are you with the Dad? Do you have a plan for continuing education/career/living arrangements etc?

Congratulations and good luck! Mumsnet is great for support and information.

TheDOGmamma · 25/03/2009 20:11

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Original poster
ErikaMaye · 25/03/2009 20:11

Thankyou all for replying so quickly and so nicely ... Its so appriciated as I feel so alone right now.

I have told my parents and they're being great about it. His parents - not so. Mainly because I'm disabled.

I'm with the baby's dad - but we've been together only about two months! Although we were friends for a long time before hand its tough.

It was unplanned - a good friend told me that if you come off the pill for the first month you're covered. And because she was such a good friend I believed her sigh

My boyfriend is being as supportive as he can be whilst I know he wants me to terminate. Its very lonely and scary right now.

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TheDOGmamma · 25/03/2009 20:12

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Lindenlass · 25/03/2009 20:13

Hi

Just wanyed to reply too. Sounds like a difficult situation. What do you want to do?

TheDOGmamma · 25/03/2009 20:13

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TheDOGmamma · 25/03/2009 20:16

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Ewe · 25/03/2009 20:16

Sounds like a tough situation indeed Erika

Is your disability likely to impact your pregnancy?

Great to hear your parents are being supportive, this makes a huge difference in my opinion.

DSM · 25/03/2009 20:17

Lots of people iare terrified with their first pregnancy - no matter what age.

Do you want to have the baby? Will you be happy to be a single parent if that happened? Have you thought about what you will do, where you will live, where your money will come from?

Try not to worry about the BF's parents, they will come round and accept it eventually, I am sure it is the initial shock.

I was only with my XP or 3 months when I became pregnant, and I was only 21. We had been friends for a while though, and we got a house and stayed together until DS was 1. We only broke up because I suffered very bad PND and had to get away, sadly. He is a lovely man, and now we are very good friends and everything has worked out very well for us (so far), so it can happen.

Good luck, and congratulations

ScorpiowithabigS · 25/03/2009 20:19

I was a teenage mother, twice over. I was 16 with my first, 19 with my second.

My parents have always given me their full support and it helped me to face the world, knowing i had 'adult' support behind me. The father of my first child was somewhat lacking in support to me, asked me to terminate, but i always knew i could never do that.

ScorpiowithabigS · 25/03/2009 20:20

I was 17 when i had the first, so 16 when i got pg, 17 when i had him.

I have been scared each time i have had a baby (3 now) even though im older each time and now married, i think everyone thinks 'oh shit' what i have done??!!

Original poster
ErikaMaye · 25/03/2009 20:36

I have ME / CFS, so I'm just going to be more tired than ever, and will probably have to use my wheelchair in the last few months. The labour itself will be the worst bit, because I'm too suseptable to anesthetics to have them.

I can't terminate, I just can't. My boyfriend is coming round slowly. And I know he'll support me whatever I choose, even if he disagrees. He's said that, and on that front I believe him.

Guess its just all so frightening, and I don't know where to turn.

OP posts:
DSM · 25/03/2009 20:47

Well, if you are sure he will support you, and you have the support of your family, then you will be okay.

You do need to think of the practicalities - are you at school? Are you planning to go to college or university? Where will you live?

Try not to worry about the labour, you don't have to have an anaesthetic unless you are having an epidural (or section), there are other options. Or you could have a water birth, there are many options for you to look into, and plenty of time to do so.

mumof2andabit · 25/03/2009 20:52

Just wanted to say hello. I found out I was pregnant with ds when I was 17, 18 when he was born. It is scary but its scary whenever you have a baby. Its so great that your parents are good about it, mine totally weren't to the point where my dad offered my dh and I a round the world trip if we 'drew a line under this'.

Now I am 21 have a gorgeous ds, a gorgeous dd, and another one on the way!!!! Ds will be 3 this year, dd is 1 and this bump is due 2 weeks after ds's birthday.

If you want this baby and you love this baby and you are going to do all you can to give it the best life possible then you will be a fantastic mother regardless of anything else. Thats all anyone can do. And giving a child the best possible life isnt about throwing money at them, it teaching them right from wrong, nice home cooked meals, cuddles at bedtime etc

Good luck with everything and dont forget there are always people on here to chat to.

mumof2andabit · 25/03/2009 20:53

Should also add I finished my college course whilst pregnant with ds, and achieved better grades than I was predicted when I started college before I was pregnant!

Dh and I moved out of my mums house after we got married 3months before ds was born. We have never looked back.

Original poster
ErikaMaye · 25/03/2009 20:55

I'm at college - was hoping to go to Uni, but I'm okay with setting it back a few years, or even do an OU course. As long as I'm learning I don't mind.

I'll live with my parents until the credit crunch eases off and Jon and I can get a place together more suitable for a child.

Because he's that bit old than me, finances are the least of my concern for the child. But I myself am only on benifits, and that worries me slightly.

I'm scared about social services saying I'm too young or something and taking the baby away. His mother said he thought they would, but whether she was just trying to scare me into terminating, I don't know.

OP posts:
DSM · 25/03/2009 20:57

Erika - they cannot and will not do that, don't worry.

DSM · 25/03/2009 21:00

If you are living at home, presumably your parents will be helping you out financially anyway, so that coupled with your benefits (you can get Income Support, Tax Credits and Child Benefit) should be enough to live on if your partner is working full time.

If your partners parents really don't come round, then shame for them, as they will miss out on their lovely grandchild. Though as I said before, I expect they will accept it soon enough. I am sure it is a bit of a shock for them.

Haribosmummy · 25/03/2009 21:02

Erika - Just want to reitterate the point... NO-ONE will try to take your baby away from you. They will give you all the support you need to be the best mum possible.

Please don't think that!!

BeehiveBaby · 25/03/2009 21:04

That is a horrible nasty thing to say . Please don't think for a second that that will happen.

girlylala0807 · 25/03/2009 21:04

Hey ErikaMaye,

Im a wee bit older than you but im pregnant for the 1st time to. I think whatever age you are its hard the first time.

Im studying to, 2nd year at uni so it can be done!

You do what you think is best for you. I dont think age has much to do with being a mum, its how you deal with it when it comes along.

Good luck to you, and stick around here. People have been really great so far with anything ive asked. Maybe join an ante natal thread?

Take care.